Proserpina

I just felt this deep, heart wrenching love for reality. I felt seduced by it. Just melting, my mind numb. Can't think, can't process the illogicalness of the situation. Just melting into the arms of the divine. It's like "he" likes my medicated state because I'm surrendered this way. I'm fallen into his arms.

I see Abilify as the master. The leader in my psychology, deciding what comes forward and when. I see my other meds as the major catalyst. They are catalytic and spur the leader in my psychology. Once the leader is inspired the catalyst is no longer required. But that can take 6+ months.

"1. Excitement is the Driving Engine (it motivates you) 2. Excitement is the Organizing Principle that brings "positive synchronicity" (meaning things fall into place for you, eg. being at the right place at the right time, or meeting just the right people, etc.) 3. Excitement is the Organizing Principle that brings "negative synchronicity" (meaning if you can’t do it, you don’t need to! It's a terrific blessing to have doors closed off to you that you thought you needed but don't). 3. Excitement is the Path of Least Resistance. (You can surrender to the flow created by your truest self -your signature frequency, your true essence. Just remember part 3 of the formula and the saying "insistence is resistance.") 4. Excitement Brings Any and All Forms of Abundance that you actually need. (Abundance isn't just money. It may be a form of trade, a gift, a synchronicity, or an idea/inspiration -those are the 5 most common forms of abundance on our planet). 5. Excitement is the Complete Kit (it brings all that’s relevant to you at that moment, including expressions/forms of your passion/true authentic self. It leaves nothing out!). 6. Excitement is the Reflective Mirror you need. (Self awareness is crucial for our growth and success. The mirror reveals anything out of alignment with your signature frequency –meaning it will bring any relevant negative beliefs to light and although you might not like how this manifests, you can at least choose to change so that you never manifest such a thing ever again)." Do it for the small improvements and the small satisfactions, not for what you want to happen. Improvement in mood and consistency. No expectations. Don't do it to acquire specific manifestations. Sometimes some things aren't supposed to be. Negative synchronicities (doors closing) occur when you follow your highest excitement and feel better. It's okay for doors to close.

The Day 2 challenge (Bentinho Massaro Teaching Reference) incoming will be when I re-enter PMDD. Now, I have 3 already tested possible solutions for that and 2 untested solution. Tested solutions: 1. Topiramate. For months. It worked in the past. 2. Disappear. During that time of the month over time as I build up enough strength and inner resources from the medication. From months and months of rehabilitation. 3. Abilify. Allow abilify to balance dopamine and third eye. Untested solutions: 1. Yaz. Stop PMDD from occurring altogether. 2. Olanzapine. Block dopamine. Similar to topiramate but more heavy duty.

In my visions the masculine guided the feminine and was someone to look up to, also her equal, her equivalent. The feminine needs to have her stuff together to attract her equivalent. The feminine was restful under the wing of the masculine and the masculine was active and selfless compassionate. He would inspire the feminine to action. Her equivalent (when she has her stuff together) is someone with clean perception or a pure heart, someone who is clean and who is kind and courageous. Open and honest. Virtuous.

In my visions the masculine guided the feminine and was someone to look up to, also her equal, her equivalent. The feminine needs to have her stuff together to attract her equivalent. The feminine was restful under the wing of the masculine and the masculine was active and selfless compassionate. He would inspire the feminine to action. Her equivalent (when she has her stuff together) is someone with clean perception or a pure heart, someone who is clean and who is kind and courageous. Open and honest. Virtuous.

When you face an extraordinarily serious situation, you will know. In your heart.

I appreciate the feeling of cool breeze against my skin. The feeling of satisfaction. Playing and dancing and talking with the wind.

Who is to say that the problematic, mentally ill and those who have difficulties in life don't have value? Who is to say he is not attracting a goldmine? Open your mind. "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

Thank you. So are you. You're a beautiful person. A great friend.

Sorry I have to correct this. My schizoaffective is diagnosed. It just that it wasn't diagnosed for many years.

I think this situation is my fault. It's my undiagnosed and unmedicated schizoaffective catching up to me and biting me and everyone involved. It's my fault. I have to take my medication. And I am now. It's hurt the people involved with me. I apologize.

