When will it end?

[noomii]

Suffering and work just seems endless and I just want it all to end. 

I hate working/putting in effort and I'm incredibly lazy.

For money I don't even work and I live on welfare even though I can't do that much longer. I don't even feel like working towards something I'm passionate about because that just gives me more work.

 

Spiritual work just seems endless too. Suffering seems endless and it worries me that I will live in this hamsterwheel forever.

It just seems like there's discordant work and suffering no matter what I will do.

[Phil]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling down. Indeed life can be challenging and sometimes we’re not quite up for it & don’t see the way. That can change, it really can. How about some grounding? A few deep breaths and just bringing awareness to your surroundings and feeling the body? I think some key distinctions in regard to suffering might be helpful and uplifting, bringing clarity, relief, hopefulness and optimism. Can you share more, whatever comes to mind, and see what questions come up?

[Jonas Long]

Spiritual work isn't a cure for depression, I recommend seeing a therapist, probably one who can prescribe meds.

[noomii]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

Sorry to hear you’re feeling down. Indeed life can be challenging and sometimes we’re not quite up for it & don’t see the way. That can change, it really can. How about some grounding? A few deep breaths and just bringing awareness to your surroundings and feeling the body? I think some key distinctions in regard to suffering might be helpful and uplifting, bringing clarity, relief, hopefulness and optimism. Can you share more, whatever comes to mind, and see what questions come up?

Grounding sounds good.

 

I want to know how to end all suffering most effectively.
I see that I can question beliefs or acknowledge emotions, but it feels discouraging that I can't do that all the time to avoid suffering and that there will always be new problems I think I need to solve.

Expecting myself to question all of this that I've shared feels overwhelming and too difficult for me.
It feels exhausting writing this and to read. But I still need to let go of these thoughts in some way, because this is the kind of thoughts that usually makes me think of not wanting to be alive (I'm not focused on that now).

[noomii]

4 hours ago, Jonas Long said:

Spiritual work isn't a cure for depression, I recommend seeing a therapist, probably one who can prescribe meds.

I'm not depressed.

I don't want psychiatric meds. I've tried different kinds a long time ago.

I've been thinking about looking for someone to talk to. The healthcare here usually have people I can talk to a few times very cheap although it's not really therapy, I have already done that several times, not sure how many times I can do that. I've thought therapy is too expensive, but I really do want to talk to someone that wants to listen and guide me.

[WhiteOwl]

2 hours ago, noomii said:

but I really do want to talk to someone that wants to listen and guide me.

All the guidance is here available to ready for you. no one is going to do "the work" for you.. sorry.. but you can take the small steps yourself and gain momentum. Sitting ruminating and thinking that you don't want to do anything and that you are lazy feels terrible and keeps you in place. 

I know it might sound super boring, but do you exercise? do you eat a healthy diet? do you meditate? if you do those good things for your body and mind you will start to feel better quickly and inspiration will find its way. 

You need to try a different approach if you want a different experience than the one you are having now. You know how to continue to have your current experience, but its not what you want is it?

Edited October 31, 2023 by WhiteOwl

[noomii]

@WhiteOwl

I'm not asking for someone else to "do the work" for me. I just want to express how I feel and I don't see anything wrong with wanting help or guidence for a specific situation.

 

I exercise, I eat healthy and meditate - everyday. 

[Phil]

3 hours ago, noomii said:

Grounding sounds good.

Grounding. 🤍

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I want to know how to end all suffering most effectively.
I see that I can question beliefs or acknowledge emotions, but it feels discouraging that I can't do that all the time to avoid suffering and that there will always be new problems I think I need to solve.

Ending suffering is definitely possible. It’s initially counter intuitive. It’s very much in the interpretation & approach. By avoiding suffering, feeling is inadvertently avoided (aversion). In truth the aversion is the suffering, and feeling is the relief & liberation. 

 

There is also an aspect of thought intertwined with emotions & feeling in a conditioned manor which seems to constitute a separate or second self, essentially masking or veiling what’s going on with suffering & feeling. This isn’t readily noticed, but it can be. 

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

Expecting myself to question all of this that I've shared feels overwhelming and too difficult for me.

