Blessed2

New Zealand exists. It's so weird.

I just read from the news that someone stole two historical steam engine locomotives from the finnish railway museum. Yup, you read that right. Actual full-size steam engine locomotives. Two. Someone stole em. Some steam engine enthusiasts were the first to notice they were missing.

😄

In english there's at least two words for the same shape. Sphere and ball. In finnish, there's only one, 'pallo'. Which is basically the same as ball. The sphere-word is great, beautiful. Like for example, 'the two spheres'. Ethereal. Mystical. Very spiritual, very nice. But in finnish it's basically "the two balls". And it's fucking hilarious.

Been feeling like moving. Changing the scenery a bit. There's a really beautiful area close to where I live. There would be more nature and cozy older buildings. Checked what kind of apartments would be on offer to rent. Found one which is pretty much the dream home. Though right away resistant thoughts appeared. Like for example, the earliest I could move would be 1st of december. And the house is for rent now. In terms of the materialist paradigm, it's highly unlikely that a place like that would not be taken before I could take it. What's the emotion(s)? Some worry. Doubt. Disappointment. Overwhelment too. Irritation, impatience, frustration maybe a little bit. Let's say overwhelming impatience. Pessimism. Boredom. Contentment. Hopefulness. Optimism not so much. Seems to be convoluted with doubt and worry. It often seems hard. Like how am I supposed to experience optimism. I'd have to know if things are going to be okay, to feel optimism. But I don't know what is going to happen. So worry and doubt, easy. Optimism, seems sort of impossible. Maybe a little bit of optimism. Eagerness, yeah Passion I recognize. And appreciation.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBOhI5EpKFM/?igsh=czV1YXRtbm9iMjJk

That makes PERFECT sense. The "bad trip" with guilt and fear is interesting. Guilt is so obvious marker that there's separate selvery going on. Something I've been wondering about. If I'd take psychedelics now, like choose to take them, there would be a lot of fear. But if my morning coffee was spiked with psychedelics without my consent, there wouldn't probably be fear in the same way. It wouldn't be "my fault" and I wouldn't be responsible. Without those thoughts, fear is diminished. Weird.

What would seem reasonable from the materialist paradigm standpoint, but doesn't make any sense in terms of creator-creating-creation? Like for example, trying to be / appear better than others. Talking others down. Would seem reasonable if the materialist paradigm were true. But doesn't make any sense in terms of being the creator. Another example. Trying to become more good looking, rich, masculine or feminine, etc. cause those things attract potential partners. Would seem perfectly reasonable if materialist paradigm were true. But doesn't make any sense in terms of being the creator.

Last night I saw a dream where I injected a new drug that has become very popular here and has basically replaced amphetamine in the market. There has been lots of news about it. I think it's been getting popular in the US too. Goes by the name flakka I think. I don't know why I did it. I guess it was just curiosity. And the needle I injected it with was actually used by the guy I got the drug from. So I freaked out that I might have gotten infected with HIV or hepatitis. And then I actually felt the effects of it. It was like a stimulant. I actually felt high in the dream. Felt lots of guilt and fear. And felt like I was too high, like a "bad trip". Then I woke up and I was so relieved that it was a dream. Whew. I have never injected drugs or even used stimulants like that. And would never actually do that. But in the dream it happened. I wonder how / why. What was the symbolism or point of attraction?

Alignment is weird because when you're out of it, it seems like what you really really want is to fuck bitches and whatnot. But when you're in, all you want is just to go for a walk in a forest and hug a tree.

@Someone here Happiness is first. Desire is second. Desire isn't required for there to be happiness. It's not a heavy rock to carry around, it's as light as light.

When it's said "I resent women" or "when they (women) smile at me, I see evil", what's meant by the word "woman"? When thoughts like "women do X on dating apps" or "women want X in men" etc etc, is the word "woman" actually used to point to... Women? When those thoughts appear... By "woman", do you also mean the grandmas? Do you also mean lesbians? Do you also mean women you are not attracted to? Chances are that what's actually meant is women you're attracted to. So is there actually resentment toward women?

"Just sit with it." Like for example right now, I'm experiencing discordant emotions. Hard to say what exactly, but mainly frustration/irritation/impstience and pessimism. There's an impulse to suppress, or to divert attention from the thoughts / feeling this by eating, being on the phone, etc. The advice to "just sit with it" seems like an activity, literally sitting with it and not eating or being on the phone. Though that seems like it requires willpower and patience. Kind of like holding a really heavy object, feeling the burn in the muscles, and continuing holding it via willpower. But that seems to hold some kind of "circular reasoning". That "just sitting with it" in terms of the emotion impatience for example, would require patience. There is something off with that, isn't there? It seems like "just sitting with it" right now and not eating etc, would take a lot of willpower, patience etc. It seems like "I just don't want to do that, and I'd rather just eat and be on the phone". @Phil @Mandy Thoughts?

Not sure if it's even an appearance. It's just thought. Kind of how on a 2D screen, there isn't an appearance of a third dimension in a movie. There's only 2D. Thought "adds" the third dimension. What do you mean by that?

Huh?