noomii

I eat when I'm hungry by noon. So no I don't eat before morning exercise. If I exercise later in the day I first wait two hours or so for the food to digest, feels off to exercise right after eating

Appreciate you for sharing. This made me feel some relief from the pressure to find what I want to work with. Pessimism or discouragement is still felt, about how "I expect myself to suffer even though I'm the source of good feeling."

@Phil Honestly it feels very difficult to reflect or contemplate on any kind of questions. It feels very heavy, discordant and it takes a huge amount of energy to just reflect on one simple question. That's why I usually don't even do that. It has felt easier to repeat the belief and ask "is it true?" in meditation where I don't put in much effort and see what answer comes up effortlessly, but seeing the "No" that usually comes up does not seem to change much. So that's why I asked the first question about if I should keep asking in the same way in The Work.

Yeah, I want to do other stuff too. If I work I want to genuinely want it and feel good about it.

I don't know

It's judgement about myself. "I should be productive, I'm not good enough, I need to improve myself, there's something wrong with me, I don't have much time, I have so much to do, I should be different."

@Phil Am I supposed to question the same belief again & again until it no longer appears? A while ago I did The work but I did not feel a shift or change and they still seem to be appearing and believed in. I've been wanting to question again but not sure if I'm doing it the wrong way.

Thank you for clarifying. Sorry for lack of response. It just feels challenging to read and reflect on what's said. Beliefs like "there's something wrong with my cognition and focus", "I don't have time for this" and "I need more time". I will let you know if any questions comes up.

So there are different kinds of cleanses depending on what suits me? Even if I would feel worse when cutting out the foods you suggested, is it still worth it to get the book? I've tried celery juice for one week when I was a lot more burnt out, I felt better but then it started to feel bad after one week, maybe it was too much for my gut. I didn't have a juicer, I just mixed it with a bit of water and then I used a towel to filter it.

I like being with friends, going to parties, being in nature, travel to new places, experience new scary & fun things, listen to live music. 😊 Thank you for this 🙂

Ok, will try it. Is this a diet from the book? Why no nuts or seeds? What kind of nuts are ok? What protein do you eat? I seem to feel the best when I eat high protein and low carb.

I eat most veggies low in sugars, most greens, red meat sometimes, a few kinds of legumes, buckwheat, smaller amounts of quinoa, citrus fruits, nuts, seeds, olive & coconut oil. No gluten, rice, potatoes and most beans. I've been eating a lot of oats and eggs but I don't feel good from it anymore. I don't eat refined flours but I do eat oils and fat like avocado, olive, coconut oil. Is even that kind of fat contributing to candida? That almost sound too good to be true. I didn't tolerate bananas or dates before the candida infection either. Hopefully this time is different. ☺️ Is it possible to find the content online or do I need the book? Why?

When I give or help others, I tend to do it out of feeling guilt and because I want to be liked. I think about what I will get out of it. The past months I have thought that I should help and give more just so that I will attract more and get what I want. I usually just feel that helping others feels like effort and work. I guess sometimes helping just comes naturally because I care about people and some things can feel easy. But I seem egocentric in many cases too.

No. Regular doctors use a blood test which only shows current exposure and they use harmful methods to detoxify. Blood test is not enough because heavy metals are stored in organs and bones. People usually do a hair test although its not even fully accurate. I use Andy Cutlers protocol where I learned that any response to the chelators used confirms toxicity, which I did. So I didn't use the hair test. At first I asked my nutritionist about hair test but she just said it's not a good idea now as it will just make my digestion worse. The nutritionist was from a functional medicine clinic where they do a comprehensive exam. Then later when reading about Andy Cutlers protocol I read about how digestion problems can be caused by heavy metals and that most people with toxicity have digestion problems, so it's useless to try to resolve digestion issues before detoxing. So, I just started with it anyways. My nutritionist was right because one of the substances I used I don't tolerate and I developed Candida over-growth. Which must be the worst digestion issue I've ever had. I've experienced anxiety and low mood when eating food I don't tolerate for a long time, but when I got candida overgrowth it became even worse because then I could feel that kind of anxiety and low mood even when I'm not eating (when I experience candida flare), and it feels connected with the candida. Now I don't tolerate any kinds of sugar, not even a few blueberries. And I haven't used that substance in a few months and I haven't eaten any sugars (only veggies with very low sugar content), so the symptoms from candida feel calmer but it still seem to flare up if I happen to eat some berries. I don't even feel like going through this detox because it feels very challenging. I don't know. I don't notice fear that often when it comes to "doing wrong or being judged". It's more often guilt, unworthiness, insecurity or worry felt that I acknowledge everyday. Once in a while I dream about being hunted by bears or sometimes other animals and feeling a lot of fear. To always write or say "I experience this emotion" feels off. I felt a lot of unworthiness and guilt when reading this, I just feel like I'm not good enough. I have just done my best all the time and really tried for a long time to resolve all of this, acknowledging emotions everyday and just focused on what feels loving. I feel very stuck and confused. I can't be constantly aware of every single emotion I experience and be perfectly mindful. I try to be mindful when I'm with family but most of the time I experience so much inner turmoil that I want to resolve first. Sometimes most loving have been to not talk to them because I already experience overwhelmed emotionally. Being mindful of how I feel feels like work and effort so I prioritize what I want to resolve emotionally first. That happens to be the emotions related to productivity. I think this was an attempt to try to prove my worth lol. That's not what I meant when I wrote "aware". This is what's making me confused about what causes disease. If I was letting go all the time, questioned all beliefs and was only focused on whats wanted, would I not attract any kind of disease or bodily issue, no matter what it is? Not even things that seem to have nothing to do with me, like food poisoning, heavy metals or being attacked by an animal?