Thoughts about the separate or second self feel ‘off’, discordant, suffering. Having adapted to this way of thinking, this goes unnoticed, but noticing is not work or a complex matter. It’s a matter of questioning thoughts. As an example, when the thought   ‘expect myself to’   is questioned in comparison with direct experience, it’s clearer that you are yourself, and there isn’t per se a me and a myself. That thought feels off because it is off - not because it’s something that’s actually happening. These thoughts, unnoticed and believed, are like a burden or carry a heavy weight. In aligning thought with feeling, that weight actually dissapears. 

 

Also in regard to the untangling, overwhelment (as overwhelming) is thought to pertain to the expectation on ‘me’, (which isn’t happening / which there isn’t). It is difficult to carry that burden, and the relief is that there isn’t that second self thought implies. Only the thought that there is, and the ‘off-ness’ feeling of these unnoticed thoughts. 

 

It feels slightly different to think of overwhelment as an emotion, which you are experiencing - which you are feeling. And more so, that overwhelment actually describes how certain thinking feels, to you. ‘Expecting myself to question of this that I’ve shared feels overwhelming and too difficult for me’ - that thought.. is an example of that it is actually thoughts (perspectives, outlook), which feel so heavy, to you.

 

The thought is discordant, and that discord is the suffering. It feels discordant to you, because the thought is about a second you, which there isn’t. It rightfully feels ‘off’, and as overwhelment. In this way emotion is guidance… and it’s ever-present, always present. You can’t be without it. The resistance of trying to avoid feeling is a ‘pinching off’ of the very means of feeling - and feeling better. And better. And better. And great. The fountain of feeling, what’s actually sought, is within you. Like clouds & the sun, it stands to be unfettered and as it is, the nature of it is wonderful and most worthwhile. 

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

It feels exhausting writing this and to read. But I still need to let go of these thoughts in some way, because this is the kind of thoughts that usually makes me think of not wanting to be alive (I'm not focused on that now).

Another aspect of untangling thought with feeling is beginning to notice how thought ‘hijacks’ feeling with claims… and this is what makes the recognition & expression of emotions challenging at first.

 

In accordance with thought, ‘it feels exhausting’. Thought uses “it”, and this isn’t noticed - and meanwhile it’s thought which is what’s discordant. Thought is very sneaky in this way. The experience of the discordant thoughts is what feels discordant, and is what suffering is. Why some thoughts feel discordant takes some inspection of direct experience to notice, but there’s no actual effort or work in inspecting & noticing. 

 

I agree completely about needing to let these thoughts go in some way. Therapy is great for expression, as is journaling and really any creative and or healthy activity you enjoy. In the beginning perhaps the most important aspect is feeling at least a little joy everyday. Recognizing that there is feeling and its nature is good. It’s arguably most important and yet easily overlooked. Ideally, ‘connect’ first thing in the morning, before much engagement with tasks or activities. You’ll notice you wake up feeling a little better each day, naturally with a better outlook and more energy. 

 

Daily morning meditation is a real game changer. It slows everything down, making the inspecting, recognizing of emotions and expression much clearer and readily experienced as effortless. It’s actually enjoyable, given the nature of what’s being uncovered is good… that all which is being let go of is… discordant. 

 

It’s best to visit your doctor for a full exam and to be as open and as specific as possible about what you’re experiencing. Chronic stress or worry can take a toll on the body, especially the glands if you’re feeling chronically tired, and there are remedies available if that’s the case which help to change the orientation. It’s natural for occasional thoughts of ideation to be experienced. If it’s at all persistent call and talk with a specialist through a free online hotline. But this can also be considered intuitive, and what it is to be alive, what this aliveness is, can be questioned and inspected. In Biblical terminology this fully feeling is referred to as actually being alive  or everlasting life (unconditioned), synonymous with being awake or wakefulness… as apposed to ‘walking around dead’ or hell (carrying around the conditioning / suffering.)

 

 

 

https://community.actualityofbeing.com/forum/29-guests-new-members-suggested-methods/

 

Exercising before meditation in the morning is also a game changer. It contributes positively to mindfulness, elevated mood and energy making everything easier and more enjoyable. Those along with diet are probably the biggest bang for your buck of the suggestions in the link. 

