fopylo

@Jonas Long I just found it very funny what you wrote, thanks dawg

@Jonas Long 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 Bro you must be like top comment on some tiktok memes

@Phil How can you be sure she likes me? Of course bro. Of course I'm not comfortable talking about that lol I don't want to assume it. It would just be weird if it isn't the case. I am not planning on being upfront about this unless I see that I have no choice (like if she asks me certain questions imma answer her real). truly exhausting, and also never works. Because then I can learn for next time, and be better at handling those types of situations. I guess...

Thanks bro I appreciate it

@Phil I am thinking of myself as not such a confident person and not much of a man. I think in terms of looks I'm kinda good. Those emotions are telling me that this is what I'm feeling and that I don't want this situation, and that I want to be better socially.

I'm writing this kinda in the heat of the aftermath. I was having dinner at the army base with 2 guy friends, and there's this girl from my platoon who past by and we waved at each other and then she came to take some napkins, and the guy sitting next to me was starting to nudge me and giving those winks as if she didn't really notice it (I'm even not into her), and in order not to make the situation awkward by being silent I told her she can take the whole thing if she wants but refused and shyly went back to her group of friends. For context, this girl is fairly new to the workplace and she came together with like 20 other people that went through the same course together. I'll call her Y. A different girl from the course (I'll call her A) was assigned to my team, and we have a good connection. Y is convinced that I'm into her (and I presume she thinks the same of A) and that we should be together. I'm personally not into it now and I don't really like this situation with Y (I am also not sure whether Y finds me attractive or not from the ambiguous things she says). Ok, so back to the story. I went out the base and was waiting for the bus and was on my phone while I was waiting until all of a sudden Y appears out of nowhere with a few of her girl friends and a guy friend (who is pretty chill and doesn't have much to do with the topic. All of them are from the same course). So they were surrounding me standing and Y started attacking me with "What fopylo? What (attacking tone)? How has your day been going (in a lighter tone)? Do you know where is A (trying to trigger me)?" And I'm all nervous up barely able to speak, and also some of her friends where starting asking me questions like what course I did and what am I doing, like with no point. Just asking for the sake of saying something to me. I really felt attacked. I HATED this feeling because I was very scared, and felt very weak. I was very disappointed at first that I am very weak as a man and I don't think I handled this situation with much confidence. Like, how is a man supposed to act when a girl and a few of her friends come surrounding you with intimidation and laughing at you? This is probably the worse. But afterwards I was kinda thankful for this event as it showed me that I have more room to grow in terms of social skills and better handling situations. I was glad that I saw a friend of mine and I tried being more with him and masking my feelings of FEAR, insecurity and hatred. I really don't understand what was the whole purpose of all of this. Aren't people, mostly women, nowadays more aware of the suffering that many men go through, such as this? I am very sure that some men if not a lot can relate to this fear and those feelings of insecurity being toyed like that by women. This is not red pill stuff, and I am not going to blame women for that. The only thing I'll blame is either the friend that nudged me and probably started this whole thing and Y made her own interpretation of all of this, or that I wasn't good at handling this situation and affirmed my weakness as man - not being confident. And the reason I won't blame women is because all of out behaviors are somehow derived from pre-historic times that contributed to our survival, and the only good thing that I can probably do is to understand the psychology of the situation and be better at navigating it next time. With all that said I'd be really happy if I could get tips, or better understanding of the situation from ya'll, could even be thoughts, opinions. But I don't want so much spiritual enlightenment thoughts, please. I want it practical. To understand and become a better man. If you read until here I really appreciate that you took the time to read and go through this scary story I've experienced. Thanks❤🙏

@Phil The change in subjective experience...? Change has pretty much been the most consistent thing throughout history

With all the challenges of becoming an adult and changes, I still feel that the change in culture is hardest to accept. The music, games, memes, entertainment, way of talking - were better a little while ago. They hit more home, but this is perhaps because I grew with those. This is probably why older people claim that the music of their time was the best... (as an example). But yeah, times are changing ever quicker. We are part of history. In 100 years time we would be just taking part in another big change of history. Nothing is static. Yuval Noah Harari is a great person and I LOVE his books and gives me greater understanding, but it is still a little scary. I am really scared that the world would look so different, and that there would be sometime a nuclear war.

@Phil I like that sentence. Really. The narrative self vs the experiential self. Like in meditation... Reminds me of the difference between actually feeling the breath vs focusing on the thought that there's a me who is currently doing the breathing.

@Ceejay Thanks for your kind words. You are right. I would probably have my own style of socializing. I'm probably more introverted than him, and prefer meeting in smaller groups of people. I believe it's about being comfortable in your own style, and I am not very comfortable with people, even with small groups. I believe you need to have social skills in order to survive in society, whether it's working in small groups, talking to a group of people, or even 1-1 talks.

