It's just an online forum.

[WhiteOwl]

@Cupcake

[Reena]

@WhiteOwl that made me laugh lol. 

 

[BlendingInfinite]

9 hours ago, Indisguise said:

People who spend a lot of time on online forums tend to forget this.☝

 

And then they start to get involved more than they should, emotionally invested to degrees that make them suffer because of what is going on in the forum at the time, either it's some personal trouble with another member or drama involving multiple members or whatever it may be.

 

Please treat online forums with the respect and distance they deserve. 

 

I know I said "should". And one the one hand I meant it (or I wouldn't have said it), on the other hand I didn't say anything at all; obviously you're free to do as you please, but perhaps, if you feel that this post adresses you and your relation to online forums in some way, consider reflecting upon this. It (and perhaps & hopefully consecutive action) may result in relief, to greater or lesser extent.

I don't think one should "distance" on it. Just doing reality-checks and seeing things in perspective. Without reflecting much, because this would increase focus on it and imply, that it is not easy and needs work to just see things how they are.

Edited April 23, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[Indisguise]

As Phil summarized, it's about expectations. Having the "wrong" expectations will inevitably lead to frustration and suffering, and this is precisely what I meant to point out with this post. 

Yes, obviously it is essential that members of a community, online or offline, treat each other with respect and compassion, especially on a forum like this one, where it is even stated explicitly in the guidelines. 

Nevertheless, and I cannot stress this enough, it's just an online forum. 

Now what does this mean? 

Well, it means different things to different people, as is apparent in this thread. 

Perhaps, let me first say what I don't mean by it:

I don't mean that it is a place where threads are made care- & thoughtlessly, where people are free to disrespect other members, their opinions, values, expressions, and personal spaces (such as journaling). 

And whenever people are being disrespected or insulted, there is a report function which, whenever you believe a guideline violation to have occurred, all of you are free and encouraged to use. 

"It's just an online forum" also doesn't mean that it is a replacement for therapy. Only few people know each other personally, which is the very least requirement for any kind of help, where the individual and their situation can really be considered as a whole. Otherwise this simply isn't possible. And this is part of what is meant by "treat this place with the distance it deserves." Confusing an online forum with an offline community or a replacement thereof will lead to the kind of frustration and suffering mentioned. 

The source of one's suffering lies in oneself, as uncomfortable as this may be. And whenever the wrong expectations, i.e. expectations that cannot be fulfilled, are placed on the object of expectation - you're in for trouble. 

I wanted (and still want) to gently motivate you to reflect on your relationship and expectations to online forums. 

There's a lot of things which online forums simply can't provide. And it's up to you to realize this and then, if necessary, adapt your relationship. 

 

[Reena]

25 minutes ago, Indisguise said:

And whenever people are being disrespected or insulted, there is a report function which, whenever you believe a guideline violation to have occurred, all of you are free and encouraged

These insults aren't direct. For example a mean comment might not involve the use of name calling and offensive words but the tone of that comment can be demotivating, wicked and mean. 

 

It's difficult to report such things. Because there is no clear cut evidence. But it's psychological impact is the same as that of name calling 

The user is aware that they will receive warning points yet such users act like jerks and use underhanded tactics to insult and show hate. It's damaging to self esteem

 

The goal is to bypass the guidelines and still be able to mentally harm others. 

It's carefully done 

 

 

[Lotus]

Indeed, while an awesome one, it's just a forum. Amen.

[Zeroguy]

32 minutes ago, Lotus said:

Indeed, while an awesome one, it's just a forum. Amen.

🥰❤

[Mandy]

The bowl is made useful by its empty space, where the bowl is "not". The space within a home, not in the structure of the home, is where we live. 

 

forum 1.a place, meeting, or medium where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged.

 

My point is that, it can help to bring back attention to the empty space, if we are too wrapped up in what is here that we don't like. This is a space to write, to create, to explore, to let go of current perspectives and consider new ones. It's only useful because of the space in it. Out of that space, all love, creativity, healing and true expression are born. 

 

[Baller]

5 hours ago, Cupcake said:

1. Demonization of people who are vulnerable 

Nope.  

5 hours ago, Cupcake said:

2. Ostracization of people who are vulnerable 

Nope.

5 hours ago, Cupcake said:

3.  People can visit a therapist and still visit online forums. They don't need to be locked in a mental asylum. They have every right that others enjoy 

Sure.  But they cannot have both freedom and simultaneously demand a special environment that imposes on others.  That's called "asking for privilege."

 

5 hours ago, Cupcake said:

4. Enabling victimization of vulnerable people under the disguise of "we can't do anything." 

See #3.

 

5 hours ago, Cupcake said:

5. Childproofing is a terrible way of degrading /denigrating people who are sensitive, traumatized and vulnerable. It's basically a passive way of ridiculing them. They are not children. They are only asking to be understood and treated humane. 

Everyone is "sensitive, traumatized or vulnerable" to some degree.  I am as well.  The difference is that I'm not asking for special treatment because I feel I'm entitled to it.  If I don't like what someone is posting, I can block them or stop responding.  

