Single, in my late twenties and frustrated. How to cope?

[Jonas Long]

6 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said:

If you fix your childhood wounds and your relationship with your parents, that could be a game changer.

Yeah and if you simply earn a million dollars you'll stop being so broke. 

[Reena]

7 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said:

If you fix your childhood wounds and your relationship with your parents, that could be a game changer.

I'm an adult now. I can't fix what's lost in my childhood and what's gone. Important to remember that changes that occur in child brain have permanently wired and deformed my brain for a lifetime. My upbringing made it tough for me to distinguish between good and bad and I accepted toxic relationships because I never had a positive blueprint to be inspired by. Part of it is also genetic. This genetic propensity to rely on romantic relationships and inherent neediness. Plus my mental disorder involves sensation seeking behavior. It means even a simple romance won't suffice me. It has to be movie-like. Adrenaline pumping type of romance. My coping mechanisms as a child included adventure seeking and seeking higher sensation to feel alive. To snap out of misery. My romantic relationships so far have been overwhelming, risky, stormy and turbulent. It's like I got used to living dangerously. There was never an idea of peace as a child. Extremely chaotic. 

My relationship with my parent will never be fixed because they don't try to change no matter how much I change to their expectations. My parent never wanted peace. They can never snap out of their self righteousness. Plus they have "yes" people around them who support their behavior. 

 

I'm left with trying to cope as much as possible. And see what fits best for me. 

 

Romance for me has become a drug. I don't feel good if I don't get a dose of sexual thoughts everyday. It's just what it is.. 

 

It's not exactly an addiction. More like coping. 

 

 

[spiritual dreams]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

I'm an adult now. I can't fix what's lost in my childhood and what's gone. Important to remember that changes that occur in child brain have permanently wired and deformed my brain for a lifetime. My upbringing made it tough for me to distinguish between good and bad and I accepted toxic relationships because I never had a positive blueprint to be inspired by.

Not necessarily true.

 

[Reena]

@spiritual dreams fine I'm aware of these things but that's not what the thread is about and neither am I looking for that kind of a solution. 

 

[spiritual dreams]

fair enough.

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

I'm an adult now. I can't fix what's lost in my childhood and what's gone. Important to remember that changes that occur in child brain have permanently wired and deformed my brain for a lifetime.

Are you sure though? If it has to be remembered maybe it’s not a wiring issue per se. 
Whatever feels best though. That’s the important aspect (imo). 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

My upbringing made it tough for me to distinguish between good and bad and I accepted toxic relationships because I never had a positive blueprint to be inspired by.

 

It might sounds weird, but what if no one does… and that’s because there isn’t actually good & bad? Maybe a lot of people just be out there believing they know there is, and what is and who is. 

But what if there’s ignorance, and actions & behaviors therein… but no toxic technically, no good & bad, and therein no good & bad people. 

I don’t know. Again, I’d go with what resonates. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

Part of it is also genetic. This genetic propensity to rely on romantic relationships and inherent neediness.

Maybe. But it could also be related to the wiring & good and bad situation.

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

Plus my mental disorder involves sensation seeking behavior.

Maybe that’s related to it too. 

Don’t ask me though, I have no idea. I’d go with what resonates. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

It means even a simple romance won't suffice me. It has to be movie-like. Adrenaline pumping type of romance.

Those could be one & in the same. It does sound like my marriage. It’s at the same time quite simple, yet also very romantic and quite adrenaline pumping. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

My coping mechanisms as a child included adventure seeking and seeking higher sensation to feel alive. To snap out of misery.

I definitely hear you on that misery. Took a healing substance once that like, flushed it all right out. Wasn’t a one dose situation, took a while, but it was really worthwhile. Now it’s hard, impossible honestly to bring it to mind. It’s like I remembered something else that just isn’t comparable with misery. I found I had some weird misunderstandings about myself. But again though, nothing is a ‘one size fits all’ of course. Gotta go with what feels best. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

My romantic relationships so far have been overwhelming, risky, stormy and turbulent. It's like I got used to living dangerously.

That sounds a lot like my marriage in the beginning. 😂 Then I would’ve bet my life it was her. Humbling seeing it’s what I was thinkin. In a really good way though. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

There was never an idea of peace as a child. Extremely chaotic. 

