blessed journal

[Blessed2]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_midwife

 

Woah, that would be a very interesting profession. Actually assisting in the process of death. 😯 Didn't know such a thing even exists.

 

What a completely different outlook on what a career or work can actually be. Just... Completely different. Raw life.

 

That would be very a very interesting thing to do. Don't think I could do that though.

 

 

Edited December 18, 2023 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

Looking for reasons or "how and why" the world, universe, creation, form or dream came about seems to actually make it "more real".

 

Is the world created by god, ego, me?

 

Maybe it's just appearing. No "why", no "how", no purpose, no meaning, no mechanics.

 

"Uncaused appearance".

 

Whys and hows seem to come about only after identification with form.

 

 

[Blessed2]

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Looking for reasons or "how and why" the world, universe, creation, form or dream came about seems to actually make it "more real".

 

Is the world created by god, ego, me?

 

Maybe it's just appearing. No "why", no "how", no purpose, no meaning, no mechanics.

 

"Uncaused appearance".

 

Whys and hows seem to come about only after identification with form.

 

 

 

It's like the tiniest speck of form in formless infinity. There is no why or how other than infinity.

 

As it appears, you identify as it, forget who you are as infinity.

 

[Blessed2]

Let's go have a dream cup of coffee.

[Blessed2]

I noticed something that I do want.

 

Not having to wake up early.

 

I love when I can just stay up late if I feel like it. Knowing I can sleep late. No restrictions on when to sleep, when to wake up etc.

 

That's what I want, or require even.

 

Not many jobs have that kind of freedom though.

 

Massage therapy doesn't have that.

 

I'm pretty certain that it isn't my thing.

 

Gotta start thinking my plans over.

 

Audio-visual journalism could be a possibility.

 

I find the idea of making documentaries inspiring. Not those usual documentaries. I mean stuff like Samsara. Video documentary artistry. Some inspiring ideas coming up already.

 

Edited December 25, 2023 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

This has been an interesting christmas.

 

Magical, just like I wanted.

 

Lots of discrimination between real and unreal. It's starting to really get deeper.

 

Been even challenging the beliefs passed down by my parents and family. Observing the limiting beliefs shared and assumed on the dinner table.

 

Even gave Reiki to my mom. And talked a bit about dreamboarding.

 

They're quite rational people. I feel a bit of a black sheep honestly.

 

Feeling a bit of fear and insecurity in that I want to quit my studies. That I don't want to compromise what I want, what feels good to me with carreer and job stuff. Worrying about what my parents would think.

 

But this has been good work. I guess everyone goes through something like this, "disappointing" their parents by choosing to follow their own hearts. I watched a good movie about this, actually. Just now noticing the synchronicity. It's called Happiest Season.

 

Parents are one hell of a trick of the matrix. Am I right or what??

 

There's projection from "my side" too though. How I feel is due to my assumptions and thoughts.

 

Did some christmas magic too. And gonna do it more later. It's full moon soon and I'm spending that night with my girlfriend. We did magic last year too. So it's going to be fun.

 

I also feel like giving presents too. Probably going to buy some crystals for my friends.

 

[Blessed2]

I'd like to experience clairvoyancy. Not necessarily that I'd see something, but also that someone else would do that on me and leave no room for doubt.

 

I kinda just want to break the materialist paradigm once and for all.

 

[Blessed2]

I feel like I'd really like to do distance Reiki. Like it's overflowing and I'd just like to send bursts of it for whoever asks. It doesn't even take any time, it's like one BAM and it's done.

 

It seems way more powerful like that. Like doing it with hands is not really needed, I feel. Meditation with the intention might be best.

 

No-one even needs to lay down to recieve it. It's just *snap" and it's done.

 

Haven't had the second class and attunements though.

 

Edited December 28, 2023 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

The happiness I seek must be available within me already.

 

I've been looking for it in future situations.

 

When I have the money, when I have the kind of life my parents approve of, when I have that project I'd like to have, when this, when that.

 

Most tarot readings that I come across on the internet are always about what's coming.

 

I don't want to wait anymore.

 

Even if it's that the amazing things, the happiness, is coming in a week or tomorrow. I don't want to wait for it. If you gotta wait for it, it isn't true happiness.

 

 

[Reena]

On 12/25/2023 at 9:46 PM, Blessed2 said:

kinda just want to break the materialist paradigm once and for all.

Is that even possible I wonder. 

 

[Blessed2]

13 minutes ago, Reena said:

Is that even possible I wonder. 

 

 

A direct experience of something supernatural would to the trick I think.

 

[Blessed2]

So... A new year is coming, and I want to quit my studies and follow what actually feels good.

 

Though I'm experiencing worry/fear when the thought "What about money? How can I have money to keep my home etc?"

 

I also experience fear/insecurity when the thought "what will my parents think" comes up.

 

I know I do want to have lots of free time. I know I do not want to restrict when I sleep and wake up.

 

I'd like to just do what feels good, and nothing else.

 

I've heard stories how people have done that, "taken the leap" to follow their heart. And how the universe aligns with that and they find themselves in even better situation that where they left.

 

But I'm experiencing the emotion doubt.

