blessed journal

[Blessed2]

OMG such an insight.

 

I have been reading Allen Carr's Easyway To Stop Drinking and woah

 

Basically, I have had these thoughts / beliefs of nihilism and meaninglessness in regard to drinking. Basically, I've thought I drink because it gives me some sort of relief from meaninglessness.

 

So then quitting or not drinking has seemed like it requires effort and feelings of pessimism and meaninglessness would have to be felt.

 

And so there has been thoughts as if I "want* to drink, sometimes even that it is the ONLY thing I want.

 

But that's not true.

 

What I want is to NOT drink, I want to feel LIBERATED from the addiction.

 

And that thought about LIBERATION feels good and meaningful!

 

So I don't need to find like a supplement, some other thing to be meaningful to stop drinking. Being a non-drinker itself is meaningful!

 

What "motivates" to quit drinking is now the vision of going to a grocery store, walking past the alcohol isle and feeling elevated and liberated, feeling relieved and happy that I no longer need to stress, worry, hide, spend money and suffer from drinking! A vision of feeling proud and powerful.

 

And THAT feels better than drinking!

 

 

[Blessed2]

I've felt triggered often lately and the emotions hatred, anger, blame. Also jealousy maybe, not sure. And I guess doubt. Frustration maybe too.

 

Especially in regard to this forum and the conversations here.

 

Sometimes a thought appears, that I know better.

 

But that's poison, and I don't want to drink poison.

 

I would like this forum and everyone be filled and illuminated thorough with light. Freedom. No thing. Like a clear quartz crystal.

 

And then breathe and relax and appreciate and love.

 

 

 

Last night I saw a dream where I was basically flying all over Finland and checking out mountains here. Like I was looking for a beautiful spot to live in.

 

Though the thing is, there is literally no mountains here. When I woke up I was a bit silly and took my phone and tried to find anything that would be like what I saw in the dream, from google maps. Didn't find any.

 

It wasn't the first time I saw a dream like that. I see the most beautiful, pretty small but pointy mountains. And I feel so happy and excited to go live there. Sooo enchanted and magical, beautiful nature. But when I wake up... No mountains. No dreamy landscapes.

[Phil]

Finishing the scale is always suggested but seems really under utilized & under appreciated in general. 

Daily morning meditation even more so. 

Humans are stubborn creatures. Like to go the hard way. 

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Finishing the scale is always suggested but seems really under utilized & under appreciated in general. 

 

Maybe the scale would be appreciated more if better advice as to how to go about it was offered, or in a situation when that advice is actually taken in.

 

The advice just hasn't been helpful. The scale hasn't been helpful. Not saying there is anything wrong with the scale though.

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Daily morning meditation even more so. 

 

That daily meditation is under-utilized and appreciated is a thought that is meditatively let go.

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Humans are stubborn creatures. Like to go the hard way. 

 

It seems to me to be the easy way. One can try to quit drinking for example, by the hard way thinking it requires willpower and fighting urges & withdrawal, and all the suffering and inner conflict that follows. And then there is the easyway. There must be.

 

Stubborness also isn't the right term. The scale and daily morning meditation feels like shit. If that's due to innocent misunderstanding or thought-attachment, that isn't stubborness, it's an innocent mistake.

 

 

Most of the advice shared here just doesn't resonate, at least as of right now. I appreciate the intention and the forum though.

[Phil]

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Maybe the scale would be appreciated more if better advice as to how to go about it was offered, or in a situation when that advice is actually taken in.

 

The advice just hasn't been helpful. The scale hasn't been helpful. Not saying there is anything wrong with the scale though.

What about finishing the scale, and then commenting from there?

 

I appreciate any suggestions as to bettering the advice. What would you add or change?

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-emotional-scale

 

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

That daily meditation is under-utilized and appreciated is a thought that is meditatively let go.

 

Same. What about trying it daily for 30 days and then commenting on how it went?

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/basic-meditation-posture-balance-relaxation-body-scan

 

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

It seems to me to be the easy way. One can try to quit drinking for example, by the hard way thinking it requires willpower and fighting urges & withdrawal, and all the suffering and inner conflict that follows. And then there is the easyway. There must be.

