blessed journal

[Some parts may be missing]

Hey man, sorry, you're a dude. Anyways no offence meant. But hey! How are you doing? I mean right now. I remember you. You're really cool. Honest and open to fight your corner. What are you up to nowadays? 

[Blessed2]

23 hours ago, Some parts may be missing said:

How are you doing? I mean right now.

 

A tiniest bit better now. I forgot for a moment why I changed this thread from journey to journal a while back.

 

When discord comes up, "bad emotions", what I used to do is to is to think that it's a problem, that it's saying I need to get higher on the emotional scale so that I can attract what I want, or that I need to fix something about my thinking, beliefs, energy so that my life can be fixed. That's why I first called it "journey". Cause I believed that something is wrong with me and it needs fixing.

 

So when those emotions came up,the first thing was that I started trying to fix something, solve some problem in my thinking, change my perspective to a more aligned one or something so I can create a better life.

 

But now I remembered the power of not believing those thoughts. Yes, I'm experiencing discord. No, I do not have to do anything about it.

 

Though I experience a little bit of worry in that if I don't try to fix my thoughts, I might not attract what I want. That the discordant aspects in my thinking will remain and not change. BUT that's a discordant interpretation.

 

That's why it's now just a "journal". I'm not expressing because I have to fix, let go, or align any thoughts. It's just journaling for fun. When I feel like something wants to come out in form of words.

 

23 hours ago, Some parts may be missing said:

I remember you. You're really cool.

 

Thanks! 😁 Remember me from where? From here or the other forum?

 

23 hours ago, Some parts may be missing said:

What are you up to nowadays? 

 

Trying to keep the mind firmly fixed on infinity and innocence, regardless of what seems to happen in the world of form.

 

[Blessed2]

AHHHHH IT'S A UNICORN!

 

Sights, sounds, sensations, but no story about a me.

 

[Some parts may be missing]

9 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

A tiniest bit better now

I hope you keep going. I feel much the same as well. But something clicked yesterday. I wrote a lot here and on my own. I don't know how to articulate it properly. I've heard different explanations and I felt angry and hurt and like everyone just hurts me. I kept wanting everyone to act according to how I want to feel. I'm not alluding to you when I write that  We're all God, Light, This. I noticed what is looking and see that it has no discernible boundary. I can't see the edges of the Universe and I still believe they are there. But we're everything. I was in a low place and felt stranded and I prayed to God for help. Then a day later I saw that I am so much more than just an ego. I can't prove it. The only thing I can say is that the belief that I am just a body and a psyche is just a belief. When I look at a picture of a galaxy or when my football team wins I feel it. We're all this light, shining constantly. It's everything. I feel it when I listen to music. I guess I felt it when I got drunk the other night. It's beauty. But I do feel much the same as well. Except there is a lightness. There's a feeling that as long as I remember this, I have a friend. The friend can't be seen as such. But is always there, seeing. And I can be aware of Him/Her. Right now I forgive my Mom, Dad, siblings, girlfriends, friends, teachers, everybody I felt should know that I suffer. I'm still angry. But that isn't bothering me. It's okay. Then there's feeling like I want to run around telling everybody. But they'll probably get confused and hurt somehow like I did. I resented and judged every teacher. But they were doing their best to tell people the truth. They just wanted to help. Everyone's just doing their best to handle how hard it is. 

 

I remember you from this forum. 

[Blessed2]

My sleep cycle has been all messed up for a few week, but I fixed it and woke up early today.

 

It's sunny outside, I just went for a walk and got slme groceries. Made a meal.

 

I noticed that the tendency to lose the healthy cycle, stay awake at night etc. might actually be because I haven't been wanting to be up during the day.

 

I noticed that I'm experiencing some fear and insecurity. The thought is that when I'm up early, I'm vulnerable because others are too and stuff I've een running from might come around and bite me in the butt. That during the day I might suddenly have a call from someone, someone might come to my home for some reason, someone might call me and ask about an unpaid bill or something. It stresses me out.

