Single, in my late twenties and frustrated. How to cope?

[Jonas Long]

Well, this got weird. 

[Jonas Long]

3 hours ago, Reborn said:

I don't do any PUA shit, I'm being 100% authentic.

 

The offer will be out there for you. Up to you

This isn't a dating site.  Whatever issues she has suddenly pale in comparison to this shit.  Wtf dude. God I feel sorry for women. 

[Reborn]

3 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

This isn't a dating site.  Whatever issues she has suddenly pale in comparison to this shit.  Wtf dude. God I feel sorry for women. 

Work places also aren't dating sites, and yet people regurarly find dates/significant others there. There's no rule against this here, unless it's harrassement, which I'm not commiting. Anyway, off to work now.

[Jonas Long]

12 minutes ago, Reborn said:

Work places also aren't dating sites, and yet people regurarly find dates/significant others there. There's no rule against this here, unless it's harrassement, which I'm not commiting. Anyway, off to work now.

Yeah, most people don't need a formal rule like that not to be clueless weirdo about certain things.  

[Reena]

4 hours ago, Reborn said:

I don't do any PUA shit, I'm being 100% authentic.

 

The offer will be out there for you. Up to you

Female sexuality is very different from what men imagine it to be. Women aren't too desperate for sex or connection as much as men are. Men are hungry in the moment and don't like to think long term. In such a sense, a woman sometimes serves as a temporary conquest for a man, something that is satisfying to his manhood, the feeling that he conquered a woman's heart or that he can dominate her pussy, even if it's for one night, that's very passionate, horny, exhilarating to a man, don't blame him, men are born that way that they can't pass up an opportunity for sex, especially if they see some meat in this opportunity. He might regret it later or simply forget that he spent a night with her, he is not going to be traumatized by that because men in general take it easy with romance and don't invest heavily emotionally early on at least on the first night/date or a couple of nights/dates. It takes time for a man's heart to be fully tied to a woman of his liking irrespective of how gorgeous seductive or desirable that woman might be. Men just don't fall head over heels at least emotionally and reserve a part of themselves for a really long time until they finally commit to the woman they are regularly sleeping with. During this period the man goes through a lot of strife unsure of his personal emotions for the woman he is courting, he enjoys the sex a lot and that's obvious, yet he still doesn't fall for the woman. That is the woman isn't able to capture his masculinity fully. Sex is not enough to get a man's heart. He might enjoy the sex thoroughly to his heart's content yet emotionally he finds himself not as attached as the woman is to him. Sometimes men develop what's known as post nut clarity, that is he realizes that he is only sexually attracted to the easily available woman yet he doesn't see her as a long term partner, perhaps he is also losing interest over time and doesn't feel like he wants to solidify the relationship with a ring or arrangements for living together. This is the phase where he finally dumps the woman, leaving her brokenhearted. He doesn't experience much guilt because he is unable to fully grasp the level of attachment, vulnerability and emotional investment she had in the relationship with him. He simply moves on like a wind without ever understanding the depth of her sincerity and commitment she had for him. Then he moves on to the next woman that he is attracted to, repeating these patterns in his life over and over until he exhausts his own chances of getting a new woman. It's like his own carousel ride. Men don't do this on purpose. They simply don't understand how to navigate their own sexuality safely  and get too adventurous with it. 

Now with regard to women in the same situation, some women can easily handle casual relationships. For women who are deeper, sentimental and emotional, this is a tough task. They sleep with a guy, they fall in love with him rapidly. It's the Oxytocin thing. Just the way women feel when they become mothers, they develop protective feelings for their baby, the same way a woman develops a variety of emotions for the man she is sleeping with. The more number of times she sleeps with him, the deeper she is slipping into a trance with him. Now she can experience the post nut clarity too, but probably after a long ass time in the relationship when she had enough of the dick dose. Some women betray their boyfriends at this stage. But initially a woman can fall head over heels. The so called honeymoon phase. In this phase she is a bit sensitive and delicate. She places her heart at his feet. She doesn't rationalize the relationship, her judgement flies out of the window. She literally is hook line and sinker into that guy. This is both hormonal and emotional. Her mind constantly thinks of him, her body yields to his advances, her heart is deeply invested firmly into his grip. He sounds like the dream man even if he might not have done anything impressive to win her. She is simply besotted. Every text message from him and her heart begins to flutter with joy. Also women are programmed in such a way that they organically feel protected with the guy they are sleeping with. She will hug him or expect him to protect her physically when she needs it. It's just how women are. These feelings are automatically induced in the woman. The man who sleeps with her is important to her. In the back of her mind, her trust level for him is much higher. She is probably thinking in her head that this relationship is valuable. As women we aren't programmed to chase men. Men are designed by nature to chase women. So in a way men are foxes and women are rabbits. This tendency is a unique disadvantage. We aren't programmed to look or hunt for a man. It doesn't come naturally to us. But we are programmed as a part of our reproductive survival to save whatever we have. So the onus of saving a marriage falls on a woman. A woman knows that with age her chances are going to decline. We don't date multiple men. We put all our eggs in the same basket. That is, we pin our hopes, desires, attachment and fantasies on the man we sleep with. As a result, a woman is heavily emotionally invested in the guy and she is literally sleeping and breathing him. She is also skeptical of his commitment. She is constantly scanning to look for signs of his attachment and loyalty. If she doesn't receive a text from him, her fears and insecurities come up and she is desperate to know how deep the guy is into her. She is fuming inside with worry. She wants to know that she is with the right man. She is not interested in many men. She is simply interested in the right man, who will be right to her in her eyes. He can even be a criminal but he should appear right in her eyes, as long as he is the "right" in her eyes and heart, it doesn't matter who and what he is. Or what he does. Now if this man pulls away during the honeymoon phase, she feels like a personal failure at securing the man she fell for. She feels awful, confused, sad and even traumatized that he simply dumped her. To be dumped by a man after having slept with him feels like a total disaster to her. Because she was deeply emotionally invested. She learns that men can't be trusted even if she were to try her best to impress them. Now it's up to the next man she meets, if he is a committed type of a guy, then her life is smooth sailing, because women generally look for settlement, we are traditionally designed to set up a home. We can't be jumping from men to men and even if we do, we don't feel great about it. So this is how it works for women. They want serious commitment and dedication from a man and not feel like they are going to be his next piece of meat. 

