blessed journal

[Phil]

38 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

And now just flip them around?

Yep, next write the opposites. I wouldn’t just write what comes to mind, I would google the opposites, write that, and then add as many specifics as comes to mind. 

 

[Blessed2]

@Phil Thanks!

 

48 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

1. Shame: insecurity, guilt, unworthiness, powerlessness.

 

(That I am not good enough, that I'm fake, that something is wrong with me, that I'm doing something wrong.)

 

The opposite of shame would be

 

Self-respect and self-esteem.

 

50 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Relationship issues

 

The opposite of this would be

 

Happy & functional relationship

 

52 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

3. The negative effects on health, mood and alignment

 

(The hungovers can be uncomfortable. It makes me experience anxiety. The opportunities for aligned action etc. is greatly diminished.)

 

The opposite of "negative health effect" would be... "Positive effect on health". In this situation, the best would probably be

 

Good health

 

Good mood

 

Alignment and Aligned action

 

54 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

4. The cravings & urge.

 

(It would feel way better to focus on something else.)

 

"Craving" in this regard has many opposites: straight, sober, nonaddicted, clean, temperate, abstinent, abstemious, clearheaded.

 

I like Temperance.

 

To this one I'd also like to add contentment.

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

5. Losing money.

 

(It's expensive. And often I can get quite impulsive.)

 

The opposite of "losing money" would be

 

Gaining money

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

6. The negative effects on life success.

 

(I won't be able to succeed in my studies and career if I continue drinking like this.)

 

The opposite would be "positive effect on life success"

 

In this regard a better one would probably be

 

Success in studies and carreer.

 

 

 

One more unwanted thing came to mind, which is that drinking makes you gain weight & look tired and generally just bad.

 

The opposite would be: losing weight & looking good.

 

 

@Phil Some of these I already have on the board. Do I let them be, or erase and write again with a more clear and focused intention? Does it matter?

[Phil]

@Blessed2

Now I’d write an action, something tangible you could do, for each of those opposites (in bold). At least one for each. The more the better.  

[Blessed2]

31 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Blessed2

Now I’d write an action, something tangible you could do, for each of those opposites (in bold). At least one for each. The more the better.  

 

Thanks. Hmm...

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Self-respect and self-esteem.

 

Physical exercise. A hobby. A job.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Happy & functional relationship

 

Communication. Shared activities like hiking, museums etc.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Good health

 

Exercise. Good diet. Better sleep.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Good mood

 

Alignment and Aligned action

 

 

Daily meditation, Reiki, keeping the house clean, journaling.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Temperance.

 

 contentment.

 

Maybe keeping the house clean, steady sleeping and eating pattern? Not sure.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Gaining money

 

Having a job.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Success in studies and carreer.

 

Not sure what to put here.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

losing weight & looking good.

 

Exercise and better diet.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

Write those specific wanted ‘things’ on the dreamboard… and on your calendar. 

For non-specific things like ‘physical exercise, a hobby, a job, communication, good diet, better sleep, steady sleeping & eating pattern, better diet’… write specific wanted ‘things’ / aspects. If it seems like there aren’t specific things, there are thoughts about unwanted. Write those down. Then the opposites. Etc.

 

 

[Blessed2]

I want to have a nice house and a cottage somewhere in woods.

 

But I don't have the money, and I probably will not have the money.

 

I'd like to live not in a big city, but somewhere more remote with more nature.

 

But that's not possible because if I'm gonna be a massage therapist, I have to live close to a lot of people to make a living. And even if I did that, it wouldn't actually make me good money.

 

And there is no other choices. I have to study massage therapy, there isn't any alternatives open to me.

 

So it seems it will be impossible to get what I want and it's all fucking pointless.

 

No-one is helping me. No-one is giving me good opportunities and life isn't giving me good carreer paths or anything like that I'd actually like to do. Every single study program is some bullshit that doesn't fit me.

 

What I don't want from a job / carreer:

 

- not having the freedom to move and live where I want to live

- low money, no expansion opportunities

- boring / meaningless, not suited to my interests / personality

- hard to learn, doesn't inspire me / feel good and easy

 

What I want:

 

- freedom to move freely and live where I want

- big pay, a lot of expansion opportunity

- inspiring, interesting, makes me feel good

- easy and laid-back

 

 

Why isn't life working??? Why is everything so god damn hard and always a fucking disappointment?