I’m not sure what the easy way being referred to is. 

 

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Stubborness also isn't the right term. The scale and daily morning meditation feels like shit. If that's due to innocent misunderstanding or thought-attachment, that isn't stubborness, it's an innocent mistake.

It sounds like thoughts or attitude about it are being referred to, not the experience, outcome or changes from daily meditation & finishing the scale. 

 

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Most of the advice shared here just doesn't resonate, at least as of right now. I appreciate the intention and the forum though.

In terms of change, what advice does resonate? Maybe that can be added. 

[Blessed2]

8 hours ago, Phil said:

What about finishing the scale, and then commenting from there?

 

The thing is, I can't finish it.

 

Of course I can write "I am experiencing the emotion X" until the X is joy, but that's not the same as actual experience of joy.

 

It's like you're saying "Just climb the Mt. Everest! Easy."

 

8 hours ago, Phil said:

I appreciate any suggestions as to bettering the advice. What would you add or change?

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-emotional-scale

 

I would have to experience better advice to say what could be added or changed. Now I can't say but that it's not working.

 

Obviously it isn't working. If it did, every single user on this forum would always only be experiencing joy and love.

 

8 hours ago, Phil said:

Same. What about trying it daily for 30 days and then commenting on how it went?

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/basic-meditation-posture-balance-relaxation-body-scan

 

Okay, maybe I can try that. Can't give you an hour though. Maybe ten to fifteen minutes.

 

 

The thing is, with meditation and the scale both there is the thought that happiness is right around the next corner. And so of course it never 'works'. I guess you would call this subject - object thought.

 

I realize that both meditation and the scale are tools meant exactly to get rid of such subject - object interpretations, though when it's projected on the tool itself, it gets kind of tricky, doesn't it? Would meditation then be seen as relaxing and relieving, or as a chore, a despair, a depression? Would meditation then be interpreted as "I need to make this work, just push harder, get through it"? Would sitting down and focusing on breath be quite the opposite to meditation?

 

8 hours ago, Phil said:

I’m not sure what the easy way being referred to is. 

 

Allen Carr's Easyway. It's a system to help smokers and other addicts to quit effectively. The basic idea is that it can be done without willpower, motivation and feeling of deprivation, by removing the "desire" to smoke itself rather than fight it. By questioning and liberating from beliefs and illusions.

 

When you said "like to go the hard way", it was interpreted here as if you were saying the easy way would be to "just push through it", like addicts and even their healers often believe quitting process must be done.

 

But I intuit there must be an easy way to this, just like there is to addiction. "Just get your ass up and meditate even if it feels like shit" isn't the way, there has to be something better. Allowing myself to not meditate and stress and judge myself for it actually feels better than sitting down and meditating. 😄

 

8 hours ago, Phil said:

In terms of change, what advice does resonate? Maybe that can be added. 

 

Well...

 

On 9/15/2023 at 12:26 PM, Blessed2 said:

An awesome interview of Gary:

 

 

Much love and appreciation. His books and ACIM talks to me like no other tradition or language or pointer has so far. Whereas what Rupert Spira, Phil, Ramana Maharshi or Zen etc. talks about always seem to bring some sort of feeling of despair, discouragement, doubt and pessimism, ACIM just feels so light and easy. Like I've been learning it for many lifetimes. Feels familiar, it just "clicks". Like a shoe that just fits perfectly.

 

https://acim.org/acim/workbook/introduction/en/s/401

 

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

The thing is, I can't finish it.

 

Of course I can write "I am experiencing the emotion X" until the X is joy, but that's not the same as actual experience of joy.

 

It's like you're saying "Just climb the Mt. Everest! Easy."

That’d be conditioning not de-conditioning. 

It’s a distorting of what’s said and very opposite. 

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I would have to experience better advice to say what could be added or changed. Now I can't say but that it's not working.

Talking the path vs walking the path.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Obviously it isn't working. If it did, every single user on this forum would always only be experiencing joy and love.

Talking the path vs walking the path.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Okay, maybe I can try that. Can't give you an hour though. Maybe ten to fifteen minutes.

