It's just an online forum.

[Joseph Maynor]

12 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

It's actually very hard to do this in the face of an attack. 

 

It is.  I know.  What changed me is I became much happier in my life and then it's almost like I'm immune to bullying now.  If someone does bully me I know how to make them look totally ridiculous fast.  So you do need to know how to punch back.  But there's a way to punch back that makes the bully go away for good.  It's a delicate thing because on the one hand you want to work on being less reactive, but on the other hand you need to make sure when you take a punch that you nail them squarely in the nose.  You know when you're good at this when the bullies seem to scatter when you're around.  Other people are only going to come to your aid and help you fight one of your bullies if they determine you're reasonable in doing what you're doing.  If you dole it out as much as you get it from others -- that cancels out your complaint in the minds of reasonable people.  Others have to see that you're working on yourself and trying to improve this issue, and then they will come to your defense.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

@Cupcake

If & when someone makes a comment to you which is outside the guidelines, don’t reply to it, click ‘report’. Responding to that ‘report’ is what moderation is in regard to this forum. The moderation is not of people, it’s of individual comments. It’s not of a past, it’s of the ‘report’… the comment. 

 

As far as what I would do, I would let whatever it is go. Then I’d see more clearly how I ended up suffering, and I wouldn’t ‘step in the same hole’ again. 

[Reena]

4 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 

It is.  I know.  What changed me is I became much happier in my life and then it's almost like I'm immune to bullying now.  If someone does bully me I know how to make them look totally ridiculous fast.  So you do need to know how to punch back.  But there's a way to punch back that makes the bully go away for good.  It's a delicate thing because on the one hand you want to work on being less reactive, but on the other hand you need to make sure when you take a punch that you nail them squarely in the nose.  You know when you're good at this when the bullies seem to scatter when you're around.  Other people are only going to come to your aid and help you fight one of your bullies if they determine you're reasonable in doing what you're doing.  

I have to admit that I'm very bad at punching back. 

I see others being good at it. 

 

But I simply can't do it at all.. Like the only thing I ever say is "leave me alone." 

I never have anything clever to say.. I just don't know how to cleverly respond to a provoker.

 

[Reena]

@Phil but it's not outside the guidelines. 

 

[Phil]

36 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

To all of you - answer this. 

 

 

What would you do if someone decided to constantly trash talk you on the forum and continued this same behavior for months and months? 

 

What if you told mods and the mods don't do anything. 

 

And you begin to feel unsafe by all the unsavory rumors, gossip this person is intentionally spreading about you under your nose, also instigating others to attack you, scheming and plotting behind your back with other users so that you are somehow made to leave the forum or actions that might get you banned by twisting all the work that you do on the forum and labeling it as "attention seeking" and constantly making sure that you are portrayed in a negative light, finger pointing, blaming, chronic criticism,constantly passing hateful mean comments in your direction, calling for your ban, using their personal vendetta with full luxury, and encouraging others to finger point and gang up on you, basically dogpiling on you, projecting all their hate and biases on you, enjoying your suffering or humiliation, targeting you routinely, instigating against you and causing your threads to be locked, shutting down any form of benefit or help that you might be getting, just ensuring that you somehow get hated and banned, acting aggressive,starting shit by making provoking statements, triggering and waiting till you react and joining others and relishing in you being attacked. 

 

Honestly if that person did all of the above, what would you do? 

 

 

If & when what you shared here happens, click ‘report’  on the comment. On the first comment. When it happens. Not the next day or week etc. When you read the comment. 

 

Moderation isn’t for yesterday, or the past week, month or year. Moderation is not for people. We are not moderating people, or lives, or any kind of relationships, or even interactions. This is a forum, and the moderation is of a forum, of the comments. 

 

If a comment is questionable to you as far as the guidelines, go ahead and report it so a moderator see’s it. If it’s questionable to the moderator, they might or might not issue a warning. But, a moderator will have seen the comment as it was made, before even a second comment is made, let alone before days or weeks pass.

 

 

 

[Reena]

@Phil @Phil what should be the description of the report? 

Like what am I supposed to write in that report? 

 

[Phil]

@Cupcake

From looking at the guidelines, write which guideline(s) you feel is being ignored or broken.

 

If it’s something you don’t see in the guidelines, then write that. Write a few words describing the comment. It’s not a science, whatever you write will be fine.

 

A guideline might or might not be broken, and a moderator may or may not issue a warning.  

 

The point is you won’t experience a situation as you describe of weeks or months. The comment will be looked at right then, same time as when you read it. 

 

Also, just as a head’s up, while there is typically a moderator present, there could as well be times there isn’t. 

[Kevin]

50 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

I have to admit that I'm very bad at punching back. 

I see others being good at it. 

 

But I simply can't do it at all.. Like the only thing I ever say is "leave me alone." 

I never have anything clever to say.. I just don't know how to cleverly respond to a provoker.

