fopylo

Nah bro this is like so fucking general. I've just heard a few seconds of it, let me correct it: They surprised an attack and killed hundreds, and it took TIME until forces started taking care of stuff. Hamas was basically killing for like 8 hours until forces came to rescue. A few hours later then Israel retaliated to attack Gaza. Watch more videos on it for better perspective

@Orb Bro, I live in Israel. Easy to say those things when you sit comfortably in the US. Luckily I'm not in a dangerous area, but other people are, some people I know. In such a state of collective panic it is hard not to freak out from every small thing. During the war, for the first time I'm hearing helicopters flying above I jumped and gave a look, first time a car drives by my heart sank, man far away screaming on his phone really scared me (I thought there was a scream for you know what, but it didn't quite make sense for me geographically), as well as missile explosions. You just can't avoid the fear. Fear sucks you in, all that news. I know that constantly consuming all that news doesn't help as much as to just keep feeding on to this need for filling the void of uncertainty. Again, this isn't some terror attack (which is still horrible). This is WAR. @Mandy I'll say it again - I am at a safe place geographically relative to the fellow people of the north and near Gaza. Right now it's ok, on my behalf. Other people are going through other crazy shit. I'm really surprised ya'll (referring to the other people as well) aren't really aware of this HOT topic going on. Literally America is sending us help and most of Europe are supporting us. I'm doing my best not to make it a controversial political post. All I care for now is that the war will end. Too many people are going through traumas. What I'll say though is this - I am at peace with my fellow Palestinian civilians, the Muslims, and the Christians... NOT with TERRORIST ORGANIZATIONS like Hamas and Hezbollah - They are not Islam, they are blind terrorists. At this point I'm just ranting, yeah I know, diving into the fear. I'll stop ranting and probably not do good to anyone really. I suggest ya'll see a bit on social media what's going on. Hard to stay sane when there are people going missing.

You know, I'm actually quite in disbelief that this HOT topic hasn't been risen here... Israelis are going through nightmares now by a surprise attack by the terrorist organization Hamas. There is WAR going on right here. Why are ya'll so quite about it?

It's like taking a break from the mental rut for a bit, and then getting back into the activity, but without so much of the mental rut part

Ok I can certainly say I feel a bit more connected after writing this, and I unlocked the ability to feel a bit more, dive in a bit more...

Have been feeling apathy lately. I am desensitized to my surrounding. I don't get excited much from anime as I used to, it's really as though I am just pushing deep emotion aside and believing in myself instead... I cover it up with "I am simply on my own journey, and one day..." Never - an illusion. I am not excited to see family that much. I used to watch Naruto and enjoy it, really feeling it, getting into it and inspired me to dream and have aspirations in different aspects of my life. Now I watch Naruto and there's not much excitement. I feel like I've grown to a somewhat depressed adult. Although this also might be because I'm doing a re-watch to it (well, technically, watching a reaction channel of a guy that I like). I don't think anymore in terms of 'aspects' of my life, at least not in an inspiring/dream way. Man I've been constantly playing roles my whole life. It's so scary to be real with people. It's scary to tell my friends that I don't like something that they did to me. Heck, I get social anxiety even meeting friends of mine. I try to hide it sometimes because I believe it's ridiculous to show that I'm anxious next to friends (situations where it doesn't make sense for people to be anxious). I am scared. I do create enemies sometimes. None of that "you have no enemies" bullshit (in the sense I acted as though I stand by it when I actually don't). I am coming across old memories at times, memories of an inspired person to chase childish dreams, dreams that chime nostalgia, pushed aside by the narrator. I don't remember anymore how it is to be grounded anymore, how to feel, how to speak honestly. I have a hard time talking real. Always the fear of 1) someone cutting me off 2) ignoring me 3) offending me. I've started getting into dream journaling. I do it when I have time. I am in a rut. Same thing I work everyday. I wish to go back to those days of feeling. I have a good surrounding around me though at work ngl, and this is at least the good part. I'm being called "cute", still, and it is probably my insecure behavior which looks cute. Anyways, this was a bit of a rant. I haven't been here for a while. Perhaps I should journal more to help this "issue" (or however I should call it)...? Thanks for reading

@Devin Doesn't it sound kinda sad, knowing that at some point in life you're no longer part of some framework/setting? There is something cool about having a bunch of people together for some time period. Thing sound depressing when you become a working citizen.@solereproduction bro add some punctuation. I don't understand what you're really trying to say with all of those fancy words

@Phil I'll give them a read. You think learning to fight correlates with higher confidence? Did you read the book? I don't even know when you have them..