*hugs* I'm taking all of my medication now. If that's any consolation. I'm keeping a record. I'm a different person off medication. I'm sorry that this affected you medically. That's terrible.

"A consistently neutral mood also has an impact. Signs" "And abraham hicks says the journey is supposed to be satisfying all along the way. Small satisfactions becoming large satisfactions." "inner resources and inner direction is built up." "I'm manifesting very negatively without medication. " "I'm not making any progress on my path without medication atm. Previously consistently taking medication resulted in peak state, entities and synchronicity" "The medication is required to halt the momentum and cycle. It breaks the cycle. The cycle of lack of empathy from others (like my Dad) and then being in a state to cause a lack of empathy from others due to a lack of empathy from others. The medication artificially lifts you up and emotionally stabilizes you and increases your agreeableness. " I've already done the workings out. I just gotta remind myself. Blocked dopamine = breaking the cycle. I need it the way some diabetics need it. Only temporarily. Only for a time.

My very first 'psychosis' I witnessed someone channel an angel who was incredibly loving. My second 'psychosis' I was swamped with angelic channeling. Then somehow, the more I expanded, the more shadow work I had to do, the more darkness I had to integrate. There was more focus on the darkness, more of an expansive, larger view. I had work to do to integrate. Even if it hurt. The angelic stuff took a back-seat to the darkness although the light was there to guide me the entire time. . Minor PMDD psychosis is just as real as major psychosis. It's just not as damaging. But minor PMDD psychosis is where all my pain resides from major psychosis and that's why I become mean. Other than the lack of empathy theory thing. The pain and trauma from major psychosis surfaces during minor PMDD psychosis and I become a ...bitch lol. . Okay....so, I've been medicated the whole time on Abilify. But I haven't been taking my other meds (until recently) because I don't like my other meds. They block dopamine completely. Abilify is a God. It balances dopamine. Upregulates or downregulates it, depending on what you need. It's third generation medication, which means it's the newest kind of medication available. Now I'm conflicted in myself and I'm going have to do the inner work to find peace with this other medication other than abilify. . Sometimes I forget that there are good, beautiful people out there. People who forgive. People who are good natured at their core still. . Pep talk: I'm going to drive this home and I'm not going to let up. I'm going to take revenge (against no one on the forum) through a kind heart and success. I'm going to find my roots and stability to disappear during PMDD or altogether. I'm going to break the cycle. And I'm going to find the small satisfactions all along the way. And I'm not going to stop. I can't stop, not now. Not when I'm on the brink of absolute success and vengeance.

I'm not sure if it's entirely delusion. It's more like I see into the nature of the individual and that nature 'expands' and I'm extra sensitive. I enter a spiritual dimension where that nature is relevant. For example, my dad channeled a demonic entity and he is quite abusive and unpleasant. It matches up. Other beings who were generally loving, channeled higher beings. Christianity speaks of spirits attaching themselves to others, demonic possession etc. Some spiritual traditions speak of channeling.

Any time angel ❤

Words, signs, colours are angelic or demonic. I make many many connections and associations. Synchronicities are constantly active. There's a 'voice' (not literally a voice in my head) during major psychosis that's constantly speaking to me through words or billboard signs I see, books, etc. anything. One being, many voices.

I'm not in major psychosis right now. So neither. But if I was, probably angelic.

No. It's hard to explain. People (normal people) are entities. They become angels and demons.

I'm not sure. My psychosis can also be very negative. I used to think I was 'spiritually gifted', then my 'gifting' turned acutely negative. It started off positive and beautiful. I met Higher Beings and angels, then all of a sudden demons and negative entities that told me they were going to boil me alive and barbeque me alive.

I experience so much unconditional love and worthiness and alignment when I enter psychosis sometimes that it's overwhelming. "Mania" for me isn't just what the medical model writes it off as. It's so much more. It's love. It's peace. It's hope. It's purpose. So I tend to not take my medication. But I'm learning that I need to take my medication in order to reach peak state.

I am completely fascinated by these videos and the potential of birth control pills and its impact on my mood