That really lands here as well. So much stress, anger, etc. Learned a lot, but man, seemed like there just wasn’t any peace to be found. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

My relationship with my parent will never be fixed because they don't try to change no matter how much I change to their expectations.

Oh God yes. 🎯 I do remember that. I went through the same thing. Or similar at least. I don’t really know what you went through. Come to think of it, I never really knew what my parents went through either. I don’t think I even considered it until I was almost 30 or so. Then it kinda hit me. I asked em about and holy crap, it honestly sounded way worse than my situation. It kinda opened up, dare I say it… some appreciation for them. Glad I went through all that though. Now we get along great. Even with them being super-Catholic and what not. It’s like we’re all on the same page in some more fundamental or more important way. I don’t know, it’s really nice though. Like that peace that seemed like it was missing before. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

My parent never wanted peace. They can never snap out of their self righteousness. Plus they have "yes" people around them who support their behavior. 

Oh goodness yes. That was, and still is my folks. All those ‘church people’ just reinforcing it too. It used to get under my skin but now it’s like they seem to share that underlying sameness or something. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

I'm left with trying to cope as much as possible. And see what fits best for me. 

Yeah. Also very relatable. I get the hell outta there when I turned 18. Tried all kinds of stuff to get my head on right. Therapists, pills, etc. I get that those help a lot of people, but in hindsight I feel really blessed that it just didn’t work for me. Kinda pushed me right towards truth in a big way. I do hope you find what works for you though. 🙏🏼♥️

[Joseph Maynor]

On 11/8/2023 at 8:14 AM, Reborn said:

 [I]t’s always usefull to remember that, at the end of the day, we choose to live the lives we are living. Life puts various challenges and obstacles ahead of us, but it's up to us to mold our life into what we want. Victim mentality is harmfull and destructive.

I agree 100%.  I like to say don’t complain about something if you haven’t tried a lot to fix it.

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I agree 100%.  I like to say don’t complain about something if you haven’t tried a lot to fix it.

I don't know how this is not considered as instigation by Phil. I don't appreciate you @Joseph Maynorconstantly jumping on my threads and then calling me victim mentality. By now you have done this almost 6 times around the forum. It's very frustrating. I don't want anything to do with you anymore in my life. I already ended every conflict in the last thread. Please move on and don't disturb my peace anymore. I have not asked for your opinion and your opinion is always the same that I'm playing victim or whatever. I kindly disagree. Venting, feeling hurt/pain or frustration or emptying or  expressing such emotions is not the same as playing victim. I'm tired of your narrative and the constant imposition of that narrative on me. Also seeking empathy is not the same as seeking sympathy. And neither is seeking empathy playing victim. I'm not here to teach you what's right or wrong because that is your own job to do. I always consider myself a struggler, fighter, survivor and not a victim. I'm tired of you and Phil and the bossist attitude that both possess. Enough now. I'm going to cut off my communication with both. I like open minded people and I don't see open mindedness in Phil or you. Goodluck with your endeavors.

 

 

[Reena]

@Joseph Maynor you do instigate but rather indirectly.

[Reborn2]

7 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I agree 100%.  I like to say don’t complain about something if you haven’t tried a lot to fix it.

It is true and also not true at the same time. Things are more complicated than that, there are a lot of things you do not have control over and you absolutely are and could be a victim of, and in fact free will itself is a questionable concept. I no longer stay by what I've said to her or whoever it is, in this instance, especially not in this particuliar context.

Edited February 17 by Reborn2

[Mandy]

6 hours ago, Reena said:

I don't know how this is not considered as instigation by Phil. I don't appreciate you @Joseph Maynorconstantly jumping on my threads and then calling me victim mentality. By now you have done this almost 6 times around the forum. It's very frustrating. I don't want anything to do with you anymore in my life. I already ended every conflict in the last thread. Please move on and don't disturb my peace anymore. I have not asked for your opinion and your opinion is always the same that I'm playing victim or whatever. I kindly disagree. Venting, feeling hurt/pain or frustration or emptying or  expressing such emotions is not the same as playing victim. I'm tired of your narrative and the constant imposition of that narrative on me. Also seeking empathy is not the same as seeking sympathy. And neither is seeking empathy playing victim. I'm not here to teach you what's right or wrong because that is your own job to do. I always consider myself a struggler, fighter, survivor and not a victim. I'm tired of you and Phil and the bossist attitude that both possess. Enough now. I'm going to cut off my communication with both. I like open minded people and I don't see open mindedness in Phil or you. Goodluck with your endeavors.