 

So I feel vulnerable, not secure during the day.

 

Weird.

 

I am experiencing the emotions fear & insecurity.

 

I also notice that for some reason, when I'm up early, my stomach feels unstable. It's not "going there with me", in terms of work/having a job. The thought that I'd be somewhere working... Instantly feels bad in the stomach. That's very peculiar.

 

That's one of the reasons why that one job didn't work out. I had to wake up early and every time I felt unstable in the stomach. Just super uncomfortable.

 

A thought came up: "I hate my stomach!"

 

 

[Blessed2]

I tried quitting nicotine today.

 

It started feeling quite inspired and empowered. Like I was already free. Like I could actually pull it through. Withdrawal yes, but it was interesting even.

 

Though when I tried to sleep, started feeling really bad. I assumed (from past experience) that sleeping would be hard or even impossible.

 

So I came to the conclusion that I'd have to use or suffer through the night without sleep, feeling deprived and horrible for hours and days. That kinda broke the positive mindset.

 

Felt so disappointed and powerless and despair. Lashed out at my girlfriend, totally irrational. Felt so disappointed that it didn't work out.

 

Walked out to buy some. Experienced really intense powerlessness, despair and unworthiness. Experienced intense self harm thoughts.

 

Experienced rage at the people in the grocery store, at the people waiting in line and at the cashier.

 

Even getting the substance didn't really help much.

 

Powerlessness, despair, unwothiness, insecurity, jelaousy, rage, discouragement, worry, doubt, disappointment, impatience, pessimism.

 

I just appeared in this world. I don't remember choosing to be here. And now I have to suffer things like this. It's so unfair.

 

What's the point if I can't even pull through something as simple as this?

 

What am I even doing if I'm not managing to quit? Am I making any actual progress?

 

Sigh. Yeah, I guess it's a learning experience. I guess the day wasn't completely wasted. Or maybe it was totally pointless.

 

I dunno. Maybe I have shit goggles on right now.

 

[Mandy]

@Blessed2 Do at least 20 minutes of HIIT exercise or hard exercise before breakfast. You'll sleep just as good. Beliefs around sleep are powerful. 

[Blessed2]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

@Blessed2 Do at least 20 minutes of HIIT exercise or hard exercise before breakfast. You'll sleep just as good. Beliefs around sleep are powerful. 

 

🤔🙏

[Blessed2]

Sensations, perceptions, situations appear, but there is no a me there.

 

But what and why is this frustrating sensation in the stomach?

 

Woah, something is very discordant.

 

What is it???

Edited January 19 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

It's like sensation, perception and thought is appearing, but you're in the back seat sleeping like an unborn baby?

[Blessed2]

I just woke up.

 

It's snowing outside. It's so beautiful. It's bright. I see trees. And big snowflakes.

 

But I feel grief.

 

I'm not yet where I could truly enjoy the beauty of it. I'm not enlightened and in secure, certain, permanent peace of mind.

 

I'd like go outside and be like a child.

 

I'd like now to be when I was a child and lived in my childhood home. I didn't have worries.

 

It's beautiful outside, but it breaks my heart. I'm losing the beautiful moment because of worries and suffering. What if I lose my entire life? What if I lose all beautiful days?

 

I'd like yo go outside, but there would be impatience and pessimism.

 

I wouldn't truly enjoy it.

 

What if I'll never be at peace and enjoy?

 

What if these worries will never end?

 

What if I'll never have my childhood back?

 

[Blessed2]

I'm experiencing this odd fear and guilt.

 

I haven't been living like my parents would want me to live, and I haven't been responsible with money and stuff like that.

 

I just planned a trip with my friends, even though I'm nor quite sure if I have money for it. We already bought plane tickets. I worry that my finances will be fucked up and I'll disappoint my friends or my family. That I'll suddenly run out of money because irresponsible, reckless use.