 

Make taking the time to find small joys in each day the highest priority. When you feel it, focus on it, relish it in, really take note of it. If & when you’re feeling down, recall that you felt joy, and you will be recalling the feeling of joy in the present. This clarifies that feeling is the way and is good and is always actually available. 

 

You might also consider talking with a friend, family member or life coach and thinking about a career path if you haven’t yet. It can be quite inspiring, worthwhile, meaningful and expansive. But no expectations, no rush, no pressure. All of this is really about relaxing, allowing & enjoying. 

 

There is also posture meditation which is an easy way to be mindful, and also culminates self confidence, self esteem, presence and similar aspects, especially when combined with the other suggestions. The awareness (feeling) responds to / with these in terms of alignment, as well as attraction. 

 

 

Another method along the lines of questioning thoughts is questioning limiting beliefs by tracing the belief back to when you first started thinking, believing or feeling that way. This clarifies the effect of conditioning as self referential beliefs… from the true self - feeling, awareness - happiness. 

 

These ‘methods’ or suggestions do change outlook & how you feel very much for the better, and it’s important to keep in mind that might very well not be able to be thought or felt at the moment. The ‘proof is in the pudding’. Spiritual ‘work’ overall is the inspection of what is absolutely true, under any & all circumstances. Practices like meditation, exercise and mindful diet can play a foundational role in the inspection and as the emptying of conditioning occurs. These contribute to drastically reducing the ‘hamster wheel’ of incessant thinking, discordant thoughts (suffering), and make the emptying or releasing of conditioning much much easier & smoother. 

 

Transmutation or metamorphosis, such as the caterpillar that was truly a butterfly in waiting all along, is a real actual phenomena. It is entirely possible to address & eradicate suffering and liberate such that you honesty, sincerely won’t be able to quite remember what it was like or felt like before.

 

Something you can always ‘do’… as you are already and always aware as awareness - going prior.

 

🤍 

[WhiteOwl]

12 hours ago, noomii said:

@WhiteOwl

I'm not asking for someone else to "do the work" for me. I just want to express how I feel and I don't see anything wrong with wanting help or guidence for a specific situation.

 

I exercise, I eat healthy and meditate - everyday. 

There is nothing wrong with that. My apologies for assuming your situation. 

What can really bring me clarity and peace more than meditation and journaling is sometimes just sitting doing nothing for 10-20 min while paying attention to bodily sensation, usually around the stomach area. Seems way easier to let go of thoughts and ground "yourself" that way than closed eye meditation if you already feel discord. 

[Phil]

13 hours ago, noomii said:

I exercise, I eat healthy and meditate - everyday

My apologies as well. I started the comment and came back to it later in the day and didn’t see that. 

That’s great to hear!

Given the beliefs and discord of, it would be wise & helpful to talk about meditation technique & how emotions are addressed or experienced or regarded. 

You’ll get so much more bang for your buck out of those healthy & aligned activities. 

[Mandy]

@noomii What do you have to lose? 

[noomii]

7 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

There is nothing wrong with that. My apologies for assuming your situation. 

What can really bring me clarity and peace more than meditation and journaling is sometimes just sitting doing nothing for 10-20 min while paying attention to bodily sensation, usually around the stomach area. Seems way easier to let go of thoughts and ground "yourself" that way than closed eye meditation if you already feel discord. 

Thank you. I sometimes do that when I feel disconnected. 🙂

[noomii]

21 hours ago, Phil said:

It’s best to visit your doctor for a full exam and to be as open and as specific as possible about what you’re experiencing. Chronic stress or worry can take a toll on the body, especially the glands if you’re feeling chronically tired, and there are remedies available if that’s the case which help to change the orientation. It’s natural for occasional thoughts of ideation to be experienced. If it’s at all persistent call and talk with a specialist through a free online hotline. But this can also be considered intuitive, and what it is to be alive, what this aliveness is, can be questioned and inspected. In Biblical terminology this fully feeling is referred to as actually being alive  or everlasting life (unconditioned), synonymous with being awake or wakefulness… as apposed to ‘walking around dead’ or hell (carrying around the conditioning / suffering.)

