Dating and expectations

[Mandy]

42 minutes ago, Kevin said:

No. I looked it up and it’s 5 seasons. I don’t really wanna start a new tv show. Why do you bring it up?

Are you looking for a wife, a family, do you want to have kids?

[Kevin]

5 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

 

I don't give a shit.

 

Cry your eyes out. That's the message.

 

Maybe I’m misreading your message but this comes off as really rude. If you didn’t want hear my response and you don’t give a shit why’d you comment and ask me those questions.

[Kevin]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Are you looking for a wife, a family, do you want to have kids?

Yes. Maybe I’m assuming,  but it sounds like your hinting at me being unreasonable? I really don’t think I am. I’m not asking for anything I’m not also doing.

[Mandy]

@Kevin I have no idea because I have no idea what the disagreements were about, I guessing. Does she also want kids and a family? There are certain political standings, attitudes that would make a man a terrifying partner to have children with. It may be more important than you assume. Why I asked if you saw the Handmaid's Tale is that potentially you don't understand the position a woman puts herself in when she has children in an environment when power is held by those at the top. Kind of out on a limb here though, as I don't know any of the details. 

 

 

[Kevin]

2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin I have no idea because I have no idea what the disagreements were about, I guessing. Does she also want kids and a family? There are certain political standings, attitudes that would make a man a terrifying partner to have children with. It may be more important than you assume. Why I asked if you saw the Handmaid's Tale is that potentially you don't understand the position a woman puts herself in when she decides to have children with a man. Kind of out on a limb here though, as I don't know any of the details. 

 

 

I understand woman experience the world very differently. I agree that in general woman have very difficult problems that men do not experience. I’ve never had to worry about sexual assault for example.

 

I agree with you. But I think both genders put themselves in a tough position when getting married and having kids. I don’t understand the female side of it but I try to and I’m empathetic to the idea that it is different for woman.

 

I think my views are pretty reasonable. The main ones I expressed that I won’t compromise on, because she asked me btw, are I won’t circumcise my kids and I won’t hit my kids. She also asked me who I voted for. When I said trump, she said I was disrespecting woman, didn’t care about woman, and supported rape. She was pretty aggressive about that point. I didn’t yell at her or raise my voice.

 

I pointed out that none of my behavior up to that point supported that conclusion and I thought it was rude of her to make those assumptions based on who I voted for. She agreed but there was still a little tension. I think she’s over it but just how aggressive she got made me concerned about how she’ll be in the future if she’s already acting like that.

[Mandy]

@Kevin I personally would also find that a very, very tough pill to swallow and a red flag for someone I was considering dating for the prospect of starting a family with. That doesn't mean there aren't a lot of things worth appreciating about Trump, but to have voted for him after the "grab em by the pussy comment" and all the rest, I would seriously consider that person's priorities and whether I wanted to throw in my lot with him. Or have a daughter with that person, or a son. I would be very concerned that he would throw under the bus women's rights, freedom and bodily autonomy in favor of power, money or influence. 

 

[Kevin]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin I personally would also find that a very, very tough pill to swallow and a massive red flag for someone I was considering dating for the prospect of starting a family with. That doesn't mean there aren't a lot of things worth appreciating about Trump, but to have voted for him after the "grab em by the pussy comment", I would seriously consider that man's priorities. I would be very concerned that he would throw under the bus women's rights, freedom and bodily autonomy.

 

I respectfully cannot agree. And I know you never have met me but I’m very respectful of women and do not grab woman by the pussy. But that’s neither here nor there. I think I should let this go.

[Mandy]

@Kevin I'm not saying you're a bad person, or that you disrespect women. I'm suggesting that if you looked into Trump you'd know that he manipulated the electoral college by pandering to certain populations and their hot issues to win a presidency at the expense of women's rights. He totally threw women under the bus. Women have been paying more attention than you, we've been thrown under the bus.  I have very conservative friends who vote for Trump that I absolutely LOVE, admire and respect but am I potentially considering having children with them? Hell no. 