I think for a woman the biggest disaster is to fall for a man, sleep with him and then realize later that he is not compatible with her intellectually and emotionally. That his thoughts and beliefs and opinion on love are different from hers. This can feel like a setback. Just the feeling that she fell for the wrong man can feel like a big mistake and a huge regret having slept with him. So emotional and mental and intellectual compatibility is an absolute must before a woman gives her heart to a man. It's not like buying bread or toilet tissue. It's someone's heart and emotions that don't deserve to be played with. 

 

So I guess a guy shouldn't randomly propose a relationship offer to a woman without even getting to know her fully or without even checking compatibility with her. There's no point in abandoning, dumping and rejecting her, breaking her heart midway after leading her on. It hurts her really badly. 

 

Better not start something that you can never finish 

 

I reject your offer, sorry. I think I offered a proper explanation of this rejection in this post as well. Read it carefully if you care about knowing woman's feelings and not simply sleeping or bonding with them for your own casual entertainment. 

 

Goodluck 

 

Edited November 9, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Reborn said:

Work places also aren't dating sites, and yet people regurarly find dates/significant others there. There's no rule against this here, unless it's harrassement, which I'm not commiting. Anyway, off to work now.

Women who come online (not all and not every woman) can be some of the most desperate, vulnerable, support hungry kind of women. Maybe they come online because their offline conditions are appalling. Maybe they are trying to escape their reality. Maybe coming online is a source of solace for women who find it difficult to bond offline, maybe they have mental health issues, family issues, the list can go on and on. Most women who have everything perfect in their lives will probably spend less time online. The online space can be a place where food is available and women come to release themselves and look for this 'food.' Don't use these "women" as fishing grounds. Don't prey on the desperate and vulnerable. Most online resources are free. Perhaps women who find their way to the online world probably do so because they don't have the money to gather the needed resources in the real world. The online world can be a safe haven for such women unless predators are lurking around. Most women find it difficult to open up about their issues out of fear of judgement. So they do this anonymously online. It's sad that even after ages of patriarchal nonsense, men don't and won't understand these issues and always take women issues for granted. 

 

Maybe go visit your nightclub in your town and look for women who find it safe to be with  uncommitted men. 

 

I know that when you see a woman who is needy of masculine love, you have the temptation to prey on her feelings and needs, but it's just unfair to her. She doesn't need to be taken advantage of. She doesn't need another player. Don't hunt such women online and you'll be sparing them some serious heartbreak. 

 

I have had my own share of heartbreak and pain and I don't need that to happen again. 

 

It comes off as very predatory to immediately offer oneself to some needy woman. It's a big red flag. 

 

Imagine if it was your sister in my place and some online guy offers her love and dumps her or mistreats her and she is heartbroken and depressed. You'll be full of rage for that guy. 

 

It's simply unfair. A woman also has needs like a man. She is not wrong in expressing it. Neither should she be taken for granted or used and treated like a ragdoll that you can play with and throw around. 

 

This is why pickup culture is toxic. It requires men to capture any girl within their realm and offer themselves to her in the hopes of landing someone. But usually it's not for her own good, just to meet his needs temporarily. 

Just don't do that to women. I really mean it. Women can feel hurt really badly and carry significant trauma from male behavior and aggression. A lot of men don't understand this. 

 

[Reborn]

2 hours ago, Jonas Long said:

Yeah, most people don't need a formal rule like that not to be clueless weirdo about certain things.  

