noomii

Thank you for expressing this. Experienced similiar thoughts.

I haven't seen it, I will sometime 🙂

@Phil Then I guess I just need to keep focusing on what I've been doing, with feeling. I feel so discouraged about it. I've tried giving emotional scale a chance several times but it just haven't felt good. I've been letting go of all thoughts of discouragement etc while going through the scale too. One hour of using the whole scale is more or less the same amount of time throughout the day where I just have my attention on feeling, which feels a lot easier probably because I don't push myself in the same way like I do when using the scale. I haven't really understood what to do with contentment on the scale. I've usually just imagined situations I remember where I've felt contentment, but even then the contentment doesn't appear easily.

@Mandy @spiritual dreams @Blessed2 Thank you 🙂 @almond Flying? 😄 I have enough physical labour at my work during weekdays, but I want new workout routines for saturday & sunday, so I have the habit of movement every day. I usually run and do some small strength exercises but it's become too repetitive and boring. I want full-body workout and more strength. I don't really enjoy doing stuff like in a gym, I want fun activities in nature or together with others. I like hiking, running and I sometimes go for a swim but I'm thinking of something other than that. Not sure what. Maybe it's possible to make regular gym strength training fun if it's outside.

I experience so much doubt about what I even need to do to heal. I don't know what practice I should be doing to relax. I don't feel any relief from meditation as usual. There's so much doubt most days and I've been trying to let go of doubtful thoughts. There is so much thoughts/worry most of the time about all tasks I need to do. I'm really tired of to-do lists and pushing myself to be productive, it just feels so bad and I don't get much done at all. I spend a lot of time distracting myself unconsciously, or just ruminating. I think I'm in some kind of freeze mode most of the time and time is passing by so quickly. I worry a lot that I won't enjoy and relax this summer, that I will be isolated and not be doing things I want. I doubt what I even want to be doing this summer and I doubt my ability to manifest what I want. I doubt my ability to do most things. I've been trying to avoid blaming digestive conditions and heavy metal toxicity for any symptoms. It's easy to believe some symptoms I experience are caused by something (other than me just focused on discordant beliefs). Fundamentally no symptom is caused by something, right? A lot of people with the same experience as me are blaming conditions and are mostly focused on physical healing. I just want to relax. How can I relax? I don't know what to ask other than that but I'm happy to receive any advice that can help me see this from a new perspective. 🙂

What's your favourite way to exercise?

🙂 Just felt like sharing my own experience, maybe something resonates. I try to bring awareness to how I feel or perception when I'm with others, instead of believing thoughts. Take deep breaths. Allow silence (Instead of saying things you don't even feel like saying; how does it feel to be silent? Explore how it feels to stay in silence together with someone until you feel drawn to express anything). Express how you feel honestly (with compassion). You could express how you feel about what you've shared in this thread to a friend you want to connect more with. Often expressing how one feels can help with allowing yourself to just relax and be exactly as you are. Not needing to change. When feeling more relaxed with being seen as you are, naturally it feels easier to just follow any desirable impulse. I sometimes meet people in a practice called Circling (relational mindfulness). Essentially, being with others, bringing presence to how it feels and expressing freely what feels most alive right now. What I see happen there is that we allow intuition/feeling to guide us. Feels kinda like floating on a stream of water. Sometimes I experience intense insecurity just by being seen and listened to while I express my experience honestly. Sometimes I barely talk. There are a lot of people I meet for the first time in these groups but I quickly feel connected and more freedom to be as I am, however that looks or feels like. When I do the same with people that don't have the same intention as me it feels like I need to put in a lot more effort to be present with how I feel and not believe thoughts. In the groups I mentioned for some reason it feels very effortless to let thoughts go and follow intuition, it's a very different experience. I guess the more challenging the experience is, the more growth there is.

Yes I had that in mind too

The thought ‘safety’ feels good and relaxing, does that mean it is aligned with our true nature? There's no one that can actually be hurt?

Yeah idk why I even made this thread, I need to be willing to question the safety/danger/existence beliefs to actually see. Not so willing at the moment. There's no images coming up together with the words safety or danger for me. It's more just how those thoughts feel.

Nothing. There is no such thing as non-existence?

I often think "I feel unsafe/vulnerable" and what I really feel when I say that is usually worry, insecurity or fear. Does safety and danger even exist?

