Forza21
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Posts posted by Forza21
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40 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:
I got so much baggage, so much conditioning, so much troubles, so much discord. I am a wreck. There is no way I can ever carry this and fix it. It's way too much. I can't carry it. I can't do it.
The self in time and space, the body and mind identity, is a sinking ship. Doomed. It can't fix and save itself, I can't fix and save myself.
There is no point. No point in trying anymore. I give up. I am a disgusting, selfish, miserable, smelly pile of poop. Every day is a fight. I just barely get by.
So fuck it. I'm too tired to worry about it. Whatever. I let myself to be that horrible, disgusting blob. Might as well just sit here and be that smelly pile of toxic bacteria infested diarrhea. I let source do the job.
Might sound like I'm bashing and judging myself, but this is actually super positive. I give up. And it feels way better.
Great! Just surrender. Just stop fighting.
I had very, very familiar states, and the point of "not caring anymore" is the greatest relief ever. It's like "ego", which puts you in so miserable states, just doesn't have fuel anymore, because it feeds only on your resistance. So when you just give up, it literary dies. Let it die, brother. ❤️
exactly like that :
;D -
How to make big decision like leaving your partner after many years, changing job, move to other side of the world etc? Mind always has a million different scenarios.
For example, sometimes i really feel like i need to leave my current partner, after many, many years.
I think this relation is over, i don't love her anymore. The other time, i want her to stay, and i think i might still love her, and our partnership might still workout.
It's same with changing place, career etc. I feel like i need to change something, but after some time, there are thousand different thoughts, that it might all work out here, and i don't need to change anything, because it's all "inside me" anyway, and "outside" circumstances doesn't matter.
i try to listen to emotions, but those changes too, according to different thoughts...i tried also to make a dream board, but I don't really know what I want. There are time that i want something, but it might be just one day, and i don't really want it anymore... it's constantly changing, and i feel like bi-polar sometimes, lol.
So:
How to make big decisions?
How do you know, what you really want?
Any advice please? -
For me, this is kinda funny. I've had many suicidal thoughts, and i think i'm more scared of living than dying. Furthermore, i have never experienced "non-being" all i ever know is "being" so i can't really believe, that death means "non-existence" like materialists say.
Like, you are here, right? If you were born once, why not a second time? And then third time? Why not infinite time? 🙂 -
Hello Godishere!
I was wondering if you would come here. I'm glad you did!
I couldn't replay you, on actualize, because i got banned. 🙂
As you might remember, I had a very, very difficult time and horror trip as well. There are many topics about this issue and my experience here on forum, you might look for it and answers there. It really may help.
Also, talking with people who have different perspective like @Phil @Indisguise @Faith @Blessed2 @Aware Wolf @Adeptus Psychonautica and more...
Also, some inquire questions like:
-Where is that trip now? Can i see it without referring to the thought?
-How do i know what's the truth? Can i obtain it without referring to the thought?
-What so scary in that... without a thought about it?
-Do you really know what's the truth? If yes... isn't it just a thought? If no... what's the problem?
-How would you think about reality right now, if you never heard about Leo, and actualize?
in the end, it all boils down to thoughts and beliefs about reality, and thoughts in reference to the past.
Also, i don't want to make this another threat shitting on actualize, but leaving this forum, and looking for more source in Buddhism, Vedanta, here, Rupert Spira, Eckhart Tolle, Osho, David Hawkings, etc really, really helped me a loooooooooot.
I still struggle sometimes, but it's much, much better.
Now i only listen to those, who resonates love. 🙂Peace brother!
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On 5/31/2022 at 9:08 PM, Indisguise said:
This actually sounds like a case for ordinary, normal psychotherapy, I think. Issues in the relationship with ones parents, especially trauma that's related to ones relationship with parents, this is very very common. Abusive parents or parents who never really were parents to us when we were children, that's a major source of trauma.
Thanks Tim, i've already tried psychotherapy, with very to none improvements 🙂
On 6/1/2022 at 12:45 PM, Phil said:Why was she depressed, anxious and fearful?
How did she change such that she is happy now?
What worked for her / how’d she cure herself?
As she is happy now, what is it she doesn’t get?
Does understanding come from love / loving, or does love / loving come from understanding?
20 hours ago, Phil said:Are these thoughts / beliefs, or is there something (in perception) which stands in the way?