 

It's like every god damn thing is upstream. Like you just barely make it work or not at all. NOTHING feels easy and 'just right'.

 

 

This is what I want: that someone would come to me, say "you're talented in this and you enjoy doing it. I know just the right thing for you to make money. I'm going to give it to you, make it happen for you."

 

Then I'd feel confident, successful. And I'd see new thousands popping in my bank account every month.

 

Edited July 15, 2023 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

I just wrote a message to the two whirlpools of nothingness-knowing-love I saw some time ago. I told them that I would like to channel with them and get to know them better.

 

I would like to channel books that are super helpful. Stuff that works like magic. Practical applications. Easy, effortless, fun, powerful.

 

I would like for those books to sell millions of copies.

 

I would like for them to guide to the happiness we all long for.

 

I would like for them to offer totally new, fresh ideas, insights and practices. Something innovative.

 

I would really like for beauty and light flow through me into pages. That would feel great.

 

I already feel something stirring within.

[Blessed2]

I'm not feeling so good.

 

Fear, powerlessness, guilt, insecurity, unworthiness, anger, blame, discouragement, worry, OVERWHELMENT, irritation, pessimism.

 

We've been traveling for three weeks now, and one week left. It's starting to "get me". I'm getting tired.

 

I feel like I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm on edge. I feel exhausted. I feel worried and a bit all over the place mentally and emotionally.

 

I'm so tired I have trouble keeping my stuff (my backpack, my clothes, my electronics, food, stuff like that) in order. I just throw them all in when I have to leave the hotel in the morning. I have trouble eating regularly. There is no routine. Everything is a mess.

 

I feel insecurity and guilt about being a tourist. Like I'm taking other people's space, in their home country. Like I'm not respectful enough. Like I'm a burden, disrespectful and the people don't want me here.

 

Thankfully I'll be home soon and my studies continue too. I'm actually looking forward to that. I'll also start going to the gym.

 

It's also been hard to meditate because so often there just isn't much time in the morning.

 

Tomorrow will be 8 hours sitting in a train. Ugh.

 

I get easily irritated and angry with my girlfriend too. Just so stressed out all the time.

 

My body feels exhausted too. I think I burnt my lips in the sun. So I feel weird in my lips. That's really irritating. Also my nose is all dry and full of sharp booger pieces. 😂 Probably some allergy stuff.

 

I just don't feel very excited to see new places and explore the cities etc. anymore. I feel like I wanna hide from the local folk. I don't feel excited to eat in restaurants or check out any sightseeing stuff. Just sooo tired.

 

Okay. I'll try to get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel a bit better.

 

Oh, and I bought a distace energy healing thing for tomorrow. There's this new age healer whom I just came across a long time ago, she has a small business so I want to support her & it can be quite fun to experiment with angel healing stuff etc. The theme of tomorrows healing thing was also kind of a synchronicity.

 

 

[Blessed2]

I set the intention to recieve the angel healing thing while having a night's sleep and saw interesting dreams that seemed to have connection to the subject of the healing.

 

When I woke up in the morning and while doing an ACIM lesson / practice, a thought popped in mind:

 

"I don't know how to be happy!"

 

I don't know how to align.

 

I don't know how to find the willpower or the motivation or the alignment I think would keep me from eating chocolate bars for breakfast.

 

I don't know how to find the feeling that makes me want to meditate every day.

 

I don't know how to find the response-ability to "do the right thing".

 

I just don't know how to be happy. How to rise on the emotional scale. How to find the better feeling thought. How to keep the better-feeling thought.

 

This feels aligned because there is no blaming. I just don't know how to do it, how to make it work. It's not on me. It's not my fault.

 

Of course I would feel better, do what it takes, feel the alignment, if I knew how to find the power. If I knew what thoughts to believe. What forms to take.

 

If I knew how to do it, I would have been happy all these years.

 

 

"Give it to God."

 

 

@Phil Hear what I'm saying? Anything come to mind about this?

 

[Phil]

@Blessed2

 

What comes to mind…

 

‘I don’t know how’ is a seeking… for the  knowing of… how. It’s outward / away / experience orientation. The seeking of… what is in honestly & sincerity already professed to be… unknown. Yet, it’s being sought nonetheless. What’s sought being unknown… makes it by default impossible to be found. The trappiest of traps is knowing… that I don’t know how… without questioning the initial knowing. It’s like a rabbit snare in the middle of a bear trap. Get’s ya twice in one snap.

