Reborn2

My current job, realistically, ticks off about 2 out of 6 of these - it has very well defined work boundaries and overtimes are optional and relatively well paid. But it's too easy, I don't make enough money, there's not enough communication with people and I could handle some additional responsibility

The ideal kind of job I want: - Balanced difficulty - not too easy and not too hard - Large enough salary to support me and my lifestyle, and then something on top of that - Working overtime is an option not a necessity/duty, and the overtime hours are decently paid - Not too much communication/dealing with people and conversely, not too much social isolation either - Clearly defined separation/boundary between work life and personal life - Balanced level of responsibility and stress

Ironically though, with a little more time and life experience and finances I would probably be a pretty decent, if not great, father. In spite of the fact that my priorities right now couldn't be further apart from such a "goal". But I think I kind of have the personality for it. I've also discovered I'm probably not completely infertile, but the chance some of the little buggers manage to get throught alive is there, albeit small and it only happens occassionally. With a good pull out game the chance of an "accident" would shrink back to zero percent, and even without good pull out game the chance is still small. But it's there. I notice on myself I tend to sort of wussy around these topics and be awkward about it probably because of certain kinds of social conditioning, but I should just be more explicit and to the point, because this shit is part of life. But some people be acting like it should just be kept under the rug or it's something unordinary, how ridicilous

An ideal relationship model for me would basically be a significantly upgraded, childless version of my parents

No, right now you are Rose. So just live out the rest of your life to the best of your ability and enjoy it. Do good for yourself and for others in equal measure, try to minimize your suffering and suffering of others. Contribute to society in some way.

What I meant to convey by that is that, your very core personality and thus all the subtle or not so subtle behaviours stemming from those characteristics will never really change, to put it into some analogy, you can just sort of mold the shape of the tree top, make it look prettier or less messy, make the branches/twigs look different etc. but you can never really replace the tree trunk, or the roots, those stay the same. Similiarly, there are certain characteristics and patterns of behaviour about you that are unchangeable and you also don't really want to change them because they make you, well, you. Even in your case on this forum, we can probably observe certain patterns of your behaviour that didn't change and remained consistent despite you changing some beliefs and perspectives. The reason this core doesn't change is because of unique mix of biology/genetics, enviromental and social factors that were set at your birth/early childhood. These are a certain set of rigid rules similiar to gravity, being imagined in this particuliar reality, making certain people predisposed towards certain behaviours for their entire life

Still have to take care of some bureaocratic nonsense, after which I'll still have to take some time to buy all the necessary stuff like a kitchen cabinet with all the appliances, kitchen and work stools and chairs, a sofa and bed. Washer as well. And even after all of that, I'll still have to take some time to flex on my haters

For the same reasons you are okay with staying the way you are

I can't wear VR glasses knowing all this stuff, it's fucking with my mind

I don't know

I am going to complain my way towards success

It's interesting tho, the thing I've basically bitched and moaned about the most seemed to get resolved so effortlessly, it just took a little time. I've also used to bitch and moan about not having a job, etc. Maybe I should use a similiar tactic for other things that bother me or I don't have

I get it man. It feels good to give. It always felt good for me as well

Next goal is to move in. Then I'll find a better job, and abduct some random girl to live with me

Yeah, that's one way to look at it I guess

I agree it feels good, if only there was a way to ensure they won't buy any bullshit with those 50 bucks, but stuff that's actually good for them. It would then feel much better Here's an argument for the other side of the coin; by being more selfish and making more money for yourself and keeping that money and property for yourself, you have a lot more to give to other people, you also have a lot more money that a potentially fictional, well functioning and ethically/morally consistent goverment could tax, and such fictional goverment would be a lot more capable than you are in dealing with homelesness. Effective resource allocation. Therefore, maybe those 50 bucks would be better spent by such goverment than giving it to Bob who's gonna spend it on bunch of beers and a pack of smokes to cope with his life

Althought it is the final stage, it is unlimited in it's size, you can become more and more conscious of your inferior inteligence compared to that of Leo's, forever, it's sort of like an infinite regressive loop/maze, but it also works in reverse, the deeper you go the more aware you become of how smart and inteligent Leo really is. I'm afraid this level you've just described is still reserved for rookies, there's still more to go.

