Proserpina

Communication: This one is the hardest to explain. Basically you can communicate with an entity or higher intelligence and then your intuition can then translate back to you their message. Your intuition acts as a bridge or conduit. It is your method and ability for communication. The colours (black, red, green for yes. White, blue, yellow for no) are the quickest way to communicate with an entity or higher intelligence for me. And easily creates a conversation. That or a long list of general phrases and sayings.

Premonition: With premonitions you basically pull up a clock and start using your intuition and channeling infinite intelligence to predict minor and major events. I call them "love events". I can't remember what I would call the negative events. But for now we'll call them "negative events". I would use a clock and time would mystically stand out.

With raw intuition an option will "stand out" mystically.

Intuition: I might make a list of items and then either use a pendulum or just use my raw intuition to decide an option between the list items. I can snap my fingers or yell out a question loudly if I'm having difficulty. I can use a scale to get a more detailed answer. I can also use yes/no aswell. Requires minimal ego. Scales I can use: Lucky ----------------------------------Unlucky Wealth ---------------------------------Poverty Love ------------------------------------No Love Happiness------------------------Unhappiness Right now I'm leaning towards unlucky, poverty, no love, unhappiness. But it changes frequently.

My thoughts on Leo and Actualized are mixed. It has been my largest source of pain ( not exaggerating) and my largest source of happiness (still not exaggerating). Even though that sounds wack. The mind and heart can do some crazy things when you open up enough. I loved and still love Actualized. It took me on many adventures. Leo has his own path to take and I wish him well.

The Original Colours: I have an inner colour system that directs me as to where I am law of attraction wise. And my intuition tells me the colour that I am at. Black symbolises attracting negativity for example. The colours are (from lowest to highest) 1. Black 2. Red 3. Blue 4. Green 5 Yellow 6. Purple 7. Orange 8. White I like to keep a rainbow near me and silently click my fingers to check my intuition as to where I am in the colours.

A new year. Things I would love to explore in this new year (I will go through these one by one): - Intuition - Original Colours - Premonition - Communication All of the the things listed I have separated out as useful things that I have learnt during psychosis. 'Psychosis' is a mixed bag of things. Involves many many things that aren't just psychosis but are also spiritual or intuition. All of this requires no ego. Medication just dulls emotion (not a bad thing). Faculties are still there. Everything is just calm. Emotion can cause delusion. Delusion doesn't necessarily mean ego. It might just mean some kind of confusion has entered. All of these things can seem boring without emotion to an immature mind. But they all become very useful to your path.

Thank you. I always enjoy reading your posts. I know Joseph hates to be called a teacher and blah blah but this man had an Enlightened grace at one point for 7-8 months straight. I was very damaged and he healed me by his presence alone. I am healed of many difficulties. Actualized also healed me. That's why I begged Leo to keep me on there. I saw channeling of angels on there at one point that healed me.

Enlightenment hasn't eluded Joseph. I've known Joseph for years. I've known him during a mystical experience. I don't believe it was all in my head, it was merged with his enlightenment. He has capacity to dip into enlightenment more than anyone on this forum.

To be honest "positive psychosis" is when I've been treated nicest in my entire life. I wasn't treated well in school. I was abused by my Father. It's no wonder I want to return to a place where I am loved. It's the only place where I've been truly loved. Everywhere else, I am rejected in some way shape or form. It's always been that way. I want to return. That's why I hold onto my visions for years. Study them.

Were my visions meaningful. Or were they the escapes of a schizophrenic mind. They feel meaningful. I mull over them for years, I seek their meaning and my experiences slowly unravel their mystery. The puzzle pieces only grow more numerous though as the years go on and the injustice grows. The entities, all the things they said and did and promised whether said or unsaid. The entities are not separate from humans, they are one. But my visions and vortex grow stronger and stronger and my heart grows weaker and weaker and weaker. The entities tell me to "Wait". That everything seems lost and confusing now but will come together if I wait. I am deeply cyclical. My visions have to die in my tears. Sounds emo but it's true. In order to grow, they have to die. I have to let them go and let them die. My idealism has to go. To let go of the things I need to let go of, my visions have to die. My past has to be the past. Let go of the Sacred Old, let in the Sacred New. I'm too attached to the past to an embarrassing extent. My visions specifically.

