It's been a while since I received a hug

[Phil]

Mental illness:

[Reena]

Maybe I don't know. I don't go so deep into philosophizing. 

 

Maybe there is more to life than "silly me." 

 

I'm the Divine Masculine. 

You're the divine Feminine 

 

 

[Reena]

The problem with you is that you don't understand mental illness. You confuse it with "lack of spiritual awakening." 

 

Mental illness is not just (and limited to) self referential thoughts that are mal-intentioned. 

 

Mental illness is much deeper than that. I can't unpack it to you. Not my job really. Go to a psych ward, trauma center and talk to people. Collect your own clients and research. Too much armchair philosophy sitting in the armchair. I have been in mental wards. I have been mentally ill ever since childhood. My mom has been mentally ill all her life. I have several family members ravaged by mental illness and my uncle recently died of Parkinsons 

 

I know mental illness, not necessarily better, but more comprehensively than others. 

 

If you were to be a licensed psychologist, you'd do a poor job of it. This is not to discourage you. Just to tell you honest feedback. Be in the search of truth and meaning and not merely what feels good in the moment. 

Your idea of "good" is only your own idea of good. Will this apply for everyone else? Not necessarily. Absorb other's experiences too. 

Do you make notes on people's experiences. Do you ask them questions? Do you note down what makes them feel better? 

If not, then that's a ideological spiritual blowhard who likes to shout off from the podium. No different from televangelists. Try to be a listener too. Try to note down what others want too. Communication is a two way street. 

 

A good psychologist is like a good psychic medium. They hit the right notes. They say predictions that come true. If your predictions don't come true, you aren't a good psychologist. 

 

You cannot become a good psychologist by listening to the sound of your own words. Psychologist brings into their experience the awareness of the other. You seem to be focused on "how to make life fun" as the root of your fundamental teaching. But this is all nice feel good therapy but it's very inadequate by itself alone. You rely very heavily on your own interpretation. But in this process you literally canceled the patient. A vital and oft occuring flaw seen in bad outdated psychologists. I think you have your own place with your spiritual mumbo jumbo suited to a particular kind of audience but not suitable for people with mental illness. For someone like me it's too much woo woo and flim flam. I can label your style and brand of teachings as "cozy tripping." your teachings aren't wrong but ill-aligned. 

 

Mental illness is a hardcore thing and requires tremendous research, practice, commitment, like climbing mountains. Rigorous work. It's not about relaxation and blissing out. Most psychologists suffer burn out. Me too. Patients and psychologists have to work extremely hard, like they do in ER. 

It's that kind of stuff. 

 

That's why telling me that "life is supposed to be fun" is not gonna work. 

 

It's like telling a burn victim or rape victim "life is supposed to be fun." 

 

It's painfully mis-placed and mis-aligned rhetoric. 

 

Mental illness requires rigorousness. It's hard core science. 

 

Mental illness needs the Divine Masculine not the Divine Feminine. 

 

I'm not saying that you're entirely wrong. But your stuff has its own time and place. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 23, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

Don't rely on Phil or Leo. You have to be your own teacher. That Indian guy Soonhei committed suicide. He relied too much on teachers. Sometimes these people can say things are seriously questionable from the point of ethics. If such people cannot maintain basic ethics then we have a problem. You can't dance around concepts like death. You can't tell someone philosophy that can make a person think that death is okay. It can have serious consequences. You have to look for practical objective solutions. Philosophy will not help you with that. Does Phil have a disease? No. Does he have cancer? No. Is Leo living in slum homeless condition somewhere in the streets. Leo is living in a cozy mansion in Las Vegas and a millionaire. You can't get life advice from such people. Because they are far removed from reality. It's like me asking an Actress what's the secret to her beauty. She will tell me some surgery or cream that costs $20,000. of course i can't afford that. What's the point of me asking her? So  You have to speak to people who you can relate to on your level and they should relate to your level as well. 

