spiritual dreams

Yeah holy shit, actualized.org fucked me up so bad. But oh well, mistakes are the best teacher.

That's the trap!

Identification with thought. The thought that there is a self that experiences.

Because it sucked 🤣. Imagine thinking you got it all figured out and realising you were just crazy

The past few days, I've had a rude awakening that all my so called spiritual progress was just spiritual ego and that I was full of shit the whole time. Here are some traps I fell into: 1. Believing in states of consciousness. That some states are 'higher' than others. That psychedelics give you a higher state. That there are even states in the first place. 2. Conceptualizing spirituality. God realization, oneness, Infinite love, Emptiness, Nothingness, Idealism, Nonduality. All of these are mental constructs constructed by the ego. I created these mental constructs and believed I knew more about the true nature of reality than everyone else. 3. Enlightenment and awakening. The ultimate ego traps. 4. Creating a separation between awake and non-awake people. Judging others for not being awake. 5. The I am god/solipsism ego trap I got from actualized.org 6. Thinking I'm more spiritually advanced that everyone else, pretending to be humble. 7. The 'I've seen though ego traps' trap. The ego mind is always trying to sneak it's way into the back door.

fair enough.

Not necessarily true.

If you fix your childhood wounds and your relationship with your parents, that could be a game changer.

Fair enough but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not real. It's a thought in my mind but still it potentially points to something/nothing beyong consciousness. Is it possible for a complete cessation of all conscious experience? And what would that mean for consciousness? Yup my anxiety has calmed down a little. yeah fair enough. I guess in general when someone says something like I experienced x and therefore everything you know and experince is false, it always feels super terrifying whether it's Leo's solipsism or nirhoda samapatti.

@Phil what do you mean?

@Phil Fair enough. How do you explain the experience of nihrodha samapatti?

So I was reading about Jhanas in buddhism when I came across this article: https://medium.com/@rogerthis/lets-talk-nirodha-samapatti-insights-into-valance-and-the-supposed-ontic-primacy-of-consciousness-fd78a38f3d28 Basically he states that in the 9th jhana you can cease all conscious experience and basically blip out of reality. He says that only people who have attained this state understand consciousness properly and that consciousness is not fundamental. In fact, any conscious experience brings suffering. He says he has experimented with psychedelics and God consciousness but nihrodha samapatti is the deepest state. People who undergo nihrodha samapatti report that there is no consciousness there and that there is no suffering and therefore it is the 'highest valence' state. He also says that anyone who disagrees with him hasn't experienced it so they can't say anything about it. It probably was not a good idea to read into this while I have kundalini active because something about that scared my a lot and I couldn't sleep that night. Thinking about it gives be severe anxiety. Is there any truth to this? How do I come to terms with this? It seems to invalidate everything I've learned about consciousness.

Yup fair enough.

Yesterday, one of my friends was going through some shit. She opened up to me about eating disorders, body dysmorphia, grief, self hatred, and most importantly, suicidal thoughts. I've had a heightened sensitivity to energy recently so I felt intense negative emotions rise up inside me. When she mentioned grief and suicide, I felt intense anxiety and aversion coming up, like it was triggering my own traumas. I tried handling it logically and giving her sound advice on self love, therapy, meditation, 'get help' etc. but it felt very forced and artificial. I was almost trying to block out her negative emotions. I feel bad about this because I feel should have been more compassionate and loving but I was just scared and slightly defensive. I'm also very worried about her at the moment because her mental health issues are pretty serious. At the same time, thinking about her problems gives me anxiety and seems to be triggering my own traumas. This is a pretty rude awakening because I hope to one day use my knowledge to help heal others mental health issues but I guess I need some work to do. I also feel I may have manifested this because my thoughts were pretty negative that day as well. How do I deal with this situation?

Yeah it reminds me of the movie IT where the clown feeds on fear but when they aren't scared of it, it loses all it's power

Haha tell me about it 😂. I'm trying to balance holding on and letting go.

I've been having these sudden panic attacks and I'm slowly beginning to understand the root cause of it. My awareness has been pretty expanded recently so I'm a low more aware of what goes on in my subconscious mind. Sometimes a really negative emotion will come up and I will be scared of it. I will then be aware of the fear and try to avoid the fear. This avoidance creates more fear leading to more avoidance. It's like I'm scared of my own fear which creates a horrific feedback loop. I've found that the only way to deal with it is to just allow myself to be afraid and fully feel the fear. Sometimes I let the internal scared parts scream silently. Suddenly when you allow yourself to be scared, it's actually not that scary any more. It's something that I'm working in at the moment.

@Mandy omg kasbo!

I'm feeling pretty shitty. There's just a low grade anxiety about my work, relationships and future. I really don't know what's going to happen to me.

Sounds like what I was experiencing a few weeks ago. I'm glad you had this amazing experience. There is always more to come if you are open to it!

@Orb yeah true

@Orb I used to but I'm taking a break from pretty much all spiritual practices that might arouse kundalini. Meditation helped a bit but never uncovered the root cause. IFS helped heal a lot of my traumas that I was using porn to cope with and so definitely lessened my addiction.

@Orb yup porn is a super difficult addiction because it's free, always available and it takes advantage of our natural sexual urges.

@Phil Thanks! currently in the process of letting go.

currently working on quitting porn and compulsive thinking. After healing from trauma, It's a lot easier to quit addictions.