 

I’m just weigh in here because I have a little experience with people screwing with me until I was able to overcome it. Mostly it’s about not caring at all about them or what they say. Easier said than done I know but it’s worth the effort for your own happiness. Joseph maynor gave great advice when he said to stop giving them the reaction they are looking for. 

[Baller]

Vulnerable people shouldn't go online.  They need to be seeing a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, who can assist them in making connections with supportive people.

 

"Well, they can't because..."  Sorry, no.  The world cannot be childproofed for a small minority of people.  This idea that anything good can come from "treating yourself" by going on forums needs to die already, it's utter BS.  Even if there isn't outright triggering or abusing, the potential for really bad advice is massive.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Baller

[Joseph Maynor]

40 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Joseph maynor gave great advice when he said to stop giving them the reaction they are looking for. 

 

Stop giving people the crazy/dramatic reaction they're salivating over.  And the way to do this would be to improve your life so you feel secure, powerful, sovereign, at peace, supported, etc.   Nobody bullies a person that exudes confidence, wealth, prestige, value, etc.   People who are bullied are people that give off a signal of low self-esteem or some other kind of lack of self-care or vulnerability.  There are people at stage red who will try to control people who have deficiencies in self-esteem or other disabilities.

 

Don't go to people, let them come to you.  If you have an inherent divine value, that's there for you.  That will always be there.  So you have that value, and others will appreciate this if it's given from a perspective of abundance.  But you have to wait, be patient, and not needy.  Let people suffer your absence.

 

I would say halve (50% decrease) the time spent online on social media and use that time in other ways to begin.  Isolation is good.  It can just be mindfulness meditation, habits, planning, clarifying values, talking to real people, walking around outside, going to places where people are (like the mall or the grocery store, etc.).

 

The way to start this would be to keep a log of daily time spent on social media.  It's just like dealing with any kind of addiction.  

 

People who can't do anything about their condition are bullied and vulnerable.  What I try to do is help these people become independent and invulnerable.  You can't avoid avoid bullying, but what you can do is change up your approach to the bully, and also have people in your life that can coach you in dealing with a bully.  I would say the key way to deal with a bully is to deeply know and protect your own value and worth. 

 

People tend to think, this person doesn't even care for themselves, so why should I care for them?  But something that cares for itself exudes a kind of energy that says "I'm valuable and I know it."  And then others kind of take you at your own genuine estimation of yourself.  But it has to be real, it can't be fake.  We humans can sniff out deficiencies in self-worth like a hawk.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

26 minutes ago, Baller said:

Vulnerable people shouldn't go online.  They need to be seeing a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, who can assist them in making connections with supportive people.

 

"Well, they can't because..."  Sorry, no.  The world cannot be childproofed for a small minority of people.  This idea that anything good can come from "treating yourself" by going on forums needs to die already, it's utter BS.  Even if there isn't outright triggering or abusing, the potential for really bad advice is massive.

 

Your post is 

1. Demonization of people who are vulnerable 

 

2. Ostracization of people who are vulnerable 

 

3.  People can visit a therapist and still visit online forums. They don't need to be locked in a mental asylum. They have every right that others enjoy 

 

4. Enabling victimization of vulnerable people under the disguise of "we can't do anything." 

 

5. Childproofing is a terrible way of degrading /denigrating people who are sensitive, traumatized and vulnerable. It's basically a passive way of ridiculing them. They are not children. They are only asking to be understood and treated humane. 

 

 

Your whole post is the most unempathetic thing I have come across. Grow the fuck up. 

 

 

[Reena]

This place is so crazy. I can't imagine how bullying is supported, enabled, justified or simply downplayed or minimized. Like so much justifying about something that is clearly extremely extremely and insanely wrong 

 

I don't know why online communities are so creepy and fucked up frankly. 

Everything that is really bad and unacceptable is given the green signal in such places. 

 

Totally not okay. Nobody is being Hyper sensitive.

Even a normal person would go insane with this sort of attacking. 

If people were so fundamentally strong, then Leo wouldn't have banned people on his forum. Even he can't take people constantly bad mouthing him despite being an internet personality. 

 

You guys never received the bitter end of what it means to be harassed or bullied in the truest sense. That's why you can't relate and that's why this harshness indifference and negativity. 

 

Wait till you face it yourself to an extreme degree where it robs your peace of mind and you'll know 

 

You'll simply log off the forum because you won't have the balls to face it 

 

 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

I think there are people who need to integrate the feminine and people who need to integrate the masculine as follows:

 

(1) If you're over-confident, conceptual, manipulative, sociopathic, egotistical, selfish, tone-deaf regarding feelings, have no sense of spirituality -- you need to integrate the feminine.  And this is a particular type of development work.

 

(2) People who need to integrate the masculine are too passive, too chaotic, too emotional, don't know how to stand up for themselves effectively, lack a sense of self-sovereignty and self-leadership, lack an ability to be self-independent financially and otherwise.   And this is a type of development work.

