It's been a while since I received a hug

[Reena]

It's very touch to explain emotional abuse. I don't know how to do that. I don't know anyone else who can do that.

 

Emotional abuse is a very subtle yet powerful thing. 

It involves blaming, victim shaming, gaslighting, invalidating, discouraging, indirect threatening. 

 

 

I remember feeling "emotionally raped" online a year ago. 

 

The guy basically kept persuading me for sex and almost threatened me that he will continue to harass me if I didn't cave in. 

 

I remember feeling extremely low and uncomfortable that day. Sort of violated. I just couldn't have the courage to resist him and tell him to fuck off. 

 

I have seen that men on the internet are especially hostile and you have to be very careful and have some thick skin to be able to deal with it. 

 

I have seen this dynamic play out with another woman as well. She was much older than me, probably twice my age. I thought her experience and maturity might help her. Yet. No. She complained of the same sexism that I complained about. 

The men would argue with her after which they would use insults instead of arguments. This is a given. 

At last he called her the B word and she was just stunned. She did say a bit about it and then I saw that the owner didn't do anything about it. He let it slide. So she was mad and upset with him. She decided to leave of her own accord. She did return after some time periodically. The man who had been abusive to her was never disciplined. 

 

You can't have a healthy internet environment like that. 

 

 

[Reena]

 

The Karen phenomenon. If anyone has dealt with it. 

I have dealt with it a lot. 

When I was in America some woman said, "go back to your country" as I was jogging in the park. This was years ago. 

 

Some people just love to start a fight. It amazes me. Like the lady who is 60 years old something. She kicked me out of a community simply because I told her to feed her pig lol. 

She began making useless accusations against me that I'm asking for too much help and that asking for help was rude. How was I rude if I asked for help? I only told her that If I were to feed her pig I would be needing some help. She was like "I can't help you right now." and proceeded to tell people that I should not be allowed to work on the farm. 

 

She acted like a total Karen. 

 

Difficult to deal with Karens. 

 

They make you lose your job or remove you without reason. 

 

If you visit a store, they tell the store manager to get you removed. 

 

It's hilarious (but not really funny). 

 

They see brown skin and they are triggered lol. 

 

Not to say brown Karens and black Karens don't exist. Karens in every race. But most of the Karens of white race that as a brown person you come across and it's a bad racism experience. 

They really see a brown person as a threat lol. 

Thank God for social media they get exposed. 

Nobody should remove you from premises for your skin color or whatever. 

Also what I noticed is that these women are always clinging to some power or authority. Or else how will they fire people from jobs? 

 

Seriously unethical behavior that goes unchecked. 

 

So many people lost their jobs to a Karen.

[Reena]

Barfing is an important component of mental illness especially trauma induced mental illness. 

 

[Reena]

There's a component of lack of optimism also. 

[Reena]

I have the generational trauma of being a woman and also being an ethnic minority 

 

Generational trauma can manifest as resentment towards your oppressor. 

 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

I have the generational trauma of being a woman and also being an ethnic minority 

 

Generational trauma can manifest as resentment towards your oppressor. 

 

It's a bit of a carryover of past suffering of ancestors. 

 

[Reena]

My grandmother used to tell my mom how the British used to exist during those times of my great grandmother. 

 

And the British committed terrible atrocities on Indians. Discrimination and Apartheid. 

 

Indians were beaten up, held in prison, tortured and enslaved by the British. 

There are British palaces/castles and artifacts still in the ancestral village of my grandmother 

And people feel this sense of fear when they pass by these places. It reminds us of the British conquest of India. It was terrible. 

 

Before the British occupation, there was Islamic Invasion of India by the Arabs. It was extremely cruel as millions of Hindus were slaughtered during the invasion. 

 

Lot of forceful conversions to Islam during this period of invasion. 

 

So there is generational trauma around white people specifically British, around Muslim people due to Islamic invasion before the British colony, and generational trauma of being an ethnic Indian woman. Because Indian women in ancestral times were subjected to extreme brutality. 

 

[Reena]

The British must have been amazed by the shocking bravery displayed by tribal Indians in getting rid of the British colonization. 

 

Being considered racially inferior to white people who considered themselves racially superior, this must be significant generational trauma for a lot of Indians. 

 

 

[Reena]

There was added burden of racism by the British against Indians. 

 

But this is hardcore ancestral stuff and there's no point in going back to that. 

 

The British left India at some point and everything else is buried in time now. 

 

 

I can't believe I dated a British German guy last year. 

I never even brought up the subject of the British colonization of India. Strangely it never occurred to me. He would have felt a bit odd if I had brought it up.. 

 

The British were terribly oppressive to Indians. 

 

I usually don't think much of the British other than that they are a bit strict and stiff kind of people. 

 

They must have been that way even during those times. 

 

When I'm talking to a British person online, I have mixed emotions. Part of me wants to not bring up our ancestral past and still be friendly. Part of me wants to resent talking to a British person. Mixed bag. 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I will never date a British again. It feels wrong. Like I'm being bad to my ancestors and not considering their suffering. 

 

Yet the more we ruminate on history, racism will keep perpetuating. We have to forget the past if we want to truly move forward in race relations. 

 

 

It's like - let bygones be bygones. 

 

 

[Reena]

I don't eat beef. It's against my religion. 

 

No beer no pork 

 

 

[Reena]

                                       

 

 

There is good news today. 

 

I earned $20 from farm work. 

I ate a huge fat dinner for Christmas. 

Edited December 25, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

Color therapy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 25, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

Color therapy 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 26, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

Color therapy. 

[Reena]

Color therapy 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 26, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

                                        

What happens when you treat everything as Enlightement? 

Nothin.... Absolutely nuffin. 

                                     

 

A reprieve, a break from all the stresses of life. I had so much farm work I got tired. 

 

                                         

Women are always told how to be graceful, how to be elegant or they will be the target of harassment. Men will chastise them. Make them un-important, un-valued. It's like your worth is proportinal to how much you are held on a pedestal. And what if you don't respect that pedestal. Then you are in for a free fall, down you go, they are going to prey on your character flaws (if they can even ever be called that). You couldn't be serious as a woman. 

                                    

Is it their collective trauma that men throw at us or is it their collective prejudice?

 

 

 

 

Edited December 26, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

I wonder what kind of people say - don't take life too seriously. 

 

Yeah tell that to the homeless. 

 

It's so convulated and disgusting. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

                                

 

The things I will say to my daughter are the same things a real mother would have said to me. Not my shitty fake mother. But a real mother. 

 

A real mother would have said to me - hey child, look out for yourself. Challenge the establishment. Think Big. Be a rebel. Don't live in this deficient state. Grow up. Learn to criticize. Being satisfied is for children. 

 

I always hear this music in the background. 

 

                                 

I feel sometimes like I'm a complex phenomenon. 

 

 

Yea people demand change. Get over it. If someone wants something there is nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't create any conflict of interest for others. Oh Lord, get over yourselves. There is nothing selfish in wanting peace. 

 

 

Edited December 26, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

                               

 

 

 

I'm entitled to my own peace... Lmao. 

 

Edited December 26, 2023 by Reena