 

Thank you Phil. 😊

 

I've already been to a doctor but it was a while ago. I 'crashed' my adrenal glands three years ago and the doctor diagnosed me with burnout, from having too high expectations on myself. The adrenal glands seem to have recovered a lot but I still experience a lot of the symptoms that is typical for adrenal fatigue. Also I've been doing a detox this year that is exhausting for the adrenal glands but I have used some adaptogens to try to balance it out.

 

When you say there are remedies, do you just mean the healing practices you share here and on your site or something different?

 

I also got several diagnoses from a nutritionist. 

I try to simply eat what feels good but at the moment most food feel bad, I experience nausea when eating what I usually tolerate and the last couple of days stomach acid have come up in my throat as if I'm going to vomit, but I don't. I also burp a lot, right after morning meditation I usually let out an emotional burp lol. 🙂

 

8 hours ago, Phil said:

Given the beliefs and discord of, it would be wise & helpful to talk about meditation technique & how emotions are addressed or experienced or regarded. 

You’ll get so much more bang for your buck out of those healthy & aligned activities. 

I concentrate on a crystal and then I switch to breath awareness. I realized some weeks ago that I've been focusing too hard and I started to have a more relaxed focus and 'try less' when meditating and that helped me relax a bit more. I just wish I could relax even deeper.

I've been focused on acknowledging discordant emotions related to productivity. I have still felt very tense while doing that and thats when I wrote the OP.

 

I have read on your page about concentration about the difference between that and meditation but to me it seems very similiar because I approach both the same? Can you elaborate? 

 

I have also tried exercising before meditation which feels good and I want to keep it up.

 

[Joseph Maynor]

The way I handle the daily grind of life is I make self-help the core of what I do.  So, everything I do is in some sense working on self-help.  That recontextualizes my whole life.  The grind then becomes a way to practice self-help.  I get a kick out of seeing how much I can implement what I've learned.  The grind becomes a fun adventure like playing a video game, but real not a fantasy.  You can decide to reframe anything and if you're here anyway and you want to be happy while here, then you can reframe the grind of life into a fun challenge, self-test, manifestation of a dream or vision.  You can be an artist with your own life where the challenges are necessary failures that you can note to grow as you turn your dreams into actionable goals as you create along.  Life is just interesting.  It's interesting to face challenges head on being ahead of the curve instead of feeling like you're being run over by everyone else.  I know exactly how that feels because I used to have that mindset.  But you can change that mindset and I wish I knew the easiest way to help or cause people to do that.  I wish I knew exactly how I did that.  But it is possible.  You can develop an optimistic, empowered, action-oriented mindset and corresponding body energy that goes with it.  Part of it is getting the ambiance of your mind right and conditioning your body to get used to being action-oriented.  Athletes have advantage here because they're usually not addicted to laziness.  A lot of it is habit formation over a long period of small changes.

Edited November 1, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Blessed2]

On 10/31/2023 at 4:37 PM, noomii said:

Suffering and work just seems endless and I just want it all to end. 

I hate working/putting in effort and I'm incredibly lazy.

For money I don't even work and I live on welfare even though I can't do that much longer. I don't even feel like working towards something I'm passionate about because that just gives me more work.

 

Spiritual work just seems endless too. Suffering seems endless and it worries me that I will live in this hamsterwheel forever.

It just seems like there's discordant work and suffering no matter what I will do.

 

"To have, give all to all."

 

Take yourself & your goals out of the equation.

 

Serve others.

 

See the people around you and wonder what it is they want. What are their dreams & desires? Imagine them getting what they want. Imagine how good they would feel if/when they had it.

 

Be there for others. Be there to make someone else's day better. No matter who. No matter if they "deserve it".

 

Do to others as you'd like to be done for you. Be here for others. Live to help others.

 

"See everyone as your mother. Serve them like your mother. When you see the whole world as the mother, the ego falls away."

[Phil]

15 hours ago, noomii said:

When you say there are remedies, do you just mean the healing practices you share here and on your site or something different?

Medications. If you’re still experiencing symptoms and it’s been a while maybe go back and see if they suggest something. 

 

15 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I also got several diagnoses from a nutritionist. 