Is there this and love?
Do you really have anger & grief?
If that’s what you’re feeling, how, and why? What is ‘it’ really?
‘Pretty decent family’… perhaps it is missed the implication is…. compared to… the other families you had / have…?
Isn’t the family you actually have… by default the best? Isn’t it so?
An admittedly ‘challenging question’ and if it seems in order, I certainly apologize… do you really have traumatic memories? Or are these thoughts focused upon, which resonate and or do not…?
Is it then which is felt, or is it the thoughts now which are felt?
’I avoid her love’, I can’t love her’…. ‘She doesn’t understand’. 🤔
Someone needs to understand something for you to love?
I’m no expert, I don’t know anything, I assure you I do not understand, but that doesn’t seem like it’s gonna ‘fit’.
I’m left wondering if she held the same beliefs about her parents prior to awakening.
Thank you Phil, i'll work with that.
The best question is that with "traumatic memories" . It's true, i can't suffer or be "traumatized" without referring to the... thoughts about it. And thoughts are simply thoughts.
She's not awake anyhow, but she's on the retirement already, and she managed to appreciate small things during her day. She's so much different from she used to be, when she was active career wise.
I've had some successes with relation with her lately, i approached her, and gave her a hug, i said "love you" which was like super hard to overcome, but its great relief afterwards.
Also some visualization with that "small inner child" of mine, and hugging him/giving him love is super helpful, when i feel he goes into surface.
Thank you! -
4 minutes ago, Indisguise said:
Hate it. I see a beautiful girl, I'd like to talk to her and say hello, but I never do it. I'm so god damn shy. And it's just awful, when a girl smiles at me I'm just so perplexed sometimes that I don't even smile back😂 and this seems to be the crucial step in some way because it literally is the first step. Without approaching, absolutely nothing will happen. At least if I could approach a women and then fuck up, even that would be much better.
Just went for an evening ride with my bike through the park, saw a pretty girl who just packed her stuff and prepared to leave the pond she was chilling at, she looks at me, I look at her - and I just keep looking at her like an idiot, sort of frozen, incapable of approaching her. After that I thought "jesus christ man, maybe there's something seriously messed up with you, maybe I should pull out the big guns and face my demons with regards to women during a psychedelic trip" (LSD would probably be the better choice here right?). Honestly, that would be more worth to me right now than some insight into consciousness or the nature of reality.
Today in the lab, my supervisor made a joke and said "[...] but then your girlfriend wouldn't be able to fall asleep [...]", and I steered to joke into another direction because I'm single, and for some reason, this has started to bother me. So... Gotta start approaching women, not in a disgusting PUA sort of way, I'm not interseting in picking up women. But I do want to get to know more women and not only as platonic friends.
Imagine, right now, you're approaching a girl you like. Notice fear. There are also many mental images in your mind. Notice them, and look, what's your biggest fear related to that situation.
There might be many scenarios in your head, like " i'm not interested enough" " i don't know what to say" "i'm shy" " she's going to reject me" etc.
Those, obviously, are just thoughts and mental projections.
Now, notice, that you aren't really afraid of those scenarios. Be honest, it's not about it. Not at all.
You are afraid HOW YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL if that scenarios happens.
And the trick is, that you are experiencing this feeling in your body, every-damn-time when you're thinking about it. You are experiencing this feeling right now, if you imagine it.
It's not going to kill you, right? You have experience with that feeling. You know it well. So you might as well go, and try. Worst case scenario - you will experience this feeling once again. And with that experience you will manage...
It's not about the situation, it's about, how you think, you're going to feel, if it goes wrong... realize that, accept it, and be free. -
I love your work. I can relate to that so much, brother ❤️ Keep going, and let it all go, until nothing but LOVE shines through!
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I have a very hard time loving my family. I feel like this stands on the way to love.
I have a lot of anger and grief, what values were planted into my brain when i was a kid.
It was a pretty decent family, but my mother suffered from depression and anxiety, and now i have pretty much the same issues, constant fear about life in general.
I have some very traumatic memories. Back then, my mother many times, threatened, that she would commit suicide. She would cry and scream every week. For 7-8 years old, it was devastating. To the point, that one time, I physically hurt myself, because of fear and pain related to those events.