 

 

I know this is your thread and it's really difficult to not see the comments as being about you, but Joseph's comment could have been taken personally or impersonally. Because it was taken personally there's suffering, and the thoughts about it hurt, and they fuel the fire by giving you more personal thoughts about others. 

 

8 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I agree 100%.  I like to say don’t complain about something if you haven’t tried a lot to fix it.

On its own, forgetting your assumed history with Joseph, this is just general advice for life, you can't focus on what you want while you're complaining. 

 

You have the power to question whether something is really about you or not, rather than automatically assuming that it is and feeling the burn, trying to rid yourself of the suffering of it and then being forced into reaction.  Even when it's directly addressed, like your comment above is about Joseph and Phil, it's still not really about them. They don't have the power to disturb your peace, your habit of taking it personally is being shown to you in such a powerful way. You can live in this reactivity forever, or drop it and inspect it now. Now is forever anyway. 

 

Try writing with a line between every sentence for a little while.

 

Try slowing down, spacing it out, and really listen and feeling into what you yourself are saying.

 

Do you like your own words?

 

Or do they hurt as much as other's are being purported to? 

 

It's a great tool to move out of the suffering of reactivity and really communicate and love as you intended to. 

 

We are all in this together. 

 

Let's bring in some space, and allow ourselves some space, as we've defined space as what's being wanted. 

 

You are the Queen of the castle of your own emotional landscape and it has far more rooms than are need, far more space. 

 

You could say we came to blow the roof off this place, but it turns out there already is none, there's no roof, and no glass ceiling.

 

All that's needed to see and feel the wonder of the sky overhead is to stop complaining about the dust on the stone castle floor, and just look up.

 

 

 

[Reena]

5 hours ago, Mandy said:

I know this is your thread and it's really difficult to not see the comments as being about you, but Joseph's comment could have been taken personally or impersonally. Because it was taken personally there's suffering, and the thoughts about it hurt, and they fuel the fire by giving you more personal thoughts about others. 

 

On its own, forgetting your assumed history with Joseph, this is just general advice for life, you can't focus on what you want while you're complaining. 

 

You have the power to question whether something is really about you or not, rather than automatically assuming that it is and feeling the burn, trying to rid yourself of the suffering of it and then being forced into reaction.  Even when it's directly addressed, like your comment above is about Joseph and Phil, it's still not really about them. They don't have the power to disturb your peace, your habit of taking it personally is being shown to you in such a powerful way. You can live in this reactivity forever, or drop it and inspect it now. Now is forever anyway. 

 

Try writing with a line between every sentence for a little while.

 

Try slowing down, spacing it out, and really listen and feeling into what you yourself are saying.

 

Do you like your own words?

 

Or do they hurt as much as other's are being purported to? 

 

It's a great tool to move out of the suffering of reactivity and really communicate and love as you intended to. 

 

We are all in this together. 

 

Let's bring in some space, and allow ourselves some space, as we've defined space as what's being wanted. 

 

You are the Queen of the castle of your own emotional landscape and it has far more rooms than are need, far more space. 

 

You could say we came to blow the roof off this place, but it turns out there already is none, there's no roof, and no glass ceiling.

 

All that's needed to see and feel the wonder of the sky overhead is to stop complaining about the dust on the stone castle floor, and just look up.

 

 

 

I'm not reacting but responding where I feel I should. Every person's right.

 

[Reena]

I'm not here to achieve emotional mastery anyway. I'm here for personal growth and personal growth is highly personal. It can't be decided by someone like you. I think if you are at least pretending to help others, you should do it from the place they're at or where they're coming from.

You have to meet the tide where the tide meets you and you can't expect to meet the tide on a mountain.