 

It’s only the unknown that all fear is projected upon. What the knower doesn’t know is that all fear received by the unknown does not actually enter the unknown. It can’t anymore than light can enter a black hole or gravity can turn off. It can’t by order of its nature. Nothing that is untrue can withstand the truth. The truth very literally obliterates anything and anyone. It doesn’t matter if it’s a mouse, a universe, a known or an unknown… the truth is unconditional. 

 

How is a ‘trying to bend the spoon’ and it is impossible. ‘There is only to realize the truth; there is no spoon.’

There is only to realize there is no how, no knowing, and no fear, but not avoiding the truth. 

 

It’s absolutely not your fault. That something is your fault is preceded by that it’s wrong. The judgment always precedes the shame. Shame is nothing without judgement. This is evident in how good it feels when judgement isn’t. Or even how good it feels to notice it but not buy into it. To instead ‘sit with it’. ‘Sitting with it’ is sitting with the truth of knowing, fear and judgment. But I digress as the knower is only interested in knowing, and isn’t interested in feeling amazing. 

 

Knowing, fear, how and judgment are at odds with the obliteration of… knowing, fear, how and judgment. Without the knowing of how, fear and judgment… there would be nothing left of a knower. There’s a season for everything… some get obliterated. Most by far go the other way. Actually if you think about it, all go the other way. Those who are obliterated - aren’t, ad there is truly no knowing, how, fear or judgement, that they never were in the first place. Going the other way is really not to go at all… is not to sit with it at all. It’s to uphold the knowing of how, fear and judgement.

 

The irony is that the knower is obscured by the knowing, of what is said to be, unknown. Stuck in the matrix of maya, chained to the wheel. The lifetime passes while life is never truly tasted, all accredit to what they know, and what they don’t know. 

 

The matrix, maya, wheel, is causation and knowing. While it’s known there is cause & effect, it’s known there must be a how. Something to get which causes. Something that can be done which causes. Something one can become, attain or acquire which causes. Knowing of the right knowledge, which causes. And one just keeps looking outward into experience, to find the proclaimed unknown, the solution to the problem, the ever-elusive infamous how that will change it all. 

 

This all seems illogical and destined to fail. That it can’t pan out is baked right into the logic. 

 

 

In a more practical sense, what comes to mind…

Write on the palm of your left hand ‘thinking’ and on your right hand ‘activity’. Whenever there is seeking of knowing how… slap your face briskly with your left hand such that your eyes are positioned directly at your right hand… and do what it says on the right hand, noticing in hindsight you were doing what it says on your left hand. Repeat as needed.

 

Thinking, solving, figuring out, logic-ing, knowing or understanding how never lead to not thinking… because they never add up to seeing through fear, expression of underlying emotion, or letting a belief or judgment go. The cork is unconditional. From a certain perspective that is both the magic and the rub. No conditions whatsoever is required to float, and yet any condition is weight on the cork. 

 

Sometimes simple analogies somehow make it through the knowing…
 

A six year old says they will not ride a bike because they don’t know how. What advice do you give?

 

A 16 year old girl will not go to the dances or any parties because she does not have a boyfriend. What might you point out to her that maybe she is overlooking?

 

An 18 year old says I will not proceed with any aspects of life because what I want most I already know I can’t have.  What would you suggest about their logic?

[Blessed2]

@Phil 🙏 That's a lot.

 

On 8/10/2023 at 3:33 AM, Phil said:

A six year old says they will not ride a bike because they don’t know how. What advice do you give?

 

That you learn riding by... Riding. With training wheels first.

 

On 8/10/2023 at 3:33 AM, Phil said:

A 16 year old girl will not go to the dances or any parties because she does not have a boyfriend. What might you point out to her that maybe she is overlooking?

 

That by going to dances and parties you meet new people and maybe also that boyfriend you're looking for. And that this is kind of one of the reasons why people throw dances and parties.

 

On 8/10/2023 at 3:33 AM, Phil said:

An 18 year old says I will not proceed with any aspects of life because what I want most I already know I can’t have.  What would you suggest about their logic?

 

Not sure.

 

If what they want is reasonable, I'd suggest to consider whether the assumption that their dream is impossible is true.

