Scary experience with multiple women intimidating me together

[fopylo]

I'm writing this kinda in the heat of the aftermath.

I was having dinner at the army base with 2 guy friends, and there's this girl from my platoon who past by and we waved at each other and then she came to take some napkins, and the guy sitting next to me was starting to nudge me and giving those winks as if she didn't really notice it (I'm even not into her), and in order not to make the situation awkward by being silent I told her she can take the whole thing if she wants but refused and shyly went back to her group of friends.

 

For context, this girl is fairly new to the workplace and she came together with like 20 other people that went through the same course together. I'll call her Y. A different girl from the course (I'll call her A) was assigned to my team, and we have a good connection. Y is convinced that I'm into her (and I presume she thinks the same of A) and that we should be together. I'm personally not into it now and I don't really like this situation with Y (I am also not sure whether Y finds me attractive or not from the ambiguous things she says).

 

Ok, so back to the story. I went out the base and was waiting for the bus and was on my phone while I was waiting until all of a sudden Y appears out of nowhere with a few of her girl friends and a guy friend (who is pretty chill and doesn't have much to do with the topic. All of them are from the same course). So they were surrounding me standing and Y started attacking me with "What fopylo? What (attacking tone)? How has your day been going (in a lighter tone)? Do you know where is A (trying to trigger me)?"

And I'm all nervous up barely able to speak, and also some of her friends where starting asking me questions like what course I did and what am I doing, like with no point. Just asking for the sake of saying something to me. I really felt attacked. I HATED this feeling because I was very scared, and felt very weak. I was very disappointed at first that I am very weak as a man and I don't think I handled this situation with much confidence. Like, how is a man supposed to act when a girl and a few of her friends come surrounding you with intimidation and laughing at you? This is probably the worse. But afterwards I was kinda thankful for this event as it showed me that I have more room to grow in terms of social skills and better handling situations.

 

I was glad that I saw a friend of mine and I tried being more with him and masking my feelings of FEAR, insecurity and hatred.

I really don't understand what was the whole purpose of all of this. Aren't people, mostly women, nowadays more aware of the suffering that many men go through, such as this? I am very sure that some men if not a lot can relate to this fear and those feelings of insecurity being toyed like that by women. This is not red pill stuff, and I am not going to blame women for that. The only thing I'll blame is either the friend that nudged me and probably started this whole thing and Y made her own interpretation of all of this, or that I wasn't good at handling this situation and affirmed my weakness as man - not being confident. And the reason I won't blame women is because all of out behaviors are somehow derived from pre-historic times that contributed to our survival, and the only good thing that I can probably do is to understand the psychology of the situation and be better at navigating it next time.

 

With all that said I'd be really happy if I could get tips, or better understanding of the situation from ya'll, could even be thoughts, opinions. But I don't want so much spiritual enlightenment thoughts, please. I want it practical. To understand and become a better man.

 

If you read until here I really appreciate that you took the time to read and go through this scary story I've experienced.

Thanks❤🙏

[Phil]

Aside from what you might be thinkin about what they might be thinkin… how are you thinkin about yourself?

What are the emotions of fear, insecurity & hatred telling you, about you in this regard? 

[Reborn2]

You're just taking yourself way too seriously, chill out, nothing happened, you're overreacting.

[Phil]

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

I'm writing this kinda in the heat of the aftermath.

I was having dinner at the army base with 2 guy friends, and there's this girl from my platoon who past by and we waved at each other and then she came to take some napkins, and the guy sitting next to me was starting to nudge me and giving those winks as if she didn't really notice it (I'm even not into her), and in order not to make the situation awkward by being silent I told her she can take the whole thing if she wants but refused and shyly went back to her group of friends.

 

For context, this girl is fairly new to the workplace and she came together with like 20 other people that went through the same course together. I'll call her Y. A different girl from the course (I'll call her A) was assigned to my team, and we have a good connection. Y is convinced that I'm into her (and I presume she thinks the same of A) and that we should be together. I'm personally not into it now and I don't really like this situation with Y (I am also not sure whether Y finds me attractive or not from the ambiguous things she says).

 

Ok, so back to the story. I went out the base and was waiting for the bus and was on my phone while I was waiting until all of a sudden Y appears out of nowhere with a few of her girl friends and a guy friend (who is pretty chill and doesn't have much to do with the topic. All of them are from the same course). So they were surrounding me standing and Y started attacking me with "What fopylo? What (attacking tone)? How has your day been going (in a lighter tone)? Do you know where is A (trying to trigger me)?"

She likes you. The guy next to you sees this. She’s not attacking you, you’re overlooking that she likes you, uncomfortable with how to communicate with her about this, and interpreting that you’re being attacked. 