What is the cause of intense discord between me and you is not that I'm not inspecting my beliefs...... it's not the inspection rather it's the imposition of beliefs which is the root cause of discord. If you constantly told me that I have problems because I don't act like a deer, that I'm not hyper vigilant as a deer, that all of my problems stem from not acting like a deer. This is not called inspecting belief that I don't act like a deer. This is called imposing of belief. You're pressuring me to align with your line of thought which is sort of an illegal practice in a way. If you claim that you are not a teacher, you should not be doing it. You can't pressure someone to adopt your policy or guidance. I'm Me. And I will know myself better than anyone. This is not an emotional mastery contest. Maybe I'm more emotionally matured than you, this cannot be decided and is highly subjective.

The fact that you hammer your unsolicited opinion on me already shows your low emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent people try to create resonance with the person who they are talking to.

 

For example if you are dealing with your children and you don't understand their emotions and desires, I'm sorry to say but in my eyes you are a failed parent.

 

You thinking that there is something lacking in me (or even indirectly implying that I lack emotional skill) could very well be your assumption just like the assumption of Joseph Maynor that I have victim mentality. These are false and they are projections and assumptions.

 

 

Assumptions and projections are bound to create intense discord in a person because the person would feel misunderstood as the stated assumptions and projections conflict with how the person thinks or feels. They have no alignment or parallel or harmony or resonance with how that person feels or thinks.

 

Sorry to say but you create your own conflict this way.

 

You assume way too much about me and in a negative sense. It hurts me and that's obvious, even reasonable. Nobody likes someone else assuming and projecting shit on them.

 

You, Mandy and Joseph Maynor are trying to overtake the forum and act like teachers. When it's explicity mentioned that you are not a teacher. Then why act like one? Why act like you have all the answers or that you know better?

 

Why act like you know if I'm emotionally shallow or emotionally matured? Who are you to know? What qualification do you have to know this? What qualifies you to be the judge of someone's emotionality or character in the first place?

 

As long as you are an external person and not ME, your opinion of me will always remain just that - an opinion. A judgement. An assumption. A projection. It can only be an opinion, not The TRUTH.

The problem here is  because you try extremely hard to truth your opinion. You don't want it to just remain as an opinion. You keep pressuring the other person to accept your opinion as True. That's unwanted behavior and a sign of domination.

 

Of course that's why I resist equally hard and harder.

 

I don't care what you think of me because it's your opinion and opinions are just opinions.

[Mandy]

@Reena Why do you think you keep running into messy and highly visible conflicts with people on online message boards? 

[Joseph Maynor]

16 hours ago, Reena said:

I don't know how this is not considered as instigation by Phil. I don't appreciate you @Joseph Maynorconstantly jumping on my threads and then calling me victim mentality. By now you have done this almost 6 times around the forum. It's very frustrating. I don't want anything to do with you anymore in my life. I already ended every conflict in the last thread. Please move on and don't disturb my peace anymore. I have not asked for your opinion and your opinion is always the same that I'm playing victim or whatever. I kindly disagree. Venting, feeling hurt/pain or frustration or emptying or  expressing such emotions is not the same as playing victim. I'm tired of your narrative and the constant imposition of that narrative on me. Also seeking empathy is not the same as seeking sympathy. And neither is seeking empathy playing victim. I'm not here to teach you what's right or wrong because that is your own job to do. I always consider myself a struggler, fighter, survivor and not a victim. I'm tired of you and Phil and the bossist attitude that both possess. Enough now. I'm going to cut off my communication with both. I like open minded people and I don't see open mindedness in Phil or you. Goodluck with your endeavors.

