Hey homo!

[Reena]

38 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

I neither ask for your forgiveness nor do I want it. 

Then take your drama with you lol. What do you want now? Phantom justice? This is such a joke. I gave you the clarity you wanted. What are you looking for? Oh you thought you're going to smear and malign me here and set me up to be the villain of your love story! Go ahead then. I made myself clear. If you want to make me the Devil of your relationship, fine. Or you can choose to reflect on how you can have better relationships in the future. That's up to you. It's your life, your choice. Or you can continue blaming me here to satisfy yourself. It will do absolutely nothing to me. I am free and confident in that I didn't do anything wrong. So everything you do is futile. You can hold it against me, fine. I'm ok with it. I'm on the right path. So I'm completely fine. I always try to see how I can do the right thing in a situation. It gives me satisfaction. You just called me a bitch. Ok fine, I have been called that before. It doesn't phase me anymore. I'm not anyone's enemy, neither a friend. As long as I have faith in what I do, I shouldn't bother myself with what others think. If I did wrong, I'll apologize to them, or I'll correct where I did wrong, it's that simple. All I care about is walking on the right path. 

 

[Reborn]

It's fine. Let's vent out all that bitterness and boredom, honey

[Jonas Long]

21 minutes ago, Reborn said:

 

You probably have to go to festivals full of weed smoking hippie spooks in order to find the cool sorts of spiritual people. You won't find them amongst the bitter introverted wannabe intelectual online forums dwellers, that's for sure

lol NO THANKS. i am allergic to jam bands.  i live in asheville, there's plenty of cool "spiritual" people here.

[Reena]

3 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

lol NO THANKS. i am allergic to jam bands.  i live in asheville, there's plenty of cool "spiritual" people here.

Isn't Asheville in North Carolina? 

 

[Proserpina]

The amount of mental torture and trauma I was in caused me to vomit repeatedly and go into psychosis soon after.  And not the pleasant kind.  I don't appreciate being pushed into psychosis because of a lack of empathy.   Call it 'drama' and bitterness if you will but every time I go into psychosis it causes me permanent braindamage.  People need to be mindful. 

[Reena]

I'm so done with this. It's like mental torture. 

[Jonas Long]

39 minutes ago, Reena said:

Isn't Asheville in North Carolina? 

 

Yeah 

[Jonas Long]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

This community is much better behaved than most.  If this forum triggers you, you might take a look at you.  It's hard to ask more from others than what you put out yourself, generally speaking.  To ask for more is a presumption and unreasonable.  You get what you give.

I mean, I trigger you enough for you to block me, apparently 

[Jonas Long]

You silly homos!  This was supposed to be a fun thread.

[Reborn]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

This community is much better behaved than most.

I beg to differ

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

If this forum triggers you, you might take a look at you.

I did. I look fabulous

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

It's hard to ask more from others than what you put out yourself, generally speaking.

Well, I expect nothing less than the fabulousness my immaculate being is eminating

[Alexander]

1 hour ago, Proserpina said:

The amount of mental torture and trauma I was in caused me to vomit repeatedly and go into psychosis soon after.  And not the pleasant kind.  I don't appreciate being pushed into psychosis because of a lack of empathy.   Call it 'drama' and bitterness if you will but every time I go into psychosis it causes me permanent braindamage.  People need to be mindful. 

Yeah they should.Sorry you've been through trauma hope it will not cause psychosis.❤️

[Jonas Long]

2 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

This community is much better behaved than most.  If this forum triggers you, you might take a look at you.  It's hard to ask more from others than what you put out yourself, generally speaking.  To ask for more is a presumption and unreasonable.  You get what you give.

and he's in my thread saying this,,,,the irony

[Reena]

I thought this was a fun thread!

 

 

 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Reena

[Proserpina]

 

3 hours ago, Alexander said:

Yeah they should.Sorry you've been through trauma hope it will not cause psychosis.❤️

Thanks fellow survivor.   I noticed this: 

I think a lack of empathy from others causes schizoaffective to worsen radically and lays at the heart of it.  Love and communication improves it.  Lack of empathy is like punching someone who already has brain-damage, even if they deserve it.  It doesn't help the situation, it simply worsens it.  There is a momentum to a lack of empathy from others.   It causes schizoaffective to become worse and worse until they can't see reality unless they are given love, empathy or communication.  They are the result of a failed system (that reaches generations).  They just keep being given less and less empathy as the momentum is out of control and then blamed for it when they are now disabled and brain-damaged. 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Self correction: I'm outside PMDD now.  I feel a lot of pain, regret and shame.  I think I dealt with this month in a really imbalanced way.  My thoughts have changed and I don't think the same things before.  I don't think anyone cheated or did anything wrong (I think I was in mild psychosis).  I think I was just in a lot of pain.  All I can do is take my medication and hope for positive manifestations in the future like before when I was on my medication religiously for months and months.

