Proserpina

This is kinda what positive psychosis feels like. Your own inner sanctuary and inner world where you talk to yourself and are frequently completely understood and heard (when its not negative). "Magical powers look a lot like delusion. And then someone has to come along and ruin the fun by telling you you're not amazing." last post as Artaemis in positive psychosis before being Banned on Actualized. People snap you out of it by prying and shaming you out of your inner world of magic and love.

Alone is nice. I like to put other solitary goals ahead of friendships and relationships. It helps me to establish inner independence and long term thinking. To be able to face my 2nd day challenge, so I can eventually heal everything. Friendships and relations are lack of solid ground at this time in my life. You also grow a lot when you are singular. You are forced to stand on your own two feet.

Beautiful. @Reborn2 I will respect your decision but I have to say that you seem plenty empathetic to me based on this post and the way you treated me, someone with mental illness. You were very compassionate and understanding. And here, you are showing empathy by apologizing. You impacted this mentally ill person in a positive way. Again, I do ask you to stay. Your presence is appreciated here. You understand the mentally ill and their wavelength very well and are a boon to this community. You are a great writer.

@Reborn2 That must of taken strength. I know I will miss you. Even though I didn't know you too well. You seem kind hearted. You were a journal person at one point. I wish Leo hadn't split the original journal people up. We were a team at one point. We were a force. Synchronicity followed our writings and we were synergistic. I think you do belong here. Please stay. You are welcome to stay with this Reborn2 account. You have a beautiful, grounding energy that is much needed for the forum. You say very wise, astute things.

Emotional Stability, restfulness, receptivity, contentedness or surrender creates a vacuum that must be filled by the universe at some point. It can't remain empty. It's filled with love. You open yourself up to the universe and the universe fills you with love. You are the feminine principle here and the universe is the masculine principle here. There is the masculine principle as you and the universe as the feminine principle. Strength and will creates a spear through reality and reality succumbs to your will like ‘magic’. You own reality. You own the truth. You are an illusionist, a magician. You can play with reality and truth and form your own version of reality and truth. "Psychosis". But your psychosis becomes grounded, becomes a reality. Sometimes. But it isn't manipulative or delusional, you are simply strong and willful.

Rediscovering the Old seems to be correlated with heart healing and abundance. It makes sense then that medication would be related to rediscovering the Old. The Old was during the time when I was discovering Joseph’s journals on actualized.org and journalling. That was the very Old. It's like you have to let the positive psychosis come to you rather than chasing after it in order to get to the Old or to the the Holy Text By the Old, I mean a Holy place. A place full of beauty and love. It is the Original place, before corruption. Before the fall. Reasons to stay almost permanently on medications: - community - friendships - healing - 'going back' returning to the original. Healing enough - healing the heart - finding the 'old' again through healing - healing enough for old self concept to arise - healing enough to do right action - Healing enough for heart awakenings - heal relationships, heal divide - heal PMDD - breaking the cycle

@Joseph Maynor Thank you so much. You are one of my original mentors and teachers. I remember reading your journals and they were so full of love. Your journals are a holy text. It's a pity you took them down. I had multiple heart awakenings. You really do channel the divine, especially when the person is tapped in.

I was talking to my Dad and told him that medication causes psychosis because psychosis is caused by alignment and medication makes you feel good and fixes up your life. “How do you know that so clearly though? That sounds like it might not be as true as you state.” Joseph Maynor I don't know it for sure. It's an experienced estimation. Whenever I go into psychosis it's because I'm in a state of abundance. I have abundance. Anything negative is heavily cushioned by abundance. Medication tends to lead to abundance for me. Any negativity is soaked in abundance if that makes any sense. You are known as the abundant one. You are treated as the abundant one. You are pushed around, shoved around as the abundant one. Treated not so nicely. If that makes any sense. 'Abundant one' is just your true self. So abundance is correlated with the true self. The self that is beyond lack of empathy from others and the cycle of the fall of humanity. "What do you mean by abundance?" Joseph Maynor. I'm loved by the universe, I love the universe. I have an abundance of love, prosperity, wealth, health. I mean I can go to a gambling machine and win. Garden of Eden.