Arguing with you on here made me realize how much of a fool I can be sometimes but I wonder if that lands at all with you.  Do you ever think in some sense you might self-correct in any way?  I never see a finger from you pointing back at yourself saying I concede that I've done some things wrong and I resolve to do better.  Your finger-pointing always goes outward to some external target and then you explode like a grenade in writing and feel 100% justified in doing so every time.  You've caused a lot of hurt and pain yourself with your explosive anger and lack of responsibly to self-correct.  You never admit any fault.  That's only going to go so far in life.  I hate to be the one to have to tell you this.  You do need to work on emotional mastery, obviously.  There's not a doubt in my mind there.  For your own benefit too.  You don't have to hold everything so close to the vest -- your identity is not on trial.  You can keep that identity without having to fear so bad that it's going to be lost if you admit you have some flaws like we all do.  I know I do.  I found that out a little bit on here too.  So now I can work to correct those. That's what self-help is.  I don't know why you seem to have a blindness when it comes to self-awareness but it's like being pointed out to you all over the place quite a lot.  You might want to take some notice of that.  Or maybe not too, but the same shite is gonna keep happening if you don't -- not from me though.  Catch a clue as to what people are trying to communicate with you on here and on elsewhere, will you?  You don't need to double-down all the time with the finger-pointing schtick you do.  The gig is up.  Come on.  It's starting to look clownish.
 

Edited February 17 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

27 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Reena Why do you think you keep running into messy and highly visible conflicts with people on online message boards? 

That's because I'm dealing with some stubborn wrong kind of people who don't know how to leave me alone. Others don't run into problems with me because they don't keep invalidating or provoking me. In other words they know how to respect someone's space and opinion.

 

[Mandy]

4 minutes ago, Reena said:

In other words they know how to respect someone's space and opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Space.

 

 

[Reena]

21 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Arguing with you on here made me realize how much of a fool I can be sometimes but I wonder if that lands at all with you. Do you ever think in some sense you might self-correct in any way?  I never see a finger from you pointing back at yourself saying I concede that I've done some things wrong and I resolve to do better.

 Your finger-pointing always goes outward to some external target and then you explode like a grenade in writing and feel 100% justified in doing so every time.  You've caused a lot of hurt and pain yourself with your explosive anger and lack of responsibly to self-correct.  You never admit any fault.  That's only going to go so far in life.  I hate to be the one to have to tell you this.  You do need to work on emotional mastery, obviously.  There's not a doubt in my mind there.  For your own benefit too,  You don't have to hold everything so close to the vest -- your identity is not on trial.  You can keep that identity without having to fear so bad that it's going to be lost if you admit you have some flaws like we all do.  I know I do.  I found that out a little bit on here too.  So now I can work to correct those. That's what self-help is.  I don't know why you seem to have a blindness when it comes to self-awareness but it's like being pointed out to you all over the place quite a lot.  You might want to take some notice of that.  Or maybe not too, but the same shite is gonna keep happening if you don't -- not from me though.

Catch a clue as to what people are trying to communicate with you on here and on elsewhere, will you? 

You don't need to double-down all the time with the finger-pointing schtick you do.  The gig is up.  Come on.  It's starting to look clownish.

 

 

[Reena]

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Arguing with you on here made me realize how much of a fool I can be sometimes but I wonder if that lands at all with you.

It will never land with me because I'm trying my desperate best to avoid you.. I have an avoidant personality. If I see someone is not resonating with me, I avoid them. You take it as narcissism. I want harmony. When you don't understand someone it's best to leave them alone but you have this strong need for you to start an argument with me. This thread was buried long ago but you brought it up with your comment. Look at who is doing what. You didn't reply to what Reborn said because you don't want to. 

You want to find a convenient way to blame things on me. You can not a truth seeker. 

 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 Do you ever think in some sense you might self-correct in any way?  I never see a finger from you pointing back at yourself saying I concede that I've done some things wrong and I resolve to do better.

 

I'm already humble enough to self correct. Why should I concede when I'm not wrong? That would be unfair. I'm completely innocent. And not just innocent. I'm completely naive. Had j known better I would have never been associated myself with certain kinds of people. It caused me tremendous harm because I didn't have a clue what I was getting into. 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

  Your finger-pointing always goes outward to some external target and then you explode like a grenade in writing and feel 100% justified in doing so every time. 