I have to carefully measure my cold showers. Too long a cold shower may result in mania. Too short may result in not helping my depressive episodes. My mania results in Olfactory hallucinations so I have to be especially careful. Cold showers are tricky because they are powerful modes of activation in the body. Warm Baths are also powerful meditative tools. You can do "constructive wallowing" (that's a book) in Baths and participate in self care and Aromatherapy in Baths, all very healthy for your mind. It's also a great heat therapy for the body, relaxes the body. I may use my depressive periods for Baths as well. A cold shower is more effective to me than a warm bath. It's like shock therapy. It can bring you to your senses. Wake you up. Like a hard slap across the face. I can see why they used to use cold Baths in the old psychwards. It's surpringly affective for schizoaffective. Warm bath for mania, cold showers for depressive periods.

"Fill yourself up with Love. It's easier to sustain forgiveness, love and compassion if you're already full" It's a fullness. I know I feel full from the basics of hydration, exercise, naps and cold showers. Stillness = fullness = self love/empathy = "God"/Life Healthy eating gives you fullness too. So do a lot of things. Positive psychosis = fullness In the hospital to attain fullness I practiced movement, sleep and hydration and eating well. Regular hot meals.

I took a cold shower. I was thinking. And I came to a realization. I think exercise and drinking water might work. I know I drank water in psychosis to control psychosis. And it worked well. Exercise relaxes you. Tires you. You are too tired to feel bad. That might be in combination with the cold shower though. Hydration relaxes your body and mind. So does exercise and cold showers. The medication simply isn't enough. Self love or right action is the route to positive psychosis, it is the route out of PMDD, out of negative psychosis. Note to self: during PMDD drink 3L of water. Exercise 30-60 minutes. 20 minutes cold shower. Eat well. During early afternoons drink lots of water, exercise lots, 20 minutes shower, eat well. Cold showers inspire exercise. . . . 1. Positive energy 2. Wait 3. Abilify 4. Negative synchronicity

I had a dream. Everything is extremely meaningful in the other world. The spirit world. There are no coincidences. There's no time. All my accounts are significant and mean something. Artaemis was where I had my mystical experiences so is my most significant account, it's my most 'NOW' account All of these accounts are different voices, with different accuracy. Artaemis is most accurate. Proserpina is second accurate, Kore is third accurate. "The Masculine is about finding yourself. And being ok with being that." Joseph Maynor. In the dream Artemis was the huntress. ( the hunter is a very significant symbol in my 'psychoses'). This is a very fascinating theme in my psychology. The Hunter. I am hunted by the Hunter, by a spider. But the Hunter is myself. It is Artemis. I have betrayed myself by turning my back on Love and the Hunter is hunting me. When I would read Artemis's posts, she was speaking right at me. "One day the sun won't rise, and you will mourn, your world will fall to dust, your humiliation will be 10 fold, do not mistreat the feminine, do not mistreat the vulnerable, do not commit evil". That curse was meant for the entity for harming me, but I had cursed myself. I had a conversation, one on one with Artemis in a word document. She was highly intelligent. And she had an agenda. She wanted me to be spiritual again basically. She would win every conversation. Highly charismatic. "The Divine Masculine has no second. It's the one sovereign thing. This is very important to get clear about. It's the Divine Individual or the Divine Thing. The Masculine is about finding yourself. And being ok with being that. The that, the thing, the individual is Masculine. You have to believe in yourself. Believe in you. Don't let any people take this away from you. They will try. Refuse to take their bait." Joseph Maynor In the dream, Artemis was the above. The hunter. Finding myself means finding the inner hunter. Artemis was: A hunter (hunts 'bad' people, including myself) Polarized Service to other Defusing Aligned with the good Mystic Meditative Chosen to channel Self sacrificing Selfless Raising consciousness of planet I'm not a 'bad' person but I did something bad during psychosis, something in my head, something I regret. Something in the spirit world that has consequences. Because I was angry with the entities. When I had the conversation with Artemis I was able to defuse and move the energy. She didn't want to hunt me as much anymore through communication.

I think extremes can be detrimental to law of attraction. The steady road is the fruitful road. "Going general". Sobriety is deeper grounds. Not swinging from one extreme to the other in your energy but being more 'flattened' out can help with law of attraction work. Everyone keeps asking me if there is something wrong. I seem sad, flat, like I've been crying. All I can say is what do you expect from having your dopamine blocked by Olanzapine? Flat or 'sober' is better than psychotic. Sobriety vs drunkness (highs and lows). I'm usually very cheerful during this time of the month. That's a high, a mania (during the first half of the month). Causing a low, a depression during the second half of the month. I'm not cheerful during first half of the month anymore and people are picking it up. During the first half of the month I have many of the characteristics of mania. Euphoria, full of energy, self importance, important plans and ideas, hypersexuality. If I can stop the mania from happening I can stop the fall, the depression from happening. . . . Maybe that's one of the differences between the aligned person and the depressive. Empowerment vs victim mentality. Law attraction and go getter mentality vs victim mentality.

