Dating and expectations

[Jonas Long]

4 minutes ago, Kevin said:

lol proving my point

Being a supporter of a criminally liable rapist and pointing out that the jab you chose for me is really more appropriately directed at said criminally liable rapist isn't exactly the same. 

[Mandy]

3 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Look 99.9 percent of my comments on this forum have been very respectfully. Anyone can look through my post history and see this. I believe in leading with respect. That Jonas guy started out being disrespectful and so I responded in kind.

 

I come to this forum to be vulnerable and so if someone’s gonna pick on me for my beliefs I’m gonna respond. And yeah I probably will be disrespectful right back.

That's not in alignment with the forum principals and we have to moderate based on the individual comment not the commenter's history. I get it, we all have bad days, but if we bite back all the time, all there are is bad days. 

 

How perfect is the attraction here, Jonas doesn't offer respect and you demand it. 

 

We all want to be vulnerable or open and honest. Putting your face on YouTube is vulnerable, I don't care who you are. If Jonas and I got into a bit of a confrontation and he told me he's "seen my videos and I look butch" would that feel good or discordant to read? 

[Kevin]

2 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Being a supporter of a criminally liable rapist and pointing out that the jab you chose for me is really more appropriately directed at said criminally liable rapist isn't exactly the same. 

Lmao I could probably fight Trump and beat him too. But he’s old man so that wouldn’t prove much. 
 

look if you really wanna discuss politics and you willing to look into other views and you can accept that people can have different opinions then make a thread about this. I’m not gonna get into a political debate on this thread.

[Kevin]

Just now, Mandy said:

That's not in alignment with the forum principals and we have to moderate based on the individual comment not the commenter's history. I get it, we all have bad days, but if we bite back all the time, all there are is bad days. 

 

Respectfully, just as I do not understand certain female dynamics don’t you think there are certain things about male dynamics you might not understand? By that I mean growing up, 90% of people are great. But there will always be that 10% who look to start trouble. Being nice to these people rarely works. It just makes you look weak and you’re more likely to get picked on in the future. That’s why I respond with aggression.

 

I’ll admit it is a forum and I’m never gonna meet the guy so I probably should have just hidden his comments and let it go. But here we are I guess.

 

Just now, Mandy said:

How perfect is the attraction here, Jonas doesn't offer respect and you demand it. 

 

It’s interesting. I will say I don’t demand it from people I don’t know. I expect it and am sometimes disappointed. 

Just now, Mandy said:

We all want to be vulnerable or open and honest. Putting your face on YouTube is vulnerable, I don't care who you are. If Jonas and I got into a bit of a confrontation and he told me he's "seen my videos and I look butch" would that feel good or discordant to read? 

I understand that and I thought about it but I’d decided it was acceptable. One thing I don’t think is cool is bringing up someone’s posting history. For example if Jonas posted about how a family member passed away or he went through something, I wouldn’t use that as ammo. But I think putting your face on YouTube is fair game.

 

In response to your question it wouldn’t feel good. You are nice to people though. I’ve never seen you be rude. I felt that Jonas’s comments were rude so I said what I said.

[Mandy]

2 minutes ago, Kevin said:

One thing I don’t think is cool is bringing up someone’s posting history. For example if Jonas posted about how a family member passed away or he went through something, I wouldn’t use that as ammo.

👍 Absolutely agree.

2 minutes ago, Kevin said:

But I think putting your face on YouTube is fair game.

Disagree. Even weirder, how you look, how you appear, is in the eye of the perceiver. 

 

You know how colors actually appear to be the wavelength of light the reject? They absorb and take on all the other wavelengths, so because red rejects red, it appears to BE red. It's a powerful analogy for judgement of what something is and is not. Alignment is the rejection of nothing, except, only apparently for creation purposes, (because colors are awesome). 

 

Try owning what you see, and see how it feels. Everyone is your mirror. (And the emotional scale is a really helpful tool for that not being an obnoxious or angering thing. )

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

do you mean if something bothers me I shouldn’t always mention it? Or do you mean I should be respectful about how I bring things up? I’m not sure what you mean.

It’s very situational but if something bothered you I lean toward communicating, asking a question and hearing more. Nine times out of ten it was an assumption or miscommunication. Generally speaking, not you specifically of course. If it wasn’t an assumption or miscommunication, by asking a question, you’ve heard more about it / where they’re coming from, and that most often changes the initial thought at your end / one’s own end about whatever it is. Like it probably would’ve been nice if she would have asked you if since you voted for Trump, do you also see x, y and z topics / issues this way / the same way Trump seems to? Then she could have heard where you’re coming from more precisely & likely related a bit more instead of assuming a bunch of dots connect together and you might be out there running around grabbin stuff willy-nilly. 

