Things are getting weirder and weirder

[Phil]

On 11/26/2023 at 8:51 AM, Jonas Long said:

It's not that weird, you just met a misogynist freak, they're incredibly common.

You could beat Robert W. Munden, Jr.

[Jonas Long]

27 minutes ago, Phil said:

You could beat Robert W. Munden, Jr.

That guy? Pshhh, he's just a thought.

[Joseph Maynor]

I've been alone for a while now and it takes a while to get here but I can't tell you the benefits that come from not having to deal with other people's crap.  When you're in a relation with someone where you're addicted to it, you have your problems and now their problems too.  It's hard enough to deal with your own problems.  You have to be very selective in who you link with as a relation ideally.  Nobody is perfect at this, but you can improve in this area.  It's good sometimes to focus on the relation between you and you too.  But that means you have to be ok being alone.  This is good to do if you are alone to realize I can leverage this time.  But I understand what it's like to be addicted to a relation and deal with the complexity or complexifying that comes from having additional problems added to your plate.  Our plate is already full with our own problems.  Other people's problems are then added to that!  It's overwhelming often, and if I'm overwhelmed I'm not happy -- I function best when I'm happy.  If I'm not happy, then I'm focused on getting happy, which sets me back a step from doing the things I would do if I were happy.  So I prefer not to do that.  I keep my happiness first and then go from there.

Edited November 27, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Rose]

On 11/27/2023 at 10:43 AM, Joseph Maynor said:

I've been alone for a while now and it takes a while to get here but I can't tell you the benefits that come from not having to deal with other people's crap.  When you're in a relation with someone where you're addicted to it, you have your problems and now their problems too.  It's hard enough to deal with your own problems.  You have to be very selective in who you link with as a relation ideally.  Nobody is perfect at this, but you can improve in this area.  It's good sometimes to focus on the relation between you and you too.  But that means you have to be ok being alone.  This is good to do if you are alone to realize I can leverage this time.  But I understand what it's like to be addicted to a relation and deal with the complexity or complexifying that comes from having additional problems added to your plate.  Our plate is already full with our own problems.  Other people's problems are then added to that!  It's overwhelming often, and if I'm overwhelmed I'm not happy -- I function best when I'm happy.  If I'm not happy, then I'm focused on getting happy, which sets me back a step from doing the things I would do if I were happy.  So I prefer not to do that.  I keep my happiness first and then go from there.

This sounds like going from one extreme to another.

 

The real challenge is to be in a relationship yet not get “addicted”. Trying to keep the connection with yourself and not get consumed by the relationship. You can’t practice that while being single.

[Rose]

On 11/27/2023 at 8:42 AM, Phil said:

Sometimes it’s helpful to point out conflicts in thought, which resolve only in alignment. An example might be, if change needs to happen for there to be inner peace, how does this jive with empathy, compassion & acceptance?

What do you mean with “in alignment”?
 

Yes, I remember reading in the core teachings of Buddha something like “if your heart is full of anger, criticism, irritations, how do you ever expect to feel peace?” (Very paraphrased and probably totally not what was said in the book 😅)

On 11/27/2023 at 8:42 AM, Phil said:

Reality might be as a dream, or movie, and inner conflict could be playing out on the screen, showing you something in this regard, about the truth or true nature of the screen, and therein, “movie”

Why does it seem to be doing it now more than ever before? 

[Rose]

On 11/27/2023 at 7:01 AM, Mandy said:

Might be some body identification stuff and fear of death stuff to look into and journal about possibly. You might be thinking that your worth is in your physical looks and that's the horror? And it's projected on him and other guys being twisted? 

What is our worth really in? I don’t think my worth is fully in physical looks, but it’s part of it for sure.

My therapist keeps telling me that physical looks are not important, she knows lots of women who are “heavy”/“not very attractive”, but they are fully happy. I just don’t buy that - how can you be happy with being fat and unhealthy? Although lots of ignorant people are happy because of their ignorance - I just don’t think I can be ignorant about abusing my body. 

Edited November 30, 2023 by Rose

[Phil]

16 minutes ago, Rose said:

What do you mean with “in alignment”?

With feeling. 

 

16 minutes ago, Rose said:

Yes, I remember reading in the core teachings of Buddha something like “if your heart is full of anger, criticism, irritations, how do you ever expect to feel peace?” (Very paraphrased and probably totally not what was said in the book 😅)

Does needing something or someone to change jive with the inner peace sought?

Maybe that is not the nature of inner peace… and inner peace is already the case. 

 

19 minutes ago, Rose said:

Why does it seem to be doing it now more than ever before? 

You really want to see it, as you really want a lover. 

[Mandy]

17 minutes ago, Rose said:

What is our worth really in? I don’t think my worth is fully in physical looks, but it’s part of it for sure.

My therapist keeps telling me that physical looks are not important, she knows lots of women who are “heavy”/“not very attractive”, but they are fully happy. I just don’t buy that - how can you be happy with being fat and unhealthy? Although lots of ignorant people are happy because of their ignorance - I just don’t think I can be ignorant about abusing my body. 

Our worth isn't in anything, we don't have to prove it. It isn't found in anything in particular or anything we possess. 

 

Carrying extra weight is one small indicator of health, but there are many others aspects of health. There seems to be an assumption that if you stop placing value in your looks that you will get fat and abuse your body. Why would that be the case? 

[Joseph Maynor]

55 minutes ago, Rose said:

This sounds like going from one extreme to another.

 

The real challenge is to be in a relationship yet not get “addicted”. Trying to keep the connection with yourself and not get consumed by the relationship. You can’t practice that while being single.

 

Not to me.  I don't think of myself as an extreme person.  I think in nuances.  People who think in extremes often think I'm extreme, naturally, because extreme people don't think of themselves as extreme.  They think they're true and right.  I trust what I think first.  That's what I share.  But I don't think I'm extreme in viewpoint.  One of my strengths is perspective awareness.  You're free to interpret what I write however you wish and judge it from your perspective though.

Edited November 30, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

58 minutes ago, Rose said:

The real challenge is to be in a relationship yet not get “addicted”. Trying to keep the connection with yourself and not get consumed by the relationship. You can’t practice that while being single.

From 26 years of direct experience, that is perfectly accurate, though I’d phrase it (arguably) more simply as acknowledging emotions. Seems more like the ‘risk’ is more along the lines of delusion, group think or emotional dependency than addiction. 

It’s always about (actual) communication, and that is what’s clarified therein. 

But it seems like the vast majority already know (something), and therefore have no use for communication, nor listening to the guidance. 

[Joseph Maynor]

It's interesting to ask oneself to what extent am I nuanced and to what extent am I extreme?  And am I both?  And is there a bit of extreme in nuance and a bit of nuance in extreme? 

 

Can I be both and neither?  If there a little bit of neither in both and a little bit of both in neither?

This is getting weirder and weirder!  Much love to you all.

Edited November 30, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

@Joseph Maynor

What about nuances within or even instead of ‘problem’ or ‘problems’?