spiritual dreams

i don't understand. if there is an illusory perspective, who or what is experiencing that perspective?

today i unblocked my heart chakra ever so slightly. The cloud of depression hanging over me has disappeared and my inner world is filled with a sense of space. I am finally able to feel things again and the wall around my heart that prevented people from getting close has dissolved. My heart feels lighter now and the world is more colourful. Several of my protector parts are resisting this new change but I hope that slowly they will acclimate.

I've come to the realisation that if I don't heal certain parts of myself, I will die alone and miserable. On the bright side, I am quite good at healing now so best to get cracking...

yes. yes it is.

Yes, I understand karma a lot better now. If I am unconscious, I may do evil things because I see myself as separate from others. However, awakening and healing, requires me to view everyone I have hurt as one with myself which will cause me guilt and self judgement. And if I don't awaken, I will continue to suffer the pain of separation.

During the healing process, all of the bad things I have done in my past start to bubble up. I'm facing evil things I did as a child like torturing a lobster, mistreating a baby and bullying a classmate. (I was a fucked up child). Its like I'm being judged for my sins except I'm the one judging myself.

I don't know if it's because I've spiritually evolved or regressed but hanging out with the wrong people now feels unbearable.

@Mandy usually green tea or matcha

some tea would be very nice actually

lately, I've been struggling with protector parts that act as the 'self'. These are really difficult to let go as its these parts that are resisting themselves, trying to act as the healer. This really delays healing of other part as they do not have the loving energy of my intrinsic being. It gets even worse when I try to unburden them because they act as the 'healer' trying to unburden themselves. This delays their own unburdening in a vicious feedback loop. I've made some progress but these parts form the core of my ego mind. I have also been struggling to get protector parts to let go. There are a lot of parts that block access to my exiles because they believe it's too dangerous. It's very difficult to convince them it's safe. Even when an exile is clearly unburdened and there is absolutely no threat, they still do not listen. This makes me frustrated which then makes it even harder to communicate with parts, since the frustration part has taken over.

unburdened a powerful firefighter part responsible for my repressed anger and aggression. This part was there to protect and distract from my exiled feelings of helplessness and humiliation from people who have mistreated me in the past. Once the exile was unburdened, the anger transformed into a positive masculine energy.

My life situation is changing rapidly which is activating a lot of protectors and exiles that I didn't even know were there.

I just had my second encounter with my shadow. This time I wasn't scared and I managed to integrate it. The shadow is like the self in a way but of a different energy. The shadow, when integrated is like a dark king that can control and overpower any resisting parts. Was a very scary experience though. Almost like being possessed.

confronting my shadow was one of the most intense, life changing experiences of my life. Its super scary though, it's almost like being possessed by the devil, and then realising that the devil was you the whole time. And everyone you hated and feared was also you.

this is a good representation of Andrew Tate and his values

I just unburdened a system of exiles that were interfering with my IFS journey. They were self like parts that took over when I did any IFS work which made it really difficult to connect to parts. The parts would get frustrated, impatient and controlling and would try to force my other parts to unburden. This achieved the opposite effect and made them more defensive. Uncovering this network of parts revealed an exile in my third eye. This exile contained all my frustration with my healing journey. Some beliefs that this exile had were: 'I am broken and in need of healing. Because I am broken, I am not worthy of being loved or living a happy life.' 'If I do not heal, I will be miserable forever. I will never get anything I want.' 'I can only start living life once I am completely healed.' 'my parts are in the way of my healing' When I unburdened this exile it transformed into an intense white ball of energy in my third eye. The ball of energy was extremely tense and my other parts initially resisted this energy.. Slowly they released their resistance allowing it to expand. As is expanded, I felt energy going down my throat down into my lower body. It felt like an energetic vibrating liquid was moving down my throat and as it moved down my body, I felt a huge amount of tension being released in my body. My third eye chakra is now much more open and it really feels like I have a third eye on my forehead. Except it's energetic instead of physical.

@Phil ok thanks. theres a lot to unpack here

Ok, so how do i get rid of this belief? and all the other beliefs that are holding back my life?

I don't think there is any more radiation than what I experience daily. Yeah I'm looking into some adaptogens. Which ones do you recommend. Well I wish there was more of a human element, but out of every single job I applied for, this one is by far the best. After a few weeks of work I have now realised that a large part of the tiredness is the 1 and a half hour commute to work. And also the fact that I don't really take enough breaks at work which is kind of stupid of me because the higher ups let me take a break whenever I want.

I just unburdened a bunch of exiles but I'm getting a lot of protector backlash.

absolutely! but you also have to be smart about it.

Unburdened protector parts that suppress shame. Now I no longer randomly cringe at random moments in my past.

A lot of protectors and exiles have begun to resurface simply because my environment now calls for them. For example, the protector part that resists hard work is suddenly active now that I have a job. Now that my life is moving forwards, a lot of parts concerning dating, sex, social circle, money and the direction of my life are now active. But I have noticed that my previous IFS work has made me more confident and extroverted. I'm definitely no longer in my own way now.

True. But you are implying that you don't deserve them just by saying that. And the very idea that you have to deserve them is insecure. That seems like a limiting belief. The idea that they are somehow above you because their bone structure is different is kinda stupid if you think about it. Yet everyone (including myself) believes it. Are they really better? Or is it just conditioning? Love and Light. aka. enlightenment. Being fully aware of the beauty of reality and expressing it. Every day 😂