You can't relate to people like Phil or Leo because these people spend their entire life on an arm chair. They will always have food in the fridge. They will always have money in the bank. You will not see them suffering in a hospital. So why bother? 

Meanwhile you struggle with real problems like cigarette addiction and porn and other stuff, probably even lack of motivation, depression and dating issues. These people aren't going to fix that for you because their life is cozy enough to not require any fixing. 

You'll need someone who motivates you with practical solutions and gives you your money's worth of advice. Airy fairy mumbo jumbo advice will not work. You can't spend your precious money on a doctor who is giving you advice that is not related to your condition. 

Will you visit all the doctors in the world? No. Because you don't have that kind of money nor that kind of time. 

Honestly you are wasting your time on a forum like this. I at least use it for journaling. The journaling helps me understand my own issues better. 

I will say read books, watch videos and spend time doing journaling, and other practical stuff to improve quality of life. Don't rely on places like these. They will drain your energy further taking away any limited resources you already have 

 

I only come here for journaling. Because the journaling format is good and it doesn't exist on One Note or other private journaling options I have to pay for. Otherwise I would have left this forum. It's meant for hippy kind of people who don't have much problems in life. Also these people wouldn't need to spend a lot of money because they don't have any issues to fix to begin with. 

 

So it's just entertainment for some people here. Now if you want entertainment and endless mental masturbation (and of course waste of time if you got an ocean of time), then you will definitely enjoy this place. But if you want to seriously fix your life then this place is not for you. It's a bad place for serious workers. This place doesn't encourage serious work. It's always airy fairy advice. Only lecturing. And the people who come here also come here to waste their time. Because they have a lot of time, they are not from poor countries. They don't need anything in life. Look at the people here. They start a debate over nothing. They will comment in journal when they are supposed to be focusing on themselves. You can't take such people seriously. If a person is serious about work, they will be busy journaling and dealing with their own thoughts and issues of life. They will not even have time to read other people's journals and posts. 

 

The fact that they do this tells me that they don't have major struggles in their life. People with major struggles need journaling on an every day basis, even minute to minute, because something is going wrong with their lives, they have to write a diary and look at it for reference purposes. 

 

These people don't have any issues. They come here for time pass.

 

I regularly journal sometimes even at 4 am in the night/morning. Because I have lots of problems, financial and otherwise. I have felt suicidal for months. I am visiting a psychiatrist every week now which is a lot of money my family is spending to get me mental help. My aunt committed suicide long ago. My father's family also had mental health issues and suicide is very common in my family. It's not easy. But fortunately I found a psychiatrist who gave medication to my mother and she is doing better. Even my mom has mental health problems and her body weight had dropped due to depression and she wasn't sleeping, she was slowly dying. She stopped eating last year. So her condition was awful. But the psychiatrist saved her life. Now my condition is bad. But I am working hard to achieve mental and emotional balance. Some days I feel good and some days are horrible. But I'm managing. 

 

These kind of websites will not understand your practical problems. They will make fun of you. They will take your problems lightly. They will say life is fun because their life is fun. 

 

But we as Indian people, we don't have so much money to have too much fun in life. We have serious issues to focus on. That Indian guy Soonhei committed suicide. Now his family will be suffering so much because he was their bread winner. They lost their bread winner. 

 

Then there was another Indian guy who spent lots of money, who had family trauma and he was living in Canada. He lost his money I guess. He was frustrated. But at least he has enough money to survive. So it's okay he will manage somehow. 

 

There's another Indian guy(I don't know for sure if he is Indian or not, spiritual dreams is his user name, even he was frustrated by the advice because he thought it will impact his motivation to live life). I mean there's a pattern here. 

 

I'm an ethnic Indian girl, I'm also struggling like other Indians. I don't want to go down their path. I'm learning from their mistakes. 

 

Sorry but I had to speak the truth. 

 

Take what you want. 

 

 

 

Edited December 23, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

My message to Indians -

what I mean to say is that use the forum for journaling if you got serious issues but don't waste your time listening to Phil because his advice and insights are mostly word salad for someone seriously struggling in life. His words won't solve real issues. He is in his own bubble and he has money so no problem for him. But you have to stay away from such people because they are not relatable. 