 

I'd like to have a steady flow of money, enough to pay rent, bills, food, and some extra. And I'd like that to be true income, not welfare.

 

What I'd like to do... As of right now, Reiki. No "sessions". No hands on people. No 30 minute zoom sessions. I like how it feels when I just be and it flows naturally.

 

I wouldn't even really want it to be a paid service. That feels too rigid. Something donation-based would feel a bit more aligned and flexible.

 

Dunno... Maybe I'll take the Reiki 2 and just do an Instagram or TikTok account & share it for free. That feels like a good idea. Effortless, easy, fun.

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

Hmmm... I wonder of I really even want happiness as the character in time.

 

For the character, happiness seems to always be in doubt... Uncertain. Or unattainable.

 

"For me" & "in time" seems to be standing in front of happiness.

 

[Blessed2]

It's like for the separate self, happiness always comes with fear on it's back. So it isn't really even happiness.

 

[Blessed2]

Huh. There's a belief that what's in the future cannot be known.

 

99.999999%, if not all of us, are going around in life, assuming that future cannot be known. It's like a given fact, that what will happen in the future simply cannot be known.

 

It's kind of weird, isn't it? How many of us actually doubt that belief? How many is "crazy enough"?

 

What if it's some sort of an illusion? What if there is no future... It's a thought... Yet, it would be possible to "know" what will happen? What if it's just a dream?

 

Let's see. I'll draw a card now, asking what will happen tomorrow:

 

I felt like drawing three cards, for the time between now & seven days from now. So these are for a week, starting from today:

 

 

These are from a Reiki - theme deck. Did it with Reiki activated.

 

Here's what the guidebook of the deck says:

 

Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen (Distance) is the distance healing Reiki symbol. Means to connect over space & time. "Facilitating the healing needed to release karma. It can also represent resolving karmic issues, revealing past life connections, origins going back to 'Akashic Records', and clarity of mind - 'right thinking'. Keeping your mind on the truth of any situation, and the proper course of action, you will experience positive results for all involved."

 

Shokkan (Loving Touch) "represents a loving touch. Touch is our first sense we experience in our mother's womb. (...) We know from studies that a mother's touch can relieve pain in children. Touch can be a sign of affection and/or a non-verbal communication to another."

 

Kenshou Guriddo (Manifesting Grid). This is quite simply just manifestation / LoA.

 

Let's see if these themes show up in the next seven days.

[Blessed2]

HEY I spotted a belief / interpretation / thought that might stand in way of attracting money. This might actually be a big one.

 

I experience insecurity / worry in regard to my bank account.

 

I didn't sign up for the bank myself. I got the account when I was a teenager, my parents signed me up to the same bank they use.

 

I don't know the terms and conditions of my contract in the bank. And I do not know the laws of banking and being a customer to a bank.

 

I'm not sure of all my contracts and stuff like that.

 

So if I imagine winning the lottery for example, I often also imagine changing the bank or having a chat with the customer service, cause I'm not sure if the bank could for example somehow lose my money, take something from it, if my money is save on my account. It doesn't feel like a sturdy, secure place to have millions.

 

I'm also not sure whether I have any running bills or services that are taken from my account money. I do not feel sure and secure about my expenses.

 

I've been experiencing this thought that I'm not really "ready" for big amounts of money, that the bank account I have was made so long ago and without my awareness of what's in the contract and whether some other bank would be better. So I've often imagined myself studying it more deeply and maybe even changing banks so that I actually know what I'm signed up for, that this would be kind of a "rite" to adulthood and responsibility of my own finances.

 

It's hard to describe the emotions I feel about the bank account. But it's similar as how I feel about my email account. It was created years ago, I don't even remember all the places I've shared or signed in with it, all sort of weird websites send me email and it's a total mess, like a messy house or something. It doesn't feel clean, safe, secure, steady.

 

Same thing with the email account. I've been holding this idea that when I'm ready, when life starts to go right for me, I'll create a new email which is clean and organized and of which I feel safe about.

 

This is actually how I feel about my life at large very often. Unorganized. Messy. Lots of dust and trash everywhere. Unstable. Unsteady. Shameful things hidden in dark closets. "My life" feels like not very trustworthy. It doesn't seem like something someone else would feel safe and secure and supported to be part of. NOT SUPPORTED. Shaky, crumbling, irresponsible...

 

I feel very similarly about my home. Messy, unorganized, shameful things hiding. Unsteady. Unsupportive.

 

In "my life" there is no roots, there is no sturdy solid rock for things like big money, success, routine, clean diet, even social relationships to grow and stand on. 

 

@Phil THE ROOT CHAKRA!

 

Any tips or tricks as to how to heal this sort of thing?

 

Woah, this is wildly discordant. WILDLY. I wonder where it's "coming from". Some kind of trauma?

[Phil]

Is insecurity / worry felt as in some way related to a bank account, or only the interpretation? 

[Blessed2]

38 minutes ago, Phil said:

Is insecurity / worry felt as in some way related to a bank account, or only the interpretation? 

 

Only the thoughts about a bank account.

[Phil]

How to heal an interpretation…? 

[Blessed2]

3 minutes ago, Phil said:

How to heal an interpretation…? 

 

I guess you don't. It's just let go.