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It's just an online forum.


Indisguise
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People who spend a lot of time on online forums tend to forget this.☝

 

And then they start to get involved more than they should, emotionally invested to degrees that make them suffer because of what is going on in the forum at the time, either it's some personal trouble with another member or drama involving multiple members or whatever it may be.

 

Please treat online forums with the respect and distance they deserve. 

 

I know I said "should". And one the one hand I meant it (or I wouldn't have said it), on the other hand I didn't say anything at all; obviously you're free to do as you please, but perhaps, if you feel that this post adresses you and your relation to online forums in some way, consider reflecting upon this. It (and perhaps & hopefully consecutive action) may result in relief, to greater or lesser extent.

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1 hour ago, Indisguise said:

Please treat online forums with the respect and distance they deserve. 

 

This is key.  Online social media communities should be a supplement to a good life not the center of someone's life.  So, it's on every person to work on their life while also participating in an online spiritual community.  This also helps with flare ups too.  The other thing I think can help with flare ups is when they happen, these people want to be heard.  When they feel like they're not heard or that they're wrong, that is deeply provocative and hard to take.  There's a lot of this kind of -- "I'm more spiritually enlightened than you, so I get to school you" mentality -- which is a twisted little game because lasting change comes from within not from being humiliated or put on the spot in a scenario that clearly is not going to be fair to the person being challenged due to the nature of this format: both the technological nature and the social nature.  I notice certain people (including myself) would really do themselves a favor by strictly monitoring the time they spend online.   For those people, us, I would recommend keeping a time log of the intervals of time you're spending on online social media sites on a daily basis.   And then, slowly dial down these intervals by replacing them with real life tasks and projects.  And this advice applies to myself first and foremost.  

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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No. It's not just an online forum. We engage our life here, at least a part it. We expose ourselves, our identities, parts of ourselves, engage with people and open up about our deepest problems and Vulnerabilities, something we might feel afraid to do even with our parents and friends but we do it because of the anonymity. 

I hope there are legal consequences to all the shady stuff that happens on online forums because it's highly unregulated. 

How many suicides do you need to fucking wake up to how dangerous communities can become lethal to someone's mental health. 

God only knows how many people secretly commit suicide on depression forums and how many teens commit suicide due to regular harassment.. Cyber bullying and what not.. 

I hope something major major happens in this world so that people would stop treating online communities like a joke. 

Open an entertainment community then if you wanna come for light hearted time pass. 

 

 

 

Do I need to repeat a million times that vulnerable people come online because offline they have issues they can't deal with. 

 

Again repeating for those who are totally deaf. 

Vulnerable people come online because they are unable to deal with whatever they are going through. They come online for help or relief or whatever 

 

Even on Actualized there are hundreds of people who constantly talk about how suicidal they are and everyday someone is suicidal in the Serious Emotions section. Every fucking day. 

Stop treating online communities so lightly. 

 

Please treat people like human beings that's the only only humble request. 

Or just don't open forums with the idea of giving help. Go play video games. 

 

If everyone has at least an iota of respect for others existence and start treating others like humans with at least half the decency you would show in real life then we won't have people to suffer so much. 

 

Please stop treating people like objects. 

 

Give respect and if a person feels harassed LEAVE THAT PERSON THE FUCK ALONE instead of endlessly arguing about it. 

 

Or keep a separate section for vulnerable people where others (the super duper thick skinned people) aren't allowed. 

 

GOT IT 

 

 

YOU PEOPLE ARE SERIOUSLY GOT SOME ISSUES IF YOU CAN'T RESPECT A PERSON 

 

 

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I'm just totally fed up with not being taken seriously and constantly shamed and gaslighted. 

Stop harassing and cyber bullying. 

Even Facebook doesn't allow the language that is allowed on forums.

 

You cannot even call someone fat on Facebook without being banned. 

 

Guess forums are too late to catch up with social media level of integrity. 

 

This is the reason why social media is infinitely better than such dingy sleazy shady forums where anything goes by and vulnerable people feel exploited 

 

 

Online forums should be strictly regulated for language and behavior. Hyper strict. 