Hi, I was planning on making this post for some time and I'm doing it very spontaneous now. I'll just get to the main point. I'm jealous of my brother that he is doing better socially, romantically, has a richer life experience, has good family relationships, has a clean and tidy room (very stylish), gets dress nicely, and is constantly learning new skills and open about them. The only thing I have better is that I have a good body and strength, and that I read books and understand history better, and that I am better at learning stuff like languages. I'm not trying to be above him. I just don't want to be far off from him. He is my younger brother of 2 years apart. It's a little humiliating for me as the older brother. I've recently came to the conclusion that in order to be successful in life it is VITAL to harness those SOCIAL SKILLS, since we are social creatures and create big changes with the help of others. My social skills are so terrible that it makes me worry. I really feel like I'm stuck behind in this aspect. No wonder I'm not living a great life. I've pushed social interaction aside for quite some time, and instead I've been focusing on completing to watch a series of reaction videos to anime of a YouTuber, which takes pretty much most of my time and don't do anything interesting on the weekend - staying static. I am not living the best life I could. I won't go through natural selection of life. I don't even know if I'd ever have/want a girlfriend, or kids, or to get married. Those things seem like a myth.

@Phil What about “I think or believe that…..”? This way there’s ‘room’ left for how these thoughts or beliefs feel. Oh, I see. Thanks for lighting this up for me. When believing that I feel all kinds of those descriptions, I can acknowledge they are actually beliefs, and then leaving room for the feeling to be, with no descriptions, correct?

That's what chatgpt had to say: It's not uncommon to experience challenges in meditation, especially when trying to focus on the breath. Instead of trying to force a change in your experience, consider observing your thoughts without judgment. Acknowledge them, then gently redirect your attention to the breath. Acceptance and patience can be key in cultivating a more peaceful meditation practice. If you find it difficult to isolate the feeling, try simply observing the overall sensation without getting caught up in the narrative. It's okay to have moments of difficulty; the practice is about bringing your awareness back to the present moment.

@Mandy I just feel that it is forced and that focusing on the breath is a "changing the way things are" and getting caught up in the story of me meditating on the breath... It's mostly due to the ambiguity of feeling and that it always involves some thought with the felt sensation that makes it hard to isolate the feeling and follow its track. Thoughts claim so hard the belief of myself doing things, and the moments of really feeling like myself and honest with emotions is quite rare

I just did my morning meditation session and it didn't go so well (also the one yesterday)... I tried to focus on my breath and instead got caught in thoughts about the breath, myself, and feeling, instead of actually feeling the breath. This was quite frustrating, was feeling discord in stomach and head while meditating. Brings me back to those times when I slowly started quitting after experiencing those consistencies.

@James123 I like that

Why is it better to barf than hold it in the mouth for a few days and then barf? I see... It's not necessarily about the result, but rather a lifestyle. Also, bro why don't you just say 'vomit'? 😂 Could we also say that leashing out anger and frustration, shaking in fear, and admitting to want to 'get back' at someone (and maybe even doing something to the person) is synonymous with feeling?

@Phil But why is it that short but consistent meditation sessions are better than long but inconsistent sessions? true. Let me know if this isn’t accurate, but it seems like what you’re saying is if meditation isn’t getting me anything or anywhere, then why meditation. What I'm saying is that in order to remain consistent then there is some kind of discipline that would need to be in order to stay consistent. And that discipline of waking up in the morning and telling myself "I'm gonna meditate for 10 minutes soon cuz I'm consistent" might go against my actual desire for sitting and meditating, and thus feeling like a chore.

Hi, I felt right in putting this under the category of The Path, since this phenomena of social media addiction comes a lot along the path to feeling better and living the best life. It is a major distraction, and can really mess up my day and make me feel like I'm not doing anything with my life and "stuck". There are times when I'm feeling great, and I'm like "this... this is what the good real life is. This is how I want my life to look like... I'll layout my life in THIS way..." And there are times when I feel that nothing is moving as I said above. So here's the main point - social media, especially Instagram has been robbing so much of my time for a long time already. It always goes antithetical to the goals I put for myself. One Instagram reel, then another, then another... It's just so comfortable. So engaging, funny... You can probably relate. They have some neat psychological tricks up their sleeves to make you stay on the app. But then there's the moment of not being on social media, and the dopamine is absent... I must open my phone and get dopamine hits. When experiencing boredom, the easiest trick is to just open Instagram and mindlessly scroll for fun. Isn't it ironic that I have all those dreams and goals, yet when boredom comes and there's nothing better to do I revert to Instagram rather than to better myself and go after my dreams? I didn't put goals for 2024 for no reason... How do I get out of this rut once and for all? Removing Instagram from my life is a bit of a hard choice since I still prefer interacting with people that way. Also there are many successful people who have Instagram, so it doesn't seem to be much the app that's stopping them. I just want a solution that will unchain me from the slavery of the phone. This addiction is more the in between times, when I don't have a duty. I still workout regularly but at certain times and have all the in between times left. Thanks.