I hate being bullied. I hate being seen as a weaker person and that someone else feels superior than me. The solution is to work out and become very strong so that the person who thinks is above me will stop treating me like a little child. Time to educate him about who I am. Perhaps learning how to fight/box would make me a much deadlier weapon, and will upper my social rank (among the guys). I don't feel like proving anything but it always turns out that I do. Yeah, I know, I feel hatred and revenge. Yeah, I feel that heat in my head and stomach and throat contracted. I feel it @Phil I am sure I'm not the only guy who feels that way and finds solution in working out. This is an easy gateway for lots of men. It certainly does play a big role in social structures among young men. I mean, not all, but it really really fucking sucks feeling like you're treated like a child and not like a respected man. Insecurity, jealousy, hatred, revenge - all that shit. It's a mess, but all I want is to feel present in my body and speak the truth, especially in social interactions, without fear. Fuck

@Mandy Wow Mandy that is actually very insightful, thanks! Wow I never even considered it being an old way to cope with social situations, and that now I want to relate in a more aligned way... This I have somewhat tried thinking a bit, but it is difficult, because I don't clearly know 😐. • I would want to be more open with them, talk about my desires, what I love to do, what I like, my dreams, unashamed. • Friends I can show emotions towards. • Friends that I can joke about funny stuff, that are funny to many people. But I wouldn't want to go to far with those jokes as a way to cope socially...

For the last few days, but really today I felt lots of discord in forcing laughs and trying to make silly jokes and make people laugh. I do it too much. People think I'm the funniest at the table, and they like it. I often find myself exhausted after funny sessions of mine, which usually come together with discord and feelings of insecurity. On my way back home today I was so exhausted: Trying to make people laugh, trying to protect my worth, trying to hold in frustrations and anger, trying to fight my way through an uncomfortable conversation about women with the guys (literally asked me if I find women here attractive). I intentionally focused on the feeling of my body, from a first person's view, and it felt good and relieving. - Is that meditation? Maybe I should do it more often? Perhaps those needs only arise when the pain in the body is very great... I was doubting my life (mostly social life experience, and being more assertive)... Will I always be this clown? Why am I always trying to make people laugh? What will be when I'll stop trying? I can't completely eliminate humor... Who can I trust? I just need some peace.

@Phil Why would I want to focus on the emotions felt rather than on an individual (for whom it's useful)? Damn that hit.

@Phil I wasn't really trying to be technical here and you gave me very technical answers. It isn’t. 🙂 When I asked about its usefulness I am basically asking what's the difference between both ways of going about emotion. I admit that you got me really curious with your saying "emotion isn't evidence of suffering, but rather of love". How is it evidence of love? I thought you have anger and insecurity on the emotional scale, as well as love. But what about meditation...? I wake up (usually very tired). I am getting ready quickly, then walking a 20 minute walk to the nearest bus station. Then I take some transportation and I'm like half asleep. There's no way I can allow myself to close my eyes - I might sleep before I know it. On few occasions I do manage to nap a little, but closing eyes while being awake? - no way man

@Phil Alright so I guess then also when I say "I feel calm" it isn't a me who feels calm, but rather the the emotion feels calm. How is that useful? And how does it relate to what you said previously about emotion not being evidence of suffering but rather of love? Exercise first. Dude I don't have time in the morning

@Phil I don't think I quite understood... Could you give a more detailed example? I learned from experience. I always feel sleepy when I try closing my eyes and focusing on my breath in the morning. Doesn't it make sense to fall back to sleep if you decide to close your eyes for a few minutes right after waking up tired? I'm pretty sure it happens to others as well. It just makes sense to be tired in the morning and more sensitive to fall back to sleep

@Phil No. No reason to mention it just like that I am ok with that sometimes

@Phil If I understood you correctly, you're talking about the conceptualization of an emotion, right? You say emotion isn't evidence of suffering, it's evidence of love - I'd like you to talk about that more. Kinda odd to accept there is emotion without the labeling of emotion (which seems to bring suffering?). You always hit me with those introspective questions when I talk about meditation. I don't feel like going into those questions now, maybe later. But when you say "daily meditation" I am sure you're meaning "sitting, eyes closed and focusing on the feeling of the breath" - for that I don't have time in the morning. I'm very sensitive in the morning - if I close my eyes for like 1 minute I'll start sleeping, and I don't want that.

Fucking hell man I just wrote a whole paragraph that got deleted about how I feel sometimes powerless next to 2 friends from work. One of them is being physical in a friendly joking way, but there is some truth behind every joke - and I believe he thinks he's above me. Also by the way he talks and refers himself to me. When he's being physical (and also the other friend) I tend to be submissive and act powerless (perhaps a defensive mechanism scared of if I'm actually weak). I try hard to hold myself back from being physical and say stuff I'd regret. I try not to cause havoc

@Phil We don’t. Obviously people say they don't want to feel insecure, they want joy, they really want to get rid of overwhelment... Dude, I am not the only who dislikes the experience of those "lower" emotions. Most people agree with the evidence of their sufferings. Who or what are you talking about? I imagine meditation as me sitting, closing my eyes and focusing on something like my breath.

Today I was more attuned to the way I feel and I came to an insight: I care a lot about social codes and the way you're supposed to act with people and conduct yourself in public. Beliefs about communication, friendship, and what's acceptable/disturbing have conditioned me to keep engaging with my surrounding the way I do. Feeling at peace, and following those organized self imposed rules (beliefs) don't always go hand in hand. At some point I just feel I should leave, but then the conflict begins...