 

No mean behavior or harassing allowed. 

 

One day things will change. Mark my words. 

Online forums will be exposed as the most dangerous places on the internet. 

 

And this whole game will be up. 

I wish something big happens like a huge scandal. 

We need awareness of the abuse on online forums. 

 

 

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The only reason why I'm on such pathetic forums is because when I ask a question there are some decent people who care to give some useful advice that can be applied to problems. 

 

Otherwise I would have left such places long ago. 

You think that I have any respect for such places no way. 

Social media does not have question and answer section nor a journal section. 

If Facebook had such facilities like Q & A and Journaling then you really think I would need these useless forums??????? No way. 

 

I have to use these places out of desperation because there are no safer alternatives to such places. 

 

I don't give a fuck about a forum, I just have to use it as long as it serves my purpose and then be done with it for good. 

 

Nor do I appreciate people on forums because they come across as very insensitive and mean. 

 

 

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@Cupcake I've been on forums since 2009, so Ive had my fair share of forum frustrations. It can be easy to get caught up in a, "he said, she said" and feel like its all the other persons fault. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but what's best is figuring out how you can handle the situation so you don't lose your shit.

 

Sometimes it means calling someone out on their shit and hashing it out, another time it might be not responding and reporting the post, but regardless of the resolution sometimes its best to take a small break from the forum to gain your internal balance/peace after the dispute.

 

If you don't feel re-balanced, somewhat peaceful, then it's probably not a good time to be posting. Just saying..

 

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41 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Joseph Maynor @Indisguise Agree totally, life is so rich and great guys! 

 

This forum is awesome and I love it so much too! Awesome knowing I can switch back and forth between "life" and the forum whenever I feel is necessary.

 

This sounds healthy to me.  I will try to do this too.  I'm working on balancing many things in my life and also removing toxic things.  This forum is one of the good things and I want to make sure I'm healthy when I post on here.  I'm going to work on doing less posts -- maybe 1 post per day or less.  I still have a lot to respond to as well.  My point is, I have more than enough work to do with what I've already posted that there's no need for me to post more at this time.  That posting tendency can become neurotic.  The need to post and post and post multiple times per day is something that all of us should try to get under control if it's a problem.

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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@Cupcake  Your dramatic reactions are what people who attack you become addicted to.  It's like poking the bear and laughing at the response.  People used to do this to me when I was on Actualized and was very reactive as well.  Here's the secret -- when you stop reacting in such an entertaining, extreme way, they'll leave you alone.  It's like a group of kids laughing at another kid who explodes under pressure as a form of entertainment.  It's very primal.  People love to see someone lose it.  It's one of the most entertaining things from a very primal level because the whole point of ego is to keep things under control. 

 

It's like shadow integration for someone who has a dense ego to appreciate the chaos of those they can provoke.  They like you paradoxically.  You're helping them integrate the feminine.  It's very rewarding for them to experience that chaos because chaos is in their shadow.  The person who explodes is Godlike too.  So, I would say they like you, but for reasons that don't really benefit your ego.  If you stopped giving them that, they would leave you alone.

I would suggest that you start making YouTube videos.  Expressing in text only is too limited -- and at this point you've gone about as far with that as you probably can.  Start making videos and share them in your journal on here and on Actualized.  That will help us get to know you, all of you.  In order to make real friends, you have to start by revealing all of who you are -- and video is a much better medium for this than text alone!

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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@Joseph Maynor do you understand that I have bpd and I have been bullied and I have severe trauma. Do you ever take any of this into account? 

I'm not talking about people. I am talking about specific people who bully me. 

Maybe it's them who shouldn't exist online because they are abusing vulnerable people?? 

 

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@Cupcake

‘It’s just a forum’ might not seem so at first, but it’s very wise. It’s a deep insight in regard to expectations and suffering. If anyone expects a forum to be more than or something other than a forum, they will certainly be let down, because it is just a forum.  Same as anything. An apple is great as an apple, but if one expects an apple to be something else or more than an apple, one will feel disappointment because the expectation was impossible to meet. 