 

I also have an unpaid bill (which I actually don't have to paid because it's a mistake from their part), but I haven't called them yet and point the mistake out. So it stresses me out. I could call them, but doing so seems so stressful.

 

This, and the general irresponsible & un-ordered, reckless living brings up this feeling of guilt and fear... Fear that it will somehow bite me in the butt soon, and the things I want to hide will be open for others to see.

 

It seems to be getting kind of irrational even, maybe paranoid is the right word. Like for example, irrational thoughts that the police might come take me for some reason, like a nasty, shameful crime I don't know I have committed. Like for example, that I would have accidentally seen or downloaded illegal material on the internet and the police have seen it by following my IP address. That I will be charged with a horrible crime and I will have to go to court for it.

 

I haven't committed such crimes, so it's totally irrational. But still, fear.

 

Got a feeling that this is a quite well-studied psychological phenomena. I think I've read about it somewhere.

 

Got an intuition that stuff like this is due to long-term stress that has been suppressed. And alcohol doesn't help at all. Probably very much connected to that.

 

 

[Blessed2]

28 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

I'm experiencing this odd fear and guilt.

 

I haven't been living like my parents would want me to live, and I haven't been responsible with money and stuff like that.

 

I just planned a trip with my friends, even though I'm nor quite sure if I have money for it. We already bought plane tickets. I worry that my finances will be fucked up and I'll disappoint my friends or my family. That I'll suddenly run out of money because irresponsible, reckless use.

 

I also have an unpaid bill (which I actually don't have to paid because it's a mistake from their part), but I haven't called them yet and point the mistake out. So it stresses me out. I could call them, but doing so seems so stressful.

 

This, and the general irresponsible & un-ordered, reckless living brings up this feeling of guilt and fear... Fear that it will somehow bite me in the butt soon, and the things I want to hide will be open for others to see.

 

It seems to be getting kind of irrational even, maybe paranoid is the right word. Like for example, irrational thoughts that the police might come take me for some reason, like a nasty, shameful crime I don't know I have committed. Like for example, that I would have accidentally seen or downloaded illegal material on the internet and the police have seen it by following my IP address. That I will be charged with a horrible crime and I will have to go to court for it.

 

I haven't committed such crimes, so it's totally irrational. But still, fear.

 

Got a feeling that this is a quite well-studied psychological phenomena. I think I've read about it somewhere.

 

Got an intuition that stuff like this is due to long-term stress that has been suppressed. And alcohol doesn't help at all. Probably very much connected to that.

 

 

 

Everything feels a bit sinister. Like I'm in danger of being attacked. Like everything is unfriendly.

 

That's also how I've been feeling about this forum. "Unfriendly". Malicious.

 

Yeah, the emotion experienced is fear.

 

Powerlessness and despair.

 

Insecurity and guilt.

 

Lots of stressful thoughts (fear, powerlessness, insecurity) been going on lately.

 

About money. About addiction. About health.

 

I got a tooth that should be checked out by a dentist. It's been unwell for a long time. No pain, but it's not well. I've heard that bad tooths should be checked out, because they may get some bacteria into the blood stream and cause serious, even lethal illness to the brain or the heart. I managed to call the dentist, but the next available time is months from now. Maybe I should have told her that I know my tooth is unwell and that it needs an urgent check. But believing disocrdant thoughts made me not mention that. And believing discordant thoughts make me not want to call again and change it.

 

So in a nutshell... Fear is being experienced. That I might get a serious health condition from the tooth.

 

Also insecurity. That the dentist is going to judge me when they see how I haven't been taking care of my teeth.

 

Jealousy of people who have healthy mouth and sparkling white teeth.

 

Rage that life is such a god damn workplace. That so much effort is needed and there is a constant stream of problems that need to be addressed.

 

Anger at the dentist that she didn't make sure I was okay.