@Phil No so this is actually a very great course in my opinion. I mean, he does talk a lot about the relation between attention and social anxiety and that it is pretty much a practice of attention training, because anxiety comes from focusing a lot on ourselves rather than putting all attention on really listening to the other person and also environment. I totally feel it. Imo it comes together - letting go of discordant thoughts (feeling emotions) and thus better at focusing on the other person is what sets you up from the get go to a good social interaction. Then it's already all about the coming up with questions an associations/reflections/opinion and building off each other while getting to know the other better and find a common interest to bond. I see meditation as a great way to improve my focus and help me clear the mind so I can focus on what the other person is saying clearly and also at 'checking in with myself' (body sensations) sometimes. Thanks man. This is very reassuring for me. Also chatgpt said the same thing lol. ... A little curious as to why you say it's more about the consistency...? In the morning I anticipate the meditation practice, and sometimes I sacrifice the value of the moment and that the meditation will help me 'get somewhere', to a better state, as you said above. Why then practice 10 minutes of seated meditation every morning when you can just try to have fun in the morning and maybe even listen to music? I mean, if we talk about consistency then it will probably clash with 'sacrificing the enjoyment' of the moment in order to remain consistent.

@Phil Isn't present seems to me like focus is just not on the feeling and sensations, just like when I focus on feeling there is always thoughts but try not to give much regard to them. Maybe not the best analogy... But it's just stories important enough that are more valuable than the suffering. If I look at a video from February 2023 I'll see that I can barely hold a handstand for 3 seconds with terrible form. If I look at a video from January 2024 I'll see that I can hold a handstand for around 15 seconds with relatively good form. I have improved because I practiced over the year. I didn't just become great in the moment. Acknowledging & expressing isn’t handling. I meant don't feel like I got better at expressing and clearing my mind. Looking forward to it! Like what?

@Phil Hey Phil, before I even read your messages I want to tell you that it is a goal of mine to meditate 10 minutes every day of the year. Up till now (from January 1st) I've been semi-consistent. I would like to wake up earlier to have those spare 10 minutes before leaving the house to just sit in my chair in front of my desk and feel the breath (its qualia, the essence that can't be objectively measured!). I am gonna tell you right now that meditation feels good but only when done right - without making thought stories the dominant focus. I feel good after a good session, good as in peace with the feeling, and that momentum can carry on a bit into the day. But not all sessions are good... Sometimes I fall asleep, and that is annoying as hell. I swear that it is probably the worst outcome of a meditation practice.

@Phil I mean I guess feeling is always there, even when thoughts of past arise, but they point to an experience that happened before. It's just putting focus on something else, like thoughts and beliefs. I can also put focus on hearing and (not on feeling the breath). Idk, perhaps the excitement of the impact you feel at the beginning motivated me enough to want to dive deeper into the sensations... I put entire focus on feeling the sensations of the breath from my belly without regards to what thoughts came up. Nowadays I for some reason try and also look at the thoughts and navigate a little. I also got exhausted from trying to control my breath for the sake of activating more sensations to make it easier for me to focus. If I were to tech it, fuck... perhaps not to try and control the outcome and to just simply focus on the feeling of the breath without regard to thoughts. Difficult just like today I was at a social gathering and I was quite anxious, even around people I know for a long time already. It wasn't easy so much to focus entirely on the environment and what the other person is saying because sometimes I'd get distracted by thoughts about how I am perceived (am I annoying him, do I seem trying too hard to be funny, are they even listening to me). I'll feel sometimes when the pain has gotten high enough to feel tension on my face and throat and cold legs. Difficult means that there is some suffering and I wouldn't want my life to always be shit socially. Ask time. Define harder. Why is it a matter of time and practice that a person gets better at a skill? How come it's a matter of time and practice of meditation yet I don't feel like I got better at handling emotions? Song slaps real hard! I think the singer is talking about how we all are all the time thinking about ourselves and we enjoy the pleasure of pain, and wonders if others can relate to him. But he is saying that he doesn't know how to get back to good throughout the whole song and eventually gives up or something.

So for a few weeks or so I've been trying to meditate 10 minutes almost every morning. I felt very great for the first few days, like more alive and better focus. But now I am the point of not feeling like it's really helping me. Lately it's been harder for me to gently let loose of my focus and allow it to return to feeling and the qualia. I've also noticed that my self image pops up in thought many times when in conversations with people and that it is harder for me to shift my focus onto the other person and the environment (a great lesson I learned about how to get rid of social anxiety and become better socially). This has been a bit of a challenge at first but got the hang of it, and now it becomes more difficult? I want to believe that this is some type of "part of the journey" but I also don't want to fool myself in some trap. After all, meditation is for expressing the moment, and within, the body sensations - emotions, no? Why has it become harder with time?

Bro wut ???