I try to simply eat what feels good but at the moment most food feel bad, I experience nausea when eating what I usually tolerate and the last couple of days stomach acid have come up in my throat as if I'm going to vomit, but I don't. I also burp a lot, right after morning meditation I usually let out an emotional burp lol. 🙂

Is there a phobia, a fear of something playing out? 

 

15 hours ago, noomii said:

I concentrate on a crystal and then I switch to breath awareness. I realized some weeks ago that I've been focusing too hard and I started to have a more relaxed focus and 'try less' when meditating and that helped me relax a bit more. I just wish I could relax even deeper.

I've been focused on acknowledging discordant emotions related to productivity. I have still felt very tense while doing that and thats when I wrote the OP.

The discord around productivity & expectations might be related to fear felt, but suppressed or averted from via the  ‘second self’ of thoughts. The ‘one that is afraid’ in accordance with thought. Might sound like ‘the one who was’… and that might be anything from abandoned to not worthy or good enough. I also wonder if there was someone in your past (or maybe present) who was stifling themself and stifling to be around. They might have been experiencing but suppressing insecurity. Does anything come to mind?

 

15 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I have read on your page about concentration about the difference between that and meditation but to me it seems very similiar because I approach both the same? Can you elaborate? 

Those and really most practices are similar in that it’s a withdrawing of attention from thought (and a shifting of attention to perception and or sensation / the body / feeling). When considering discordant self referential beliefs & emotional suppression obscure the lens of focus… vs there being any actual issue with ability to concentrate… does anything come to mind?

 

15 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I have also tried exercising before meditation which feels good and I want to keep it up.

 

For sure, keep it up! 

 

Also consider the emptying aspect. The meditation, exercise & diet changes you’ve mentioned allow emptying. If what’s emptying is ‘held’ mentally, as opposed to released, this can be taxing to the glands. Similar to how one might have back muscle issues from mentally ‘carrying the weight’. Glands would be more a ‘carrying’ of future perspectives &outlook which aren’t resonating. You might think of this as if there were a way this life were going to go, and Source knows this fully and completely before this life even started, and some thoughts & perspectives aren’t resonating with what Source knows, and that discord is felt. 

 

As far as relaxing more deeply…

 

Make a fist and clench it really tightly. Look at it as you do, being aware that you are. Then think “release”, and unclench your fist.

 

Then as you sit, breathe and relax, do the same thing with the entire body, one muscle area at a time, from the very top of your head to the bottoms of your feet. One area at a time. Think ‘release’, and notice the sinking feeling of gravity, until you feel that muscle area release or un-contract, like the fist. Assume that you have been believing the ‘clenching’ within the body has been a 1 on a 10 scale… and in truth it’s been more of a 9 and you’ve adapted to it. Think of the Russian dolls that are ten casings, each inside of the next bigger doll. As you de-contract / release clenching, it’s like letting go of the biggest doll, down to the smallest. 

 

 

The ‘bottom line’ though really is the ‘snake & the rope’ situation / assumption. It’s only the misinterpretation that there is a desire to bring to an end, not This.  

[noomii]

On 11/1/2023 at 1:25 PM, Mandy said:

@noomii What do you have to lose? 

Maybe comfort or a sense of control when avoiding situations where I expect myself to feel awful.
 

On 11/2/2023 at 11:24 AM, Phil said:

Medications. If you’re still experiencing symptoms and it’s been a while maybe go back and see if they suggest something. 

They offered me anti-depressants and for anxiety but it has not been helpful in the past. There are different medications for the adrenal glands but I don't know much about it. I just know of natural supplements that support adrenal glands.
What I've been detoxing are heavy metals but I don't know how it's affecting me. Heavy metals impact the function of adrenal glands too and as I said earlier the detox puts more stress on the adrenal glands until the heavy metals are out.

 

On 11/2/2023 at 11:24 AM, Phil said:

Is there a phobia, a fear of something playing out? 

There's a fear of doing wrong and being judged negatively. Probably a lot of other fears but not much comes to mind.