 

Discouragement. There are too much problems. I don't want to deal with it all.

 

Blame. I blame myself for being so lazy, irresponsible and reckless.

 

Worry that things are not going to get better.

 

Doubt that things will not change to better. Doubt whether I will get into a school I want. Doubt whether I will quit drinking. 

 

Disappointment that I'm still not feeling amazing and on fire creating the life I want.

 

Overwhelment of all these troubles and problems and stressors. Overwhelment of the lack of routine and healthy rhythm.

 

Impatience to get to the end of the scale. I'd like to focus on something else. I'd like to just scroll through the internet.

 

Pessimism. I'm stuck in this rut and it's not going to change soon. It's all just pain and pressure, no relief in sight.

 

Boredom. There isn't anything fun to do or focus on.

 

Contentment. Perception and sensation is appearing.

 

Hopefulness. I'm doing good with the scale and maybe there's a chance that it will get better.

 

Optimism. It's not that serious. Good days are ahead.

 

Enthusiasm. It will be fun to have that trip in the summer. It's all about the mindset. I'm eager to feel great, sober. Eager to uncover the magic of life.

 

Passion. I love to just sit back and see what Source comes up with for today.

 

Joy. Just sit back.

 

 

[Blessed2]

I am experiencing the emotion pessimism.

 

I believe it is because of the situation I'm in, because there is nothing fun to feel good about. But that might be a just a belief.

 

Though it seems impossible how I could not feel pessimism. I cannot imagine myself feeling better if something doesn't change.

 

Either something would have to change externally, like some really exciting news or interesting, fun, exciting thing happening.

 

Or something would have to change "internally" (which is really the same belief as "externally"), which would be that I'd experience some kind of mystical state about which I'd feel excited, and that due to the mystical experience I'd have something to be excited about.

 

Neither of those things seem probable to happen today, and isn't happening right now, so pessimism is felt. Cannot imagine how without those happening I could feel better than this.

 

So the better feeling is sought from food, nicotine and alcohol. "Story of my life".

 

I'm not eating or drinking right now, but the urge is strong and decided to at least take a moment before following the urge. So I decided to express here and soon I'll take a few minutes to do an ACIM lesson of the day.

 

 

I could keep fighting the urge today, but there's a thought that then I'd keep feeling this same pessimism... I'd feel worse by fighting it than if I'd drink and eat trash food.

 

So yes, quite simply... Drinking and eating feels like a better idea/thought than fighting the urge & feeling like this the rest of the day.

 

It's actually pretty reasonable in that sense why I have been drinking so much. Wouldn't anyone drink if they'd believe these same thoughts?

 

 

So yes, the pessimism and discord I'm experiencing is due to believing discordant thoughts / interpretation.

 

The relief from the discord would be in letting those thoughts go, or not believe them.

 

The only problem is that I believe them, and so am not letting them go.

 

And the thought of drinking and eating still seems like a better idea than restraining from it.

 

How do I let go the discordant thought? How to not believe it? That's the question. Maybe even a million dollar question.

 

How to actually let it go, not believe it and feel so good that drinking then feels like a worse idea than not drinking?

 

 

 

Okay, so meditation. Let's do this. I'll meditate.

 

Though right off the bat there are beliefs like: "it will not work. I might feel a little bit better, but not good enough for drinking to seem like a worse idea."

 

"I can't remain mindful the entire day. It's so boring."

 

That ☝️ thought feels worse than the thought of drinking.

 

"Meditation has never felt better than drinking. It will not work."

 

I'm experiencing the emotion doubt, I guess.

 

I'm experiencing the emotion impatience. "Let's just get this expression and mindfulness done with so I can drink."

 

"This expression and mindfulness won't work. I'm just wasting my time. I can't see how I could suddenly feel better by doing this. I'm not feeling better now. I'm just impatient to start drinking."

 

Okay. I'll meditate now for a bit and then come back.

 

 

Alright. I do feel better.