 

In summary I definitely don't think it's a small political thing, or that she's an argumentative person. I don't think you should let it go, I think you should have the discussion, or watch The Handmaid's Tale. Or just sit with it. 

 

Or you can find someone aligned with your values. Why did you vote for Trump? What did you want that you thought he'd bring to the table? 

 

[Mandy]

@KevinPolitics aside, even if it was something I'd also agree is an inconsequential thing, she's allowed to be pissed about it. Remember the emotional scale, we are the whole. It's just an emotion. It doesn't make her failing to live up to your expectations. Is she allowed to express anger? Don't you want a woman free to expresses anger and passion? Or shall we all stall in powerlessness? 

[Kevin]

17 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin I'm not saying you're a bad person, or that you disrespect women. I'm suggesting that if you looked into Trump you'd know that he manipulated the electoral college by pandering to certain populations and their hot issues to win a presidency at the expense of women's rights. He totally threw women under the bus. Women have been paying more attention than you, we've been thrown under the bus.  I have very conservative friends who vote for Trump that I absolutely LOVE, admire and respect but am I going to considering having children with them? Hell no. 

 

my bad I shouldn’t have assumed that. I slept only 5 hours and had a bunch of caffeine so I’m kinda on edge and feeling a little defensive.

 

I have pretty strong views on Biden. I don’t really want to get into a big political thing here but I don’t think it’s right for me to make assumptions about a woman’s character because she voted for Biden. I’d rather assess character. Maybe that’s foolish of me idk.

 

I also assumed and hoped that the acceptance of political views would go both ways. Maybe that’s also foolish.

17 minutes ago, Mandy said:

In summary I definitely don't think it's a small political thing, or that she's an argumentative person. I don't think you should let it go, I think you should have the discussion, or watch The Handmaid's Tale. Or just sit with it. 

 

I think you’re right in that it isn’t a small political. I think maybe I’m too eager to be in a relationship that I’m overlooking some serious red flags.

I will say that she came at me pretty hard. It wasn’t respectful at all. That’s the red flag part for me.

17 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Or you can find someone aligned with your values. Why did you vote for Trump? What did you want that you thought he'd bring to the table? 

 

I don’t really wanna get into it too much because these political discussions never go anywhere in my experience. Why I’m gonna vote for him this year is because I think he was a good president previously. I think he projected strength across the world and did a lot of good things for peace with the Middle East and with North Korea. 

[Kevin]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@KevinPolitics aside, even if it was something I'd also agree is an inconsequential thing, she's allowed to be pissed about it. Remember the emotional scale, we are the whole. It's just an emotion. It doesn't make her failing to live up to your expectations. Is she allowed to express anger? Don't you want a woman the expresses anger and passion? Or shall we all stall in powerlessness? 

That’s a really tough. She’s allowed to express anger but interrupting me constantly when I didn’t interrupt her at all. Talking over me saying “I know your wrong I’m right”. Constantly. These are not things that I like dealing with.

 

Maybe I’m being unreasonable. I don’t think I am.

 

wouldn't you agree that saying: “hey Kevin I really don’t agree with you voting for Trump and I find it offensive. Let’s talk about it”. Don’t you think that’s a much more respectful way to go about it?

 

how do you set boundaries but also allow people to express themselves? Am I stuck in powerlessness because I didn’t interrupt and match her energy and argue? Should I have started yelling? I just don’t see how any of that is helpful but maybe I’m stuck in powerlessness.

 

I’m working on setting boundaries because in the past I’ve just been happy to be with a girl I like and I end up being walked all over because I won’t draw a line.

[Mandy]

 

5 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I think he projected strength across the world and did a lot of good things for peace with the Middle East and with North Korea. 

What does projecting strength mean to you? 

 

PLEASE consider watching The Handmaid's Tale. The first two seasons is enough. 

[Mandy]

@Kevin Sounds like you should try out Phil's pillow conversation thing. I'd personally suggest you use as Trump bobblehead instead of a pillow. She's triggered, you're triggered, biggly tremendous healing could come from this. 