'"I would mention the lack of empathy from others theory. That people with mental illness are victims of lack empathy from others and end up in a state that is difficult to empathize with (low emotional stability and agreeableness, big5 etc) which cause lack of empathy from others which cause the state and so on and so forth. So the true self lies underneath that 'sin', that cycle of lack of empathy in humanity at large. It's no one's fault. The true self is what happens when you break that cycle, even artificially." Referencing this post, its the part that is the 'authentic self', the self underneath it all, the diamond that is before sin, before the fall of man That is the true self The false self is the opposite

Being mentally ill, it feels quite sticky and permanent. But then again not really. There's always a way out for any disorder. For schizophrenia there's positive voices. For schizoaffective, there's positive psychosis. For bipolar, there's mania. All of those are extreme forms of alignment according to abraham hicks unique to the condition. There's always a way out. Following your bliss, your highest excitement.

When my mother died, the light died in my mind. The darkness took rein of my mind. The light died. I see symbols and signs in my psychosis/experiences that tell me that the light had died, and that the darkness (the 'removalist') murdered the light, although I see glimpses of the light’s rebirth. The light may have been dissolved in my mind when I was attacked and 'murdered' by the entity at the very very beginning, when it all began and I was injured badly, murdered spiritually. My mother's death may have been a reflection of that. The light was attacked.

"When a parent dies one must grow quite a bit. It sets up a certain kind of hero's journey. That loss has to be compensated for." Joseph Maynor Yes. I remember "Growth" being a strong theme in my psychoses. And my psychoses tend to be a journey, a hero's journey, only through my mind or alternate realities. A very externalized form of grief or grief process. Rather than just crying, my mind goes through an extreme journey. . . . I've noticed that pain from previous trauma can stick around for quite awhile but if there is nothing feeding it it dissipates in times, very slowly but surely. Kindness and emotional stability heal. Emotional stability is a powerful force. I can see why abraham hicks talks about the neutral zone. For instance I have a broken heart from trauma and psychoses and the being at the neutral zone is very good for it.

I'm a mess because of it. My life has dulled significantly. My mum was the light of my life. My best friend. My support. My foundation. Even though we fought and didn't get along sometimes. She had brain cancer. She was so so intelligent. She was known for her mind. It's just heart breaking. I miss her. She died last year. The house is empty without her and is rotting away without her, just like my mind.

"1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a] 2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” 3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. 7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. 8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. 9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, 10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; 12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. 14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation." This was her verse that God gave her. I always cry when I read it. She believed it and read it till her dying breath, that God would give her long life. She was a bible scholar. A self actualization master. She was a master. Aesthete, gardener, home decorator, always tidy, scholar, writer. She had a vast book collection. Always reading. Always learning. Extremely charismatic. She is beautiful here. I'm hesitant to post this. I don't know if it's appropriate. But I want to process this and water down the trauma by sharing it with everyone. I have no one. Plus she is beautiful here. Her energy is worth sharing. It can't be hidden.

I feel like I want to talk about my mother in this journal because it's a big reason my psychosis/ mystical experiences turned negative or turned into into psychosis. I haven't properly processed her death or sickness. My dad and and I were both abandoned after her death and blamed for her death by family. I wasn't there for my mother enough because I was in psychosis and I had mental illness and both my parents were aggressive (mum was dealing with aggression from the steroids which made my dad more violent and he kicked me out and I was homeless).

The true self lies underneath it all. I would mention the lack of empathy from others theory. That people with mental illness are victims of lack empathy from others and end up in a state that is difficult to empathize with (low emotional stability and agreeableness, big5 etc) which cause lack of empathy from others which cause the state and so on and so forth. So the true self lies underneath that 'sin', that cycle of lack of empathy in humanity at large. It's no one's fault. The true self is what happens when you break that cycle, even artificially.

"You don't settle on one right answer it's always changing. Judgment is changing just as much as it is fixed. The Feminine is about changing and the Masculine is all about finding The fixed." - Joseph Maynor This is what I mean about Catalytic (Masculine) vs Master (feminine). The Catalytic is fixed and the Master is changing.

It has to become a part of your identity and a part of your new norm and expectation. Your identity has to fundamentally shift toward one of a vibrational setpoint of contentment or above. A person who is contented, secure, safe, playful. That comes with a new norm and new expectations for your future and for the way people will behave around you. Law of assumption. Your self concept will shift along with your assumptions. The longer you are on it the more your identity and norm and expectations and assumptions will shift.