 

Not a big change, but at least I'm no longer that sure if I want to drink. There's hesitation. Consideration.

 

 

[Blessed2]

I will start a daily journal "challenge", with daily meditation & ACIM Workbook practice.

 

So basically... I will aim for 2x 15min meditation every day, minimum. Might slowly increase.

 

Also the daily ACIM lessons, which are usually something like 5 minutes every hour or so.

 

I will try to not skip a single day, and keep with it by journaling every day. Let's also see if some emotional scale stuff is helpful.

 

 

My goals for this challenge are:

 

- Uncovering childlike joy and lightheartedness

- Letting go discordant thoughts/beliefs and experiencing relief and happiness

- Experiencing happiness in relationships

- Freedom from addictions, especially alcohol and unhealthy foods

- Healthy routine and sleep cycle, "getting out of the rut", clean home, steady living

- Physical health

- Taking action and responsibility in regard to studies / employment / money

- Connecting to the mystical Field / magic / conscious creation

- Liberation, enlightenment

 

 

Let's start with 15 days and go from there. Tomorrow is Day 1.

 

[Blessed2]

I'm experiencing fear, guilt and insecurity.

 

I have spent too much money and am worrying whether I will get through this spring. I have given up on studies and I don't know if my student money will be cut off. I'm going for a trip in the summer and that costs money. I have to pay bills. Nicotine costs a ton but I can't quit.

 

I'm experiencing jealousy.

 

There are other people who have their things under control and do not feel this fear and insecurity. They are living their lives worry-free. They have tons of money and they are respected. There are people who do not believe thoughts and are woken up from nightmares.

 

I am experiencing hatred and rage.

 

This society is rotten, manipualted and controlled by elite capitalists who pull the strings beyond our economic system. Most politicians do nothing but settle and close their eyes from the system we're under.

 

They got me addicted and sick. My whole life, my studies, career options... All that I buy and own... It's all serving their corrupt system, and me and my life is nothing but an asset to them.

 

And then they blame me. And the dumb and the blind who never question what they're taught believes their narrative and also blames me.

 

I'm experiencing anger/revenge.

 

I do not appreciate my parents and how they push their expectations and nonsensical bullshittery on me. I don't ask for money or anything, just let me express freely without judgement. Like, just let me feel and speak without trying to fix me and starting a god damn debate. Jesus. I don't want to see you. You'll see how you've hurt me with your ignorance when I will no longer come visit.

 

I'm experiencing the emotion discouragement.

 

Whatever I try, it will not change for better. I'm stuck in this situation. There is way too much broken about me. I couldn't fix all these issues. The next coming days and weeks will suck because the situation I'm in, and because I can't feel happy if it doesn't change.

 

I'm experiencing the emotion blame.

 

It would be so easy for others to make me feel better. They totally could help me fix all these problems. But they don't.

 

Worry.

 

What if I just run out of money? What if I have to cancel my plans and disappoint my friends? What if everyone will see how badly I have fucked up my finances?

 

Doubt.

 

Can I live more sparingly these coming months? Can I refrain from spending too much? Will I be able to have that trip?

 

Disappointment.

 

I had so much money in the beginning of the year, but I spent it all on nonsense and I lost it.

 

Overwhelment.

 

I'm so stressed out about all these thoughts and worries. Not a moment of peace. Ot's all so turbulent.

 

Frustration.

 

Didn't sleep well last night and now I'm tired. Would have liked to have this Day 1 with good rest. But now it's messy and I might have to take a nap.

 

Pessimism.

 

I would like to go for a walk and feel great. I would like to feel on top of the world. But I can't because of all these problems, and they're not going to go away today, nor tomorrow.

 

Neither will I become enlightened and wake up from this nightmare and suddenly feel innocent and aligned. I will not suddenly attract solutions to these problems.

 

So it's kind of pointless and just... No good news and happiness to expect and wait for.