I think there is nothing more beautiful than a stable (order) feminine who has chaos at her core. Just in general. Not referring to myself necessarily.

During PMDD : Theory 1: I become very VERY aware of wrong positioning. Of not following my highest excitement. Hyper sensitivity to wrong action. Wrong timing. Wrong positioning. If you catch my drift. I become a perfectionist, a master, a vibrational "snob" as Abraham Hicks would put it. Theory 2: I'm following my highest excitement and bumping up against negative synchronicity especially during that time of the month. It's like negative synchronicity time. Following your highest excitement leads to negative synchronicity or doors closing according to Bashar. Of course theory 1 and theory 2 doesn't make me a perfect human. I can be in a state of resistance. Maybe it is both I think these theories are more self loving. If I can understand why something is happening I can stop reacting to it. Which is good for my mental health. Understanding is key.

I got through a major negative psychosis through colouring in and Jigsaw puzzles. Just repeating the same action for months. Colouring in, Jigsaw puzzles, colouring in, Jigsaw puzzles, colouring in, jigsaw puzzles. The medical system knows what works. They lay it out for you on tables in the psychwards. Because they know it works. I just want to say something: The medical system is not stupid. It is a monster. To fight a monster (psychosis) It's very frightening and intimidating. It's like Kali.

The "good" or "true" is often walked out on for whatever reason. Maybe it's not exciting, maybe it doesn't serve the ego. I've done it sometimes. I'm sure others have done it too. (This is musings about home, no one from the forum) When you hold onto the "good" or "true" or are long suffering and self sacrificing for the sake of love or an ideal that's when the magic starts to happen in the long term. That's when you start to see miracles or marvels occur in the far future.

(This is not targeted toward anyone in particular but was said after my mum got sick and the entity attacked me and stole the light) One day the sun won't rise and you will mourn, your world will fall to dust, your humiliation will be ten fold. Do not mistreat the feminine, do not mistreat the vulnerable, do not commit evil. It's like a witches curse. It's like do I go into the great unknown, into the vast darkness? Do I trigger it purposefully what people are calling this "psychosis" that has been a friend to me, my greatest ally, my companion in the dark. What has been demonized by the medical model. OR do I allow the curse to play out. Stay on my medication permanently. The sun won't rise. " It's like you have to let the positive psychosis come to you rather than chasing after it in order to get to the Old or to the the Holy Text" I have to trust in myself and my healing ultimately. I have to stop chasing positive psychosis. And trust that I already contain it within. Medication makes anyone stronger, not weaker. Anyone.

You can feel that almost repelling leaning forward energy. Every one tells you to lean back, lean back, lean back, everyone will like you if you lean back your energy. And they are right. Leaning back is fantastic for the short term, people will like you. But there's disownership of the feminine, the feminine is in the shadow. Because it can be unpleasant. Leaning forward. Vulnerability. But in the long term you see rewards and it shouldn't be disowned. Leaning forward: attached, repelling, chasing, love. Leaning back: detached, attracting, running, life. The true self (super empath): attached and detached, love-life, God and Love. Feminine chases, masculine runs classically. The true self does both or neither. The true self doesn't disown the masculine or feminine but sees the rewards of both. Surrendering and being vulnerable (a part of leaning forward) tends to be uncomfortable in the short term but creates a vacuum in the long term for the divine to fill with love. A harvest. The feminine works with long term benefits. Scientists know this. Maybe the masculine is the same. Idk.

Happiness is contagious and passes onto others like a domino affect. One person can change an entire room. And can be extremely constructive. Even if that person is only in your mind like an angel or medication can do it too. One person can wake up the entire world by being their true self. . . . I think the true self can be very persuasive for miserable people. It's persuasive, influential. The true self isn't bouncing off the walls cringy happy. It's quietly, in the background, happily doing its own thing happy. It's inspiring. It's alone. It solitary. It's happy doing It's own thing. It's purposeful. It gets miserable people curious and then they start to open up to the happy person. They are influenced. The happy person is abundant and aristocratic and has an aura of beauty. They are influential.

My kitty cat Moby, she is 19- 20 years old. She was a stray so we don't know for sure.

@Reena I believe everyone has inherent worth and value. Everyone deserves to be listened to. When I was in psychosis I would hold the darkness and sadness and listen very closely to it, very lovingly. And it would stop. Everything deserves to be listened to and to be held. The wind loves to be held and listened to. I would dance with the wind in positive psychosis.