 

It's important to see when people need (1) or (2) or both, and then to find a teacher or teachers who can help you develop these as needed for you.  

Edited April 23, 2022 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

@Joseph Maynor self development can only happen in a safe environment. 

 

[Reena]

Anyway enough discussion. Nothing will improve much unless radical changes are implemented and accountability is held. 

Till then this place will be like other places, same old insensitive Hyper critical judgemental people who never try to understand each other and try to outdo 

 

 

[Tarak]

Everyone has his own reasons to be here. For me it's part of my healing process, learning to put my feelings and thoughts into words and in the mean time help people if I can. I could be most empathic and say to people what they want to hear, but I'm not helping by doing that, except maybe giving a good feeling because the lie they tell themselves is reinforced. I would also not be helping myself, since I did just that (acknowledging people) for most of my life and it's a form of self deception.

 

The whole situation with @Cupcaketouched me yesterday, because I recognize so much of myself a few years back in her. I spent quite a bit of time yesterday, trying to understand the situation, read all the threads where she felt attacked, not only on this forum but also on "the other one". I could barely see real attacks at her, and even on obvious helpful and empathic messages to her, she reacts defensively. I even PM'd a wall of text, trying to explain the mechanic behind what happens, but didn't even get an answer. I did this all out of love and compassion, but I'm also throwing in the towel, because it has to come from both sides and I just feel she is unable or doesn't want to be critical of herself. Cupcake, I know you will feel attacked again by what I'm typing here, but I say this all with the utmost respect and love, hoping to trigger an insight that could change your life for the better.

 

It's just an online forum, it is what you make of it. It's just life (is it?), it is what you make of it.

[Reena]

@Tarak you are working on limited information, probably just to invalidate me (as usual). 

If you knew the entire history (which of course you won't bother to) then you wouldn't make that opinion of me. 

 

But common hello, go on with your character assassination of me

I'm sick of this. 

Goodbye. 

 

 

[Tarak]

...

I wish you the best, Cupcake. May you find what you need.

[WhiteOwl]

3 hours ago, Cupcake said:

To all of you - answer this. 

 

 

What would you do if someone decided to constantly trash talk you on the forum and continued this same behavior for months and months? 

 

What if you told mods and the mods don't do anything. 

 

And you begin to feel unsafe by all the unsavory rumors, gossip this person is intentionally spreading about you under your nose, also instigating others to attack you, scheming and plotting behind your back with other users so that you are somehow made to leave the forum or actions that might get you banned by twisting all the work that you do on the forum and labeling it as "attention seeking" and constantly making sure that you are portrayed in a negative light, finger pointing, blaming, chronic criticism,constantly passing hateful mean comments in your direction, calling for your ban, using their personal vendetta with full luxury, and encouraging others to finger point and gang up on you, basically dogpiling on you, projecting all their hate and biases on you, enjoying your suffering or humiliation, targeting you routinely, instigating against you and causing your threads to be locked, shutting down any form of benefit or help that you might be getting, just ensuring that you somehow get hated and banned, acting aggressive,starting shit by making provoking statements, triggering and waiting till you react and joining others and relishing in you being attacked. 

 

Honestly if that person did all of the above, what would you do? 

 

 

As you said yourself, forums are anonymous, and therefor have to be taken with a grain of salt, as it is meant with the title"it's just a forum". We are currently 8 billion people on earth with even the remotest places having internet. There are going to be a lot of wierd people then, just like the real world (probably even more here). That's how it is. I mean you could even find sites with people killing and torturing each other, if that was the intent, just to point out how ridicouless this place can be. And the people harassing you, what if you found out it was a 12 yer old kid, or a very lonely old person. Wouldn't that change your perspective a little bit? The point is just that if you take it as the real world, you might end up getting hurt like you have experienced. And sure, it can be triggering, we have all tried that, but then it's time to do something else if it starts bothering you for real.

 

Pick the people you resonate with and keep up with those. The rest don't matter. You know nothing about them other than some avatar spurring stuff you don't like. Why care so much about those? 🙂

Edited April 23, 2022 by WhiteOwl

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

As you said yourself, forums are anonymous, and therefor have to be taken with a grain of salt, as it is meant with the title"it's just a forum". We are currently 8 billion people on earth with even the remotest places having internet. There is going to be a lot of wierd people then, just like the real world (probably even more here). That's how it is. I mean you could even find sites with people killing and torturing each other, if that was the intent, just to point out how ridicouless this place can be. And the people harassing you, what if you found out it was a 12 yer old kid, or a very lonely old person. Wouldn't that change your perspective a little bit? The point is just that if you take it as the real world, you might end up getting hurt like you have experienced.

 

Pick the people you resonate with and keep up with those. The rest don't matter. You know nothing about them other than some avatar spurring stuff you don't like. Why care so much about those? 🙂

 

At least a sane perspective, although not perfect but this post seems less conflicting/diverting/invalidating.