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Blessed2

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17 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

It's interesting how it seems that I'm constantly waiting for some future time to get on with it.

 

Some future time when the state of affair is right for feeling happiness.

 

Some future moment to address my issues.

 

 

Not sure though if I have much power to stop waiting. If I have what it takes (so to speak) to do it today.

 

I have power to simply notice it though. To observe the waiting.

 

Maybe these thoughts are just thoughts too. That feels really good.

 

Like taking the stance of the observer is itself "not waiting" anymore.

 

Oh boy do I want to just sit back and watch this character from afar. Like that it wouldn't be me anymore. I don't want to be this character. I want to be the observer.

 

The observer is already healed & whole.

 

As the observer I have a great laugh with you guys, at the ridiculous, yet innocent confusions, assumptions, ideas and shortcomings of the character.

 

Something seems to "suck" me back in though, to fear, insecurity, worry, shame.

 

Paradoxically, in taking the stance of the observer of drinking, there wouldn't be drinking anymore.

 

There must be an effortless way.

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One thing that I've been "waiting for" is that at some point, maybe when I'm finally "healed or awake" enough, I'd make a blog, a website, a social media thing and share spiritual insight and advice. A lot like AoB.

 

Sometimes lots of thoughts and even plans come up. There's a slight feeling of excitement about it, but quite quickly it turns to ash. It doesn't really feel good.

 

Thoughts about being special. Being admired. Being desired.

 

Though in the end I would much rather be as I am, just without these discordant thoughts and conditioning.

 

Sitting on a park bench somewhere, totally normal, nothing special. Just happy. No particular plans. No big brand. No leadership of a spiritual community.

 

Simplicity. Humility.

 

It's a total hassle to try make money, to start and run a business.

 

NO HASSLE.

 

 

There must be an effortless way.

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@Blessed2

Prior to AoB as far as a website, sessions, a Youtube channel, and this forum… there were many jobs, with full time employment starting at age 13, leading to some of supervision of over a hundred people, as well as multiple companies created and many relationships experienced as well as decades of marriage and parenting. Is or was any of that needed for AoB to be? Not really, no. Does it relate to frame of reference in terms of communication? No. But by every possible measurement, was it needed and does it relate to frame of reference and communication? Yes. 

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

@Blessed2

Prior to AoB as far as a website, sessions, a Youtube channel, and this forum… there were many jobs, with full time employment starting at age 13, leading to some of supervision of over a hundred people, as well as multiple companies created and many relationships experienced as well as decades of marriage and parenting. Is or was any of that needed for AoB to be? Not really, no. Does it relate to frame of reference in terms of communication? No. But by every possible measurement, was it needed and does it relate to frame of reference and communication? Yes. 

 

I see what you mean. Maybe.

 

 

 

The only "real job" I've had when I was maybe 17 or 18 and my parents thought it was about time. So I got a job in this cleaning company. Cleaning schools, stairwells, construction sites.

 

I worked there for 4 or 5 days. Started experiencing such depression and social anxiety that when the fifth day came, I just couldn't go and messaged the company that I'm sorry, can't do this.

 

It's been over five years since and nothing much has changed.

 

 

There must be an effortless way.

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32 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I see what you mean. Maybe.

 

 

 

The only "real job" I've had when I was maybe 17 or 18 and my parents thought it was about time. So I got a job in this cleaning company. Cleaning schools, stairwells, construction sites.

 

I worked there for 4 or 5 days. Started experiencing such depression and social anxiety that when the fifth day came, I just couldn't go and messaged the company that I'm sorry, can't do this.

 

It's been over five years since and nothing much has changed.

 

So you don't have any income on your own but like to drink alcohol and indulge yourself into spirituality.On your spot I would leave spirituality all together and focusing on improving my life first.To be empty vessel that experiences life since there is no self is foolish way.

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

If I were in your shoes, I would ‘look’ directly at depression & social anxiety until the conceptualizations were dispelled. 

When it’s perfectly clear that is what seemed to happen but didn’t, it’s perfectly clear there is no potential for what didn’t actually happen, to happen again. 

 

🙏

 

What might be even better though is that we're already in the "same shoes", are we not?

 

There must be an effortless way.

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56 minutes ago, Alexander said:

So you don't have any income on your own but like to drink alcohol and indulge yourself into spirituality.On your spot I would leave spirituality all together and focusing on improving my life first.To be empty vessel that experiences life since there is no self is foolish way.

 

Not really sure what you mean by "leaving spirituality" and how spirituality is at odds to improving life.

 

There must be an effortless way.

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