It's been a while since I received a hug

[Reena]

 

 

And then there are stories and then there are stories and then there are stories. And this is my drunk self speaking. 

 

[Reena]

I woke up because I was just cold. My blanket is 4 inches short and I could see my toes. 

 

If my body loses heat, I wake up.

 

Time to get a new blanket or something.

This blanket is nice but it doesn't fully  cover my toes. I'm no giant. 5 feet 6. Thin frame. The blanket is like a tea table cloth. 

Ugh. 

 

[Reena]

My father was a blue collar worker. He was also an army veteran. 

 

 

I'm a daughter of an army man yay. We call them service men in our country. 

 

That's why I have an automatic attraction to blue collar men like factory workers, truck drivers, guys who wear uniform etc. 

 

I like the idea of a guy who does physical labor. I don't know why I find it to be so attractive.

 

My last boyfriend was a grave digger.

 

 

[Reena]

You'll be fine. You'll be fine. 

[Reena]

 

                              

 

Indian elephant motif. 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 28, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

                         

 

                            

 

 

 

Edited December 28, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 28, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

 

 

It's not your job to figure out what's wrong with the world. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 28, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

Also focus on inner bliss. Mental states

 

 

[Reena]

The psychiatrist canceled my appointment because she is going on vacation. 

[Reena]

 

      

 

 

I want to give myself some delicate loving treatment today. My body never received it. 

 

                              

 

I always feel like I'll die early. This fear existed in me ever since my dad died.. 

                              

 

 

 

Edited December 28, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

I have realized that I have lots of problems in my life and I tend to overcomplicate those problems rather than oversimplify them. 

 

I have also realized that the internet is a horrible place to be. Most people are trolls or very trollish. They have zero idea of what real problems are and they either come for distraction or drama. And they constantly try to find someone to rile up. 

Emotions no matter how genuine don't mean anything to these people. 

 

If there is anything that you have to be extremely cautious about especially as a woman then it's the men on the internet. This internet is a huge illusion. It has both good and bad. You have to get the good and learn to navigate the bad.. 

 

 

[Reena]

Sometimes I ask myself - why was life such a cruel joke to me? I have always been a good student in  school. 

I have always tried to do the right thing. 

 

Then why does life molest me? 

Why does life torture me with twists and turns? 

 

I have realized that my borderline disorder has a huge role to play in my internal misery. Borderline is extremely hard. It's not a mood disorder. It's like cancer. It literally eats you. Nothing feels okay. Everything is very chaotic when you are borderline. It's like you are holding onto every breath. 

 

[Reena]

Sometimes I wonder if it's even safe to vent in public. What if your personal information gets weaponized against you in the most horrendous manner imaginable? 

 

What if all of your history of mental illness is used to attack you? 

 

[Alexander]

19 minutes ago, Reena said:

Sometimes I wonder if it's even safe to vent in public. What if your personal information gets weaponized against you in the most horrendous manner imaginable? 

 

What if all of your history of mental illness is used to attack you? 

 

Nobody gives 2 fucks about you.

[Reena]

Let's keep it civil and not interfere in each other's journals. 

Shall we? 

I want my journal to be a safe space for my inner expression and not a place for you to come and shit on. 

 

[Reena]

43 minutes ago, Reena said:

Sometimes I ask myself - why was life such a cruel joke to me? I have always been a good student in  school. 

I have always tried to do the right thing. 

 

Then why does life molest me? 

Why does life torture me with twists and turns? 

 

I have realized that my borderline disorder has a huge role to play in my internal misery. Borderline is extremely hard. It's not a mood disorder. It's like cancer. It literally eats you. Nothing feels okay. Everything is very chaotic when you are borderline. It's like you are holding onto every breath. 

 

The struggles of borderline people are difficult to understand. 

Most people might assume that it's all drama. Because most normal people don't feel emotions to the extent that a borderline person feels. A borderline person can experience deep distress even in a casual situation. 

 

[Reena]

Just now, Reena said:

The struggles of borderline people are difficult to understand. 

Most people might assume that it's all drama. Because most normal people don't feel emotions to the extent that a borderline person feels. A borderline person can experience deep distress even in a casual situation.

This can rapidly disorient and spiral out of control. 

Borderlines are basically ticking time bombs. They can't draw a boundary between normal and abnormal emotion. It's like that part of their brain is off. 

[Reena]

There is no need to hate someone, just saying. 

[Reena]

I feel like my safe space gets vandalized every time someone comments in my journal.