Edited November 22, 2023 by Proserpina

[Reena]

Don't you think I should be expecting an apology in your mind? No?

 

Any concern for how I must feel in all of this psychosis outrage you directed at me?? I fucking suffer from serious medical conditions. And this is what I have a problem with in my dealings with such females. This blatant lack of concern for another woman who you just attacked a couple of days heralding for a moral victory. And this was not the first time this happened where I was accused of this nonsense cheating thing. I was even publicly attacked on the server. And this thing caused me tremendous stress and harm. Months of mental pain and stress and anxiety of being attacked. 

And now she will not even apologize to me. Typical. Not one word. It's again all about her. She won't feel sorry for me, will she?  When I attack someone and realize I could be wrong I make the effort to apologize to the person I attacked. But not here. Here the female will act like she did wrong and hey it was her mental illness. Yea man, whenever you go through a psychotic break, just attack everyone and when things come to your senses, just blame it on psychosis and expect to be forgiven. And what about personal responsibility of saying " sorry." So the onus is on me to forgive her but there is no onus on her to even say a fucking sorry for what she did to me. Yea because that kind of thing is only possible if there was even a 0.00001 % concern for another person who you publicly attacked and impacted their mental health?????? Not one ounce of empathy for the anxiety I have been dealing with since the attack. So I don't owe an apology you mean? 

Try thinking about others too when you do this to others at your own discretion and out of your psychosis and let them simply deal with the pain you cause them without trying to remedy the hurt you cause. The way you came at me. But when you realized that it was all in your head you leave a simple note saying it was your psychosis. How about taking some ownership and saying "Hey girl, sorry for being  mean to you and accusing you of things that were untrue." 

Attacking me publicly wasn't against your pride. But apologizing to me publicly might definitely be against your pride. This is how I lose trust with such women. 

 

You expect empathy from me? You were in lot of pain, you were in lot of pain. I heard you alright. But what about my pain that you caused? Will there be any empathy for that? 

Even today when I woke up in the morning my first thought was - what if she attacked me again, how will I deal with it? 

Your problem is that you had zero empathy for me but needed empathy for yourself. You have no concern for what someone else might be suffering as a result of your psychosis. And this is not a part of your psychosis. Your partner even told you to think that others exist too around you. 

 

I have empathy for your mental illness but I'm fed up playing saint in every situation, taking the high road and forgiving people and letting them attack me over and over. It takes a toll on my health. Plus zero empathy for me, I'll die if I continue to always showing empathy. I'm always having to suck up when someone shits on me. I suffer mental illness too.. But I guess I'll be just be ignored because how I feel simply doesn't matter. 

 

Also stop using words like "crucify" when others hold you accountable for something you did. It makes it seem like others are attacking you when you are the one who initiates it. It's sneaky and manipulative (probably something your exes notice about you). Don't weaponize your mental illness and make it about how bad you feel. Others feel bad too. 

 

Edited November 22, 2023 by Reena

[Proserpina]

13 minutes ago, Reena said:

Don't you think I should be expecting an apology in your mind? No?

 

Any concern for how I must feel in all of this psychosis outrage you directed at me?? I fucking suffer from serious medical conditions. And this is what I have a problem with in my dealings with such females. This blatant lack of concern for another woman who you just attacked a couple of days heralding for a moral victory. And this was not the first time this happened where I was accused of this nonsense cheating thing. I was even publicly attacked on the server. And this thing caused me tremendous stress and harm. Months of mental pain and stress and anxiety of being attacked. 

And now she will not even apologize to me. Typical. Not one word. It's again all about her. She won't feel sorry for me, will she?  When I attack someone and realize I could be wrong I make the effort to apologize to the person I attacked. But not here. Here the female will act like she did wrong and hey it was her mental illness. Yea man, whenever you go through a psychotic break, just attack everyone and when things come to your senses, just blame it on psychosis and expect to be forgiven. And what about personal responsibility of saying " sorry." So the onus is on me to forgive her but there is no onus on her to even say a fucking sorry for what she did to me. Yea because that kind of thing is only possible if there was even a 0.00001 % concern for another person who you publicly attacked and impacted their mental health?????? Not one ounce of empathy for the anxiety I have been dealing with since the attack. So I don't owe an apology you mean? 