@Phil Mastering the handstand. Good friends that I can feel comfortable around and don't feel like I must put my worth on the line. Training to become strong. Playing the piano. I am quite attached to the amazing order of this paradigm I'm living in, conditioned on how to behave. Interesting... This is the Buddhist idea of happiness: the running away from "negative" emotions (pain) and constant chase for more "positive" emotions (pleasure) is the source of suffering, and the key is just to stop running away. Question: why do we tend to label grief, insecurity, and overwhelment as unwanted emotions, while on the other hand labeling contentment, happiness and joy as wanted? It's heavily advertised, even in the "spiritual" community that the best life is when you live in Joy (I mean it makes sense, even you preach Joy, also the emotional scale gives this idea). Highly recommend! One of his main ideas in the book is that our ability to imagine and talk about things that don't exist are what helped us become the rulers of this world. This really got me thinking about stuff talked here as well (collective beliefs), and made me more accepting for religion, politics and money. We operate by the stories we tell ourselves. When there's a threat to our story (for example the way life is for a man born in the late 1700's entering the industrial revolution. It's a huge change and it is scary) then we tend to hold very tight to old remainings of the story to keep it's survival, and even aggrandizing it (there was a huge wave of Christian orthodoxy). Also he talks about happiness and how it's something we've started really talking about in the last few decades. There's a few approaches to defining happiness: Meeting expectations = achievement. Chemical reactions (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin = basically feeling good), Non-chasing = unwavering peace. The first one can be helpful for conducting yourself through the day and advance. I think it's easy to see how this doesn't result to necessarily feeling good - we all had the share of it. Second one is already talking about scientifically feeling good, pleasant. I believe you can hack this system in many ways and add habits to your life which ensure you keep releasing more of these chemicals (like sport, eating healthy, achieving a goal, playing an instrument, having a laugh). I think it's cool but it's at the cost of making sure to avoid feeling not good. Third one is about ending the chase and understanding that it only causes suffering. But that approach you could say someone who is sad and angry might be happier than the enthusiastic person that always laughs. Very interesting imo. Don't have time + I fall asleep (from previous experience). Yeah sometimes talking about myself hurts so much. So fucking mental... Well then I project all the fucking time lol So how can you be sure I am holding onto those beliefs, but I can't make those assumptions about others as well? I'm pretty sure there's an emotion of hope which appears on the emotional scale.

@Phil By the way, have you read Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari?

@Phil If I'm right about it it would be very sad but certain. If I'm wrong then I don't know how to feel about it. Kinda hard to accept... "Why is this then happening to me?" If these things are possible then it justifies the complains, as my life is possible of changing, but isn't going in the direction I want. This whole emotion thingy is weird, like man - I could feel really depressed about my lack of romance in my life, and then feel better by thinking about anime or music. But this doesn't exactly solve anything because it is just running away from it for a bit. It always comes back. Feels like a ballad of wishing for it many times but the prayers are sent to the wrong address. Wow. It's not that I don't want this, but I haven't put it into those words before. This seems like the kind of friends I want

Bro I just felt like shit today. I just can't take it sometimes. The frustration comes like a strong wind, and the wind doesn't go away forever. I quickly forget to be myself when talking. Today I had some chore, and it was me, another guy and a girl. Bro I I don't know why I just act so awkward next to people, like not even awkward, but just feeling tensed up all the fucking time, seriously. It's odd that I always feel tense around people, even around so called "friends"... Anyways I felt that it was difficult for me to speak, and even though the other guy is kinda weird and has a soft voice he managed to easily engage a conversation. He is autistic but still manages to hold eye contact and not be scared to start a conversation that would be embarrassing for most people. I felt quite insecure, especially with the presence of this girl. Jesus Christ, all you have to do is add a woman to a conversation and I already become much more tense and insecure. I knew from the start she has a boyfriend, and I hoped it would relax me a bit, but no. I still felt a need to prove myself. I care too much for impression and they way I'm perceived by others. No matter how many interesting topics I could potentially speak with people, as long as I'm still this tensed dude that's hard for him to communicate and be himself, but funny and muscular

@Phil seems a little unrealistic for the phase I am in right now. Your best friend I assume was someone you met through school or college. It's not that afterwards it's impossible, but it is way harder to find a "best friend" or "main group of friends". People connect best when they go through similar phases, strong ones like puberty school, but also trips and events. But I must say that the friends I made from school have a special place in my heart because those were times when we were discovering the world and ourselves and we remember those "naïve" times. I still wouldn't consider them best friends, as we never were best friends and as I am also seeing these days other people more often (from work) that I feel more friendly with. It's funny thinking about it... Huh... A friend associated with nostalgia and memories, while another friend associated more with laughter and excitement. I never get the whole package... Also I get this distant feeling sometimes from friends. Thoughts of "do they really like my company?", "Do they consider me a friend or just some distant guy that makes them laugh?", "Am I worthy enough for them?". Yeah I know it's kinda fucked up, but: 1. I'm being honest about those thoughts, and 2. I want a good life (or maybe not, idk)