 

Boredom.

 

I don't have anything fun to do. Yeah, it's boring. Not even good food or anything. Or movies.

 

Contentment.

 

The sun is rising. It feels good to breathe. Got clean air and space.

 

Hopefulness.

 

I'm doing good with the scale. And this meditation challenge will probably be quite great.

 

Optimism.

 

Yeah... There seem to be problems and worries, but looking at life by zooming out a bit, it's quite magnificent.

 

Today is a good day.

 

Enthusiasm.

 

I feel very excited for the meditation challenge. Will probably do 3x 20 minutes today. Meditation just makes everything a lot better and easier.

 

Connection to the mystical Field is getting stronger bit by bit. It will be awesome. I will experience magic.

 

Passion.

 

Magic, magic, magic. 

 

Joy.

 

😂 I just looked at a clock and it was as if it started to run around to infinity.

 

 

[Blessed2]

Day 1

 

Okay, the meditations are done for today. Felt excitement for the challenge so I did 3x 20min.

 

Also ACIM lesson almost every hour. "I share God's will for happiness for me."

 

The thought that God wills happiness for me felt aligned. Basically, that I'm supposed to be happy, and all these troubles and worries and problems and shame isn't what God wills for me and so I don't need it.

 

Felt quite tired as didn't get good sleep last night. But tomorrow is a new day.

 

Good news though. A bunch of loophole powder arrived. Already drank 2 smoothies with it. Feeling quite good! Jeez, it's such a hassle to order it from abroad. I'd like someone to sell it here.

 

[Blessed2]

Day 2.

 

Morning meditation done.

 

Some realizations are dawning. Aversion and supression is very real, and I've been doing it A LOT. I mean most of the time every day, literally almost everything I do, is/has been aversion and suppression of emotions.

 

I was just doing the emotional scale and eventually started experiencing impatience. That I'd like for the scale to be done with so I can focus on something more fun. Like for example take the phone and scroll through the internet.

 

That's aversion. I do that hours every day. It's just completely nonsensical. I could be out, living the life.

 

I thought scrolling through the internet is "me", and living. But it's just aversion.

 

Same for overeating. I have a bunch of loophole shake now, and it helps to notice how food is used as suppression. Quite often a craving is experienced for heavy, salty, carb and fat -rich foods. The underlying emotion(s) that's being suppressed are probably impatience - pessimism - boredom axis.

 

Smartphone and food, it's literally the same for alcohol. It's the same addiction. Aversion.

 

A pretty disturbing realization.

 

Sounds like impatience and pessimism are the words for today.

 

Pessimism:

 

"Even if I'd try to fight these cravings, the negative feelings wouldn't go away. I'd have to fight them for many days before feeling better and free. It's not going to happen today. I won't feel amazing today. I won't experience magic today. There is so much work that needs to be done before that can be experienced."

 

 

Let's do some scale...

 

I'm experiencing the emotion overwhelment.

 

I've been only drinking loophole shake today, and it feels soooo light. There's crazy cravings for heavier foods. Chips, hamburger, bread... Anything!!! The body feels so weird. The mind feels weird. Kind of "lightheaded".

 

I wonder what it is exactly that causes the craving. Or what is it that the loophole shake is "lacking". Is it salt? Carbs? Fat? Maybe even some additives?

 

Is it something that my body really needs, or is this kind of a withdrawal?

 

There seems to be nothing fun to do. Usually I'd eat, maybe drink, watch movies or something.

 

But now the boredom, pessimism etc. is hitting like a tsunami.

 

Yeah, I'm experiencing the emotion overwhelment. This is overwhelment.

 

Frustration / Irritation / Impatience

 

I'd like to feel amazing already. I'd like to go for a walk and feel great. Jut I'm experiencing withdrawal.

 

I'd like to suppress the emotions. And the feeling of craving is irritating.

 

Overall, very annoying. I want to feel awesome already. I want magic, I want FIRE and alignment. I want to feel unity and mysticism. But I'm not.