My mother has changed, she has cured herself, she's happy now, but i can't get close to her anyway. I feel annoyed whenever we meet, i throw away all her attempts to get close to me. I avoid her love. I can't love her. Plus, i feel like she doesn't understand anything i'm going through. Same with dad. They simply don't get it.
I tried to tell her what happened and how it was hard for me. She rejects it, and changes subject every time. She doesn't understand how it might affect me.
I had many approaches to change it, but i go back to "old". I would like to heal it, but i don't how.
Thanks, -
1 hour ago, Adeptus Psychonautica said:
Is there some other way I could have ascertained its content?Drop me an email at AdeptusPsychonautica@gmail.com and we can work out the details.
hope you guys are serious about it, i’d love to see it!
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20 hours ago, Phil said:
How could A be B, if A & B are two distinctly different thoughts.
So do you think its just another mental masturbation ?
i think Berndardo still consider himself and other as PERSON. Its same with reincarnation.
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All the suffering i recently had, made me realized, how many barriers and unhealed traumas I had. Because of that, I felt separated from love.
it's not about any beliefs, "ism", "bad trips" or whatever. It's about what's in YOU (thoughts about past mostly), that holds you away from love, you really are.
You can't really gain, reach, or obtain love, because YOU ARE THAT. It's all about discovering and healing all the barriers from it. Once you do that, ever shining love, which were always there, glows like a sun. ❤️❤️
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So since theres no doer of any action, and all desires come from ego(which doesnt really exist), how should we approach „dreamboard”, and creating life we want ?
Isnt it in contradiction to fully surrender to „what is”, and just be present at the moment, and just observe how life goes ? -
Bernardo Kastrup scientist, who was lately talking with Rupert Spira, and his explanation:
https://www.essentiafoundation.org/how-can-you-be-me-the-answer-is-time/reading/?fbclid=IwAR06cCI035M-a9HvWIiHmweZwD9u3-JfVKDOl_tlQcxUcF1sGbojOOhoMmI
What do you think about it?
I think logic would never grasp it, and Bernardo still thinks in the roam of "separated entity" with "experience" , "life "etc. Nevertheless i'm curious what's your approach to it? -
I feel ya. Consider this myself. India or Thailand.
it's just i can't find anything satisfying in any materialistic pursuit, travels, cars, all this stuff.
I've been into some Buddhist retreats and honestly, i have never felt that good in my entire life.
Wake up -> meditation - > chanting -> work -> free time - > meditation - > work -> sleep.
It's simply life, without any distractions, and that sense of calmness is amazing.
@Aware Wolf
there's a book:
björn natthiko lindeblad -I May Be Wrong: And Other Wisdoms From Life as a Forest Monk
He exactly describes this forest monastery of "Thai Forest Tradition"! He left "west" life as well, and became a monk there, and than few other places. Check it out, this book is great, his whole path is there.
I might go there at first too. I love Ajhan Cha, and Ajhan Brahm (i would go to Brahm, but he's in Australia i think) Haven't decided yet, but i don't see much changes in my current life situation...
And also Buddism resonate with me more, than Hindu religions...
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7 hours ago, Iesu said:
„Higher than Jesus” indeed….Jesus… how come he is considered „spiritual teacher” and how come i was there myself, really is out of my head. -
Just now, Phil said:
Love it. 🙂
i've never seen such meditation anywhere, but it's actually very helpful to notice, that there's no space. I wonder how we can improve that and what might be further insights 🙂
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1. Concentrate on feeling your feet and hands simultaneously.
2. Notice that "space" or "distance" is just a thought.
3. Do it, as long, as you notice, that in direct experience, there's no real distance whatsoever. At first, it looks like two separated feelings in some distance apart, but after some time, it merges into one sensation, without any distance, separation, or space.
Try it, and tell me what you think 🙂 i've never seen such meditation anywhere, but it's actually very helpful to notice, that there's no space. I wonder how we can improve that and what might be further insight 🙂 -
8 hours ago, Phil said:
Great to hear! I’d love to say yes… but it’s expression. You can’t get it wrong. It’s the how you’re feelin, the clarity & the creating that matters.
Thoughts arise; problem & solution, one and themself, judging truthfulness (right or wrong, good or bad, true or false), unhealthy & healthy, you and your conscience, you saying to yourself, I and feeling.
Which thought is true?
Truth is appearing as “thoughts”.