 

On 11/2/2023 at 11:24 AM, Phil said:

The discord around productivity & expectations might be related to fear felt, but suppressed or averted from via the  ‘second self’ of thoughts. The ‘one that is afraid’ in accordance with thought. Might sound like ‘the one who was’… and that might be anything from abandoned to not worthy or good enough. I also wonder if there was someone in your past (or maybe present) who was stifling themself and stifling to be around. They might have been experiencing but suppressing insecurity. Does anything come to mind?

Not sure what's meant by stifling but what comes to mind is my brother that seem to have experienced a lot of insecurity, and tries to hide behind a harsh/cold macho behaviour. He gets easily angry so I don't talk much with him although we're often in the same house now. 
Then there's one of my sisters that I don't talk much with either. I don't notice the same insecurity in her but she has a very harsh negative behaviour and gets very easily angry.
My father comes to mind too and he also easily gets angry, but I don't know if I've ever noticed any insecurity in him.
I experience a lot of difficult emotions around them. Why do you ask?

 

On 11/2/2023 at 11:24 AM, Phil said:

Those and really most practices are similar in that it’s a withdrawing of attention from thought (and a shifting of attention to perception and or sensation / the body / feeling). When considering discordant self referential beliefs & emotional suppression obscure the lens of focus… vs there being any actual issue with ability to concentrate… does anything come to mind?

Are meditation practices more important than the concentration practice?

I'm aware of how beliefs or emotional suppression can impact the ability to focus but I'm also open to how adrenal glands, heavy metals or gut health could impact it.

 

On 11/2/2023 at 11:24 AM, Phil said:

As far as relaxing more deeply…

 

Make a fist and clench it really tightly. Look at it as you do, being aware that you are. Then think “release”, and unclench your fist.

 

Then as you sit, breathe and relax, do the same thing with the entire body, one muscle area at a time, from the very top of your head to the bottoms of your feet. One area at a time. Think ‘release’, and notice the sinking feeling of gravity, until you feel that muscle area release or un-contract, like the fist. Assume that you have been believing the ‘clenching’ within the body has been a 1 on a 10 scale… and in truth it’s been more of a 9 and you’ve adapted to it. Think of the Russian dolls that are ten casings, each inside of the next bigger doll. As you de-contract / release clenching, it’s like letting go of the biggest doll, down to the smallest. 

Will try the relaxation practice, thank you.

On 11/2/2023 at 11:24 AM, Phil said:

The ‘bottom line’ though really is the ‘snake & the rope’ situation / assumption. It’s only the misinterpretation that there is a desire to bring to an end, not This.  

You mean that in direct experience there's no seperate self that wants to bring an end to what is?

[Mandy]

7 hours ago, noomii said:

Maybe comfort or a sense of control when avoiding situations where I expect myself to feel awful.

Maybe you have a lot of gifts and people love to help you out and help you to get into the groove of putting them to practice in a anew skill, or however else. There's nothing more fun or scary than doing something totally new. Lucky you. 

[Phil]

19 hours ago, noomii said:

They offered me anti-depressants and for anxiety but it has not been helpful in the past. There are different medications for the adrenal glands but I don't know much about it.

Doctors do. If it’s a bodily issue allow the help of a doctor. As to changing the orientation, turning it all around, it’s a matter of no longer overlooking the truth. 

19 hours ago, noomii said:

I just know of natural supplements that support adrenal glands.

That can be helpful with the alignment of the body as well. 

19 hours ago, noomii said:

What I've been detoxing are heavy metals but I don't know how it's affecting me. Heavy metals impact the function of adrenal glands too and as I said earlier the detox puts more stress on the adrenal glands until the heavy metals are out.

Did a doctor do a blood test and verify this?

If they did but yet didn’t address the underlying ‘issue’, and left you unclear as far as what’s going on with & what’s available specifically for the glands, I would see another doctor. One which is more wholistic and aware.

19 hours ago, noomii said:

There's a fear of doing wrong and being judged negatively. Probably a lot of other fears but not much comes to mind.

How do you know there is wrong and others? 

How is that ‘someone else’s judgment’, or ‘someone else judging’?

It’s felt directly, isn’t it so? 

If the fear (emotions) were fully felt, would this not be the insight, the relief, the truth, the liberation from this dis-ease?