 

[Reena]

 

I didn't say that they are scamming. Just not relatable to a lot of Indians who didn't benefit from them. 

 

If it works for you then great. Doesn't work for me though. 

 

 

[Reena]

  

 

(Now don't let that ruin your Christmas. I'm not trying to spoil anyone's fun. I'm not trying to ruin your personal happiness in any way. Nor should you concern yourself too much with me.) 

 

 

Okay here is my long ass reply - 

 

What I was trying to say is that it's okay if your perspective is "life is supposed to be fun." it probably serves you right.. Doesn't serve me though. I have to think that life is hardships because for me everyday is a struggle. Today I'm alive. Tomorrow I might be dead, homeless or whatever I'll never know. I don't want to think that life is supposed to be fun. Because my childhood showed me much harshness, losing a dad because we didn't have money for his medical issues. I mean I fell on hard times many many times throughout my childhood. I had to pull myself up by my bootstraps all by my own. I never had tuition in school. I achieved everything without help, all my academic qualifications. I don't have the luxury to assume that life is supposed to be fun. Also it's not good to rub it into someone's face. It's like you're eating a yummy  big creamy fat Christmas cake in front of someone who is starving. 

 

The same problem I encountered with my last psychiatrist. She used to have a face full of make up and stylish clothing and sitting in front of me during my sessions meanwhile I'm venting about my trauma and talking about self harm. It shows lack of concern or empathy. Even my sister observed that and noted it to me. She was like "who does this? Who puts a full makeup face in front of someone who might be deeply suffering?"

I'm not saying that enjoying is bad. Do it in your own time, in your own room. Fine. Just don't rub it into someone else. When I told that psychiatrist that I'm suicidal and I didn't have money to pay for another session, she hung up and basically told me to fuck off. I mean that's what I mean by lack of empathy. Life is supposed to be fun can look good to some whereas for others it can feel condescending and patronizing to someone who is having to deal with a lot of pain. 

 

If I have a car I am not going to take my car to a poor man's house and show him my car. It's just not good policy. 

 

It's not fair that some people have lots and lots of money while others are barely able to get through life. 

 

This reminds me of what Tupac Shakur said once - 

Because I feel like, you know, it’s too much money here. I mean, nobody should be hitting Lotto for 36 million and we got people starving in the streets. That is not idealistic, that’s just real. That is just stupid. There’s no way that Michael Jackson or whoever Jackson should have a million thousand droople billion dollars and then there’s people starving. There’s no way! There’s no way that these people should own planes and there people don’t have houses. Apartments. Shacks. Drawers. Pants! I know you’re rich. I know you got 40 billion dollars, but can you just keep it to one house? You only need one house. And if you only got two kids, can you just keep it to two rooms? I mean why have 52 rooms and you know there’s somebody with no room? It just don’t make sense to me. It don’t. And then these people celebrate Christmas. They got big trees, huge trees, all the little trimmings, everybody got gifts and there’s somebody starving. And they’re having a White Christmas. They’re having a great Christmas. Eggnog and the whole 9. That’s not fair to me.” – Tupac Shakur

 

 

And it also goes along with my message to Phil regarding the same - 

The problem with you is that you don't understand mental illness. You confuse it with "lack of spiritual awakening." 

 

Mental illness is not just (and limited to) self referential thoughts that are mal-intentioned. 

 

Mental illness is much deeper than that. I can't unpack it to you. Not my job really. Go to a psych ward, trauma center and talk to people. Collect your own clients and research. Too much armchair philosophy sitting in the armchair. I have been in mental wards. I have been mentally ill ever since childhood. My mom has been mentally ill all her life. I have several family members ravaged by mental illness and my uncle recently died of Parkinsons 

 

I know mental illness, not necessarily better, but more comprehensively than others. 

