It's been a while since I received a hug

[Reena]

When I constantly complain that I get mentally distressed by seeing mean comments, why isn't this problem adequately addressed? 

I just don't get it. 

 

[Reena]

I feel like throwing things. I feel intense aggression right now. 

 

I am feeling awful right now. 

 

I feel mentally distressed by this constant harassment. 

 

[Reena]

Why aren't people banned for this behavior? 

[Reena]

How are you supposed to be journaling where you can't feel even a basic sense of safety? 

[Reena]

My mental illness can go out of control. But I don't need any further agitation. 

 

[Reena]

This heightens my sense of security, alertness and general mistrust against men online.. 

 

I reach a point of absolute hate. 

 

Maybe this is how we get mass shooters, serial killers and people who go off the deep end because society never understands their problems or gives them safe space

 

 

Then we complain when they are out of control. 

People who come from shitty environments will have very little control over their emotions. 

 

How many children get bullied in the US every year? 

 

People don't have a fucking clue how persistent bullying can impact them 

 

It makes you a hateful aggressive bitter person. 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

Stop bullying me you men on the forum. Stop bullying me. 

 

I'm ALREADY DEALING WITH A LOT OF SHIT IN MY FUCKING LIFE. DO NOT TRY TO  GET A RISE OUT OF ME FOR YOUR OWN SADISTIC FULFILLMENT. 

 

 I'M TIRED OF MEN WHO ACT GROSS. 

GROW THE FUCK UP AND STOP HARASSING A MENTALLY DISTRESSED WOMAN. 

 

[Reena]

On 12/21/2023 at 6:36 AM, Reena said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/21/2023 at 6:48 AM, Reena said:

So this guy was offering me work. But I felt a bit suspicious because he wants to send me money even before I complete his work. 

 

I clearly told him that I won't be taking any money if I'm not working. 

 

I told him to pay me only after I have done his work. 

 

I like that he cares about me. About my financial issues. 

 

But I'm in no mood to simply take money from him. Something about it doesn't feel right to me. 

 

I know my ex used to do that to me. I lost half of my bank balance to him. He begged me for money for years and I kept giving him to the point I lost a lot of it. I thought I was helping him. He was simply exploiting me. 

 

I don't want to be a part of something like that. 

Anyone who offers free money is equally a part of the problem. 

 

 

Didn't I mention this person previously in my journal? 

 

Here we go. I had already spotted the red flag. I had correctly predicted that nobody offers money in advance without getting the job done. So I had felt suspicious about this person. Because he was constantly offering me money. 

And I was like - why would anyone do this at all? 

So here is the truth. It's not a surprise to me at all. 

This dude is asking me to do sex stuff for him. And I gave him a proper reply. In real life I would have given him a tight slap across his face. Maybe his mother should have taught him better. 

See these are the traps that women come across online where you can be easily exploited. 

 

 

Such bastards exist online to victimize women. 

Fucking predators. 

 

If I was a powerful woman in real life, and in a fucking powerful political position, I would have these sociopaths in prison. 

 

I can't take women being abused. 

 

One day when I die the internet might become a safer place. Who knows. 

 

 

We as women need more mainstream power to deal with sociopaths. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I have been sexually harassed at my workplace before. And sexual harassment is a constant recurrent problem that women face when looking for money or work. Be wiser. Be smarter and don't let bastardly men take advantage of you. Stay strong women. 

 

[Reena]

I can't believe some guy online told me to give him sex for money when I told him I don't have money for food. I told him to fuck off. Men seriously need a lesson in respecting women. I mean predatory men. 

[Reena]

I like Kali energy though. 

 

[Reena]

We have the Kali in our country. It means not giving a damn about patriarchy. 

 

[Reena]

I'm showing empathy VS I'm showing empathy. 

 

 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

 

I want to feel alive once more. 

 

 

                                               

 

 

Only privileged people in my country can afford healthy food. Rest can't. I cannot even afford basic food. So I'm barely managing on one meal a day. I kinda feel tired. I want to manifest good food. This is what I always wanted. 

 

                                             

 

 

 

 

Edited January 1 by Reena

[Reena]

My ex contacted me somehow and sent me this message. Then he blocked me. I need to find a way to permanently block him for good. This is one of the things on my reminder list. 

 

                                      

 

Breathe deeply. Let go.. It will pass. Don't let the humiliation get to you..alomg the way you will find quality spiritual leader and friends. 

 

 

                 

 

 

Edited January 1 by Reena

[Reena]

This is the last time I'll tolerate my ex. I told him already that I'm not interested in him. Then he said we're just friends and that he considers me a good friend. 

 

Then he flipped out once I made it clear it wasn't going to lead anywhere. 

I feel like a free bird. Hopefully he won't come around again.

                        

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

                               

 

I got panic attacks after I read the N word being said to me. By now my ex must have called me the N word nearly 40 times. The first time he called me that, I did not realize what it meant. Then he would call me that almost regularly. 

This time around he texted me and told me how much he misses me and how he feels guilty for everything he did to me. I was ready to forgive him and I thought he has really forgotten his old ways. I didn't want to go back to him but I thought he has turned into a good human being. Until he flipped and called me the N word again.. So I have decided this is just too much. He is very manipulative. He has a way with words where he can convince me that he is a changed man. I easily fall for his shit completely forgetting whatever he said before so many times and I keep acting dumb with  him not realizing it's no point, I don't understand why I'm so stupid and unprotective of myself. Why do I always forget that this guy has mistreated me before. That thought completely escapes me. I always get forgiving with him until he does the same thing again and again and again. It's like I never learn that he will never change. If he is racist he will always be racist. That's not going to change. 

 

[Reena]

                     

                               

Yea I'm a brown girl or a brown skin girl. You can call me a brown girl. Or indigenous girl. Whatever. I don't let the experience with my ex affect or impact my relationship with white people. I don't generalize them. I think I have had a fair share of both good and bad. Some white people like my ex have been deeply racist to me, rather openly. Some have been kind to me. It varies from person to person and what their underlying beliefs are. My ex thinks that all white people are superior to non whites. He calls all non white people the N word. At first I didn't know this about him. Then I thought he must be joking. Or that he will outgrow all of this. Looks like it will probably never change. I have seen racist people outgrow their racism. 

 

           

 

The Williamsons are also a white family. But they are incredibly kind to me. No racism at all.. If you are a non white person looking for a job around white people, you have to constantly go through this sorting process and look for those who don't hold those racist beliefs. You can't work under racist people, or maybe you can. Depends how seriously you want to take their racism. If you let it go you can still work with racist people. Some racist people despite being racist can be empathetic some times. It's like the rock and the hard place. Choose the lesser evil depending on what suits your survival. 

As a non white person and as an ethnic minority woman (EMW) I have to constantly navigate this landscape of white versus non white till eternity. All in a day's work. 

 

                   

 

But I still think it's difficult to work with racist people. If they are occasionally racist, it's fine and you can practice forgiveness temporarily. If they are racist everyday or almost regularly, then it's a bit of a struggle. You don't want to pay such a huge price of your self esteem just to work with them.

In a strictly professional environment there are less racist people. But in low income jobs, this proportion is much higher in my opinion and experience. 

Most people who are racist are either racist to Black or Indian or both.. That's why I relate a lot to the black experience.. 

 

Edited January 1 by Reena

[Reena]

Listening to music is number one. 

This time I handled my emotions slightly better than before. 

 

 

[Reena]

I needed the Divine Masculine and I'm going to be using that to further my life progress.