[Blessed2]

I was bullied as a kid. Nothing crazy, got beaten up a couple of times etc. Though enough for a belief to form that I wasn't as good as other guys, that I was weaker and that I was generally speaking a loser and an outcast.

 

Looking back I can see how that belief played out, and especially in the teenage years and some time into adulthood a lot of discordant beliefs were added to that already shit steaming pile.

 

I used to believe that as a guy, I must be strong and a good fighter to protect myself, friends and girlfriends.

 

I believed that I should be able to protect a girlfriend if some crazy dude came and attacked us and tried to rape her. That all women needs that and if I can't offer it, I'm nothing and will never be loved.

 

I believed that this is just how it is, that I could never be loved and felt safe with in the perception of women. That other guys, the stronger and better fighters would always in the end be the number one choice for women.

 

That was probably the most discordant of the beliefs. How I wouldn't be truly desired by women, and a stronger, better guy would always win.

 

Used to think that some day I would practice boxing or other martial arts so that I could be strong and physically cabable enough to have the love of a woman.

 

I also thought that if not physically strong and fighter-type, I could be smarter than other men. More intelligent or wise. Later as the shit pile kept growing, that I would be more awake and conscious than other men.

 

Funnily enough it might take some balls to take a look at that pile and feel & acknowledge the guidance. To surrender.

 

I think there is also power in surrender and vulnerability. It might be hard to see through pre-assumptions and beliefs though. But Tao Te Ching comes to mind. Also Neem Karoli Baba. He said: "See all women as mothers, serve them as your mother. When you see the entire world as the mother, the ego falls away."

 

 

I'm just balls deep in love with women. I want all of you! But there's a belief that you don't want me back because of this and that wrong and not good enough about me. That there's always going to be some better guy. Or that there is a shortage of love, fulfillment and intimacy in the world.

 

I don't know about other guys, but I think many of them might be walking around with the same shit stink. Kind of looks different for everyone though.

 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

👍 Absolutely agree.

Disagree. Even weirder, how you look, how you appear, is in the eye of the perceiver. 

 

Yeah I mean I’d agree with you. The whole aggression mind game is asserting something bad about someone and getting them to believe you because it’s something they might be insecure about. It doesn’t have to be true. Sounds really toxic I know but I never start these things. But I’ll admit I do get involved.

 

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

You know how colors actually appear to be the wavelength of light the reject? They absorb and take on all the other wavelengths, so because red rejects red, it appears to BE red. It's a powerful analogy for judgement of what something is and is not. Alignment is the rejection of nothing, except, only apparently for creation purposes, (because colors are awesome). 

 

I think I get what you’re saying here. I reject weakness it myself so I see it in other places.

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

Try owning what you see, and see how it feels. Everyone is your mirror. (And the emotional scale is a really helpful tool for that not being an obnoxious or angering thing. )

Yep I got an emotional scale on my phone case now so I’ve been doing it way more. I’ll keep doing it.

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

It’s very situational but if something bothered you I lean toward communicating, asking a question and hearing more. Nine times out of ten it was an assumption or miscommunication. Generally speaking, not you specifically of course. If it wasn’t an assumption or miscommunication, by asking a question, you’ve heard more about it / where they’re coming from, and that most often changes the initial thought at your end / one’s own end about whatever it is. Like it probably would’ve been nice if she would have asked you if since you voted for Trump, do you also see x, y and z topics / issues this way / the same way Trump seems to? Then she could have heard where you’re coming from more precisely & likely related a bit more instead of assuming a bunch of dots connect together and you might be out there running around grabbin stuff willy-nilly. 

Yeah you’re definitely right. I will ask more questions in the future instead of jumping to conclusions. Hopefully this will model that behavior for her or any other girl I’m with. It sounds like a much happier way to go about things.

 

And yeah I’m definitely not grabbing woman by the pussy😂

[Phil]

@Kevin

😅 😂 

[Mandy]

47 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Yeah I mean I’d agree with you. The whole aggression mind game is asserting something bad about someone and getting them to believe you because it’s something they might be insecure about. It doesn’t have to be true. Sounds really toxic I know but I never start these things. But I’ll admit I do get involved.