I feel so discouraged about my progress. I feel irritated about how Mandy and Phil makes it seem so easy to get in alignment and to quickly complete tasks. Meditation haven't helped me yet for some reason and I still over-think so easily. It's so frustrating how I'm really trying to do my best but it's not enough. I would probably be healthier if I would try less too. I need a finished plan for July because then it's time for a new job and moving somewhere else. I guess the more pressure I feel the more I will force myself to do everything that needs to be done and it will work out. It's just that I feel so much worry and fear, it feels very difficult to force myself to do things when I feel so out of alignment and out of focus. It doesn't seem like I can freely focus on what I want because I can't focus on reading or listening easily even when I really try to focus. It's a lot easier now if I compare it to how its been for three years but if I will be like this for the rest of my life then I think I'll be very uneducated, unworthy and just not experience the life I want because of lack of knowledge. People will think I'm unintelligent. I don't really take those words as serious when I write them here, I just wanted to vent. It seems like what I'm learning here is to let go of being motivated by guilt and unworthiness to learn or improve. If I could focus freely I also think I would live how I truly want already and always. It would feel easy to focus on what I want at all times. I feel irritated about all this "just focus on what you want" when it seems so out of my control. I experience pessimism and thoughts about how I don't want to be alive most days. I wish I could get help, I've just not been seeking out help anymore because I usually think it's too much work to get the kind of help I want. I recently won a lottery where I got to buy a membership for a co-creative event (based on the ten priniciples of Burning man) for July. It's a whole week with co-creation in nature. Workshops, performances, art, music and a lot more. I felt overwhelmed and thought I would not go first because it means I need to get involved in the dreaming, planning and creating. I didn't want to miss out so I bought it anyways and I could sell it if I want to. I've been at smaller events in their community but this is way bigger. Maybe I'm not even ready, they want people who are willing to take a lot of responsibility, help and contribute, while I'm here struggling to read through the information.

I don't really care about needing the most legit practice or needing transmuted energy. I just want to relax and feel good.

Please share the Yoga practice you're pointing to and how to learn it. For me Youtube have been helpful with learning Pranayama practices. I do enjoy lying on the floor in deep stretches but it doesn't help me much. I've tried a bit Kundalini yoga (by Yogi Bhajan I think) with teachers in person. I didn't really like the rigidity of it so I didn't feel so drawn to it. I guess there are other ways of practicing Kundalini yoga too, I don't know much about it. I have heard of some Kriya Yoga book too, I watched some guy on youtube who showed the practices briefly and I didn't feel so drawn to it either as it seemed so rigid and that a lot of discipline was needed.

Why are some practices usually associated with the word Yoga and others not?

Yes I've mostly listened to her & Michael Bijker at Youtube.

I want inspiration for my Yoga practice, so please share any resources or practices here that you like. Any kind of Yoga. 😊

I'm not in flow with replying quick at all, there's questions coming up in me though when I read that. Just wanted to let you know I read that and also I liked your latest YT-video about noticing mild emotions and turning to how one wants to feel. ☀️

@Phil Is it possible for dreams to show what's going to happen in the future? Like "precognition" or is that a very different experience?

Unreal or neither one, as long as it means no suffering. It's frustrating reading about stuff about how I don't even exist when it still very much seems like it, I wish I didn't exist. What I described as unreal in my previous post was not relief, I think it's just a change in perception from how I feel. To be free to focus on what I want. It really doesn't seem like I'm free to focus on what I want.

You mean dreaming like the Dream board & writing down plans when feeling inspiration? I don't experience that often. Planning feels discordant when there's thoughts about time, expectations and cognitive impairment. I did write down some weeks ago about what I wanted to do next month in a way that felt in alignment but it was not about work or money, just enjoyment, obviously because work does not feel good to think about. I also wrote down a lot of questions and tried to make a good plan but I just spiraled into over-thinking and overwhelm when reading it. I've barely made any progress since I started the thread. Haven't been doing anything productive today other than going to the stable. I just really want to find a way to deeply relax and to sleep a lot. This experience seems unreal in a weird way and I don't really see the point

A while ago I dreamed I woke up in a small room where I live and my father was there too but he sat on a chair towards the other side of the room and talked to people coming in that were his 'clients'. Behind his back I saw an Onyx crystal and some other crystals. The Onyx was covered with stone & other colors, it seemed unpolished. Him sitting with the back towards me most likely reflected an apparent distance after a conflict we had. Maybe the crystals are a reminder we are not separate and the unpolished crystal meant I'm not seeing it clearly? Last night I was in town and there were dogs running to me and I felt afraid about them biting me. Later I was inside a house where there was a dog biting me. I was aware it was a dream and thought it will probably disappear if I just surrender and let the dog bite or kill me. The sensation changed and it felt so uncomfortable. Don't really remember what happened later but I think there were some other animal biting me more. Maybe dog biting symbolize something specific?

Aloe Vera is easy to grow at home and very healing for skin. I don't tolerate it anymore but when I did I ended up having most windows full of Aloe Vera plants because they grow quickly. There are different kinds of Aloe vera, some kinds are not for skin care so make sure it's the right one that can be used for skin. 🌱

Thanks 😊 I used to use Aleppo soap for hands in the past. Seems like choosing a mild & natural soap is important for keeping the skin hydrated.