Maybe comfort or a sense of control when avoiding situations where I expect myself to feel awful. They offered me anti-depressants and for anxiety but it has not been helpful in the past. There are different medications for the adrenal glands but I don't know much about it. I just know of natural supplements that support adrenal glands. What I've been detoxing are heavy metals but I don't know how it's affecting me. Heavy metals impact the function of adrenal glands too and as I said earlier the detox puts more stress on the adrenal glands until the heavy metals are out. There's a fear of doing wrong and being judged negatively. Probably a lot of other fears but not much comes to mind. Not sure what's meant by stifling but what comes to mind is my brother that seem to have experienced a lot of insecurity, and tries to hide behind a harsh/cold macho behaviour. He gets easily angry so I don't talk much with him although we're often in the same house now. Then there's one of my sisters that I don't talk much with either. I don't notice the same insecurity in her but she has a very harsh negative behaviour and gets very easily angry. My father comes to mind too and he also easily gets angry, but I don't know if I've ever noticed any insecurity in him. I experience a lot of difficult emotions around them. Why do you ask? Are meditation practices more important than the concentration practice? I'm aware of how beliefs or emotional suppression can impact the ability to focus but I'm also open to how adrenal glands, heavy metals or gut health could impact it. Will try the relaxation practice, thank you. You mean that in direct experience there's no seperate self that wants to bring an end to what is?

Thank you Phil. 😊 I've already been to a doctor but it was a while ago. I 'crashed' my adrenal glands three years ago and the doctor diagnosed me with burnout, from having too high expectations on myself. The adrenal glands seem to have recovered a lot but I still experience a lot of the symptoms that is typical for adrenal fatigue. Also I've been doing a detox this year that is exhausting for the adrenal glands but I have used some adaptogens to try to balance it out. When you say there are remedies, do you just mean the healing practices you share here and on your site or something different? I also got several diagnoses from a nutritionist. I try to simply eat what feels good but at the moment most food feel bad, I experience nausea when eating what I usually tolerate and the last couple of days stomach acid have come up in my throat as if I'm going to vomit, but I don't. I also burp a lot, right after morning meditation I usually let out an emotional burp lol. 🙂 I concentrate on a crystal and then I switch to breath awareness. I realized some weeks ago that I've been focusing too hard and I started to have a more relaxed focus and 'try less' when meditating and that helped me relax a bit more. I just wish I could relax even deeper. I've been focused on acknowledging discordant emotions related to productivity. I have still felt very tense while doing that and thats when I wrote the OP. I have read on your page about concentration about the difference between that and meditation but to me it seems very similiar because I approach both the same? Can you elaborate? I have also tried exercising before meditation which feels good and I want to keep it up.

Thank you. I sometimes do that when I feel disconnected. 🙂

@WhiteOwl I'm not asking for someone else to "do the work" for me. I just want to express how I feel and I don't see anything wrong with wanting help or guidence for a specific situation. I exercise, I eat healthy and meditate - everyday.

I'm not depressed. I don't want psychiatric meds. I've tried different kinds a long time ago. I've been thinking about looking for someone to talk to. The healthcare here usually have people I can talk to a few times very cheap although it's not really therapy, I have already done that several times, not sure how many times I can do that. I've thought therapy is too expensive, but I really do want to talk to someone that wants to listen and guide me.

Grounding sounds good. I want to know how to end all suffering most effectively. I see that I can question beliefs or acknowledge emotions, but it feels discouraging that I can't do that all the time to avoid suffering and that there will always be new problems I think I need to solve. Expecting myself to question all of this that I've shared feels overwhelming and too difficult for me. It feels exhausting writing this and to read. But I still need to let go of these thoughts in some way, because this is the kind of thoughts that usually makes me think of not wanting to be alive (I'm not focused on that now).

Suffering and work just seems endless and I just want it all to end. I hate working/putting in effort and I'm incredibly lazy. For money I don't even work and I live on welfare even though I can't do that much longer. I don't even feel like working towards something I'm passionate about because that just gives me more work. Spiritual work just seems endless too. Suffering seems endless and it worries me that I will live in this hamsterwheel forever. It just seems like there's discordant work and suffering no matter what I will do.

I think that's what mine is, not double sided though. I take pictures too.

@Phil Writing out smaller steps on the dream board takes so much space. I'm not sure what to erase or let be. Does it make any difference when erasing stuff?

I have experienced ear pain every night the past few years. Every other hour or so I wake up and feel it on the side I lie on and need to switch side, then I feel it on the other side after some time. Now that I don't live at my parents place I don't seem to feel anymore pain at night. I read from Louise Hay about illness: "Ear: Represents the capacity to hear. – Ache: Anger. Not wanting to hear. Too much turmoil. Household arguing." I wore earplugs at my parents place when I didn't talk to them because I felt anxious when I heard any sounds especially if I hear my parents talk. I don't feel that with other people. A few years ago I was so sound sensitive that I got a headache hearing anyone talk or listening to very calm music. I experience a lot of issues with my bladder. I usually feel the need to pee every 15-30 min. I don't even feel like the bladder gets emptied when I pee and it's incredibly frustrating, especially when I want to sleep. I can sit on the toilet around 30 min, just because it feels like the bladder never empties. This disturbes my sleep so much, I wake up to go and pee atleast once per night, usually twice and sometimes three times if I happen to drink water before going to bed. I've had this for a few years now and I guess it's just anxiety. I checked my bladder and ears two years ago or something and they just said there's nothing wrong. This have made me drink less water but it doesn't help, and I still need that water. "Bladder Problems: Anxiety. Holding on to old ideas. Fear of letting go. Being “pissed off”."

@Jonas Long @Devin @Phil Thank you for the replies, I need some time to read it through. I don't want children so that's not a concern for me.