Things are getting weirder and weirder

[Rose]

I have recently started dating a guy from another country (I wrote about him in my last post).

 

The more I talk to him, the weirder it gets. Here are a few things that bother me about him:

- A month ago, I went to visit him in his country. He bought me the ticket to go there, but I bought my own ticket to go back because he asked me to put it on my credit card and that he will pay for it. He still didn’t do it, and when I asked him about it this week, he said he doesn’t have money right now because he just bought a house and had to pay for his taxes. He said he will do it at the end of the month, but I just don’t believe it anymore.

- He doesn’t keep his promises on the little things (“I’ll call you tonight”, “I will buy you a plane ticket tomorrow”, “I will do *this thing* tomorrow”), and when I bring it up he says how tired and exhausted he is from work, that I am not being supportive of him and that I am “fucking his brains”

- He is into weird stuff sexually. He likes the dominating thing, and he said he wants me to do plastic surgery for my boobs and my lips so that I look more “sexualized” and have a more of a “dumb bimbo” look. Sent me this horror thing today (below). He also told me he wants me to quit my work and just be a stay at home wife and look sexy and he will take care of me. I’ve put in years of studying into my work. 

 

I don’t know what to do with him anymore. I understand he is stressed (the other day he sent me a pic where he was doing a training on a cadever, which is apparently a totally normal thing for them🤢, it was disgusting) and that is probably where the weird sex thing comes in, but I just get more and more weirded out every day by him. And I don’t like it that he can’t keep his promises. And I don’t understand how he finds the absolute horror below attractive..

 

I don’t understand the psychology of the whole extreme domination thing.. why do some men get such a huge kick out of feeling like what they are f*cking has no will of it’s own and is just their mindless property. Is there some kind of trauma underlying this? A few weeks ago some guy kept msg-ing me his bank account screen shots and telling me he will pay me 3K a day if I call him sir and send him “sexy photos” which didn’t have to include a face or be nude as long as I just listen to him.. why are some men like this..

 

Ive been thinking maybe it’s because they just like turning off all their empathy during sex, and just be able to be very rough with the woman, without feeling guilty. That’s why the dumber she looks the better, because they don’t want to see a human in her.. maybe that way they don’t feel the guilt 

 

Anyways.. super confused.. don’t know what to think anymore..

 

Edited November 26, 2023 by Rose

[WhiteOwl]

Doesn't really seem like you are interested in what he is offering, so maybe its better to consider moving on? Sounds like thats what you are doing.

 

dominant/submissive can be a fun dynamic to play with if all partners agree. What you describe sounds more like men not really caring about the person they have sex with, and just yes, use them for sex.

[Phil]

He wants to meet women or a woman online & pay for her to fly to where he is for sex and maybe some fun as well. He is experiencing, exercising arising preferences, and manifesting his reality accordingly, including the preference to find a woman who will continue to do this and undergo surgery as well to better fit his ideal of a woman he finds most attractive. It sounds like he prefers to find such a woman for the long run. Good for him. I hope he finds a woman whose preferences are a match. In 8 billion, I’m sure there are many and it’s only a matter of time (focus / attraction). 

 

If his preferences aren’t aligned with your preferences, consider writing the more specific preferences you are now aware of from this experience on your dreamboard, and then, as always, ‘get out of your own way’ such that your more ideal lover can manifest. Getting out of your own way might look like no longer lending focus to experience (“people”) from which the preferences arose. Appreciate said experience as the means by which more nuanced preferences are created. 

 

Pay no mind to his preferences which are not in harmony with yours. Likewise, with the beautiful woman in the photos you shared. Appreciate the freedom of creator-creating-creation and the vast diversity therein. Be careful with concepts about will, understanding, psychology, trauma, empathy and there being a thinker, as these conceptualizations of Creator-Creating-Creation can obscure the simplicity of experience, preferences, focus and manifestation. 

 

Also you might consider the phrase ‘it is as easy to create a castle as it is a button’ from Ester Hicks. There is no actual reason the man of your dreams isn’t within 100 yards of you right now. Getting out of your own way often looks like an emptying of reasons why this isn’t or can’t be the case, while the truth is, as always, far stranger than any fiction & unthinkably simple. 

 

It might also be worth considering… how can the unconditional nature of reality be allowed, while incompatible with ‘he bother’s me’.

[Jonas Long]

It's not that weird, you just met a misogynist freak, they're incredibly common.

Edited November 26, 2023 by Jonas Long

[Mandy]

What part is confusing? From here it seems incredibly clear cut. 

