fopylo

@Mandy I might've experienced blame since I was blaming this current situation... But how could you tell it wasn't anger, frustration or perhaps overwhelment?

@Phil Are you telling me that the past never existed? Nothing led me up to this point in which I'm at now? What are memories then, and why do we have them? What's their validity? It does strongly feel like I've "been through" phases in life.. I also feel like my preferences have changed... You could argue that this makes sense since I'm a story myself, but change is still happening, no? I mean, different preferences arise.. now I say this, next thing is I say this... How can you say anything has changed/"remember" something if there's no past to anything?

@Mandy what at a time?

powerful

@Phil Do you give them any life advice? Do they ask for advice similar to what's asked here in this forum? Or are they already masters of their emotions?

@Jonas Long Bro stop playing😂 Ain't no way you're writing this with a serious face. All I did was share something and hoping relatability. This is more like the nofap community you're referring to?

@Jonas Long Since this is shared with the intention of a matured dialogue you really don't have to be here if you can't handle it. I can't lie but I laughed a little from this comment😂 You do seem though to want to take part of this convo. Who is this guy and how do you know about him?

I have memories from different phases of my life. Different phases of my life consisted of different frameworks, people I surrounded myself around, anime shows I've watched, locations I lived in, vape flavors I've had, music I've been really into. All of the above (especially the last 3) really trigger memories and feelings of the situation back in its time. The more years I go back the more naïve I was, and everything was more simple. All I thought about was waking up every morning and going to school (or camp), finishing around noon and then going home. I didn't worry much and at my free time I'd either play the piano, watch anime, exercise or learn something (for example, a language). These days it's all about work, being on time, accomplishing tasks, getting a girlfriend, starting something.... or so it seems... because it is stressing me out some times. Because of all of that I barely have free time when I get back home everyday at 20:00 and need to wake up at 7:00. When I get back home I need to take the dog for a walk and I priorities working out, and by the time I finish having a shower afterwards it is close to 23:00. Then I just want to chill after this long day and spend time on YouTube or anime (mostly weekends). So sometimes during the day I might encounter some stimuli that can trigger a memory - could be nostalgic, something I was once obsessed with, could bring me back to a phase I liked in my life... And I would immediately try to push it away. I might start hearing in my head the tune of a song that carries lots of emotions for me (an outro of an anime I've seen) and bring me back to those moments. I try suppressing it because life ain't like that anymore! Life ain't that simple that I can just reminisce on those moments and forget my current situation! I used to love playing that song on the piano with lots of emotions... but now it is just overwhelming because I haven't touched the piano for a long time already. I don't want all those emotions to rise up... This might be Overwhelment (thoughts about lots of emotions). I wish I had more time to catch up and be great like I used to be. All those self referential thoughts, damn.

2 curses: 1. "floaty"/"high"/"disconnected" 2. "cute" For a very long time people have been calling me curse no.1. I have been in different groups of people throughout those 5-6 years and I have always at some point been called with those names. It has been annoying, and the fear of people not taking me seriously, disrespecting me, and not trusting me have been there. I've been motivated to write about that because recently my officer has been calling me like that, literally the team leader. Bro like are you serious? I was actually working diligently all this time, and he did respect it... yet he calls me that. So when people call me that they always say it with a smile/laugh, and I understand they say it from a place of me making them laugh and that they like it, however, I do not always like it. I believe part of the reason is forcing this stupidity out since it makes people laugh. But truly, I actually respect more the people that even when I do kinda force myself to act funny they are still ready and open minded that I have also a serious side and understand that there is more to me than jokes. Evidently, I do take it personal at times, especially when I feel like this is my new label. Who wants to trust such a guy? Who wants to date such a guy? About the curse no.2: Throughout those years I've always been called "cute". This has always been bugging me because the first thought that pops it "no girl wants a cute guy" (There is no need to kid yourselves with this bullshit. You want a guy that can protect you and that you can feel safe next to. A cute guy, like a little kid, will not make it to the front line). Both curses go hand in hand. My apparent cuteness goes a lot together with my floatiness. People say I'm funny by the way I talk and behave. But yeah, all of those name callings make me feel like something is wrong with me and that I can't keep living like that if I want to live a better life. So at some point today I was walking with a friend from the team and he told me in a manner that seemed honest "you know, you're a really cute guy" (not in any gay/romantic way). And then I felt the urge to ask him why does he think so, and he told me that I make people smile and laugh. I felt a little different about it. I sometimes enjoy it, but sometimes I feel like I need to act that way to be loved. Anyways, I kept thinking about that cuteness thing... Perhaps what's cute is my innocence... The type of questions that I ask that might sound like a little kid curious about the world... Maybe I find more mystery in life than other people... I was on the brink of tears when the group leader started making jokes on me. Going to work out now. At least there's some kind of visual representation that I'm not all "jokes"

@ConsciousDreamer666 Nah man this ain't a trick up my sleeve I plan on using... Just got curious from this experience.