The mind fuck is that no one started them though, they just got involved. 

Just because I can't help myself.... 😂

 

What DO you want to be part of? What kind of fire you part of? You know by the burn, the emotion. 

52 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I think I get what you’re saying here. I reject weakness it myself so I see it in other places.

Everyone has the potential to be oh so sweet and lovely and oh so so utterly terrifying. It's creepy AF. It's the Unknown. It's Life, life-ing. So we gloss over our discomfort by judging people as safe or unsafe and we thought-murder them. But there's just that fire. Warming, comforting, soothing you to sleep on a bitterly cold night, healing, or potentially utter destruction and phoenix rising. Freedom that cannot be taken and therefore requires no defense. Your power is your vulnerability because they were never two. 

 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I was bullied as a kid. Nothing crazy, got beaten up a couple of times etc. Though enough for a belief to form that I wasn't as good as other guys, that I was weaker and that I was generally speaking a loser and an outcast.

 

Looking back I can see how that belief played out, and especially in the teenage years and some time into adulthood a lot of discordant beliefs were added to that already shit steaming pile.

 

I used to believe that as a guy, I must be strong and a good fighter to protect myself, friends and girlfriends.

 

I believed that I should be able to protect a girlfriend if some crazy dude came and attacked us and tried to rape her. That all women needs that and if I can't offer it, I'm nothing and will never be loved.

 

I believed that this is just how it is, that I could never be loved and felt safe with in the perception of women. That other guys, the stronger and better fighters would always in the end be the number one choice for women.

 

That was probably the most discordant of the beliefs. How I wouldn't be truly desired by women, and a stronger, better guy would always win.

 

Used to think that some day I would practice boxing or other martial arts so that I could be strong and physically cabable enough to have the love of a woman.

 

I also thought that if not physically strong and fighter-type, I could be smarter than other men. More intelligent or wise. Later as the shit pile kept growing, that I would be more awake and conscious than other men.

 

Funnily enough it might take some balls to take a look at that pile and feel & acknowledge the guidance. To surrender.

 

I think there is also power in surrender and vulnerability. It might be hard to see through pre-assumptions and beliefs though. But Tao Te Ching comes to mind. Also Neem Karoli Baba. He said: "See all women as mothers, serve them as your mother. When you see the entire world as the mother, the ego falls away."

 

 

I'm just balls deep in love with women. I want all of you! But there's a belief that you don't want me back because of this and that wrong and not good enough about me. That there's always going to be some better guy. Or that there is a shortage of love, fulfillment and intimacy in the world.

 

I don't know about other guys, but I think many of them might be walking around with the same shit stink. Kind of looks different for everyone though.

 

I think it’s very common conditioning. The whole value based on what you are capable of. Tough thing is there’s always someone more capable so it can get pretty toxic. It’s cool you seem to be past it.

 

what helped me get past it was realizing that there’s women with hot guys, ugly guys, skinny guys, fat guys, funny guys, stupid guys, smart guys, weak guys, etc. it made me realize maybe my assumptions were wrong.

 

Now it seems like woman want to feel good and they want to be with a guy that makes them feel good. Just like I want to be with a girl who makes me feel good.

[Kevin]

3 hours ago, Mandy said:

The mind fuck is that no one started them though, they just got involved. 

Just because I can't help myself.... 😂

 

What DO you want to be part of? What kind of fire you part of? You know by the burn, the emotion. 

Everyone has the potential to be oh so sweet and lovely and oh so so utterly terrifying. It's creepy AF. It's the Unknown. It's Life, life-ing. So we gloss over our discomfort by judging people as safe or unsafe and we thought-murder them. But there's just that fire. Warming, comforting, soothing you to sleep on a bitterly cold night, healing, or potentially utter destruction and phoenix rising. Freedom that cannot be taken and therefore requires no defense. Your power is your vulnerability because they were never two. 

 

Ahhh I would agree with that I guess. Everyone thinks someone else started it. I guess that’s not a game I want to be playing.

 

And yeah it’s crazy how people can seem so amazing but also so horrible. Very trippy.

[Phil]

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

Now it seems like woman want to feel good and they want to be with a guy that makes them feel good. Just like I want to be with a girl who makes me feel good.

The Good you are. The Good she is. 🙂

Expectations, respect, etc wise… such a slippery slippery slope! 

[Mandy]

@Kevin I found the perfect thing for all of us. (More about how people see politicians than about Trump) Maybe you could send it to her and see what she thinks?