 

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

And I'm all nervous up barely able to speak, and also some of her friends where starting asking me questions like what course I did and what am I doing, like with no point. Just asking for the sake of saying something to me. I really felt attacked. I HATED this feeling because I was very scared, and felt very weak. I was very disappointed at first that I am very weak as a man and I don't think I handled this situation with much confidence. Like, how is a man supposed to act when a girl and a few of her friends come surrounding you with intimidation and laughing at you? This is probably the worse. But afterwards I was kinda thankful for this event as it showed me that I have more room to grow in terms of social skills and better handling situations.

You are not weak. You believe that you are weak. That unaddressed discordant belief is triggered & felt, and unaddressed, continues to skew interpretations of social situations in terms of projection. You’re assuming it’s not the discordant belief triggered which is felt - and assuming the discord is coming from someone or something else (her). 

 

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

 

I was glad that I saw a friend of mine and I tried being more with him and masking my feelings of FEAR, insecurity and hatred.

Fear, insecurity & hatred aren’t your feelings. They aren’t objects or possessions. They’re emotions. Everyone experiences emotions. They’re how the belief ‘I am weak’, feels. There is shame (concept) believed, as it is believed fear, insecurity and hatred are things you have. The relief is the reality that you don’t. You feel emotions, but you don’t possess emotions. The belief that you do contributes to defending what isn’t true in the first place. 

 

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

I really don't understand what was the whole purpose of all of this.

She likes you. You stated you don’t like her. Be upfront and communicative about this. 

 

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

Aren't people, mostly women, nowadays more aware of the suffering that many men go through, such as this?

It’s enough that you are aware of suffering, since it’s felt directly. It’s suppressed, conceptualized & projected socially… and yet is still felt. Since it’s felt directly, address it directly. Allow simplicity & clarity by leaving everyone else out of it. 

 

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

I am very sure that some men if not a lot can relate to this fear and those feelings of insecurity being toyed like that by women.

“It’s not what I’m thinkin… she’s toying with my feelings”. 

That’s deflection / projection.

The suffering is of the thoughts, the belief that you’re weak and not a man or not man enough. 

 

What’s the current plan? To control everyone so no discordant beliefs are ever triggered & dispelled?

Exhausting & fruitless, no? 

 

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

This is not red pill stuff, and I am not going to blame women for that. The only thing I'll blame is either the friend that nudged me and probably started this whole thing and Y made her own interpretation of all of this, or that I wasn't good at handling this situation and affirmed my weakness as man - not being confident. And the reason I won't blame women is because all of out behaviors are somehow derived from pre-historic times that contributed to our survival, and the only good thing that I can probably do is to understand the psychology of the situation and be better at navigating it next time.

This is blue pill stuff. 

 

“You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe”.

You’re believing whatever you want to believe, in spite of how it feels, which reveals it’s not actually what you want to be believing, and that there is truth (relief, alignment, happiness) here to be uncovered. 

 

Take the red pill. 

“You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

Feel inward exploring the emotions, rather than conceptualizing emotions felt as possessions (my feelings) projecting the discord felt onto others (believing it’s coming from / related to others). 

 

19 hours ago, fopylo said:

 

With all that said I'd be really happy if I could get tips, or better understanding of the situation from ya'll, could even be thoughts, opinions. But I don't want so much spiritual enlightenment thoughts, please. I want it practical. To understand and become a better man.

Other than so you feel better… why do you want practicality, understanding and to become something or someone that you’re not? Maybe the belief about yourself (I’m weak) isn’t true, and trying to become someone or something else is only based on assuming the belief is true…?

[fopylo]

@Phil

19 hours ago, Phil said:

Aside from what you might be thinkin about what they might be thinkin… how are you thinkin about yourself?

What are the emotions of fear, insecurity & hatred telling you, about you in this regard? 

I am thinking of myself as not such a confident person and not much of a man. I think in terms of looks I'm kinda good. Those emotions are telling me that this is what I'm feeling and that I don't want this situation, and that I want to be better socially.

[fopylo]

18 hours ago, Reborn2 said:

You're just taking yourself way too seriously, chill out, nothing happened, you're overreacting.

Thanks bro I appreciate it

[Phil]

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

@Phil

I am thinking of myself as not such a confident person and not much of a man. I think in terms of looks I'm kinda good. Those emotions are telling me that this is what I'm feeling and that I don't want this situation, and that I want to be better socially.

I won’t say what about emotions being how the thoughts ‘I am not confident, and I am not much of a man’ feel, that would be enlightened spiritual words maybe. 
 

What conditioning is this based upon on? 
 

What is the cycle (to be broken). 

 

What’s the evidence that these thoughts are true? 

[Mandy]

@Phil In a perfect world, how should a girl let you know if she likes you? 

