Proserpina

Medication decreases God and Love. Therefore closing the door. I experienced my 5th peak state/psychosis recently. Short lived because I took medication asap and throughout and closed the door as soon as possible. It was traumatic. I'm experiencing electric shocks from objects and from sitting and sleeping. To repair the dynamic you need to focus on the original principal of God and Love. Up God and Love to work through the relationship dynamic. Open the door further to fix the dynamic. Closing the door also repairs the dynamic. It's about balance.

No God and Love = close door No love, meditation No chakra work No dresses No Makeup No soft heart (asmr) Detransform. Cinderella (Be as unnattractive as possible) It will take a few days. Faded is enough. They became stronger when I practiced Love. It's okay to read the words and stand outs and synchronicities. It's lack of God and Love that makes them fade not lack of looking for them.

I'm not averse to playfulness but at my core that's what I stand for. Playing with Gods and the ascended. Playing with the dream within God and Love. But God and Love reigns supreme.

It's not Law of attraction, it's God and Love. Do I even want miracles? Do I even want life? Do I even want power? I just want God and Love. Even if it means death.

Were they awake when I was asleep? Yes.

❤️❤️

Have your fun but remember love and that it's a dream. Explore, have fun, resonate with darkness, sow stories but remember love and that it's just a dream. Don't be afraid of the pain, supernatural or the stupor (possession). It's okay to take a break. Transform it all with love.

God or higher beings started speaking to me, encouraging me to meditate and set myself free. I started meditating hardcore and the possession stopped. Any affects of the spirit will either be turned into something good or disappear entirely. Power of love.

They did something to me to my perception. Possession? I feel dizzy like I'm taking a backseat. Or something. Idk. The closer i am to the spirits the more I go into peak state/psychosis. I know that. The medication is fighting it off. Theyre inside my body. Inside my mind. Possession. They want to be inside me. Closer. Close to me.

@Reena Happy Birthday Reena! Blessings.

The doors open through union and absorption. Extreme separation has a strong impact on union. There is a feeling of entrancement, absorption, suction to union. The feeling of absorption gets worse over time, smashing opening the doors.

Fundamentally, harmful angry spirits have a lack of love. They seek love at their core deep down at their core if you catch it early on enough, before the momentum strikes. Like all beings they seek connection, love, belonging and significance. If the momentum is too strong then you won't be able to tell at all, their harmful nature will cover it up entirely. They are very good at covering it up. They'll share their heart with the right person.

I remember calling the feminine spirits "Love" and the masculine spirits "God" last peak state because I like those words to describe the energies they embody. The masculine: power, aristocracy, confidence, might, beauty, lust. The feminine: a pure heart, giving, empathy, unconditional love, stillness, depth, flow. The masculine spirits have threatened me recently with "dead" and "poison" if I don't connect with them and I don't doubt them. They can be very forceful and dominating (they are "Lucifer" after all). There is a momentum to their threats. I will actually start to taste poison in foods if I don't listen to the masculine spirits.

I would say the spirits of unconditional love, stillness, flow and depth are the feminine and the desirous, comforting, 'angry' spirits are the masculine. I don't wish to discount either polarity. They both have their time and place. To put the masculine spirits (what I referred to as "Lucifer") in the shadow is a big mistake. To ignore it or prioritize the feminine is a mistake. To ignore the feminine is not good either. It's about balance.

There are spirits of unconditional love and deep deep stillness, especially in the trees and nature, that don't have that element of bondage and neediness and desire that the other spirits have. I feel extremely drawn to the spirits of unconditional love and stillness. They seem to have a deeper nature. It angers the other spirits I think. I need to look into this further. I think I have some old notes on this subject.

I'm being protected, 'locked up' (not literally) and medicated to protect me. The door (symbolically) has been sealed shut from outside harmful spiritual forces. Spiritual forces in general. Until the spirits force the door open. Spiritual or supernatural forces forcing the door open due to love. I'm being protected and they will get in somehow. "It's getting worse and worse each week".