Try thinking about others too when you do this to others at your own discretion and out of your psychosis and let them simply deal with the pain you cause them without trying to remedy the hurt you cause. The way you came at me. But when you realized that it was all in your head you leave a simple note saying it was your psychosis. How about taking some ownership and saying "Hey girl, sorry for being  mean to you and accusing you of things that were untrue." 

Attacking me publicly wasn't against your pride. But apologizing to me publicly might definitely be against your pride. This is how I lose trust with such women. 

 

You expect empathy from me? You were in lot of pain, you were in lot of pain. I heard you alright. But what about my pain that you caused? Will there be any empathy for that? 

Even today when I woke up in the morning my first thought was - what if she attacked me again, how will I deal with it? 

Your problem is that you had zero empathy for me but needed empathy for yourself. You have no concern for what someone else might be suffering as a result of your psychosis. And this is not a part of your psychosis. Your partner even told you to think that others exist too around you. 

 

I have empathy for your mental illness but I'm fed up playing saint in every situation, taking the high road and forgiving people and letting them attack me over and over. It takes a toll on my health. Plus zero empathy for me, I'll die if I continue to always showing empathy. I'm always having to suck up when someone shits on me. I suffer mental illness too.. But I guess I'll be just be ignored because how I feel simply doesn't matter. 

 

 

I do apologize.  I thought apologising wouldn't mean much.  But I tried to repair the situation the best I could.  I'm sorry for the pain I put you through.  I understand that it must of caused you suffering and I'm sorry for that.  You don't deserve that.  

Edited November 22, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

@Reena I'm sorry I caused you suffering.   I apologize.  

 

Unless you didn't read it, here's what I wrote on the server: 

I think I just saw things in a screwed way because everything shifted so quickly.  I was trying to make fit something that wasn't meant to fit.  Everything just changed so quickly.  My mind couldn't properly rap itself around it.  So it filled in the blanks and saw things that weren't there. And then my PMDD became insistent and mean.  But I don't always have PMDD, my mind clears and I can see clearly.  Mostly the last few months I've been in psychosis so I haven't had time to think about it until recently.  I just didn't understand so much..... my pmdd is a problem.   I go into psychosis during PMDD. A type of psychosis.  Normally I'm very calm during major negative psychosis but there's also minor PMDD psychosis.  It's more like classic psychosis during minor PMDD psychosis.  Delusions.  Whereas major negative psychosis doesn't feel like delusions, but more like another reality.  It's real.  I couldn't process the end of my relationship.  It just wasn't processing.  I couldn't process a lot of things.  I needed meds to process.

[Reena]

9 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

 

I do apologize.  I thought apologising wouldn't mean much.  But I tried to repair the situation the best I could.  I'm sorry for the pain I put you through.  I understand that it must of caused you suffering and I'm sorry for that.  You don't deserve that.  

 

Just now, Proserpina said:

@Reena I'm sorry I caused you suffering.   I apologize.  

 

Unless you didn't read it, here's what I wrote on the server: 

I think I just saw things in a screwed way because everything shifted so quickly.  I was trying to make fit something that wasn't meant to fit.  Everything just changed so quickly.  My mind couldn't properly rap itself around it.  So it filled in the blanks and saw things that weren't there. And then my PMDD became insistent and mean.  But I don't always have PMDD, my mind clears and I can see clearly.  Mostly the last few months I've been in psychosis so I haven't had time to think about it until recently.  I just didn't understand so much..... my pmdd is a problem.   I go into psychosis during PMDD. A type of psychosis.  Normally I'm very calm during major negative psychosis but there's also minor PMDD psychosis.  It's more like classic psychosis during minor PMDD psychosis.  Delusions.  Whereas major negative psychosis doesn't feel like delusions, but more like another reality.  It's real.  I couldn't process the end of my relationship.  It just wasn't processing.  I couldn't process a lot of things.  I needed meds to process.

Thanks. I wish you the best in your recovery. 

[Jonas Long]

@Reena @Proserpina at least you 2 don't feel the need to "ignore" each other...that shows a level of maturity ar least.