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Kevin

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  1. So many issues with sleep right now. I toss and turn throughout the night and a few nights ago I had very vivid dreams and nightmares. I was sitting outside and I was doing the emotional scale and I realized I’m disappointed I didn’t get sleep last night. Then I noticed there’s a continuity disruption that happens when I sleep and I haven’t been experiencing that for that last couple nights. The main point of this post is the nightmare though. A few nights ago I woke up and I was in sleep paralysis and there was a sleep paralysis demon. For those who haven’t experienced them, sleep paralysis demons are usually just black human shaped shadow beings. This time though I woke up in sleep paralysis and the sleep paralysis demon had human features. It wasn’t just black. I remember it had an evil smile but I don’t remember what or who it looked like specifically. It was holding me down and it had a knife and it stuck the knife in my stomach and I felt myself actually getting stabbed. Super disturbing. And then instantly I’m standing up and I’m running as fast as I can but going nowhere. Apparently that’s a common dream where you run super fast but your lot moving but I’ve never experienced it.
  2. Kevin

    Jealousy

    Haha took me a second to understand. ❤️
  3. Kevin

    Jealousy

    Facts. This really resonates because there is so many things others are experiencing that I wouldn’t even think of or think are possible if not for them already experiencing those things. ❤️
  4. Kevin

    Jealousy

    god man my first thought is I always have to hear the same damn thing. I wish I could just get it. Realistically I’m experiencing frustration. Acknowledging that is a relief. gotcha. Keep it simple I always thought logic was what I wanted but it never worked. Gotcha. Thanks Phil.
  5. Kevin

    Jealousy

    Hella facts. Thank you. It’s seemingly habitual thought patterns that cause tension. but overall self love is felt more and more and the truth or what you’re saying is resonating. ❤️
  6. Kevin

    Jealousy

    I have recently had very positive experiences with friends. Hanging out, playing spikeball outside. Beautiful day. Many thoughts came up about not belonging. Feeling like the odd one out. Realistically so inaccurate. These people all like me. One of these friends in particular I don’t see all the time but we are very close when I see him. I guess I feel jealousy because all these guys have girlfriends. One has multiple lol. And one is getting married. my preference would be to not ruminate on thoughts about how I don’t belong. Logically I do belong. I would like to resonate with that. I would like to belong everywhere at all times. Unconditionally. I want to stop putting conditions on belonging. And yeah I guess it’s that simple. I feel jealous. I’m exhausted maybe I need to sleep.
  7. Saw a homeless lady with a bunch of bags I felt bad so I gave her 40 bucks and offered to buy her food. She didn’t even say thank you. Very unrewarding. However understandable because she was probably feeling very sad.
  8. At the end of the day I think everyone is truly responsible for themselves. Yes some people have it easier and others have it harder. Donald trumps “small loan of a million dollars” certainly made his life easier than someone growing up with poor abusive parents. However, focusing on this is simply unproductive and unhelpful and feeds a victim mindset. My dad grew up dirt poor in an abusive environment. As far as I know he never dwelled on his victim hood. If he did he wouldn’t have made something of himself. The homelessness situation is tough because there are certain people who, with a little help, would turn their life around. Others cannot be helped because they don’t want to be helped. when I was smoking crack I had all the resources in the world to quit. I even went to rehab. But nothing would make me quit until I was ready to quit.
  9. How do I join Paul heddermans lives? Is it on his YouTube?
  10. My bad I honestly assumed you were trying to be rude. I appologize
  11. American psycho is fiction.
  12. Aren’t you gay? Why are you being homophobic
  13. Yeah idk I just did it because it felt good and it felt right. I don’t care what he used it for, he could have bought heroin and I wouldn’t care. I just saw he was going through it and he seemed really sad and his genuineness came through. And I guess it was cool to see how appreciative he was for something like 50 bucks which I take for granted.
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