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WhiteOwl

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  1. Why does writing here feel off. Like i have to be clever or profound. I don't want to be any of it. I don't know what the fuck to do. Im afraid in the company of even my closest friends. Im lonely. I am not feeling in touch with my desires. I'm doing my best and things make sense when i read or hear them, but what does it all matter if i keep feeling like this. So much mental masturbation in this spiritual world. Trying to become more "conscious" what a fucking nightmare. Contradictions in everything it seems
  2. So there is no me. What a relief. But i am still not enjoying this. Why am i not loving this moment? Its like im waiting for something to happen. Im waiting to finally become so comfortable with this, so that it transforms into endless bliss. If im enduring long enuogh, there will be a prize. Enduring what? This uncomfortable feeling. Was writing with her yesterday. She asked me what i want from her. What a good question. I don't want anything from her. I want to love her. Love her not dependant on anything. Unconditionally i guess. Fuck everything else. I can't win, i can't lose. Silly thoughts. I aint got nothing clever to think. I suck at this. This writing thing. Why is it not profound or deep. Please let me have it soon. Have what? The energy, the spark, the love. Let me have the love, to pour it into all aspects of my life. The curiosity and excitement for music, for taking the time and not judging any steps of it. Im hypnotized. But im not.
  3. You have the thought, the idea. But who has that idea? Your hand again? I am not defining awakening. where is the person who can awaken or not? you can have the thought “Im super Human. Im Human being. Im god cosplaying”. But are any of those thoughts the “you” that can become awakened? If not, what is it that becomes awake? How do you expect it to happen not knowing for who
  4. You have perception of the body, and the thoughts “I’m a human being. Here I am.” Right? Is it possible for any of those thoughts to be more or less awakened? What about perception of the body. How does an awoke hand look like, and is the perception of the hand REALLY you? If you mean “you” are something else than whats mentioned, then what is that something else? Where is it in your direct experience. Didnt mean to attack, just wanted you to look more deeply. Maybe being a bit rude would flame something, who knows💚
  5. @Someone hereyou talk about being the most conscious person, but you have no idea what you mean when you say “you” or “me”. Not a thought about being 90% awoke or less, but in direct experience, where is the person or Object who can even be 90% awake. does the most conscious rabbit exist? The most conscious tree? And who knows this? You talk about all these grand ideas but you havent gone do deeply into that question. What a lazy, dilluded “seeker”. You aint getting nowhere.
  6. @Someone hereTragic.. all i have to say. Best of luck though
  7. @Someone hereOh dear 😕 Thats amazing. How is he living as this super human? What way does he live and what is he showing in his REAL life that inspires you so much? Not words about how awoken he is, anyone can claim that. What is this for you? What does the happiest life ever look like.
  8. @Someone hereI thought the reason for going into spirituality was to see through the illusion that materialism (money, sex, fame etc) will give you something, so that you can actually enjoy your life without the turmoil of emotions that inevitably follows that paradigm. Thats what there is to become conscious of. How deluded we have all been and how much trouble that is causing. What is happening on the other forum is just an even more perverted form of materialism, pulling a lot of desperate people in, promising this even better thing called Enlightenment or at least finally becoming someone better and more conscious than others (the game society is already playing). Being happy and present is enlightenment. Not creating a whole universe of better/more conscious. He can do 5-Meo 5.000 more times and continue to say how much more enlightened he is now, but does that help your life? What the fuck are you doing? Do you see more happiness and flourishing people there? If you are really honest about whats going on and look closely, you might change your perspective. How about yourself? Are you a happy flourishing human being without all the ideas about yourself of more or less conscious? What are you without all this nonsense, after all he has done for you? Edit: Making a self-help youtube channel and sharing knowledge is a great fucking idea and hes cool for that, but cmon, dont turn him or it into a god. Look what that did.. 😕
  9. There seems to be the interpretation of needing to be productive. I need or should do something productive, and the mind spams ideas in different fields making me feel overwhelment. Not "being productive" makes me feel guilt and discouragement. "I still am not sure" "Do i really want it?" makes me feel doubt. I wrote a message to a girl and i made a slight mistake so it sounds different than what i hoped. Makes me feel guilt. "She thinks i am wierd". Very interesting. Starting to be amazed at such wild interpretations and emotions from literally nothing happening. I feel frustration and impatience. "I don't know what to do". Thoughts about improving and making progress makes me feel frustration and impatience. Yesterday thoughts judging people around me for being insecure, not-conscious, very mainstream. Makes me feel anger and blame. I feel pessimism. Actually feel so damn okay. So fucking okay. Things are working out, what more can you ask for. I feel boredom. I feel contentment. Loving my home, the weather is so amazing. Have a lot of good stuff to look forward to. Doing good for my body lately, and keeping myself tidy. Enjoying that. I feel hopefulness for the bufo trip later this week. I feel positive expectations for that. Also for doing more mushrooms. These psychedelics really just showing the way.. So grateful for that. I feel positive expectations for the music i am making. I can see i am getting better and its an amazing feeling. Not whining or tantrumming if things doesn't go right or works out instantly. Just being present with it, feels great. Feel very positive where this is going. Continuing being good to myself will continue to produce more music. Very simple. I feel eagerness to meet more likeminded people who doesn't drink so much alcohol. That would be fucking great. I feel eagerness to get financial stability again. I've been neglecting many "fields" in my life lately but these latest trips really giving me a good zen slap. I feel passion for "the path" whatever it is. Its quite exciting all this stuff happening. Starting to see through some of all the tricks i've been doing on myself. So to speak. Thanks to Vernon Howard. And everyone else also. I feel love and appreciation for my nephews and my family. Jesus christ they are fun and amazing. Looking forward to spend more time with them. I feel gratitude for my lovely home here and for everything that has happened. Damn i feel great all of a sudden. Going for a bit outside now before work.
  10. This just seems to undermine everything but what i "directly experience". For example climate change. I don't have any direct experience of the climate warming. Why would i bother sorting the trash (if one was doing it for lowering co2 emission) if there is no climate change?
  11. Feeling pessimism. Arguments playing in thought. Sort of "I know" attitude. Feels like worry and pessimism. I look forward to visiting my sis tomorrow and the kids. Can't wait to hug them all. Also look forward to the birthday in a couple of hours. I feel optimism for the tracks i am making these days. Working everyday at least for one session really puts momentum and ease into it. Also reading more than usually, thats great also. I feel optimism about the relationship with C. She still doesn't want to talk to me right now, but i am working on my own perspective and then we will see. I love her and feel optimism about it. I feel positive expectations when waking up generally. Recent mushroom trips together with not drinking much really helps with momentum. I feel eager for the next trip also. Pure healing. I feel passion for the tracks i am making right now. Its some old projects that i recorded some new sounds with my friend, and now im putting it together. I look forward to show it to him. I feel love for my family. Best fucking family. I feel gratitude for this brilliant world. It is simply paradise.
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