It’s self-love. Communion.

“Can’t give you” - what!?

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

The thing is, with meditation and the scale both there is the thought that happiness is right around the next corner. And so of course it never 'works'. I guess you would call this subject - object thought.

Talking the path vs walking the path.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I realize that both meditation and the scale are tools meant exactly to get rid of such subject - object interpretations, though when it's projected on the tool itself, it gets kind of tricky, doesn't it?

The ‘get rid of’ is a distortion of what’s being said.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Would meditation then be seen as relaxing and relieving, or as a chore, a despair, a depression?

Talking the path vs walking the path.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Would meditation then be interpreted as "I need to make this work, just push harder, get through it"? Would sitting down and focusing on breath be quite the opposite to meditation?

Talking the path vs walking the path.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Allen Carr's Easyway. It's a system to help smokers and other addicts to quit effectively. The basic idea is that it can be done without willpower, motivation and feeling of deprivation, by removing the "desire" to smoke itself rather than fight it. By questioning and liberating from beliefs and illusions.

Sounds great.

What’s changed? 

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

When you said "like to go the hard way", it was interpreted here as if you were saying the easy way would be to "just push through it", like addicts and even their healers often believe quitting process must be done.

The ignoring of what’s said in favor of an interpretation of what’s said is the hard way. “Addicts and their healers”… what!? 

I’m talkin straight from the source. What a distorting of what’s being said. 

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

But I intuit there must be an easy way to this, just like there is to addiction. "Just get your ass up and meditate even if it feels like shit" isn't the way, there has to be something better.

Talking the path does not amount to walking the path.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Allowing myself to not meditate and stress and judge myself for it actually feels better than sitting down and meditating. 😄

Talking the path vs walking the path.

 

3 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

some sort of feeling of despair, discouragement, doubt and pessimism

These are how the interpretation feels. That, or there is assertion. 

 

Again - what’s changed? 

[Blessed2]

30 minutes ago, Phil said:

That’d be conditioning not de-conditioning. 

It’s a distorting of what’s said and very opposite. 

 

Yet, that's how it's interpreted.

 

31 minutes ago, Phil said:

Talking the path vs walking the path.

 

One could suggest people drink gas so that happiness will be experienced.

 

Then people try it, tastes like shit and make them sick. They try again, doubting whether they did something wrong. Again, tastes like shit and makes them sick.

 

Then they say "umm I think this isn't quite doing what was said it would do."

 

One gives advice: pour gas into a glass, rise it up with your hand, put it in your mouth and swallow.

 

People try it again, following the advice as closely as they can.

 

It still tastes like shit and makes them sick.

 

They come back, saying it's not working.

 

And the answer: "talking the path vs. walking the path."

 

That's how it honestly kind of seems. "Just keep drinking the gas, ignore how it tastes and feels, and just believe me when I say it'll make you feel happy."

 

41 minutes ago, Phil said:

It’s self-love. Communion.

“Can’t give you” - what!?

 

Obviously what I'm talking about is the opposite of self-love and communion.

 

43 minutes ago, Phil said:

Sounds great.

What’s changed? 

 

Less doubt, guilt and unworthiness. More openness to that quitting is actually possible. Openness to that happiness is actually possible.

 

48 minutes ago, Phil said:

The ignoring of what’s said in favor of an interpretation of what’s said is the hard way. “Addicts and their healers”… what!? 

I’m talkin straight from the source. What a distorting of what’s being said. 

 

What it very much sounds like you're saying is "meditate every morning even if it feels like shit".

 

If that's not what you're saying, feel free to correct it.

 

53 minutes ago, Phil said:

These are how the interpretation feels.

 

Yeah, of course. Though that doesn't mean that the discordant interpretation is let go or liberated by listening more to Rupert Spira, Phil, Ramana Maharshi or Zen masters.

 

Like the discordant interpretation of the scale or meditation is not necessarily let go by using the scale or meditating. That's an even more discordant interpretation.

 

55 minutes ago, Phil said:

Again - what’s changed? 

 

Been feeling a bit better.

[Phil]

31 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Yet, that's how it's interpreted.