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@Phil try to make the place safe. You said this place was about love. Then tell people to stop acting mean. Because there is no love in triggering someone's mental breakdown. 

 

Like Annie said this place is equally hypocritical and heartless like Actualized Org 

If I were you in your place as a mod or founder, instead of telling a user "hey don't expect much" I would actually tell them that their concerns are legit if they don't feel safe and they absolutely deserve love and safety and not be attacked or harassed, not have to deal with anyone who makes them feel unsafe or harassed, that that person will be told to leave them alone in the future and try to create a safe space for everyone, try to either get along and if the other is triggered then either make peace or simply stop talking about the other person who is distressed by them. It's such a simply thing to do really. 

Simply telling people to be more aware of how they treat others, to understand and Empathize their mental states and emotions, to not ridicule or inspire ridicule or motivate others to attack, to not create a cesspool of gossip, rumors, personal attacks, trash talking, to mention a clear guideline like . Guidelines, What's Not Allowed; Bullet 30:  Trash-talking, trolling, chronic criticism, blaming, and finger-pointing. Etc and to enable a healthy environment for both "people with no problems or who just lack empathy for those who do" and for "people with problems who come online to get relief for their troubles"... 

 

 

If your goal is to really create love, a person won't feel harassed or let down and there won't be any reason to complain. 

If I was running a forum like this, the first principle of spirituality I would employ would be to treat others with utmost kindness and respect, leave their space alone if they wish to be left alone, not judge their suffering as victimhood but to give each their own space and expression instead of trying to hamper it with negativity and meanness. 

I don't have the capability to create a forum. 

 

But my forum would be the embodiment of love and respectful treatment. 

Nobody would feel damaged or hurt there. Nobody would feel targeted and nobody would be allowed to put someone down using or act mean to another 

 

You are not creating that. 

 

A forum always reflects the intent of those who created it. 

If you reallly want to create a place of mutual respect then employ those rules and ensure that everyone commits to giving space and respect to each other. 

 

That is all. 

 

 

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If you all read all of my posts on this thread, by far I'm the only person who is showing the greatest empathy that a human can exhibit in such a situation.

My empathy score was 80 out of 80.

I have done tremendous work in the field of empathy and helping people. 

Empathetic people don't respond the way you people are responding. 

Your responses are very stage Orange. 

 

Maybe sometimes drop all your biases and take up the Empathetic perspective and look at things from a point of view of deep suffering. 

If someone is suffering deeply, don't judge that person or give out empty platitudes. 

 

Execute empathy. My own suffering led me to empathize with those who suffer similarly. 

If someone had a mental breakdown I'll immediately put all measures in place to ensure they feel safe and reduce their suffering by whatever means possible, to the extent of my own authority and capacity, instead of telling them to either leave or stop expecting much. 

 

That's the opposite of empathy and therefore opposite of spirituality. 

 

 

 

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17 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

@Phil try to make the place safe. You said this place was about love. Then tell people to stop acting mean. Because there is no love in triggering someone's mental breakdown. 

 

Like Annie said this place is equally hypocritical and heartless like Actualized Org 

If I were you in your place as a mod or founder, instead of telling a user "hey don't expect much" I would actually tell them that their concerns are legit if they don't feel safe and they absolutely deserve love and safety and not be attacked or harassed, not have to deal with anyone who makes them feel unsafe or harassed, that that person will be told to leave them alone in the future and try to create a safe space for everyone, try to either get along and if the other is triggered then either make peace or simply stop talking about the other person who is distressed by them. It's such a simply thing to do really. 

Simply telling people to be more aware of how they treat others, to understand and Empathize their mental states and emotions, to not ridicule or inspire ridicule or motivate others to attack, to not create a cesspool of gossip, rumors, personal attacks, trash talking, to mention a clear guideline like . Guidelines, What's Not Allowed; Bullet 30:  Trash-talking, trolling, chronic criticism, blaming, and finger-pointing. Etc and to enable a healthy environment for both "people with no problems or who just lack empathy for those who do" and for "people with problems who come online to get relief for their troubles"... 