The emotional scale is a step away from the duality(s) implied by thought, and the illusion of efforts to find truth in duality, or to ‘hold’ thought(s) to be ‘true’ or ‘not true’… and is instead a step toward feeling. Like wifi being a phone, forgetting it’s actually wifi, and believing ones and zeros to the tune that there is the belief in a “phone” and a phone’s wifi.
Similarly, for one to delude themself, there must be a one and a themself - that there is a one & a themself is the delusion. There is wifi and the computations, some of which seem to be “of oneself”. Or, thought attachment… believing (self referential) thoughts about oneself, while oneself is awareness of & being the “thoughts”. One appearing as if “two”. Consider, without thought(s)… could delusion exist / be experienced and or referenced?
Delusion: A false fixed belief that is not amenable to change in light of conflicting evidence.
The ‘conflicting evidence’ in this regard is the (felt) discord. To remain deluded, so to speak, would require a rather complete denial of emotion, of the discord & alignment therein. This isn’t meant as “A Truth”, but as just yet another expression, of “some thoughts”, which are really, wifi.
It could also be said, as direct experience dictates ‘thought(s)’ appears & disappears, the very appearing & disappearing, which is inexplicable magic, is the very ‘conflicting evidence’, in stark contrast to there being, a one & a themself.
Admittedly a potentially extreme statement, and certainly not meant in any personal way… what if “I don’t like”… is already delusion? What if the “that” of “I don’t like the way that feels”… is none other than, the “I”? The implication would be, if there is a Truth, it’s magical & unconditional. Would that be too crazy or too sane? (And now we’re back at thoughts, so to speak).
What if the better alternative ‘the ego see’s’, is that an ego seeing is a thought? What is Freud was attached to thoughts? What if ‘Freud’ is only he thought, ‘Freud’. I don’t know… too crazy maybe.
Also… something I’ve noticed with the scale… often the most powerful aspect of using the scale… is what’s not on the scale.
@howisitsoactivehere
how i see it in nutshell - we can always experience ONLY God. We can't experience anything else than infinite love. Suffering/discord/separation is because it's necessary for us, to know, what flavor we don't like, just to give us context. BUT It doesn't go in line with who we are in essence - because we are love, ones, and bliss. So it's just simply an act of choosing who we really are, and what we want to feel. It's that simple, almost too simple to believe, 🙂 yeah that's the right word - believe in love/god/yourself. 🙂 -
@Faith any new realizations lately ? You write diffrent ☺️😀
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9 hours ago, Phil said:
These things are you, and you do not live looking through these eyes. You don’t have a pov, you aren’t the whole ocean, there is no time, you don’t experience a this particular drop. There is no experience of a this drop and you’re actually experiencing another drop.
You don’t have a pov, there is no separation, and there is no first place.
You must have have had a bad reason or no reason at all, you wouldn’t want to end separation, there is no separation, there isn’t anyone who wanted to separate, there isn’t anyone who want to unify.
Your next pov will be the previous pov, there isn’t an all pov’s, there is a my next pov.
You can gras it, you are a fly in a soup.
See the mind expanding ‘exercise’ in this. Vs questioning if what’s said is right or wrong, true or false.
My mind just blew up. 😂😂 i dont get any of this. Phil, please record video about reincarnation. Your movies are muuuch easier to grasp. Am i The only only one?😂😁
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On 4/22/2022 at 3:58 AM, Faith said:
My take (which means this is what I think and if you disagree noooooo problem), is that there's a difference between what we typically think we are and what we "really" are. For those that have awakened then for the most part, as long as you haven't fallen back to sleep (firefly stage), you know you're awareness.
So, the mind/body is just "apparently" real, it's apparent "name and form" that changes within our true Self, awareness.
We, awareness, have this silly notion that we are an independent, "person". It seems we are a person, but people are constantly changing, aging, are born and die, etc.
I seem to be the one "aware of" the endless changes, the coming and going, but I never "go" anywhere! While the apparent person is endlessly on the move with its thoughts, feelings, emotions, body...practically non-stop!
Like a movie playing on a movie screen, the ornaments made of gold, the pots made of clay or waves dancing upon the ocean, they are one thing appearing as divided. That's no different then what happening here, except, we, awareness, have convinced ourselves we are this little "me" apparent character, because we are associated with it so closely. It is made by us, out of us and is within us.. .it is me (awareness), but I'm not it, like the hand is part of the person, but the person is not just the hand.