[Rose]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

He wants to meet women or a woman online & pay for her to fly to where he is for sex and maybe some fun as well. He is experiencing, exercising arising preferences, and manifesting his reality accordingly, including the preference to find a woman who will continue to do this and undergo surgery as well to better fit his ideal of a woman he finds most attractive.

Until the day before yesterday he seemed to be wanting different things. When I was visiting him he told me I look much better without makeup and that he prefers me without it. Now he is saying a completely different thing. It’s like he has some kind of dementia or goes into a trance when he is horny and acts really weird.

[Rose]

25 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What part is confusing? From here it seems incredibly clear cut. 

How can someone like this kind of stuff. I don’t understand that part.

[Mandy]

1 minute ago, Rose said:

How can someone like this kind of stuff. I don’t understand that part.

How can you like it? It's for you. Do you like this situation? 

[Rose]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

How can you like it? It's for you. Do you like this situation? 

I don’t like this situation. I definitely am not planning to do any kind of plastic surgery to look like that.

 

But I don’t know if he is just saying whatever gets to his head in the moment, if it’s just a fantasy and he forgets about it the next day. 

[Mandy]

@Rose But you're still interested in continuing the relationship with him? 

[Serenity]

Run.

 

Spare yourself from this man. He wants to mold you into his anima, and she's in deep suffering. Don't aspire to become his projection, it will be miserable. You can chose to let it go for good and find a man who'll be treating you right instead. The choice is easy.

[Phil]

46 minutes ago, Rose said:

Until the day before yesterday he seemed to be wanting different things. When I was visiting him he told me I look much better without makeup and that he prefers me without it. Now he is saying a completely different thing. It’s like he has some kind of dementia or goes into a trance when he is horny and acts really weird.

Sounds rough & I do feel for ya. Sounds complicated. If you were to dwindle what it is you really want down to one word, what would that be?

[Rose]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Sounds rough & I do feel for ya. Sounds complicated. If you were to dwindle what it is you really want down to one word, what would that be?

I want inner peace (which is 2 words)

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

@Rose But you're still interested in continuing the relationship with him? 

I don’t know anymore.. I don’t like that he is inconsistent and all over the place and has weird kinks apparently.. but I somewhat understand why he is this way

Edited November 26, 2023 by Rose

[Phil]

27 minutes ago, Rose said:

I want inner peace (which is 2 words)

And what changes might lead to inner peace? 

[Rose]

He said he was joking about the plastic surgery. Also finally sent me the $1000 for the plane ticket (after I asked him for it and we were arguing for an hour), he told me he didn’t realize it was such an emergency for me (although this was the 3rd time of me reminding him). 

Edited November 27, 2023 by Rose

[Rose]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

And what changes might lead to inner peace? 

Lots of changes really, I think inner peace is a long journey, but I think I am on it 

[Mandy]

@Rose 😂 

 

Helps to take some time out to separate judgements and assumptions from what's actually going on. Been there. Will be there again. 😆

 

This is from the 4 agreements, it's always worth a read through every now and then. Or posting on the fridge. 

 

 

On 11/25/2023 at 10:05 PM, Rose said:

I understand he is stressed (the other day he sent me a pic where he was doing a training on a cadever, which is apparently a totally normal thing for them🤢, it was disgusting)

 

Might be some body identification stuff and fear of death stuff to look into and journal about possibly. You might be thinking that your worth is in your physical looks and that's the horror? And it's projected on him and other guys being twisted? 

[Blessed2]

10 hours ago, Rose said:

He said he was joking about the plastic surgery.

 

Yeah I had a hunch it was a joke. Doesn't make any sense to go from "I like you best without makeup" to "I want you to get crazy plastic surgery".

 

Though I wonder where that joke came from.

 

10 hours ago, Rose said:

Lots of changes really, I think inner peace is a long journey, but I think I am on it 

 

It's not a long journey btw. The thought that you need healing, fixing, or that you're far from peace and happiness feels off for a reason.

[Phil]

11 hours ago, Rose said:

Lots of changes really, I think inner peace is a long journey, but I think I am on it 

That might not be the case. Thought might be making that seem so. Sometimes it’s helpful to point out conflicts in thought, which resolve only in alignment. An example might be, if change needs to happen for there to be inner peace, how does this jive with empathy, compassion & acceptance?

 

Reality might be as a dream, or movie, and inner conflict could be playing out on the screen, showing you something in this regard, about the truth or true nature of the screen, and therein, “movie”.

 

Perhaps it is the same for me, and things tend to turn out to be a joke.