 

I am experiencing the emotions irritation and impatience.

 

Pessimism.

 

I almost never feel like that. And there is so much work I have to do on myself before that's possible.

 

I am experiencing the emotion pessimism.

 

Boredom.

 

There is nothing fun to do. I am experiencing the emotion boredom.

 

Contentment.

 

It's a good day. I can just chill out. I have space, food, music, I can go for a walk. My life isn't that bad. It's a good day. I'm happy to be doing this work.

 

I am experiencing the emotion contentment.

 

Hopefulness.

 

Pretty awesome days are coming. This meditation "challenge" is serving me well. Intuitively, it's going really great and the connection to the Field is being uncovered rapidly. I'm doing good with the scale. It's all actually working, and lots of good things to expect.

 

I am experiencing the emotion hopefulness.

 

Optimism.

 

Pfft, things aren't as bad as I thought. I'm doing way better than I assumed. I got this. I'm at a turning point and I will skyrocket. I learn really fast. This is good. Everything is great.

 

I am experiencing the emotion optimism.

 

Eagerness/Happiness

 

I'm very eager to do this "work" right. And it isn't even work! It's just having fun really. Allowing myself to have fun.

 

OMG I'd love to go to a museum or something right now. It's so fun to do stuff like that.

 

And so happy that I will try to change studies. I'll probably try into journalism and social work. Maybe even throw something a bit more crazy in there if any interesting opportunities come. Journalism or social work, doesn't really matter per se. Both would be fun. Happy to make new friends.

 

I am experiencing the emotions eagerness and happiness.

 

Passion.

 

This is it. This work is the point. It's everything. It's The Fire. This is who I am. This is why I'm here. This is the whole point. OMG.

 

I am experiencing the emotion passion!!

 

Joy, Love, Appreciation

 

Appreciation, yes. I appreciate that I am. True prayer is just appreciation. This is what all the mystics talk about.

 

I am experiencing the emotion appreciation. And joy.

 

 

Done. 3 x 15 minutes meditation.

 

Edited January 26 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

Day 3.

 

2 x 15 minutes done. Probably going to take a third one later still.

 

Today I'm doing the body-scan relaxation technique, rather than basic breathing. It's kinda the one I intuit I'm supposed to be doing, yet also the one I've been avoiding the most.

 

It's pretty good. I came late for the Zoom call since I mistook it to start an hour later than it did. But it was nice to listen the rest of it. I liked the discussion about sensation, even though for some reason I felt really bad during the call. Thoughts like "I'm kever going to get this, I'm never going to get enlightened" etc. Deeply discordant thoughts. But I like the pointing to sensation. Gonna keep with the body-scan technique.

 

Though I do it slightly differently. I stay with the certain area longer, from three to more breaths. To really drive the relaxation, awareness and focus "in" to that area.

 

 

When I woke up today, I had a terrible migraine. Had to take a pill and just sleep it off. I slept quite long, so my day basically started in the evening. 💀 The sleep cycle is messed up now.

 

I wonder where the migraine came from. Felt HORRIBLE when I woke up, even though I slept many hours last night. Might have been the melatonin I took. Might also have something to do with the emptying as I go along this challenge. Felt lots of overwhelment when I went to bed last night.

 

 

I'm leaving the ACIM Workbook out from the challenge for now. It just doesn't feel good.

 

I'll go with meditation, journaling and the emotional scale. So basically the AoB suggestions.

 

[Blessed2]

Day 4.

 

3 x 15 minutes done.

 

 

The path is getting so clear.

 

It's to the end of suffering. Joy, Love and Peace.

 

And the means is meditation.

 

I'd like to say that I will not quit, ever, until it's done.

 

Though I'm experiencing the emotion doubt.

 

 

Tomorrow 3 x 20 minutes. Les goooo

 

Edited January 28 by Blessed2