This "apparent" reality isn't just the apparent person, but an apparent universe AND an apparent afterlife or loka(s). So, this is as "apparently" real as all the other apparently real "stuff", thats where transmigrating subtle-bodies would come into play.
However, for those that know of themselves as simply awareness and know they were truly never born and will never die, then the afterlife and transmigrating subtle bodies is just a fairy tale that is only "apparently" real, but I suppose it's as real or not, as the waking state.
As always, take what you like and leave the rest. 😊
This one sparks joy. Thank you!
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Life disappoints you so you stop living from illusions and see reality.
Life destroys everything superfluous, until only the important remains.
Life does not leave you in peace so you stop fighting and accept everything as it is.
Life takes what you have until you stop complaining and learn gratitude.
Life sends you conflicting people so that you can heal and stop projecting what you have inside.
Life lets you fall again and again until you decide to learn the lesson.
Life takes you out of the way and presents you with crossroads until you stop wanting to control and learn to flow like a river.
Life puts you enemies on the road until you stop reacting.
Life frightens you and startles you as many times as necessary until you lose the fear and regain faith.
Life takes away your true love, it does not grant or allow it, until you stop trying to buy it with trinkets.
Life distances you from the people you love until you understand that we are not this body, but the soul that powers it.
Life laughs at you so many times until you stop taking everything so seriously and laugh at yourself.
Life breaks you and breaks you in as many parts as necessary for light to penetrate.
Life confronts you with rebels until you stop trying to control.
Life repeats the same message, even with shouts and slaps, until you finally listen.
Life sends you thunder and storms so you wake up.
Life humiliates and defeats you again and again until you decide to let the ego die.
Life denies you goods and greatness until you stop wanting goods and greatness and you begin to serve.
Life cuts your wings and prunes your roots until you need neither wings nor roots, but only disappear in the forms and fly from the self.
Life denies you miracles until you understand that everything is a miracle.
Life shortens your time so you hurry to learn to live.
Life ridicules you until you become nothing, until you become nobody, and so you become everything.
Life does not give you what you want, but what you need to evolve.
Life hurts you and torments you until you let go of your whims and tantrums and appreciate just breathing.
Life hides treasures from you until you start your journey, until you go out to look for them.
Life denies you God, until you see it in everyone and everything.
Life shortens you, prunes you, takes you away, breaks you, disappoints you, cracks you... until only love remains.
Bert Hellinger.
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9 minutes ago, Cupcake said:
Stop demonizing Leo
It's not Leo's fault that those suicides happened.
This is unfair that all this negativity gets thrown at Leo.
He didn't cause any of it.
Leo would have encouraged people to not kill themselves if they had expressed their intent to him.
Whats up with all the unfair Leo bashing?
Unfair. Unfair. Unfair.
Leo is a kind human being.
Sure, but doesn't it go both ways? If someone considers himself as "most awaken human in history" and that way he attracts people to listen his "teachings" and in many cases, it goes terribly wrong, should we not talk about it?
It's like free pass for ANY dangerous teachings to grow. It's not about blaming him for all the evil in the world. It's about being honest and showing what my be wrong/off. If we agree that nothing is wrong about his teachings, more people may get hurt. People AT LEAST should KNOW about those CASES, before going to Leo's forum. And they won't know, if we don't tell about it loud, right?
Spirituality, made me worse? Dispassionate state
in The Path
Posted · Edited by Forza21
It seems like all this non-dual teachings really got me into a nihilistic, dispassionate state.
I tried to make a dream board, and there's nothing i would like to try or achieve. I feel like it doesn't matter anyway, or it won't make my happy.
I wake up every day, and just pray for this day to be over. Actually my biggest wish is, that i was gone.
Why even bother if it's all a dream?
Why even bother if i don't know what's real or not?
Why even bother if it is infinity indeed, i might just die this lifetime, whatever.
When i was chasing ego-based goals, like money, bigger house, car etc., at least i had a purpose. After stepping into spirituality, it all lost meaning and i have nothing to do or achieve. It totally meaningless, boring, and stupid.
Right now i have 0 interest in anything "world'ly" , i read all day on spirituality, and it doesn't help anyway. It actually makes things worse.
Is anyone it this state?
Does anyone know what to do?