That’s the stubbornness. 🙂There’s emotion felt alongside the interpretation. Acknowledging & expressing it sheds light on the misinterpretation, unfettering clarity…. the (nondual) source of thoughts and emotions. 

 

Emotion can be ignored altogether, felt but believed to be about other-than the interpretation, mentally projected onto a secondary source (assertion), and or listened to without any of these concepts being added or even appearing.

 

36 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

One could suggest people drink gas so that happiness will be experienced.

 

Then people try it, tastes like shit and make them sick. They try again, doubting whether they did something wrong. Again, tastes like shit and makes them sick.

 

Then they say "umm I think this isn't quite doing what was said it would do."

 

One gives advice: pour gas into a glass, rise it up with your hand, put it in your mouth and swallow.

 

People try it again, following the advice as closely as they can.

 

It still tastes like shit and makes them sick.

 

They come back, saying it's not working.

 

And the answer: "talking the path vs. walking the path."

 

That's how it honestly kind of seems. "Just keep drinking the gas, ignore how it tastes and feels, and just believe me when I say it'll make you feel happy."

What’s being said is emptying, expression, de-conditioning, dispelling, up and outing. 

What’s being said is being interpreted as not naturally occurring upon allowing… but a doing & an adding. Climbing a mountain. Drinking (adding) something. 

 

Interpretations arise at light speed and emotions are felt at nearly the same. Meditation slows it all down. Lots of spaciousness. 

 

 

 

[Phil]

43 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

What it very much sounds like you're saying is "meditate every morning even if it feels like shit".

Expression of whatever discord arises is what’s being said. 

‘Pushing through it’, ‘forcing’, judging, etc is really the opposite of what’s being said. 

 

48 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Yeah, of course. Though that doesn't mean that the discordant interpretation is let go or liberated by listening more to Rupert Spira, Phil, Ramana Maharshi or Zen masters.

Right. That’s definitely not what’s being said.  

 

48 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Like the discordant interpretation of the scale or meditation is not necessarily let go by using the scale or meditating. That's an even more discordant interpretation.

The discord is of the thoughts and actually is let go meditating. All / any other discordant thoughts (interpretations) are also let go meditating. 

When challenging, expression of whatever arises is suggested. Both are letting go, and neither are an adding of anything. 

 

54 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Been feeling a bit better.

Awesome. 🙂

All I’m saying is why settle for less than awesome yourself.  

 

 

[Blessed2]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

What’s being said is emptying, expression, de-conditioning, dispelling, up and outing. 

What’s being said is being interpreted as not naturally occurring upon allowing… but a doing & an adding. Climbing a mountain. Drinking (adding) something. 

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

Expression of whatever discord arises is what’s being said. 

‘Pushing through it’, ‘forcing’, judging, etc is really the opposite of what’s being said. 

 

But that's what I did:

 

On 9/16/2023 at 4:46 PM, Blessed2 said:

I've felt triggered often lately and the emotions hatred, anger, blame. Also jealousy maybe, not sure. And I guess doubt. Frustration maybe too.

 

Especially in regard to this forum and the conversations here.

 

Sometimes a thought appears, that I know better.

 

But that's poison, and I don't want to drink poison.

 

I would like this forum and everyone be filled and illuminated thorough with light. Freedom. No thing. Like a clear quartz crystal.

 

And then breathe and relax and appreciate and love.

 

I did experience appreciation and love there. Without the "finishing the scale".

 

I use and appreciate the scale in acknowledgement of the emotions, sort of like a language to understand emotions, but the rigid order (first this emotion, then that etc.) doesn't resonate.

 

For me it feels enough to simply notice "I am experiencing the emotion jelaousy" for example. The thought that "next I should go for hatred/rage" feels off. Simply the acknowledgement of jealousy can in of itself throw me to hopefulness or excitement.

 

It's not like utilizing the scale and only the scale in the way presented on AoB is the only way ever to express and to let clarity in / experience love or joy.

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

The discord is of the thoughts and actually is let go meditating. All / any other discordant thoughts (interpretations) are also let go meditating. 

When challenging, expression of whatever arises is suggested. Both are letting go, and neither are an adding of anything. 