Because in my case I'm perfectly and confidently innocent. That's also the reason why I explode like a grenade. Kali will explode when Kali is hurt and in deep pain. I am justified because I'm completely innocent. I was preyed on systematically. I was harassed, bullied and targeted repeatedly. I was gaslighted when I tried to protest. It's injustice over injustices. I was intruded on so much that I could not write a single line in my journal in your community without you jumping on every line I wrote. It was just horrendous level of aggression. I never seen something like that and never done like that to others. It wasn't even human. It was just insane. Insane levels of intruding. I consider it as extreme levels of aggression. Sorry I don't know what your damn western society teaches you but in our country and eastern tradition we give space to another. There are some mannerisms. There is some inherent humanity in us. Maybe that's why we don't have any gun violence. Our cultures are non violent and peaceful and deeply spiritual. I won't find a single family in my town owning a gun. We don't gatecrash someone. I never seen such levels of aggression. It's inhuman and completely uncivil. Everyone has their own space and they should feel safe in expressing themselves. Their space should not be threatened by constantly targeting their every statement in their journal. Even Proserpina was there. But she wasn't engaging in this behavior. Even Ben was in the same community. He didn't engage in such behavior. Then why only you? Notice how I don't get into conflict with people who give me my space. I never start a fight without instigation. That's why I called myself the most humble person. I never try to go after anyone for nothing. I don't go into other's journals and invade their space or make them uncomfortable unless let's say I'm on friendly terms with that person and I know they won't mind me. But if I know a person wouldn't appreciate my presence in their journal, I immediately back out, this is called basic humanity which some people apparently lack. 

Phil's behavior to me was extremely hostile and aggressive to the point that I was going to have a mental breakdown. I told him no less than 4 times that interfering my journaling makes me feel invaded and uncomfortable but he wouldn't give up. He wouldn't respect my need to let me be myself. So I went after Phil after I tried enough attempts to shoo him off the journal. When my boundaries are violated, I go into catastrophic mode. I can't handle the extreme stress it creates because I'm a narcissistic abuse victim and I have suffered tremendous trauma as a child. I have BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Try to do some research on it. See what impacts Borderlines. What sort of communication style should be adopted with them? If you are empathetic enough you would actually do the research. Borderlines desperately need empathetic talk. Any form of lack of empathy stresses them out badly. How would you feel if you learned that I got a heart attack the day you kicked me out of your community. What if that were to actually happen? To tell you frankly that's the amount of stress you gave me. 

 

Reckful was a Twitch gamer who suffered Borderline Personality disorder. His psychiatrist abandoned him and Reckful committed suicide soon after 

 

To be frank the day you kicked me out I felt suicidal too. It was that stressful for me. You don't suffer doesn't mean that others don't or others can't. My greatest anxiety as a Borderline person is abandonment anxiety. That is someone banning or removing or kicking can cause a tremendous trigger of abandonment in a Borderline person and make them suicidal and traumatized. You banned me without a second thought because you lack empathy. You only think what's good for you. By banning me you banned my innocence and naivete. I naively trusted you and I paid a hefty price for it emotionally and psychologically. It wasn't fair. I could have suffered medically and I took sleeping pills to handle the stress of the situation. I didn't deserve to be put through that. I throw up when people show aggression to me. I'm hypersensitive. I can't handle people constantly telling me what to do. It's psychological for me. It triggers my childhood anxiety. I'm not playing a victim. I'm a victim. And victims become sensitive and fragile over time. The way you treated me with such unkindness, it wasn't good, you will have someone to answer some day. This is no exaggeration because I suffered very badly and learned a brutal lesson to never trust anyone online again. I unsubbed from all discord communities as a result because I felt completely traumatized. 

 

 

This is my sister sending me messages on February 11,2024. 

 

 

 

She is pleading me to stop being friends with people online. I am being given regular psychiatric treatment. She will constantly ask me every few hours if I'm okay because she is worried that I'll commit suicide at some point. This is because my family has witnessed me battle multiple suicide attempts. She told me to not join groups online. This is long after you banned me from your community and I was suffering like hell, not eating, not sleeping, throwing up everyday. This went on for weeks after the incident so my family was worried for my safety. This is the amount of harm you caused me so maybe it's time to have some shame. 

 

 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

You've caused a lot of hurt and pain yourself with your explosive anger and lack of responsibly to self-correct.  You never admit any fault. 