 

If what they wanted was honestly quite impossible, I don't know what I would say. Maybe that they would have to settle for less, or dream smaller. But that sounds so fucking horrible I would maybe rather just lie.

 

Hmm. Or maybe I would point out that of course it's impossible if you believe it's impossible.

 

Edited August 11, 2023 by Blessed2

[Phil]

@Blessed2

🙏🏻 

 

On 8/9/2023 at 9:33 PM, Phil said:

An 18 year old says I will not proceed with any aspects of life because what I want most I already know I can’t have.  What would you suggest about their logic?

What if what they want is totally reasonable, but, to get what they want…  they believe that would require changing something about themself… and so they are focused on that change being what they want? How would you help them to see that how they are is perfect and nothing needs to change for them to actually get or experience what they actually want in the first place? 

[Blessed2]

11 hours ago, Phil said:

What if what they want is totally reasonable, but, to get what they want…  they believe that would require changing something about themself… and so they are focused on that change being what they want? How would you help them to see that how they are is perfect and nothing needs to change for them to actually get or experience what they actually want in the first place? 

 

The only thing that comes to mind is that I would give them what they want. I'd say "you just relax and do whatever you want, lay in bed all day if that's what feels best and I'll make your dreams happen to you." 🤔

 

[Phil]

@Blessed2

Interesting. I guess it never occurred to me that’s someone’s dream as it were was to lay in bed all day. 

Yeah, I suppose if that’s what they want they’re entitled. 

[Blessed2]

23 hours ago, Phil said:

I guess it never occurred to me that’s someone’s dream as it were was to lay in bed all day. 

 

The dream is to be a millionaire.

The dream isn't doing what it takes to be a millionaire, like studying economics and running a bank.

 

The dream is to live in a cottage in the mountains.

The dream isn't working your ass off in order to get that cottage in the mountains.

Edited August 13, 2023 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

Saw a dream yesterday where someone died. It was someone's dad, and he rode a bicycle and crashed. I saw the body and it looked quite horrible. All the colour disappeared and the skin was just blue. I did reiki for him, and he woke from the dead. At first it seemed like I had to keep giving reiki in order for him to stay alive. But later I didn't need to keep my hands on him anymore.

 

He was alive, but the body didn't quite recover. It was as if what used to keep him alive was lost in the accident, and his body shrinked. He looked a bit like an old, wrinkled toddler. He couldn't quite function physically, but seemed happy to be alive. What kept the body alive was now the reiki, not blood anymore.

 

Later I got a feeling that maybe it was just his time to go. Like it was great that the reiki gave him some more time, but since the body didn't really recover, it was as if he was living on spare time. And I wasn't sure if it was really what he wanted, as he couldn't really function physically.

 

[Blessed2]

On 8/10/2023 at 4:33 AM, Phil said:

It’s absolutely not your fault. That something is your fault is preceded by that it’s wrong.

 

What came up when reading this before (I notice it better now) that yeah, it's not wrong per se, but if I don't meditate or go to the gym, I won't get what I want, and that is my fault. The reality is (or maybe seems to be) that if I don't make it work, I will very much fail. I will get fat, I will get tired, I will just lay in bed. And if that happens, it's very much my fault.

 

Not sure what I'm experiencing in regard to this. Worry. I am experiencing the emotion worry.

 

[Phil]

In a nighttime dream the reality of the dream is only that of the dreamer dreaming. Not a doer with a body which becomes, or a knower which knows. That’d be a dreamt narrative obscuring the dreamer-dreaming from the truth. 

 

https://due.com/25-kids-made-1-million-graduating-high-school/

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

Saw a dream yesterday where someone died. It was someone's dad, and he rode a bicycle and crashed. I saw the body and it looked quite horrible. All the colour disappeared and the skin was just blue. I did reiki for him, and he woke from the dead. At first it seemed like I had to keep giving reiki in order for him to stay alive. But later I didn't need to keep my hands on him anymore.

 

He was alive, but the body didn't quite recover. It was as if what used to keep him alive was lost in the accident, and his body shrinked. He looked a bit like an old, wrinkled toddler. He couldn't quite function physically, but seemed happy to be alive. What kept the body alive was now the reiki, not blood anymore.

 

Later I got a feeling that maybe it was just his time to go. Like it was great that the reiki gave him some more time, but since the body didn't really recover, it was as if he was living on spare time. And I wasn't sure if it was really what he wanted, as he couldn't really function physically.

