ivankiss Posted September 30, 2022 Author Share Posted September 30, 2022 Yup, it's the turbine. I don't know much about cars, but this was obvious to me right away. Thank God. This is not such a big deal. It will delay things for me a bit though. The car is at the mechanic, it should be done towards the end of the next week. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 Oh God... two days till my departure. It's starting to hit me quite hard. This month with this girl was absolutely amazing. I fell in love so deeply. It's so hard to walk away. It hurts already... Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 Well, I know time reveals in hindsight I can wrestle with the stormy night Because your love lasts a lifetime But I can see you through the snowblind I wasn't there for you You are gone But I wasn't there for you Goodbyes are long Goodbye Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 @Phil @Faith @Mandy Please tell me how separation is not real and I'm not actually losing anything. It's so beautiful and it hurts so much. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 @ivankiss I told you a while ago here, that my preference is not to casually leave relationships and that that possibly might be your preference but that you have been used to doing things a certain way for so long that you aren't considering it as a possibility. It feels really bad to focus on what you don't want. You don't want to be without and that's what you're focused on right now. This pain could be seen as contrast, maybe you don't want to sleep with girls that aren't the kind of girl you potentially want a real partnership with, maybe you don't want to actually leave this one, maybe you simply aren't focused on where you are going next and what's awesome about that, but are instead focused only on what you are leaving behind here. The pain is guidance, telling you to switch your focus. What do you want? You want to leave this relationship or stay? You want to repeat this pattern again or you want to try something else? You want a long distance relationship with this girl? You want your freedom in some other location? Maybe it's really not as beautiful as you say? Or maybe it is, but you aren't looking at the beauty right now? What do you want? Focus there. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 @Mandy I don't usually walk away from relationships. When I truly love, I'm the kinda guy that stays too long. Way past the relationship's expiration date. That's why I know that I have to do things differently this time around. Only by walking away from this can I complete the healing process. Only this way can I overcome the pain caused by my previous relationship, that left me completely devastated. If I stay, I will repeat history, inevitably. I'm just not ready. I haven't put myself back together since then. I need some more time alone to do that. I love this girl and this truly is beautiful. I know this is something else. It's so much more than just casual fun and sex. I cannot even put it into words, really. It's just something I can intuit. I'm not against casual hook ups, either. I think those experiences can be very memorable and beautiful too. But what I truly want is that one and only, true love. Definitely. Could this be it? I don't know. Maybe... I cannot help myself but be curious about where this could go. But this knowing within... it's stronger... and it's telling me that I must go. No matter how painful it is. I understand what you're pointing towards with 'focus'. And I agree. But I also feel like sometimes it's good to just sit with the pain for a while and let it transform you from the inside out. Instead of distracting yourself with a new sight. Idk... I tend to romanticize and dramatize things. This could be one of those. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 4 minutes ago, ivankiss said: Idk... I tend to romanticize and dramatize things. This could be one of those. I get it. Believe me I do. 😂 Sometimes it helps to differentiate between the romanticizing and dramatizing of the character, (the one these things are happening to) and the Author, the one who is creating them out of inspiration and a greater (although not predeterminedly plotted out) vision. That's really the best analogy of the "no separate selves thing". For the Author the characters aren't actual and are always fluid and evolving, so there aren't separate characters. While it may seem that in the story, the character is thousands of miles away from home and their beloved in a strange land, the Author never moves and is always Home and is always the Beloved. Be dramatic and romanticize all you want, just know you don't have to suffer. And hell yes, sit with the pain, just like an author cries their heart out when writing a death scene of a beloved character, but still at the same time knows that nothing real really is lost. Suffering is of the character, never of the author, and know that you have that guide of feeling to let you know when you forget yourself as Author for a minute. Sending you white light (and all the other colors) and all that good stuff. ❤️ You got this. I don't know how it's gonna shake out, but that's the fun of reading/writing a novel, isn't it? Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 @Mandy That's beautiful. It hit deep. Thank you for reminding me. I'll keep it in mind. Much love and respect. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 1 hour ago, ivankiss said: Please tell me how separation is not real and I'm not actually losing anything. You’re infinite unconditional love. 🙂 Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 @Phil Scary 😄 Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 1 hour ago, ivankiss said: Please tell me how separation is not real and I'm not actually losing anything As much as we feel we are the doers of our actions, it's just not the ultimate truth. You'll ponder your decision, have doubts and such, you'll feel that your "free-will" chose the decision you make, but ultimately your decision was based on your conditioning/ programming and the will of God (Isvara) who is the programmer. God/Isvara is just awareness/consciousness manifest in form, as the creator. Simple as that. When decisions take us in a different direction from previous actions, that was programmed also... there is no "you", so how can you make the "wrong" decision? You may feel later on that it was the wrong decision, but it could not be any other way, because you are not the programmer. Whether you "believe" what I've said or not, is also programmed and the will of God/Isvara. 😉 Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 @Faith Thank you. Love is real, and conditioning is why we can't be together. That's what I extracted. It seems relevant. Sits right. I guess I'm just exercising my letting go muscles. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 @ivankiss If you leave, but you are meant to be together you'll find your way back to each other. If not, it wasn't meant to last. That's how I see it at least. Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 @Faith Yeah, that's kinda how I see it too. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 2, 2022 Author Share Posted October 2, 2022 Spiraling nights in the void Weathered coat and a dagger If I dream back my youth I can still hear you sing A voice that will die on a mountain And I fear that I've stayed here just a little too longI had to go where you couldn't follow In my weariness I still hear you singing in my mind All the fortunes they took away The shifting earth beneath us Nothing to observe The clouds at our feet Nothing to observeThe sun was made a jewel Nothing to observe When at night it did sleep Nothing to observe Cast in a trench of fire I can see the sky is a ceiling And when my heart dies down I am long gone on the fields of summer's green Away from fall and famine In my weariness I still hear you singing in my mind All the fortunes they took away The shifting earth beneath us Nothing to observe The clouds at our feet Nothing to observe The sun was made a jewel Nothing to observe When at night it did sleep I am in every season the one you have always known Life did not reward you So find your way to the river and let go The shifting earth beneath us Nothing to observe The clouds at our feet Nothing to observe The sun was made a jewel Nothing to observe When at night it did sleep Nothing to observe Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 And that's it... we just parted ways. It was absolutely heartbreaking and absolutely beautiful. Tears were shed. So long, my love. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 ❤ Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 I went super cheesy and left this gift on her pillow. It's her birthday in a few days. I want her to have something to remember me... I got the other half. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 @Faith ❤ Thank you for your support guys. Means a lot. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 2 minutes ago, ivankiss said: @Faith ❤ Thank you for your support guys. Means a lot. Your welcome. 🥰 Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.