 

If you were to be a licensed psychologist, you'd do a poor job of it. This is not to discourage you. Just to tell you honest feedback. Be in the search of truth and meaning and not merely what feels good in the moment. 

Your idea of "good" is only your own idea of good. Will this apply for everyone else? Not necessarily. Absorb other's experiences too. 

Do you make notes on people's experiences. Do you ask them questions? Do you note down what makes them feel better? 

If not, then that's a ideological spiritual blowhard who likes to shout off from the podium. No different from televangelists. Try to be a listener too. Try to note down what others want too. Communication is a two way street. 

 

A good psychologist is like a good psychic medium. They hit the right notes. They say predictions that come true. If your predictions don't come true, you aren't a good psychologist. 

 

You cannot become a good psychologist by listening to the sound of your own words. Psychologist brings into their experience the awareness of the other. You seem to be focused on "how to make life fun" as the root of your fundamental teaching. But this is all nice feel good therapy but it's very inadequate by itself alone. You rely very heavily on your own interpretation. But in this process you literally canceled the patient. A vital and oft occuring flaw seen in bad outdated psychologists. I think you have your own place with your spiritual mumbo jumbo suited to a particular kind of audience but not suitable for people with mental illness. For someone like me it's too much woo woo and flim flam. I can label your style and brand of teachings as "cozy tripping." your teachings aren't wrong but ill-aligned. 

 

Mental illness is a hardcore thing and requires tremendous research, practice, commitment, like climbing mountains. Rigorous work. It's not about relaxation and blissing out. Most psychologists suffer burn out. Me too. Patients and psychologists have to work extremely hard, like they do in ER. 

It's that kind of stuff. 

 

That's why telling me that "life is supposed to be fun" is not gonna work. 

 

It's like telling a burn victim or rape victim "life is supposed to be fun." 

 

It's painfully mis-placed and mis-aligned rhetoric. 

 

Mental illness requires rigorousness. It's hard core science. 

 

Mental illness needs the Divine Masculine not the Divine Feminine. 

 

I'm not saying that you're entirely wrong. But your stuff has its own time and place. 

 

[Reena]

Don't give up hope. 

[Reena]

Mental illness is much deeper than that. I can't unpack it to you. Not my job really. Go to a psych ward, trauma center and talk to people. Collect your own clients and research. Too much armchair philosophy sitting in the armchair. I have been in mental wards. I have been mentally ill ever since childhood. My mom has been mentally ill all her life. I have several family members ravaged by mental illness and my uncle recently died of Parkinsons 

[Reena]

I simply don't care about anything 

[Reena]

I don't like humanity anymore. 

[Reena]

I just don't feel okay anymore. 

[Reena]

Just keep going. 

[Reena]

I don't want to be complimented or assured. I never asked for it. I just use my journal to express my pain because that expression brings me relief. 

And I'm tired of repeating it. 

Somehow these great so called online  communities don't understand a simple law - I want to be left alone in my journal.

 

They cannot respect such a simple law but they wanna get snarky about it with me. 

 

Manipulative are these online communities and these people who use my pain to play their moral games and moral narcissism. 

 

Why give me something I never ask for? Why torture me with your nonsense?

 

If you can't leave people alone, the problem lies with you and your moral narcissism. And your own moral narcissism and games is the highest manipulation

 

I told people multiple times to fuck off from my journal. I have told them multiple times to not praise me. Because these are fucking validation games that I don't wanna be a part of. 

 

I'm not tired of my own shit. I'm happy in it. Maybe I find happiness in my own sadness. What business is it to you? 

Maybe I don't want to live an awesome life. Maybe I want things a different way. 

 

Why should you think that I want what others want? Maybe I'm different from others and I'm okay with it. 

 

Why are you making my pain and sadness your concern or problem? 

 

 

 

ANYTHING at this point would be better than what you're doing now honestly. 

This is my problem. My problem is your narcissism where you get to decide what's better for me???? No no no. I should get to decide what's better for me. If it's my funeral then I should get to decide the color of my coffin, not you. That's why I'm tired of online people. Because they are always preaching me something I didn't ask for.