I think it's really the reoccurring pattern of believing in a future and self and that this moment/self will be different/ better at some time. Reaching enlightenment certainly does sound more appealing and real than simply being like "fuck all of this life" and not doing anything with your life

How do you know they don't experience thoughts or emotions? I experience these...

Meditation https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqiaVu0vR6j/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Not trying to become anything (this is a strong one) Just honoring this moment There is nothing outside of this moment Just to feel sensations that ever occur now Just to feel emotions that are accompanied by thoughts, ever occurring now

@Orb Yeah, not masturbating for a few days certainly boosts energy for working out, however this wasn't exactly what I was talking about. I'm saying that just the blue-balling I did to myself boost my energy so much. I think I masturbated a day before

This is mostly intended for the male audience, and some maturity. So I've realized today that when I am obsessed with sexual thoughts (to the point of some cum in my underwear) but do not masturbate and instead put it down (blue balling), I was able to exert much more energy during my training. But I still jacked off afterwards because I felt the need to release what I've started before lol. Was wondering if some people can relate

seems like the path is the destination

Very relatable question! I've been thinking about it here and there, but you put it so nicely into words. It really does feel like the path towards happiness and ease is of suffering and hardship... What is the answer then?

wait fir real?

Then I like to obsess about it for some time and then I feel empty afterwards, not knowing how to move on, yet not wanting to let go of it. I can engage with this love, but after some time I have enough, but then the thoughts of wanting to keep holding on to it arise because I don't want to miss out.

Energy Curiosity Innocence Wonder... Mystery Adventure Friendship This ost has been stuck in my head for a very long time and I like to whistle it a lot. I find it very beautiful and gives me a child-like feeling, a child who is still curious deep down ('still' is referred to the adult me). This happy beautiful tone gives me spikes of energy. Damn. It is not always thought about that there is some mystery and darkness going on in this show, but the show and ost make it seem as though the darkness never existed, but somewhere in the corner of our memory. There's a lot to say about this show, especially the first arcs (imo). Sometimes it's cool, sometimes twisted thoughts can arise from it resulting in jealousy and frustration. But sometimes also love. It brings me back to a time and place I was never Feels like I was him in some past life or some shit... I know this doesn't make any sense... damnit. Or maybe I have been every character before, whom I love... Makes sense why the more I find love the more I find myself. But it's kinda odd saying it, isn't it? @Phil @Lotus(you could reply in the pm if you want, even though it's not much of a deal if you reply here)

https://community.actualityofbeing.com/topic/317-beautiful-poem-about-life/

@Orb No I haven't. Question that comes to mind - Do you know insaneintherain?

@Orb both Undertale and Deltarune have shaped my inner world greatly in terms of music and emotion. Both of those games just have this same feel for them. I would also mention Pokemon red and gold/crystal (has the most beautiful soundtracks imo, but also some of Emerald, like the Littleroot theme - arguably my best)

It's been a long time since I've spent time engaging with this forum. I just had a conversation today with Phil and it looks like I really forgot some of the big things all this is about. He reminded me that all we truly want is to feel great. I knew it like my right hand at the time, but this time it took me some time. He asked me what I want the most, and I said "Power" (but to be fair, I was being honest in that moment). I ain't gonna lie, my head hurts sometimes after talking with you @Phil 😅, and I think it's because you tend to correct my language a lot (like to say 'think' instead of 'feel', or telling me 'there's no but..', or 'where are you? point.. you don't exist', or 'there is no tomorrow'), and I then overthink them and feel (I know it should be 'think', but I'm just flowing with the expression) dumb for talking. It's a form of suppression I think. But if I were to spend more time on the forum then you probably wouldn't have said that I'll only be willing to start feeling in my mid 30's (15 years from now) to your estimate. I haven't been active a lot here because I had enough of those mental rants all the time, reading the same shit over and over... but yeah.. at some point I just forget everything... but you say it's awesome to forget. I don't practice meditation anymore (I really don't have time for it), but I do exercise every day. Yeah, I still have my own issues though, such as social anxiety, inferiority/superiority complex, fantasizing romance, living in a messy environment, wanting to be a leader but ending up as a clown, priorities messed up