19 hours ago, noomii said:

Not sure what's meant by stifling but what comes to mind is my brother that seem to have experienced a lot of insecurity, and tries to hide behind a harsh/cold macho behaviour. He gets easily angry so I don't talk much with him although we're often in the same house now. 
Then there's one of my sisters that I don't talk much with either. I don't notice the same insecurity in her but she has a very harsh negative behaviour and gets very easily angry.
My father comes to mind too and he also easily gets angry, but I don't know if I've ever noticed any insecurity in him.
I experience a lot of difficult emotions around them. Why do you ask?

Stifling as in not acknowledging discord & alignment is directly felt, and projecting the discord felt, the suffering, onto ‘others’, as if the judgment & discord felt of judgement were “coming from others”. The ‘knower’ is “the one that knows there is good & bad”. Maybe what’s ‘known by the knower’ is actually three beliefs; I know there is good & bad / right & wrong, and I am the knower which knows what’s good & bad / right & wrong, and thus the discord / suffering felt is “just how it is” / “just how I am”. The discord is felt because it’s (some thoughts) not true. Liberation is ‘listening’ to the guidance felt, suffering is continuing to belief what doesn’t resonate / feel great. 

 

In exactly the same way, the ignorance is that ‘he gets angry’ & ‘she get’s angry’; liberation is ‘there is an experience of the emotion anger’. The difference is suffering; misidentification, continuing to overlook the truth & refuse the guidance. Aversion in place of communion & communication doesn’t resolve anything and is a perpetuation of suffering, which is taxing on the body, which manifests as the imbalance in glands. 

 

The belief is emotions are felt because of them. That is an emotion; blame. The truth is emotion is how the interpretations directly experienced feel. 

19 hours ago, noomii said:

Are meditation practices more important than the concentration practice?

Meditation is more about letting go of believing the thought about anything being more or less important if that’s the thought that arises. Meditation is not about finding an ‘answer’ to what is or isn’t important. The ‘answer’ is acknowledging the emotions, and no longer believing thoughts, that emotions are felt because of someone else.

19 hours ago, noomii said:

I'm aware of how beliefs or emotional suppression can impact the ability to focus but I'm also open to how adrenal glands, heavy metals or gut health could impact it.

If you’re aware of what you claim, how do you explain the judgement, the overlooking of the judgment, the suppressing of the guidance, the projecting onto others, and the continuing to suffering, and the bodily dis-ease that unfolds? If you’re aware, why does any of this continue? Perhaps all of this is related to overlooking that in fact you are aware, and only awareness is aware.

 

20 hours ago, noomii said:

You mean that in direct experience there's no seperate self that wants to bring an end to what is?

YES. Preferences appear, but there is no self which any thoughts are about, because that there aren’t separate selves is already the case. It’s exactly the same as appearing thoughts about unicorns and believing you’re a unicorn. It’s what insanity & ‘mental health issues’ are. This is an immutable truth, as in, thoughts to the contrary might appear, and because this is immutably true, the falsity of the beliefs (thoughts) is felt. 

 

A fool destined to suffer ignores the guidance felt and continues believing discordant thoughts in spite of the discord.

The nature of that which is feeling the thoughts, is Happiness. Happiness is the truth, overlooked.

 

Happiness is aware. 

Like the sun & clouds, happiness only seems obscured by these beliefs to the contrary of the truth; Happiness. 

 

[noomii]

On 11/4/2023 at 1:10 PM, Phil said:

Did a doctor do a blood test and verify this?

If they did but yet didn’t address the underlying ‘issue’, and left you unclear as far as what’s going on with & what’s available specifically for the glands, I would see another doctor. One which is more wholistic and aware.

No. Regular doctors use a blood test which only shows current exposure and they use harmful methods to detoxify.
Blood test is not enough because heavy metals are stored in organs and bones.
People usually do a hair test although its not even fully accurate.
I use Andy Cutlers protocol where I learned that any response to the chelators used confirms toxicity, which I did. So I didn't use the hair test.
At first I asked my nutritionist about hair test but she just said it's not a good idea now as it will just make my digestion worse. The nutritionist was from a functional medicine clinic where they do a comprehensive exam.
Then later when reading about Andy Cutlers protocol I read about how digestion problems can be caused by heavy metals and that most people with toxicity have digestion problems, so it's useless to try to resolve digestion issues before detoxing. So, I just started with it anyways.