 

If you really, really liked a girl would you know the perfect way to let her know she liked you? Would you want her to give you grace and the benefit of the doubt if the way you approached her or if letting her know this made her a bit uncomfortable at first? 

 

Is this awkwardness or attack? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Phil]

@Mandy

What a question. Pretty much anything complimentary expressing interest. The clearer the better. There is ‘this thing’ though where guys are sometimes oblivious to it even when laid on very thick. I’ve experienced this and have no explanation for it. In hindsight it seems so dumb it’s unfathomable. 

 

1 hour ago, Mandy said:

Is this awkwardness or attack? 

Seems like the interest isn’t mutual and there’s awkwardness around communicating that to her. Or, the interest actually is mutual and that it isn’t is indicative of underlying awkwardness about being interested in her. 

[Mandy]

@Phil Oh no, I tagged the wrong person! 😂 Great response though. 👍

 

@fopylo

In a perfect world, how should a girl let you know if she likes you? 

 

If you really, really liked a girl would you know the perfect way to let her know she liked you? Would you want her to give you grace and the benefit of the doubt if the way you approached her or if letting her know this made her a bit uncomfortable at first? 

 

Is this awkwardness or attack? 

[Phil]

14 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Oh no, I tagged the wrong person! 

Mm hmmm. Sure. So subtle and covert. 

[Jonas Long]

You walk up to the guy and grab his crotch, then say "oh sorry I thought you were my dad"

Awkwardness and  assault.

(Don't do this)

[Mandy]

@Phil 😂 Well, one of multiple wasn't the kind of multiple I had written on the dream board. I guess men find both intimidating? Did I successfully bring the conversation back around to the original thread subject yet? 

 

 

 

[Phil]

@Mandy

😂 

[fopylo]

@Phil

8 hours ago, Phil said:

She likes you. The guy next to you sees this. She’s not attacking you, you’re overlooking that she likes you, uncomfortable with how to communicate with her about this, and interpreting that you’re being attacked.

How can you be sure she likes me?

Of course bro. Of course I'm not comfortable talking about that lol

9 hours ago, Phil said:

She likes you. You stated you don’t like her. Be upfront and communicative about this

I don't want to assume it. It would just be weird if it isn't the case. I am not planning on being upfront about this unless I see that I have no choice (like if she asks me certain questions imma answer her real).

 

9 hours ago, Phil said:

What’s the current plan? To control everyone so no discordant beliefs are ever triggered & dispelled?

Exhausting & fruitless, no? 

 

truly exhausting, and also never works.

 

9 hours ago, Phil said:

Other than so you feel better… why do you want practicality, understanding and to become something or someone that you’re not? Maybe the belief about yourself (I’m weak) isn’t true, and trying to become someone or something else is only based on assuming the belief is true…?

Because then I can learn for next time, and be better at handling those types of situations. I guess...

[fopylo]

@Jonas Long

1 hour ago, Jonas Long said:

You walk up to the guy and grab his crotch, then say "oh sorry I thought you were my dad"

Awkwardness and  assault.

(Don't do this)

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Bro you must be like top comment on some tiktok memes

[Reena]

@fopylowhy aare you so sensitive?

[Jonas Long]

7 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Jonas Long

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Bro you must be like top comment on some tiktok memes

I don't know how to do that shit I'm 38🥺

[WhiteOwl]

11 hours ago, fopylo said:

Because then I can learn for next time, and be better at handling those types of situations. I guess...

The learning is noticing what crap you believe about yourself currently, causing you to react and feel unwanted stuff in situations like this. Not believing that, every situation will change. 

If you REALLY want to change this, not just talking or reading about it. Sit down when you have time and can be alone, and contemplate what the problem is. Why do you feel and think like you do? Look and write down what you believe, and see what its doing to you. Feel and write. Go into it. It won't change otherwise most likely.

 

Thinking that you need to learn or add something is going straight opposite. Thats just more discordant beliefs added. 

[Phil]

14 hours ago, fopylo said:

How can you be sure she likes me?

Just sounds like it. 

 

14 hours ago, fopylo said:

Of course bro. Of course I'm not comfortable talking about that lol

The more you talk about it the less foreign it seems and the more comfortable you are. 

 

14 hours ago, fopylo said:

I don't want to assume it. It would just be weird if it isn't the case. I am not planning on being upfront about this unless I see that I have no choice (like if she asks me certain questions imma answer her real).

Right.

 

14 hours ago, fopylo said:

truly exhausting, and also never works.

Great realization.

 

14 hours ago, fopylo said:

Because then I can learn for next time, and be better at handling those types of situations. I guess...

Yes, and that is the case without any discordant beliefs about yourself too.