 

Like that. Exactly. 

 

23 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

What came up when reading this before (I notice it better now) that yeah, it's not wrong per se, but if I don't meditate or go to the gym, I won't get what I want, and that is my fault. The reality is (or maybe seems to be) that if I don't make it work, I will very much fail. I will get fat, I will get tired, I will just lay in bed. And if that happens, it's very much my fault.

 

Not sure what I'm experiencing in regard to this. Worry. I am experiencing the emotion worry.

 

The dream could be of a second self for whom there is or isn’t a past, who is or isn’t at fault, has or doesn’t have mass, etc. In this way the dreamer would believe it’s awake as the self inside of the dream by believing the added narrative that it is. 

[Blessed2]

I just saw a really interesting dream with a lot of symbolism I quess. And @Mandy you're starring this one! 😂

 

The first thing I remember is that the world was a totalitarian dystopia, like the one in Orwell's 1984. (I've actually been reading that book lately.) There was the Big Brother and everything. There was a very cruel police who kept an eye on everyone and would imprison and torture anyone for breaking any rules.

 

I was sceptical and slightly opposed to the totalitarian power, but not really fighting against it until at some point one of my friends (a real-life friend too) was tortuted publicly. She was covered in oil and set on fire. Then more oil was thrown on her. And then she was let to jump in a pool and slowly the burning stopped. I remember her screams, it was horrible. She was in so much pain. The police announced that she would be burned again a week from now.

 

After that, it changed. I think in one point of the book 1984, it talks about how a fight against such totalitarian regiment really begins only when "one would rather die than to take it any more". That was the quote. "The revolution begins when one would rather die than to continue living like this." I remember saying it out loud a couple of times, for my mother for example. I felt fear (cause the Big Brother was watching and could hear with secret microphones etc.) but I also felt freedom. I felt like I took my power back. I truly meant those words. I didn't fear like I used to do. Seeing my friend get tortured like that changed something.

 

Then after some time, after some planning & networking with other anti-totalitarians the police got me. They took me to be tortured and questioned. They put me in a  room with this huge bodybuilder kind of weightlifter who put my head against a dumbell and said he would hit my skull with another dumbell if I didn't tell the truth. He asked me a few questions, AND I TOLD THE TRUTH! I just lied there, felt a weird sense of peace. And answered contemplationally and truthfully. Just slightly kept those things secret that would hurt my friends. Everything else, I just let out.

 

The weightlifter integorrator was kind of surprised and then said something like "this isn't working, the only way someone would be so calm and tell the truth would be if they're schizophrenic." He was about to end my life, but I said "no I'm not mentally ill, I'm just telling the truth." Maybe I even said that I want to tell the truth, not sure.

 

He took me out if the gym-prison cell and we started walking toward somewhere, I don't quite remember where. Maybe I was to see the Boss himself (Big Brother) but I never got that far. I think I escaped at some point here.

 

Next I was in some old town area, somewhere kind of hiding from the police and trying to live underground. Then I suddenly met this old lady who told me to come to a specific hotel at a specific time if (if I remember correctly) I wanted to meet the Big Brother. The vibe here was not that I would be catched, but that I would somehow debate / fight / kind of make friends?! with the Big Brother and free myself!

 

So I did as she instructed. (Before going to the hotel I met a friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a long time and she was surprisingly very happy to see me and seemes to truly want my company which felt very nice.) I got to the hotel (there was a lot of trying to keep all it a secret, not to get caught by the police). I got in and then I got instructions to go to nearby woods.

 

I got there and the Big Brother wasn't there, but @Mandy!! 😂 The dream changed, it wasn't the Boss I was meant to meet anymore, it was Mandy and there was this sort of a test I should pass, to see if I was enlightened. 😂

 

The test went like this: we throw each other with axes and knives and try to hit each other. If I manage to evade Mandy's throws, I pass.

 

At first it was really hard, as if the knives and axes would follow me when I tried to dodge them. Then Mandy took a pause, gave me some advice (can't remember what the advice was), and next I managed to dodge the throws better and maybe I even hit Mandy with one of my throws!

 

I think next I passed the test, and this is where the dream started to slowly pass away. 🤔🤔

 

[Mandy]

@Blessed2 😂 Sounds fun. The more pointers I give the weaker my false self gets. But no one remembers the pointers. 😂