ivankiss Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 It's all about love. Love is the highest understanding. Love is the purest truth. Love is the language we all speak. As above so bellow. I am that love. Thank you for reminding me of that, O. Forever grateful. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 Needless to say, I am on the verge of crying, all the time. It's just too damn beautiful. This adventure that we had, this chapter, this whole journey... Everything. It's just so fucking beautiful. It cannot possibly be put into words. All the beauty that I see and feel... all these dots connecting flawlessly... it's truly divine. It feels like we spent a lifetime together. So many lessons. So much love and wisdom. So much to cherish. She is such a beautiful being. I truly wish her only the best on her journey. And who knows... maybe our paths will indeed cross once again, somewhere down the line. May she recieve everything her heart desires. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 Hahaha! This is why I absolutely adore this guy. Such a good friend. He always knows what's up. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 One of those nights... I want a bike like this haha! Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 4, 2022 Author Share Posted October 4, 2022 This chapter is officially done. Off to Maribor to say hi to some people, and then I'll see from there. What a ride... Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 🥰 Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 6, 2022 Author Share Posted October 6, 2022 @Faith ❤ I miss her... Can't stop thinking about us... I know the fire is slowly dying, and I don't know if I like that. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 @ivankiss So, two examples of your situation and how they ended different. My sister had a somewhat serious bf for awhile (maybe 6-8 months), but her life was going nowhere career wise and she decided to join the airforce. They originally had plans to stay together after her basic training he would move to where she was stationed, but instead she came home from basic training and broke up with him. She said she didn't love him like she thought she did and didn't want tied down. Second story, I was 17 turning 18 and I was to move out of state with my parents the summer after I graduated high school. I started dating a guy who was 21. I told my parents it was just a rebound to get over my last BF and not serious. After a month of dating I told him (my new bf) that I was supposed to move he said nothing would keep him from me and he would move too if he had to. Instead, I decided not to move and that if it didn't work out I could always go to my parent's. So, 2 months later when my parents left we moved in together. That was 34 years ago, married 31 of those years. Just some food for thought. Everyone's path is different. Feel better or follow your heart, whichever is right for you. Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 6, 2022 Author Share Posted October 6, 2022 @Faith That's crazy... and beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Happy for you and your husband. Seems like a one in a million type of deal. Idk... I already kinda decided by leaving. It's just that now that I'm away, I'm doubting that decision. I think I just need to whine a bit... It was by far the most exciting and fun and beautiful experience that I had in a while. It was a very high peak... and it seems like I'm entering another valley now. Everything pales in comparison. I still don't think we're that good of a match for a long term relationship. There are things that would bother me quite a bit, when it comes to her lifestyle and views on stuff... But when it was just me and her in a room, making love, talking, etc... it was absolutely heavenly. I can hardly imagine it getting any better. So yeah, I'm obviously experiencing conflicting thoughts and emotions. I'm kinda confused and hurting... I fell in love with her, but I think we're not good for each-other overall. It's super hard to let go though. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 6, 2022 Author Share Posted October 6, 2022 Walking our own road Each step, each breath We are fighting for our lives And we are losing every one The things we gave up for a dream we are still waiting for We were so young then Firelight holds their peace Sing farewell by smoke in the cold We farewell the old As they fall to silence Fall Into silence As they fall to silence To silence Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 3 hours ago, ivankiss said: It's super hard to let go though. 3 hours ago, ivankiss said: I think I just need to whine a bit... Oh, gotcha! Whine away.. 😊 Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 11, 2022 Author Share Posted October 11, 2022 Ok. Let's clarify once again what it is that I desire. Where all of this is heading and why I'm doing what I'm doing. I want to travel full time. Anywhere and any time. I want to work for myself and have a steady income online, but I am also willing to have a day job until that happens. I want to meet and bond with lots of cool and interesting people and create beautiful, memorable memories. I want to 'conquer the world' with my music. I want to use all those travelling experiences as fuel for my creativity. As the very substance out of which art is created. I want to collaborate with all kinds of musicians that I meet on my journey. I want to be in love. Romantically and in every other way. I just want to love. Meeting a partner who would have similar interests and could join me on my journey would be the cherry on the top of the cake. I might add a thing or two, but that's pretty much it. That's the vision for my life. It is what I desire the most. I have a plan how to get there/attract it here. Several plans, actually. But I still don't know exactly how it's going to play out. But happen it will. One way or the other. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 13, 2022 Author Share Posted October 13, 2022 Please forgive me. I did not know any better. I'm doing the best I can. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 14, 2022 Author Share Posted October 14, 2022 Cross over and turn Feel the spot don't let it burn We all want we all yearn Be soft don't be stern Lullaby Was not supposed to make you cry I sang the words I meant I sang Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 14, 2022 Author Share Posted October 14, 2022 Heed not my hundred reasons at midnight I belong here Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 19, 2022 Author Share Posted October 19, 2022 Update? Yes sir. I moved into an apartment, 50km or so away from the coast. I'm surrounded by forest. In the morning I hear the birds chirping. It's nice to be away from the hustle and bustle of the city. It's peaceful and quite here. Maybe even a bit too quite. It was a bit of a shock at first. Still, I feel like this is exactly what I need now. Some time and space away from all the noise and distractions. I have everything I need. A beautiful, cosy little apartment, that I'm paying little to nothing for. All the music equipment that I need to create. No one is bothering me here. No one is in my way. No one, but me. By eliminating all these "obstacles", the Universe is making it more and more obvious that I am the only one in my way. Nothing is ever holding me back but me. And even though that was kinda, sorta obvious to me all along, now there's just no way around staring it directly into its face. Staring into the mirror. The first three nights were quite uncomfortable. I was oscillating between being super grateful for all these blessings and feeling super down, trapped and alone. Obviously, the recent events with a newfound love have affected me quite a bit. I could not find a way out of those thought loops. I kept sinking back into them and trying to reach some sort of a conclusion. Make sense of it all. Emotionally speaking, I experienced heaven and hell in this apartment already, and its only been a few days. The only time I was able to completely let go of it all and be grounded in genuine joy and love was while I was creating. Trying to distil all these thoughts and emotions and channel them into a piece of music. I cannot say I have succeeded just yet, but I got things going. I started building a momentum. It's hard, I cannot lie. I feel so distant. It's like it all happened several lifetimes away. When I used to be in flow in create with ease. When I used to care about nothing but music. When there were only melodies and rhythms in my mind. It's all here still, but I have to become friends with it again and earn its trust, in a sense. I turned my back on that part of me, and it has not forgotten. It knows its all that I truly desire and its challenging me. It might sound funny or make no sense, but I can intuit exactly what's going on. I am reuniting with an aspect of me that I denied and neglected in pursuit of other things. Things that all ended up turning to sand. Only this love remained. I might stay here over winter. I'm not 100% sure just yet. I just got my car back. There's still an option of selling it and moving some place else, but I don't really think that's a smart choice. Why would I leave what I have here behind? If I stay, I could save up some real nice money during winter time I then embark on a journey on spring. That makes much more sense. What about her though? Well... She's here. We spent some time together and somehow she came up with the idea to spend a week at my place. I guess she craved some peace and quite away from everything too. It only makes sense. Of course I was for it, immediately. Even though I was a little bit shocked. We arrived today. She's slowly making herself feel at home, I guess. At the moment, while I'm typing these words, listening to Corpo Mente's self titled album, she's sitting on the couch and teaching English. It's kinda surreal. Just a few nights ago I thought this would never happen. I don't really expect anything and I don't know where this is leading. The general idea is to do our own things while sharing space. Then spend our free time spoiling each other with massages, cooking for each other, making love, hiking, talking, etc. Sounds nice. We'll see how it goes. That's what's going on now. Everything is still kinda uncertain, but I have a good feeling about things. I'm scared, curious and excited, all at once. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 4 hours ago, ivankiss said: Well... She's here 🥰❤ Enjoy! Quote Mention You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'. The 'changeless' can be realized only when the ever-changing thought-flow stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loop Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 8 hours ago, ivankiss said: The only time I was able to completely let go of it all and be grounded in genuine joy and love was while I was creating. Trying to distil all these thoughts and emotions and channel them into a piece of music. I cannot say I have succeeded just yet, but I got things going. I started building a momentum. It's hard, I cannot lie. I feel so distant. It's like it all happened several lifetimes away. When I used to be in flow in create with ease. When I used to care about nothing but music. When there were only melodies and rhythms in my mind. It's all here still, but I have to become friends with it again and earn its trust, in a sense. I turned my back on that part of me, and it has not forgotten. It knows its all that I truly desire and its challenging me. It might sound funny or make no sense, but I can intuit exactly what's going on. I am reuniting with an aspect of me that I denied and neglected in pursuit of other things. Things that all ended up turning to sand. Only this love remained. 🤍 Go get er 🎶 Quote Mention Ten thousand tears, One Belly Laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 20, 2022 Author Share Posted October 20, 2022 @Faith @Loop Thanks! ❤️ Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted October 20, 2022 Author Share Posted October 20, 2022 On 6/26/2022 at 3:06 PM, ivankiss said: I want sex, God! More frequently! Do your magic, make it happen, somewhere, somehow. Haha! Thanks! Haha! Yep. My wish was granted, definitely 😄 Didn't even take that long. Infinite thanks! Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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