Wow this reading is scary accurate. I started my meds on the 22nd. Aries The Fool: If you were wondering when it was going to start to feel like things were falling into place, November is the month that everything starts to come together for you! You are willing to bet on yourself and take the proper risks in order to bring your dreams to life, and the Universe is noticing this shift within you! Each time that you step outside of your comfort zone and show up for yourself, you will find that you are heavily rewarded. This may come in the form of money, opportunities, new friends, or even love if you’re looking for it! It seems like the “jackpot” is happening around the time that Sagittarius season starts on the 22nd, giving you a chance to reignite your passions and put your motivation into overdrive. It’s okay to take breaks, too, but if you have the extra energy to get out there and live… November is the time to do it!

I can feel something beautiful happening and I don't know what it is. A freedom, independence from a sudden space in myself there wasn't before, from a lose of interest, a space. I have room for more. I have my power back from my lack of female attachment, that tends to be a female weakness. It could be the medication, it could be the pain, it could be an inevitable process, it could be all of it. . Momentum Momentum, I'm looking for momentum, so it won't just stop. Consistency. “Momentum really is the most important aspect of deliberate creation that you could consciously contemplate. Because what momentum says is: Once you get going in that direction, it is more likely that you will continue in that direction.” Catalyst medication: contentment vibrational setpoint. Master medication, Abilify, then decides to go in that direction and above once the momentum has been triggered. Abilify is kinda a mess otherwise, it doesn't really do anything. Needs guidance. To be molded. It's the feminine. Whereas the Catalyst medication is the masculine. It molds Abilify, the feminine. It can mold Abilify into contentment and above without catalytic medication.

Break the cycle. Break the cycle. Break the cycle. Break the cycle. Break the cycle. There's going to be lots and lots and lots of negative momentum for months. That's why they say sometimes medication doesn't kick in until 6+ months. The way to synchronicity is to take seriously everyone and everything and assume you are the problem half the time. Make amends. Make peace with your brother before making an offering before the altar. Fix yourself. Humble yourself. Surrender yourself.

I just felt this deep, heart wrenching love for reality. I felt seduced by it. Just melting, my mind numb. Can't think, can't process the illogicalness of the situation. Just melting into the arms of the divine. It's like "he" likes my medicated state because I'm surrendered this way. I'm fallen into his arms.

I see Abilify as the master. The leader in my psychology, deciding what comes forward and when. I see my other meds as the major catalyst. They are catalytic and spur the leader in my psychology. Once the leader is inspired the catalyst is no longer required. But that can take 6+ months.

"1. Excitement is the Driving Engine (it motivates you) 2. Excitement is the Organizing Principle that brings "positive synchronicity" (meaning things fall into place for you, eg. being at the right place at the right time, or meeting just the right people, etc.) 3. Excitement is the Organizing Principle that brings "negative synchronicity" (meaning if you can’t do it, you don’t need to! It's a terrific blessing to have doors closed off to you that you thought you needed but don't). 3. Excitement is the Path of Least Resistance. (You can surrender to the flow created by your truest self -your signature frequency, your true essence. Just remember part 3 of the formula and the saying "insistence is resistance.") 4. Excitement Brings Any and All Forms of Abundance that you actually need. (Abundance isn't just money. It may be a form of trade, a gift, a synchronicity, or an idea/inspiration -those are the 5 most common forms of abundance on our planet). 5. Excitement is the Complete Kit (it brings all that’s relevant to you at that moment, including expressions/forms of your passion/true authentic self. It leaves nothing out!). 6. Excitement is the Reflective Mirror you need. (Self awareness is crucial for our growth and success. The mirror reveals anything out of alignment with your signature frequency –meaning it will bring any relevant negative beliefs to light and although you might not like how this manifests, you can at least choose to change so that you never manifest such a thing ever again)." Do it for the small improvements and the small satisfactions, not for what you want to happen. Improvement in mood and consistency. No expectations. Don't do it to acquire specific manifestations. Sometimes some things aren't supposed to be. Negative synchronicities (doors closing) occur when you follow your highest excitement and feel better. It's okay for doors to close.