 

5 hours ago, Cupcake said:

Your whole post is the most unempathetic thing I have come across. Grow the fuck up. 

You first.  Your comments on this subject reek of entitlement and victim privilege.  They are a form of passive bullying, i.e. CRYBULLYING.  You should recognize that the world doesn't owe you anything -- only then will your mental health begin to improve.

[Reena]

@Baller asking for decent treatment is not called asking for privilege. 

And why the hell is this to do with mental disorders. Even a normal person could be driven over the edge by constant bullying. What the hell? 

Stop justifying bullying. Enough. 

 

Why do people like you exist on the internet? 

Your comments are full of vitriol and absolute lack of empathy. 

Maybe you need to be off the internet. 

 

[Reena]

 

Just done with this place because of all these heartless responses. 

 

 

 

Congrats.

 

 

 

[Mandy]

@Cupcake Sorry to hear that you aren't feeling safe here. One thing I might suggest is to sit down and make a list of things that make you happy to do. Maybe make a cup of tea, read a book (I have a bunch of books that feel good just to run my hands on the cover and open), go on Pinterest and look at vision boards or image boards you've created there, read a funny favorite web comic or blog (cake wrecks), check out a relaxing or inspiring youtube channel (I love this one right now), or whatever you like to do. Then make it a point to do three things from the list a day.

 

I find that this is a great way to "fix" unsatisfying relationships (in person or online) rather than trying to do it head on and try to get people to change behavior because we've made it a habit to put ourselves first. And really that's what we wanted from them anyway, just to feel, good, loved, etc. 

[Reena]

I'm leaving this forum because of @zeroguy's abuse and harassment. 

 

You people don't do anything about it. 

 

 

[Lotus]

8 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

I'm leaving this forum because of @zeroguy's abuse and harassment. 

 

You people don't do anything about it. 

 

 

You're being very upset about something which is delivered to you by your electronic device. This is obviously not a dismissal of cyber mobbing, but you could easily shut it off and stay distant from it. I'm not asking you to leave nor to stay. This just a hand reaching out, you're free to do whatever you want.

 

Honestly, sincerely, while there are trolls on the internet, have you ever considered that you might be doing self-harm here? Could it be that this form of self-harm (not in the physical sense, but rather being upset about something; feeling disrespected or unheard; other discordant stuff) is yet to be inspected? It could be that you're projecting what you're doing to yourself onto others - this is a key dynamic of beating yourself up, and it's very well known in the psychological/therapeutic field.

 

Perhaps you don't grant yourself the power that you keep within yourself, because if you would, you wouldn't give a shit about this forum. It seems like you give your power away. My earnest wish for you is to feel the power of self-love, as opposed to self-harm, and that you find your way to ease your suffering.

 

God bless.

 

🙏

[Mandy]

33 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

I'm leaving this forum because of @zeroguy's abuse and harassment. 

 

You people don't do anything about it. 

 

 

I am sorry that you had a bad experience here, but again posts that are against the guidelines need to be reported to us to ensure that we are aware of them. In a sense every single user is also a moderator of this forum because everyone is able to report content that goes against the guidelines. 

[Faith]

8 hours ago, Cupcake said:

Grow the fuck up. 

Please don't speak to members like this. We get you're in pain. I'd say mostly from the Actualized forum, but still, you wouldn't like it if he said the same to you. 

 

Thanks

 

 

[Phil]

4 hours ago, Cupcake said:

And why the hell is this to do with mental disorders.

That strikes me as a really good question.

 

Just ‘two cents’, mere opinion, a sharing from experience if you will…

 

To first apply brevity & state my point as simply as possible, while simply profound and profoundly simple - no thought is actually true.

 

All suffering is rooted in ignorance, (is the ignoring of feeling, of Ourself).

All ignorance is rooted in the believing of thoughts (is belief). 

Namely, specifically, in the ‘holding’ of thoughts to be separate… and therein as true, and believing in separation via… believing thoughts.  

 

This sounds simple, and it is painstakingly simple, it is self evident… but, the potential ramifications of the outright denial of this is astounding.  

 

One implication, is the consideration & inevitable recognition that no formulation or conceptualization is whole or true whatsoever, let alone completely or absolutely true. This of course applies to everything I say and to what I am saying now.

 

This comparison of a village with the internet is just an offering of a perspective or two for consideration, and is nothing more than that…

 

In a small village, anyone can experience delusion, the believing of thoughts, the ‘holding’ of the activity of thinking, to be true. One feels the discord and or alignment of thoughts, and can suppress discord in favor of believing the thoughts… in favor of a fleeting and false “sense” of inflation, of higher than, better than, of teacher, of arbitrator - of the shadow and not the light, of righteousness.

 

In a small village, in the ongoing personal encounter, upon observing this person experiencing this delusion, one also feels the discord. In this case, one feels the discord of what is being shared by the person experiencing thought attachment, delusion. One will naturally gravitate away from this discord, which is to say, away from this person, which is really to say - away from delusion. 