Looks like I got what I wanted and will be moving out in a few months, pernamently and into my own. It all happened and got arranged so sudden though, and the synchronicity of it. This is what I, unlike some spiritual folk, call luck

@Phil Wherever you happen to be in life, however tough or hopeless your situation may seem to be, there is always one last light at the end of the tunnel, one important realization - that you are less inteligent than Leo. This is the final, ultimate awakening one needs to achieve and also the greatest insight one can realize. We are nothing but a mere pupils, and we better remember where our place is

You're just taking yourself way too seriously, chill out, nothing happened, you're overreacting.

Yeah, the so called happiest country on Earth but only statistically on paper, the low population size and very low density relative to the country's size and cold depressing weather coupled together makes individual cases like these more likely to happen, it's not so surprising There was another case like that of an isolated guy who was even a nazi symphatizer But I think kids who commit crimes, especially severe crimes like these should be going to a jail-like institutions for minors for example, there's just no excuse for killing someone, it wouldn't even occur to a normal kid to shoot at someone never mind killing them, there has to be something seriously wrong with you if you do that no matter what your age is

What I meant to convey here is, the single benefit of mostly guaranteed confidentiality within the spaces of the room in which the terapist resides, alone is worthy enough of renewable monthly or bimonthly subscribtion to this institution, even with no extra benefits from therein. Yes, I've tried to construct this sentence in the most complicated way possible, ideally to sound as much of an annoying smartass as possible

The ultimate ever-lasting benefit of going to a therapist/psychologist is that if you find the one you trust, you can trully talk about anything unless you've done something trully illegal - in which case I mean, you can still talk about it but there's a chance you'll be reported to the authorities. But there's such a thing as retarded illegality such as, being busted smoking weed, which may be illegal because of some stupid conservative legislation, and then there's an good kind illegality established for good reasons. I haven't done anything that would land me in the second category yet, but I digress Once I'll find someone I truly trust I won't even be visiting these strange sites anymore, the only reason I'm writing this shit is cause I want to flush some shit out of myself but I can't share everything here either and of course I don't There's no other enviroment in which you can talk about anything in person, you can't talk about everything even to your so called "friends" or "best friends", or wifes/husbands etc., no, you need to play certain fucking roles in this society and need to mantain certain masks, once those fall off people suddenly like you less depending on how much the thing you've shared conflicts with their sense of what's cool and acceptable People here just tend to spend their time spinning in some weird non dual spiritual circles and meddling in their own shit, hoping it'll go away but it never does, I'm not judging I just see what I see and I call it out as it is

But at the same time, I am a bigger no fuck giver and more logical than many people as well. But let's say that on the hypothetical, made-up logic-emotionality axis, I am definitely leaning in on (if that's the correct usage of the phrasal verb) the emotional side

I am a pretty emotionally sensitive person, and I often have some sort of body produced mini-anxieties - but not the kind that are necessarilly fear-based, but moreso ones in which I want to constrict myself in some way, in some bubble - throught the day, and often have some backround negative emotions running throught my head, maybe due to stuff from the past that I cannot let go off, or some fabricated illogicall BS my mind just came up with. Overall, it occurs to me like I feel stuff more deeply than many people, but I am just not very good with expressing it or myself partly due to asperghers, like, when there's a situation in which I should communicate with someone my mind often looks for the ways to bypass the communication in some way or just give it up. Sometimes I have to force myself to talk especially about things that are emotionally triggering to me, especially when talking to certain people in certain situations. My head is also very roundly shaped, and that tends to correlate with higher emotionality and higher open mindedness. Which I think kinda fits, since I am literaly on this site, I wouldn't be here for sure if I was a very logical type, I doubt that very much. I suspect I got this little anxiousness/emotionality from my mother, but at the same time throught my life, I've also developed/been forced to develop some no-fuck-givery and aloofness, I'm not perfect at it but I'm quite adept at it at this point, there's a lot of situations in which it comes in handy as well. I can often detect my own feelings and not get controled by them, and my own emotional non-expresiveness often aids to the sense that I am not an emotional guy, when in fact I just don't express them many times - which is good, I don't need to be an emotional mess, but self expression remains to be a big issue for me. In fact this aloofness with the ability to concentrate helps me quite a lot in my job, I'm just chilling and doing a certain repetitive repertoire of tasks and I don't mind that much that it is boring, at first I thought anybody can do this cause it's easy and primitive, well maybe but not everybody has the right personality traits for such a job, I've noticed most of my coworkers at my department/nearest cubicles are, more or less, introverted women with couple of extroverted exceptions, and then there's like 2 guys who are doing the same stuff as me, both kinda introverted one of them probably with the same mental condition as me but slighty stronger.