 

What I'm doing is better for me. And let me fucking do it. Don't interrupt it. Don't block my healing. Don't take away from me what's actually helping me. That's why I am fucking tired of your narcissistic crap. Always trying to tell me what's good for me. It's condescending so stop. 

 

Like Damn, don't you wanna live an awesome life!? 

Maybe I don't want to. I find peace in my own suffering and pain. I see heroism in it. If you have a problem then don't read it. 

 

Don't use my pain as a turf for your bullshit moral games where you get to say that you're better than me. You might be better than me but preach it to someone else. Don't use my pain and suffering to play your games with me. 

 

 

[Reena]

 

It's because I have to fight so hard just to tell people to leave me alone. It's their ego and pride I cannot deal with. 

I fight it hard because it goes against my truth. It's very invalidating. But the other person won't ever drop it. They will keep acting like they get to dictate my own truth to me. 

 

I know what's best for me. When I am already doing what's good for me, why do you get the authority to preach that it's not good for me. I can't accept something that is blocking my healing in my opinion. 

 

And it is your fucking moral narcissism to keep wanting to shove it down my throat. 

 

 

[Reena]

 

My journal is. They are my precious documents that you keep trying to ruin time and again. Keep posting some nonsense after nonsense in my journal threatening my feeling of privacy. 

 

Then telling me to journal with pen and paper when that thing doesn't help me. I like to feel like there is an audience but I don't want someone preaching me or telling me what to do. I didn't ask for it. 

 

My journal is like my room. When I'm crying in my room, you can't keep knocking on the door of my room. It feels threatening to my safe space.

 

My journal is my safe space to vent. My safe home. If you are try to destroy my home by barging into it, it is going to threaten my safe space. Why can't you fucking understand such a simple thing you spiritual new age woo woo bullshitter? 

 

[Reena]

 

I want it to be public because I want the feeling that I'm venting. I don't get the feeling that I'm venting if I'm doing it in privately in a book. It just doesn't feel good. 

 

But is it so hard to leave a person who is venting alone? Do we have to debate endlessly such a simple request? Jesus Christ. 

 

I want to vent in public but I don't want to be preached on my life and what I should or should not do. I only want the feeling that I'm being heard or listened to because it feels therapeutic to me. The act of being heard. 

 

Was this so hard to understand? 

 

You people need serious help if you cannot understand even a  basic thing a person is trying to convey. 

 

[Reena]

I just want to record my venting publicly because having a public record makes me feel safer. I don't want anyone suggesting me their crap. 

 

Gosh this was so hard I guess. 

[Reena]

This is what I was trying to say - 

 

I don't want Phil to change. But he keeps coming to me with the "I'm trying to fix you" attitude. I did not say "Phil please help me." I'm trying to help me. But he doesn't get it. He keeps bothering me in my journal as though he knows more than me. I was supposed to be journaling in peace. But he keeps butting his head into it. I mean he uses me as a fodder or something I don't know. I am some kind of a circus attraction for him. If he interfered less, I might feel a bit better. I mean there are others he might want to attend to who love his flim flam advice ya know. 

 

 

Joseph Maynor writes - 

 

Yeah. I get into the trap of that "I want to fix others" attitude too and I have to back off from that. It's something I realize is not always good. Everyone wants to shine, so they'll fix themselves. What I try to do ideally is empower others to fix themselves in their own unique way. That's what I like to think I do but I often don't adhere to that ideal I set. I have my own ideas, but I don't try to say they are true. They are just what I share. It could be worth crap to someone else. I'm ok with that too. I don't need to be Mr Better than. That does nothing for me. I think he is teaching a very specific specialty on the Path. Ditto for Leo. They think they are teaching everything without realizing they are teaching a specific thing too. That's the issue I think probably most fundamentally. 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

I eat one meal a day to save my money. 

 

To kinda last a month. Lately I have been working on my neighbors farm to earn an extra bit.