 

Yet with the internet, nothing prevents anyone who is believing thoughts & experiencing delusion from asserting that it is not thought attachment, is not delusion, and that they do indeed ‘hold’, ‘understand’, and or ‘have’, ‘The Truth’. This is accomplished very simply and yet very very very - elusively. It is as simple as - never acknowledging this, and instead speaking confidently with conviction despite the discord they are experiencing, and even despite any toll the momentum of the discordant emotional suppression and social manipulation are taking on one’s own health. Something which is not possible to hide or keep out of sight, in the village. 

 

In the village, such a one is much more ‘known’ if you will. Day to day, week to week, month to month, for a lifetime. On the internet, this is not the case. One is ‘known’, only as what is purported through the channels of communication such as blogs, videos, forums, etc, etc. One is in this case never actually ‘known’ as in directly experienced, and combined with speaking in false convincing conviction, this element goes easily yet most unfortunately, entirely missed. 

 

What also unfortunately potentially goes entirely missed, in one’s own emotional suppression and social manipulation… one’s own mirroring if you will, unconscious adopting of… the conjecture… which was and remains, delusional. The suppression can be such, in our miraculous ability to adapt, that one quite literally does not have any insight as to why and how one is feeling the discord. One in such a predicament has most innocently entirely lost sight of the relevancy of… thought attachment, ignorance, suffering, and delusion. 

 

Again, the ramifications are astounding. Being be’s the conceptualizations of sadness, anxiety, depression, need, agitation, etc, etc - yet - Being never actually experiences these… other than as conceptualizations, of Itself. Other than as, thoughts. 

 

When one is not convinced by confidence and conviction in matters of spirituality, and instead adopts the practice of daily meditation, these conceptualizations are soon to effortlessly and naturally untangle and unravel, revealing feeling which is the peace & love the very thoughts are made of, and thus can be - are - seen as, no more than, the activity of thought. 

 

When the conceptualization ‘mental disorder’ is brought into the mix of this activity, and is believed & identified with, in the sense “I have this”, the ramifications are profoundly heartbreaking and astonishingly dismal. It is very easy to ‘slip into’ so to speak, further if you will, conceptualizations such as hopelessness, despair, desperation, isolation, and far worse imo, self-despair & self-pity. 

 

In a small village, discord is felt upon the experience of one purporting to have or understand ‘the truth’, and while this one may or may not be shunned, and may or may not be helped per se, others will at least initially naturally gravitate away, and perhaps experience compassion for their suffering. 

 

But with the internet this is not exactly so, it’s notably different. Via the internet one can manipulatively purport and convince others, for one’s own gain, that indeed they do hold the understanding, and that they themself - and not meditation - is the way. 

 

 

[Phil]

4 hours ago, Cupcake said:

Just done with this place because of all these heartless responses. 

 

This is, in my opinion, an acute example of the suffering of projecting expectations, and how suffering can contribute to a certain twisting of what’s being read. Innocent, but none the less felt. Only that imo is what’s relevant. The suffering. The expectations, which are impossible to meet, are being ‘clung to’ more vehemently. 

 

Find what does not change, what does not come & go, and there you will find the safety you seek, and from there you will consciously create. This is indicative of, essentially a reiteration of the vision, intention and orientation of this forum. To expect this forum to be anything else, is to suffer. No one here wants to suffer, and intrinsically no one here wants you to suffer either. 

 

If you refrain from name calling & accusations, understanding effortlessly arises in that space. In the absence of that discord, naturally, is clarity. In clarity & understanding, healing naturally & effortlessly occurs, because it is allowed. From that understanding, healing and clarity, consciously creating is realized to be and directly experienced as equally effortless and natural. 

 

Actuality of Being Vision
Supporting & serving a community of conscious creators.

Forum Orientation
Nonduality, self-realization, well being & alignment, sharing of best practices & insights, creating the life you dream of and spreading the Message therein.

[Zeroguy]

12 minutes ago, Phil said:

This is, in my opinion, an acute example of the suffering of projecting expectations, and how suffering can contribute to a certain twisting of what’s being read. Innocent, but none the less felt. The expectations, which are impossible to meet, are being ‘clung to’ more vehemently. 

 

Find what does not change, what does not come & go, and there you will find the safety you seek, and from there you will consciously create. This is indicative of, essentially a reiteration of the vision, intention and orientation of this forum. To expect this forum to be anything else, is to suffer. No one here wants to suffer, and intrinsically no one here wants you to suffer either. 

 

If you refrain from name calling & accusations, understanding effortlessly arises in that space which in the absence of the discord is clarity. In clarity & understanding, healing naturally & effortlessly occurs, because it is allowed. From that understanding, healing and clarity, consciously creating is realized to be and directly experienced as equally effortless and natural. 

 

Actuality of Being Vision
Supporting & serving a community of conscious creators.

Forum Orientation
Nonduality, self-realization, well being & alignment, sharing of best practices & insights, creating the life you dream of and spreading the Message therein.

Wow @Phil

Left speachless.🖤

[Orb]

@Phil great explanation.

 

lets share goodness on this forum 🙏.