 

4 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I’m working on setting boundaries because in the past I’ve just been happy to be with a girl I like and I end up being walked all over because I won’t draw a line.

Drawing lines. Is that really necessary though? Or is it just attraction, and no exclusion in this Universe? 

[Kevin]

10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin Sounds like you should try out Phil's pillow conversation thing. I'd personally suggest you use as Trump bobblehead instead of a pillow. She's triggered, you're triggered, biggly tremendous healing could come from this. 

 

I think that’s a good idea.

10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Drawing lines. Is that really necessary though? Or is it just attraction, and no exclusion in this Universe? 

I don’t know. I just realized I’m afraid of female aggression. My sister attacked me a lot when I was a child. I was punished for her attacking me. And punished more harshly if I did anything in response. I don’t like female aggression now because I don’t feel like I can respond. I fear that if I respond I will be the bad guy and it will rupture the relationship.

 

I’ll try watching handmaids tale.

 

what I mean by projecting strength is that there are countries and people that hate America. That call for death to America. I don’t believe we should be nice to people like this. In my experience bullies don’t stop because you politely ask them to. They stop if they think their gonna get hurt.

 

maybe that’s me projecting my psyche onto politics but isn’t that what everyone does? Isn’t that politics?

[Mandy]

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

what I mean by projecting strength is that there are countries and people that hate America. That call for death to America. I don’t believe we should be nice to people like this. In my experience bullies don’t stop because you politely ask them to. They stop if they think their gonna get hurt.

 

maybe that’s me projecting my psyche onto politics but isn’t that what everyone does? Isn’t that politics?

That's the standoff, that's the eye for an eye, the little old lady who ate the fly, always coming after it with something bigger and mightier. War and violence in thought, ignoring the guidance perpetuates condones and praises violence. True strength is turning the other cheek, bullying back is fear and cowardice. 

[Reena]

You need to find a more submissive woman. 

 

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Mandy said:

That's the standoff, that's the eye for an eye, the little old lady who ate the fly, always coming after it with something bigger and mightier. War and violence in thought, ignoring the guidance perpetuates condones and praises violence. True strength is turning the other cheek, bullying back is fear and cowardice. 

I respectfully disagree. But I think that’s just based on fundamental differences in the way you and I operate. Nothing wrong with that. I appreciate your perspective on the relationship. It’s good to hear a woman’s perspective.

[Kevin]

49 minutes ago, Reena said:

You need to find a more submissive woman. 

 

You might be right. I’m sticking with it for a bit to see where it goes. We’ll see.

[WhiteOwl]

8 hours ago, Kevin said:

what I mean by projecting strength is that there are countries and people that hate America

I am from Scandinavia and most people don't hate the US, but that a guy like Trump can get elected is just completely jaw-dropping for most people here and doesn't put the US in a good light true.

 

So much anger, hate, selfishnnes.. rudeness in that guy. Just plain nasty really. 

 

Its almost a comedy to watch for many people here.

 

 

I am quite tolerable (i think) with whatever people believe and bring to the table, but someone voting for a guy like Trump or the euivalent here would also almost be unrepairable or understandable for me,  so i totally get her tbh. 

 

The word "expectations" sounds a bit pressuring and not something i would want on myself from someone i just met. Be open and curious and see if you resonate or not. 

Dont run into the trap of thinking that anything will be resolved after you have a girlfriend. If you in any way think it will fix you or give you something (worth?) look into that first. Not feeling like this will make you feel better about yourself and make it more clear what you actually want to attract.

[Blessed2]

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

maybe that’s me projecting my psyche onto politics but isn’t that what everyone does? Isn’t that politics?

 

👍 Yeah, that's good insight.

 

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

what I mean by projecting strength is that there are countries and people that hate America. That call for death to America. I don’t believe we should be nice to people like this. In my experience bullies don’t stop because you politely ask them to. They stop if they think their gonna get hurt.

 

What does this projection say about the mind that projects it?

 

"They stop if they think they're gonna get hurt." 🤔

 

9 hours ago, Reena said:

You need to find a more submissive woman. 

 

The other way around. The guy needs to be more submissive.