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Proserpina's Journal


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I was thinking and I realized whatever capacity I am set at, it is beautiful.  I am like a flower.  I may be limited but I am beautiful. I am blossoming and evolving and flowing with reality at my level of capacity.  I feel content with where I am currently at.  I make peace with my cognitive issues and choose evolution. 

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The Flower's Beauty


The flower's beauty is composed of no ego (lower density strength) and choosing growth and evolution where choice is available despite illness and challenges (my cognitive issues).  Standing in both those qualities and knowledge of these qualities resolutely despite my challenges and despite potential bullying (because of said challenges) further solidifies these qualities.  I have past experience of standing resolutely in the knowledge of these qualities in the presence of bullying and was able to transform a negative situation into something else. 

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First Voice


I'm having visions.  'Visions' is a far safer description I find than anything else (like self-referencing. It's just a vision).  Visions of what is to come; precognition.  Visions of what others may possibly feel and think.  It's a bit like a tarot reading on the go.  It stems from the first 'voice' or angel (all beings or lifeforms).  All beings or lifeforms are this first voice and all speak from this first voice that is a representation of Oneness.   All are divine if you look closely.  The representation or first voice and Oneness meld together, they are not so separate, they have a likeness, so it may be difficult to tell them apart.  It becomes more obvious once the first voice SPEAKS and the voice evolves into more than just a first voice. 

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I've decided to probably stick to using this public journal now.   I don't particular enjoy having Leo breathing down my neck, watching my every movement, fearing I'm going to be IP banned any moment like before.  It's painful.  Atleast here, I can breath easy and express my self in a relatively similar format (with some downsides).  It's like I was crucified for jaywalking.  I want to express myself freely,  I like to write free flowing what he deems 'verbal diarreah'.  My disability, what I have had no choice in having had to live with, is called unhinged by him.


Screw actualized.org. 

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I've discovered a productivity app goldmine called "Norbu".  It uses calming and alerting exercises similar to sensory modulation to help you with shifting into a state conducive to productivity and uses a scale to measure before the exercise to gauge your level of stress or willingness to take action.  It also has a gratitude journal where you can write about any action you take as a result of the exercises.


It's really effective for emotional regulation, state shifting, and then journalling results.


I'm making a great deal of progress with the app 'Norbu'.  I'm learning about emotional and state regulation.  This is fantastic for my personal development along with my productivity.  I really feel like I'm healing and I mean it this time.  I completed all my habits this week and went on a long walk today, just by keeping close attention to my state of being, making sure I'm in a calm and alert state.  I supplement the app with other calming and alerting things (like music, meditations etc.) and with an app called "mind tracker" that helps me to measure my energy levels and mood throughout the day.  The measurement function is particularly useful to me in these apps as they teach me to become self-aware.

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I already feel infinitely better here.  I don't even care if anyone even reads my journal as long as I psychologically know it's public then that makes the difference in how I write and formulate my thoughts.   I put more effort into my thoughts and writings.  I need a place without Leo breathing down my neck but not a discord.   Discord formats don't work for me for some reason. 

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Apps I've included in my habit tracker (to do list):

Norbu (sensory modulation - alert, calm state) 

Breathwrk   (breathwork is my new favourite thing to do)

Headspace (mindful walking,  mindful brush teeth, mindful cleaning)

Calm kids (CUTEST mindful activities EVER  -don't judge) 


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Achieved in Dreamfora:


How to be organized (4 habits) February 14/02/2023 - 12 day timebound challenge

Habits -

Make my bed when I wake up

Write down reminders

Make a weekly to-do list

Declutter regularly


The 30-minute morning routine (5 habits) 14/02/2023 - 12 day timebound challenge


Make my bed

Do repetitions of my favourite exercise

Take a moment to relax while drinking tea

Write a Journal entry



Lean, toned and healthy (4 habits) 14/02/2023 -12 day timebound challenge



Stay hydrated

Relax my mind and body

Eat a healthier diet


Healthy teeth for life (5 habits) 14/02/2023 - 12 day timebound challenge


Brush my teeth in the morning

Brush my teeth in the evening

Floss after brushing

Follow a healthy diet for my teeth

Drink water or chew sugar-free gum

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I plan to make permanent certain timebound challenges.  I'll just repeat them.  Those include:


Lean, toned and healthy (already listed habits above)


My ideal nighttime routine:


Take a warm bath

Write a to-do list for tomorrow

Run through my nightly skincare routine

Listen to music


Design my dream room (expanding this to my entire house):


Keep my room (house) organized

Find ways to to personalize the room (house)


Healthy teeth for life (already listed habits above)


Coping with depression:


Set a reasonable goal for today

Get out of bed

Spend some time in nature

Take a moment of self-reflection



Then I'll add one other time-bound challenge on top of that.  I can't do more than one or I'll be overwhelmed.  I'll change this one every 12 days to 3 to 6 months or so. 



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I'm learning to follow my highest excitement inspired by Bashar. 


So far this is what I have (in the order I did them). There seems to be a pattern: 


Brush hair

Lip balm




Colouring in

Jigsaw puzzles





Listen to Atlas

Listen to Ryan Tedder

Feminine music

Colouring in 

Bruce Lee


Prayer book

Pink candle (really beautiful)


Read Leo

Jigsaw puzzles

A perfect circle (synchronicity)


Read Joseph maynor


Drink water





Snapchat pictures

Drink water





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