My nutritionist was right because one of the substances I used I don't tolerate and I developed Candida over-growth. Which must be the worst digestion issue I've ever had.
I've experienced anxiety and low mood when eating food I don't tolerate for a long time, but when I got candida overgrowth it became even worse because then I could feel that kind of anxiety and low mood even when I'm not eating (when I experience candida flare), and it feels connected with the candida. Now I don't tolerate any kinds of sugar, not even a few blueberries. And I haven't used that substance in a few months and I haven't eaten any sugars (only veggies with very low sugar content), so the symptoms from candida feel calmer but it still seem to flare up if I happen to eat some berries.

I don't even feel like going through this detox because it feels very challenging.

 

On 11/4/2023 at 1:10 PM, Phil said:

How do you know there is wrong and others? 

How is that ‘someone else’s judgment’, or ‘someone else judging’?

I don't know.

 

On 11/4/2023 at 1:10 PM, Phil said:

It’s felt directly, isn’t it so? 

If the fear (emotions) were fully felt, would this not be the insight, the relief, the truth, the liberation from this dis-ease?

I don't notice fear that often when it comes to "doing wrong or being judged". It's more often guilt, unworthiness, insecurity or worry felt that I acknowledge everyday.

Once in a while I dream about being hunted by bears or sometimes other animals and feeling a lot of fear. 

 

On 11/4/2023 at 1:10 PM, Phil said:

Stifling as in not acknowledging discord & alignment is directly felt, and projecting the discord felt, the suffering, onto ‘others’, as if the judgment & discord felt of judgement were “coming from others”. The ‘knower’ is “the one that knows there is good & bad”. Maybe what’s ‘known by the knower’ is actually three beliefs; I know there is good & bad / right & wrong, and I am the knower which knows what’s good & bad / right & wrong, and thus the discord / suffering felt is “just how it is” / “just how I am”. The discord is felt because it’s (some thoughts) not true. Liberation is ‘listening’ to the guidance felt, suffering is continuing to belief what doesn’t resonate / feel great. 

 

In exactly the same way, the ignorance is that ‘he gets angry’ & ‘she get’s angry’; liberation is ‘there is an experience of the emotion anger’. The difference is suffering; misidentification, continuing to overlook the truth & refuse the guidance. Aversion in place of communion & communication doesn’t resolve anything and is a perpetuation of suffering, which is taxing on the body, which manifests as the imbalance in glands. 

 

The belief is emotions are felt because of them. That is an emotion; blame. The truth is emotion is how the interpretations directly experienced feel. 

 

To always write or say "I experience this emotion" feels off.

I felt a lot of unworthiness and guilt when reading this, I just feel like I'm not good enough.

I have just done my best all the time and really tried for a long time to resolve all of this, acknowledging emotions everyday and just focused on what feels loving. I feel very stuck and confused.

I can't be constantly aware of every single emotion I experience and be perfectly mindful.

I try to be mindful when I'm with family but most of the time I experience so much inner turmoil that I want to resolve first. Sometimes most loving have been to not talk to them because I already experience overwhelmed emotionally.

Being mindful of how I feel feels like work and effort so I prioritize what I want to resolve emotionally first. That happens to be the emotions related to productivity.

I think this was an attempt to try to prove my worth lol. 

 

On 11/4/2023 at 1:10 PM, Phil said:

If you’re aware of what you claim, how do you explain the judgement, the overlooking of the judgment, the suppressing of the guidance, the projecting onto others, and the continuing to suffering, and the bodily dis-ease that unfolds? If you’re aware, why does any of this continue? Perhaps all of this is related to overlooking that in fact you are aware, and only awareness is aware.

 

That's not what I meant when I wrote "aware".

This is what's making me confused about what causes disease. If I was letting go all the time, questioned all beliefs and was only focused on whats wanted, would I not attract any kind of disease or bodily issue, no matter what it is? Not even things that seem to have nothing to do with me, like food poisoning, heavy metals or being attacked by an animal?