It wasn't my fault that I was trusting you and venting with you. Trusting someone is not a fault. Trusting someone is called humanity. You took advantage of the trust which I wasn't aware of. You decided to leak everything in public whatever I privately vented with you. That's not what a friend does. That's what an enemy would do. It was classless, unfair and disgusting to take my venting and expose it to the whole forum. It's not called exposing a person. It's called smearing and maligining my character publicly. It's called preying on someone's trust and vulnerability they showed you. 

 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

That's only going to go so far in life.  I hate to be the one to hav

e to tell you this.  You do need to work on emotional mastery, obviously.  There's not a doubt in my mind there.  For your own benefit too.  You don't have to hold everything so close to the vest -- your identity is not on trial. 

You shouldn't be the one to tell me anything at all at this point.. So drop this imaginary role you're taking up. You have done enough evil to me. Can't you back off for good? Just don't push any further please, if you drop your massive ego you won't need to hate to be the one to tell me. I'm mentally ill and I have an emotional disorder known as Borderline Personality disorder. It's a disorder primarily of emotions and distortion of emotions in the person's brain. I even see emotions in walls and inanimate objects. You're clueless. You telling me (preaching me) to have emotional mastery is like telling a disabled person with mangled legs to run the marathon. Can you even imagine how ginormously difficult it is for an mentally ill emotionally disordered person to gain emotional mastery? It's like asking a heavily pregnant woman why she can't run. You must be out of your mind. I don't want anything from you. I have suffered enough. I want peace and to be left alone by you. But you won't do it because like Jonas Long said you're totally obsessed with me. So here I'm, I'm not getting any freedom from you anytime soon. How many times did you say you wanted your account deleted or that you will not come here. I'll wait for the day you'll leave me alone for good and your obsession with me night reduce a bit. Then I can rest. 

 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 

  You can keep that identity without having to fear so bad that it's going to be lost if you admit you have some flaws like we all do.  I know I do. 

I found that out a little bit on here too.

I have never shied from admitting my flaws. It's just that those aren't exactly the flaws you're pointing out. The flaws you point out are assumptions and projections of a delusional mind. I have several flaws of character. I can be reckless, hyper emotional, impulsive, anger issues the list is endless. But no need to constantly send me reminders of my flaws. Thats egoic behavior to make a person feel tormented for their flaws. 

 

 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 

  So now I can work to correct those. That's what self-help is.  I don't know why you seem to have a blindness when it comes to self-awareness but it's like being pointed out to you all over the place quite a lot. 

You have pointed out useless stuff to me. I don't need any correction in my behavior. I just want to be left alone by aggressive people especially men because such people have dominated my entire existence and I'm fed up dealing with it. I want to be with people who are non aggressive, non obsessed, non hostile. I want gentleness in my life, not correction. Maybe correction is something you need because you are the one with an over arching ego. Even the constant need to correct others (especially unsolicited) is deeply egoic. I'm being constantly subjected to your ego outbursts and I'm not appreciating it. 

 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 

 

 

 

You might want to take some notice of that.  Or maybe not too, but the same shite is gonna keep happening if you don't -- not from me though. 

Yea people like you and Phil irritate and annoy the fuck out of me. This hard preachy attitude makes me unsafe and uncomfortable. My mom used to be like that. I used to hate it as a child. It's my HATE LANGUAGE. you constantly use my Hate language and believe that it will change me. That's impossible. And I try to avoid people who use my hate language. Fair enough? 

 

24 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 

Catch a clue as to what people are trying to communicate with you on here and on elsewhere, will you?  You don't need to double-down all the time with the finger-pointing schtick you do.  The gig is up.  Come on.  It's starting to look clownish.

 

You are. People aren't. I get along with good people fine. When someone is not being toxic to me, I'm perfectly fine with them. I just have a hard time dealing with toxic people who do too much blowharding. I can't deal with insane shit and I'm not supposed to. I'm normal and being reasonable in avoiding things and people that are toxic to me. If I see someone being reasonable and respectful with me without violating my boundaries, I find it much peaceful to get along with them and apparently such people never seem to have problems with me. Online world can be very hostile. I'm already friendly enough but don't tell me to be nice to something that is toxic to me, that's unhealthy. 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

@Reena  You're obsessed with me and you're projecting.  Notice this.