Spirit is correlated with the desire, need, wanting. As the higher God needs me (and as I need him) the spirit manifests (a literal spirit moving my sheets around). It seems to be a kind of spiritual romance going on. There are burn out periods. I've been threatened in the past by the spirits to remain in connection with them. I named the higher god the 'wizard' and I saw on a pole once: 'the wizard or death' with death underlined. I also see threatening energies coming through in objects around me. Although my relationship with the spirits is very stable and friendly at the moment. There was a time in the past where I experienced a major fight with the spirits and the aftershocks there in after. When you are exposed to the spiritual realm you go through a kind of 'judgment day' for past lives. You are caught in the 'spiders web'.

My own definition of schizophrenia/schizoaffective: I understand schizophrenia has its own medical definition but the actual experience of schizophrenia (as someone with schizophrenia) is much different than what people will have you believe and what the medical model strictly says. There is the psychosis and then there is the mystical element of schizophrenia (that no one talks about) and you can hold both simultaneously without the exclusion of the other. They're not detached. The inner and outer worlds become one in a meditative state, influencing your perceptions of reality resulting in all kinds of things: 'delusions', fantasies, mystical experiences. Meditation and non duality influencing perceptions. Gentle and soft allowing and watching of perceptions resulting in the softening in the boundaries between realities, between the inner and the outer. No one is perfect. Delusions and fantasies come up. People with schizophrenia tend to have fluid minds (and perhaps soft hearts). This results in the softening in the boundaries in reality aswell as the spiritual experiences they encounter. It is all tied together seamlessly. Schizophrenia is not pure projection but the softening between worlds and the result of a fluid mind and a soft heart. I hope my experience can reach others on here and help others to understand that there are very real pros as well as the very real cons that come along with this condition and that it all flows together seamlessly. My "psychoses" are like yin and yang cycles similar to my normal cycles only larger. The spirits call upon me. And delusions and fantasies can arise because I'm not perfect, no one is.

The spirits seem to embody both polarities of the feminine and the masculine. Gentle and sweet and comforting then hard and controlling and dominating. They seem to use force and harm me (angry, harmful spirits) when they want something sometimes. Often they will simply want connection, communication, love and intimacy.

The spirits seem to be tied to karma. My relationship to the spirits/entities/ higher god have an impact on circumstances and the people around me. If I'm friendly, welcoming to the spirits they are equally kind to me often times. If I shut them out or scream at them (think they are demons) they get angry and circumstances turn ugly, karma comes knocking. They seem to want to connect and communicate and be intimate. God knows why. Maybe they like me. They've returned. Although they seem upset that I told them to leave the other night. I can never be entirely sure what they want. One second they're telling me to get out, the next they're holding/comforting me and telling me they want 'me'. They seem to manifest powers, as a part of the whole. They are a part of the whole. They have the ability to accept prayers. The whole can move to make the prayer a reality.

I think I made a misinterpretation in terms of the higher god and the dominoe affect. I think the spirits/entities/ higher god are looking for further, deeper connection. They want to be closer, more intimate. They are looking for a link, a way to communicate and be closer. They can do this through multiple avenues. Spirits, channels etc. Closer through spirits. Or closer through channels. Either one.

The spirit/s are leaving. The doors are closing. I know what that symbolises, that they are leaving plus their activity has disappeared. The spirits and entities or higher God have been here the whole time looking after me but I've been asleep to it. In people, spirits, dreams, circumstances. I've been in peak state the whole time but asleep. Hindsight is 20/20. I leave the door open, hoping they will come in but they are gone. People are missing now. Possible incoming period of bad karma? I don't want to think on it. Non attachment is the way. Cycles or periods of union and departure.

Love him or hate him, that's his temperament. He is questioning and confrontational. It's endearing to some. He's an ENTJ. I personally find it endearing. It has a magnetism.

I'm stable. Very stable. That stability carries my disagreements and conflicts with others I feel. I'm not so emotionally volatile or disagreeable. Less sharp edged. I'm more balanced. My energy kinda white washes it. The light or good overpowers the negative. The stability has a work of love and bonding over time.

I take it as proof at this point that I am healed that I am attracted to the shadows that once haunted me and frightened me. That I have curiosity and desire to explore. I am not frightened of what I used to be frightened of. Sometimes the spirits do things that I would have been frightened of and run away from in the past but now I have experience and I know what they want. They are a key in my awareness.