Life is too short for me to care about your or other people's subjective definitions of a weirdo. Not that they aren't relevant at all either, but they are also not terribly important.

[Jonas Long]

10 minutes ago, Reborn said:

Life is too short for me to care about your or other people's subjective definitions of a weirdo. Not that they aren't relevant at all either, but they are also not terribly important.

It's your prerogative.  Most women aren't gonna be interested in a faceless stranger on the internet, hot tip.

[Reborn]

29 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

It's your prerogative.  Most women aren't gonna be interested in a faceless stranger on the internet, hot tip.

I'm not going to put my face here for everyone to see, you think I'm stupid or something?

[Jonas Long]

3 minutes ago, Reborn said:

I'm not going to put my face here for everyone to see, you think I'm stupid or something?

You might want to restrict your romantic advances to places where you are willing to show your face.  

[Reena]

@Reborn actually he is right. A woman won't be interested in a man online much less in a man who doesn't even show his face. It's like pixels on screen. What is she gonna fall in love with? 

[Reborn]

26 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

You might want to restrict your romantic advances to places where you are willing to show your face.  

So you want to tell me that, in an alternate universe/timeline, in which I'd have my face shown here, and I made the same "advances" (said very dramatically) on her, you'd be less of a bored white knight? I find that hard to believe honestly

 

Anyway, I kind of changed my mind about that dating thing anyway, to be honest once I saw those walls of text, she's just too overwhelming for me (and obviously she doesn't really fancy me/like me all that much), I just kind of like challenges and women who present themselves like sort of a Rubiks cube, so to speak, and also I kind of "know" her from the "other" forum and we do have few things in common

[Jonas Long]

3 minutes ago, Reborn said:

So you want to tell me that, in an alternate universe/timeline, in which I'd have my face shown here, and I made the same "advances" (said very dramatically) on her, you'd be less of a bored white knight? I find that hard to believe honestly

 

Anyway, I kind of changed my mind about that dating thing anyway, to be honest once I saw those walls of text, she's just too overwhelming for me (and obviously she doesn't really fancy me/like me all that much), I just kind of like challenges and women who present themselves like sort of a Rubiks cube, so to speak, and also I kind of "know" her from the "other" forum and we do have few things in common

No, it would still be tactless to ask like you did, even if your profile pic had a face.  

[Reena]

43 minutes ago, Reborn said:

So you want to tell me that, in an alternate universe/timeline, in which I'd have my face shown here, and I made the same "advances" (said very dramatically) on her, you'd be less of a bored white knight? I find that hard to believe honestly

 

Anyway, I kind of changed my mind about that dating thing anyway, to be honest once I saw those walls of text, she's just too overwhelming for me (and obviously she doesn't really fancy me/like me all that much), I just kind of like challenges and women who present themselves like sort of a Rubiks cube, so to speak, and also I kind of "know" her from the "other" forum and we do have few things in common

Are you seriously that KH2 guy, knowledge hoarder or Peter Miklis from that forum? Be honest. 

 

[Jonas Long]

47 minutes ago, Reborn said:

 you'd be less of a bored white knight? 

Don't take your cluelessness out on me.  Apparently you do need to be told these things. 

[Reborn]

42 minutes ago, Reena said:

Are you seriously that KH2 guy, knowledge hoarder or Peter Miklis from that forum? Be honest. 

 

And I should disclose that information to you for the reasons, such as...?

 

39 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Don't take your cluelessness out on me.  Apparently you do need to be told these things. 

Ok you won. Goddamn. Are you finally happy?

[Jonas Long]

2 minutes ago, Reborn said:

And I should disclose that information to you for the reasons, such as...?

 

Ok you won. Goddamn. Are you finally happy?

No, I didn't.   Maybe you're playing games of win and lose here, but I'm not. 

[Reena]

4 minutes ago, Reborn said:

And I should disclose that information to you for the reasons, such as...?

 

Ok you won. Goddamn. Are you finally happy?

So I surmise you are that same guy. Dude do you ever stop being so obsessed with me? 

 

You followed me from that forum to here. It's pathetic. I think I appear in your dreams. I was never interested in you. It's best if you keep distance. I have never appreciated how you talk to me 

 

Also I clearly remember you calling me low IQ? 

 

You have a penchant for provoking me. 

 

[Reborn]

1 minute ago, Reena said:

So I surmise you are that same guy. Dude do you ever stop being so obsessed with me? 

 

You followed me from that forum to here. It's pathetic. I think I appear in your dreams. I was never interested in you. It's best if you keep distance. I have never appreciated how you talk to me 

 

Also I clearly remember you calling me low IQ? 

 

You have a penchant for provoking me. 

 

Why do you have to be so defensive? I've not said anything really bad about you. Just chill

 

And no, this doesn't confirm ANYTHING about my identity, just to be clear.

[spiritual dreams]

If you fix your childhood wounds and your relationship with your parents, that could be a game changer.