 

Hmm...

 

As if right now, there is an interpretation that meditating every morning would require motivation, fighting a desire or an urge to do something else.

 

Emotions that are connected to that interpretation are: powerlessness, despair, guilt, unworthiness, jealousy, anger, discouragement, worry, doubt, disappointment, frustration, pessimism.

 

What advice would you give in this situation?

 

 

I've been doing the ACIM Workbook almost every morning for some time. The difference between how I feel, if I would meditate half an hour or read ACIM, is big. Half an hour meditation, doesn't feel very good. Half an hour reading ACIM, feels pretty good. Isn't the way, the guidance, very clear here?

 

For the sake of whatever might arise, this is my lesson for today: https://acim.org/acim/review-ii/lesson-87/en/s/491

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Blessed2

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

What advice would you give in this situation?

Why would I? 

[Blessed2]

Just now, Phil said:

Why would I? 

 

Give advice?

 

So that I would succesfully utilize the meditation / emotional scale routine and experience the positive results you have claimed would be experienced.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

That sounds more like ‘convince me’ to use the scale and meditate than advice about meditation & using the scale. The benefits don’t come from being convinced or advice, and aren’t really in a literal sense results. Like a parting of clouds doesn’t result in the sunshine. 

 

“What I’m doing daily (ACIM) is really working. What I’m not doing (meditation and finishing the scale) is not working”. 

 

That makes sense. 

 

Might be a worthwhile consideration in the best possible way… is the reading, studying and or doing of the daily contemplations in ACIM adding, or unfettering? 

[Blessed2]

On 9/17/2023 at 10:56 PM, Phil said:

Might be a worthwhile consideration in the best possible way… is the reading, studying and or doing of the daily contemplations in ACIM adding, or unfettering? 

 

Is questioning and letting go the thought that one should meditate, should utilize the emotional scale, and should listen to Phil in order to experience happiness adding, or unfettering?

 

Sure feels like unfettering to me.

 

To let go the thought, "I should meditate and I should do the scale" has been most relieving. Those thoughts were held on for years. Any guess how I felt all those years?

 

Any guess how it felt to have that interpretation come up as "I must commit suicide in order to make everything right" with delusions that random TV shows and songs were secretly saying that to me?

 

 

Yes, I recognize that it's not about the meditation or the scale but the thoughts about. And I'm taking a deeper look into that. Thanks for the ass kicking, though I'm not sure if I really appreciate it yet. I am experiencing the emotion fear.

 

[Phil]

I’m not saying anyone should anything. I’m saying this would be a self ref thought, and you are yourself Happiness. 

 

I’m not saying happiness is experiential. I’m saying you are happiness. 

 

I’m not saying anything results in the happiness that is already… but rather happiness is sometimes obscured.

 

 

I’ve heard that “message” as well. It is indeed discordant, and is very much the exact opposite of what’s being said here. 

 

 

This is all very different than saying unfettering (meditation, expression, using a tool like the scale, or any other means or method) doesn’t ‘work’… when in truth it’s just not employed. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with not utilizing any of these tools or methods of unfettering, or that anyone should. 

 

If you don’t want to, of course - don’t. 

 

But then please don’t pretend you are and unfettering doesn’t ‘work’, or that what you’re saying about what’s being said - is the same as what’s being said. That’s dishonest and misleading. For your own Good & well being sake.

 

The high notes here are that you are infinite Happiness, and unfettering (expression, emptying of discord, namely judgments & conditions) is the way less way. It doesn’t really ‘work’… it’s just that you already are the unthinkable awesomeness. Happiness. Not at all the same as saying “you should be”, or even “you could be”. 

 

🤍

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

But then please don’t pretend you are and unfettering doesn’t ‘work’, or that what you’re saying about what’s being said - is the same as what’s being said. That’s dishonest and misleading. For your own Good & well being sake.

 

That is not at all what I have said in this conversation. And it's dishonest and misleading to say that I have.

1 hour ago, Phil said:

This is all very different than saying unfettering (meditation, expression, using a tool like the scale, or any other means or method) doesn’t ‘work’… when in truth it’s just not employed.