 

 

If your goal is to really create love, a person won't feel harassed or let down and there won't be any reason to complain. 

If I was running a forum like this, the first principle of spirituality I would employ would be to treat others with utmost kindness and respect, leave their space alone if they wish to be left alone, not judge their suffering as victimhood but to give each their own space and expression instead of trying to hamper it with negativity and meanness. 

I don't have the capability to create a forum. 

 

But my forum would be the embodiment of love and respectful treatment. 

Nobody would feel damaged or hurt there. Nobody would feel targeted and nobody would be allowed to put someone down using or act mean to another 

 

You are not creating that. 

 

A forum always reflects the intent of those who created it. 

If you reallly want to create a place of mutual respect then employ those rules and ensure that everyone commits to giving space and respect to each other. 

 

That is all. 

 

 

I understand what you’re saying. I’m saying a forum in none of those things because it is a forum.  Whatever a forum seems to be beyond a forum, is perspectival & added if you will, by each member. 

11 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

If you all read all of my posts on this thread, by far I'm the only person who is showing the greatest empathy that a human can exhibit in such a situation.

My empathy score was 80 out of 80.

I have done tremendous work in the field of empathy and helping people. 

Empathetic people don't respond the way you people are responding. 

Your responses are very stage Orange. 

 

Maybe sometimes drop all your biases and take up the Empathetic perspective and look at things from a point of view of deep suffering. 

If someone is suffering deeply, don't judge that person or give out empty platitudes. 

 

Execute empathy. My own suffering led me to empathize with those who suffer similarly. 

If someone had a mental breakdown I'll immediately put all measures in place to ensure they feel safe and reduce their suffering by whatever means possible, to the extent of my own authority and capacity, instead of telling them to either leave or stop expecting much. 

 

That's the opposite of empathy and therefore opposite of spirituality. 

 

 

 

My comment was hi-lighting an insight in regard to suffering. That expectations & suffering go hand in hand. 

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1 hour ago, Cupcake said:

@Joseph Maynor do you understand that I have bpd and I have been bullied and I have severe trauma. Do you ever take any of this into account? 

I'm not talking about people. I am talking about specific people who bully me. 

Maybe it's them who shouldn't exist online because they are abusing vulnerable people?? 

 

I hear you, but you haven't heard this yet -- the way to have anti-bully repellant is to stop giving them the delicious reactions.  Every time you explode, you must understand, it's delicious to the provoker and to everyone else.  You're never going to be able to control reality to fit what you want.  I remember I used to be like this too.  It doesn't work.  If you want something, you must change yourself and then the garbage takes itself out.

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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To all of you - answer this. 

 

 

What would you do if someone decided to constantly trash talk you on the forum and continued this same behavior for months and months? 

 

What if you told mods and the mods don't do anything. 

 

And you begin to feel unsafe by all the unsavory rumors, gossip this person is intentionally spreading about you under your nose, also instigating others to attack you, scheming and plotting behind your back with other users so that you are somehow made to leave the forum or actions that might get you banned by twisting all the work that you do on the forum and labeling it as "attention seeking" and constantly making sure that you are portrayed in a negative light, finger pointing, blaming, chronic criticism,constantly passing hateful mean comments in your direction, calling for your ban, using their personal vendetta with full luxury, and encouraging others to finger point and gang up on you, basically dogpiling on you, projecting all their hate and biases on you, enjoying your suffering or humiliation, targeting you routinely, instigating against you and causing your threads to be locked, shutting down any form of benefit or help that you might be getting, just ensuring that you somehow get hated and banned, acting aggressive,starting shit by making provoking statements, triggering and waiting till you react and joining others and relishing in you being attacked. 

 

Honestly if that person did all of the above, what would you do? 

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 

I hear you, but you haven't heard this yet -- the way to have anti-bully repellant is to stop giving them the delicious reactions.  Every time you explode, you must understand, it's delicious to the provoker and to everyone else.  You're never going to be able to control reality to fit what you want.  I remember I used to be like this too.  It doesn't work.  If you want something, you must change yourself and then the garbage takes itself out.

It's actually very hard to do this in the face of an attack. 

 

 

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