 

What I said is that the advice shared in regard to the scale isn't "working" as in helping to unfetter. I didn't say that the scale isn't helping or that unfettering isn't helping.

 

You brought up the scale first as if it was the only means to express and unfetter in this world. I didn't ask for help. I was already expressing and unfettering.

 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

That is not at all what I have said in this conversation. And it's dishonest and misleading to say that I have.

Ok, Sorry if I misunderstood.

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

What I said is that the advice shared in regard to the scale isn't "working" as in helping to unfetter. I didn't say that the scale isn't helping or that unfettering isn't helping.

If there’s any specific advice / comments you’re referring to feel free to ‘quote’ em so there is an opportunity for me to clarify or see more clearly. 

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

You brought up the scale first as if it was the only means to express and unfetter in this world. I didn't ask for help. I was already expressing and unfettering.

Thanks. I don’t recall saying anything like that but I apologize for any confusion created if I did. Again feel free to use the quote, that would be helpful at my end. For clarity sake, the emotional scale is just one tool and is not by any stretch the only means of expression. As far as I can see the scale itself is but an expression of you. I do love the ACIM content btw and appreciate it whenever you share it. 

 

[Blessed2]

On 9/19/2023 at 5:35 PM, Phil said:

For clarity sake, the emotional scale is just one tool and is not by any stretch the only means of expression.

 

What interpretation / thought feels so horrible about the scale (in full honesty, it's hard to acknowledge that what feels off is the thoughts and not the scale) is that I have thoughts like "if I don't manage to get to the top of the scale, I will not attract anything I want and I will not have what I want".

 

I guess the emotion would be powerlessness / despair.

 

Another discordant thought: "if I'm not doing the scale, I'm wasting my time and not moving toward what I want. Everything else is pointless and will not give me what I want, yet I can'r succeed in the scale either."

 

"I simply have to get to the top of the scale, because otherwise I will not get what I want."

 

I've tried expressing these emotions, despair, powerlessness and fear. I've tried to do the scale from here but every time the discord just gets louder and heavier, the physical body itself will start feeling heavy. The interpretation just isn't released. Yes, I do realize that I sometimes experience jealousy, but to express that in this situation just feels inauthentic because the thought / motivation behind it is: "I'm trying to get to the top of the scale". So really it's just more despair and powerlessness. This is why I'd rather just name whatever emotions I'm experiencing without even trying to move up to the next one, like I did in the original post you answered to.

 

So then I just kind of want to bury my head to sand and never think or hear anything about the scale again. Because it seems that the scale kind of holds all I've ever wanted, yet it's out of my reach and I can't make it work.

 

It just seems so hard, impossible even, to release this interpretation. I try and try to let a thought go but the thought and the discord just gets louder. Hence why it also meditation seems to feel horrible. Like a vicious circle.

 

It's just fear and despair.

 

Edited September 22, 2023 by Blessed2

[Phil]

@Blessed2

In a way it’s already helping, working or at least playing a role. It’s of course about attracting, uncovering, allowing, not per se getting anywhere or anything. That might admittedly be a bit of a paradigm shift. By all measures it definitely seems like there’s someone here thinking, moving, doing, choosing etc. Got me thinkin about how, when, where I realized the power of appreciating what is…. this came to mind. Not sure if it’s helpful or not. 

 

I once wiped out on a dirt bike and my left hand was crushed between the weight of my body & the bike, and a large rock. When I stood up my thumb & that portion of my hand was literally hanging straight down. Lot of discouragement and resentment towards life in general was experienced. Months of it frankly. But then a lot of appreciation arose for what I did have, for the right hand that still worked. Had some surgeries, pins inserted, casts, etc. Took a couple years to get it back to good. Happiness & life wise it left a mark deeper than the injury. I’d spent months dwelling on what I didn’t have. In ‘glass half empty’ mode. Life’s too short. Accepting what is and appreciating what I do have was realized we could say, and I’m never going back there again. Boy that Dr who told me to stop and take time to appreciate when he was seeing how down I was each visit… I really outta write him a letter or something. He really got through to me somehow, like ‘no Phil, now. Stop and appreciate all that you do have now.’