noomii

Thoughts "Me" or looking at "my body". It feels difficult and I think I don't have time for this which makes me want to put aside these questions and do it later. To be honest I don't want to be "good enough". I want to be absolutely PERFECT, in all ways possible. 🙂 Yes, that's where I'm at with most aspects of life. Thank you for seeing and sharing that with me. Was the link supposed to take me somewhere? 🙂

I don't know, I don't think I can be a pair of letters when I observe them

I don't know.

I guess I need to force myself to focus and be mindful of how discordant it feels. Maybe all the thoughts about "my focus and mind" are just in the way. Like "there's something wrong with my focus and mind. It feels easier to avoid what feels difficult to focus on". I think most answers that comes up are false, should I just not care about what thoughts come up, care more about the question and focus on what I see in direct experience? Do you see why the Byron katie's method didn't work for me in the way I did it? What do you mean? "If I don't understand something it must mean that I'm not smart or intelligent." That's a belief. Just wanted to write it out to see clearly. 😂

What I meant was that before I question a belief I meditate to get focused, then I ask if the belief is true, I sit still and look at what thought comes up. "I'm not good enough" among others. I don't think it's about the specific belief, it seems to be about how I go about questioning it? Looking at it visually, and then what?... What does one actually do when questioning? These questions maybe sound stupid, or maybe it's just that I feel insecurity about asking. It just seems like I'm not able to question, reflect or contemplate on questions or beliefs. Maybe I'm already doing it effortlessly sometimes, but when I try to do it, I don't seem to be able to focus and trying to focus feels bad. It seems like a part of "my mind" is completely shut off, blocked and does not work. The practices I don't use from that list are emotional scale (however I'm mindful of emotions throughout the day) and a calendar. I write out my dreams when I feel like it, I don't often receive the full message. Scheduling fun things in a calendar feels difficult, activities I want or meeting people I want are far away from me, or so I believe. I think I suffer so much more than necessary because of not talking to friends I feel connected to.

I feel so FUCKING MISUNDERSTOOD! I feel grief and anger!!!!! I think most people who know me misunderstands and judges my life situation very negatively. That I'm just LAZY. One of my sisters probably understands more than others but I think she misunderstands some things too. My dad said that my mental health is all my fault lol. Our communication doesn't work right now. In a while he will realize he's old and dies soon and we will probably behave differently These are just beliefs!!!!!

❤️ Thank you very much Phil. Replying when I have read through. Anything you believe is true, like "I exist". Stuff you don't believe in are just thoughts

How do I question beliefs in the right way? Do you sit in meditation, ask the question and be mindful of what comes up? Do you use a paper and pen or reflect on it intellectually? What is the easiest way? How do I know if the thoughts coming up when questioning are true or false? I think I've read there's no true thought, should I ignore all thoughts and only focus on what I see in direct experience? When I use Byron Katie's method I don't feel like anything changes even though I question the same beliefs several times. It feels very difficult for me to reflect on questions casually to begin with. I just want it to feel easy to inspect and question beliefs.

I feel so much fucking frustration about not BEING ABLE TO SLEEP!!!! I'm putting in so much effort to go to bed early but NO here I am 1 am. Just because stupid ITCHY THROAT. I think the coughing, swallowing and itchiness is an emotional issue or that the body is not healing properly from some virus because of stress. I've been coughing on and off for some years too, not "asthma". Louise Hay - "cough: A desire to bark at the world. “Listen to me!” 😂 so accurate. "Throat: Avenue of expression. Channel of creativity. – Throat Problems: The inability to speak up for one’s self. Swallowed anger. Stifled creativity. Refusal to change." I felt incredibly tired during the day and tried to nap for one hour but didn't fall asleep. I've experienced pain by the heart the past days too. I think I'm going to call Dr on monday. Last week my uncle shared that he has felt pain by the heart but there was nothing physically wrong with him, and I just mentioned I've experienced the same and I thought it was because of stress. His wife happens to work as a nurse for people with heart problems and she said firmly that I should call next time it happens. Maybe it just happened again because I focused on it. Louise Hay - "Heart: Represents the center of love and security. – Heart Attack: Squeezing all the joy out of the heart in favor of money or position. Feeling alone and scared. “I’m not good enough. I don’t do enough. I’ll never make it.” – Heart Problems: Longstanding emotional problems. Lack of joy. Hardening of the heart. Belief in strain and stress."

Without the comments and judgements about how there's something wrong with “this forum”, I don't think there's anything wrong with “this forum”.

I just want to completely let go of the worry and fear about being alive and thoughts about how I don't want to be alive. I'm not sure how, those thoughts seem to just naturally disappear when I focus on something else but they come back and it never seem like I genuinely want to live life fully. It seems like I'm stuck in endless suffering. I hate the feeling of effort and to constantly work on myself. I feel like I have so many topics I want to post and ask about in the emptying section but it feels too much to read or engage in. I want to have a routine of questioning thoughts again. I want more clarity on how to question thoughts more easily. I can't reflect or contemplate easily on things I read like people normally do. Whenever Phil writes any kind of question where you have to reflect on it, it feels difficult to focus, feels difficult emotionally/physically and I just want to avoid it. I think it feels difficult when it's not direct experience. I met a psychologist in January that I had waited two months for and I need to wait another two months for the next meeting. I will probably need to repeat most of what I already told him. It seems like a waste of money but I also want help and I want to talk to someone a lot more often than that. I feel more relaxed and free to talk about whatever I want with women.

Yes. I don't need any experience or education, I can learn as I go! I get the impression that they care more about finding the right person that loves nature. Some of these places are only reached by hiking, skiing or boat so it's not for everyone. To be honest I think I'm lazy, dependent and barely feel any passion. A lot of beliefs behind those words. It's not like I'm applying for this job because I genuinely want to 😂

@Phil apparently as a host I could be in the restaurant to serve or cook food too. Cleaning, being in the reception and store is included too

When I said I already had replied to a few questions I meant in text form, not in a video. I tried yesterday but I felt worry and didn't remember the words I wanted to say. I thought recording a short video like that would be easy but it wasn't for me 😂 I'm going to be a host for the people coming for hiking and sleeping there, not a host inside the restaurant. I meant that I could work in the restaurant as a waitress, if I'm not going to be a host. What you wrote is still relevant 🙂 It feels discordant to think that I should change all of these things about me, that I should be mindful. It seems like I have a huge pile of things that needs to be changed about me and that this thread is just one more heavy thing I'm putting on my shoulders. Feels like a lot of effort because I'm already working on a lot of other things. It feels better to focus on what feels loving right now instead of thinking I should change. Do you mean in the same way as I imagine the restaurant I can imagine how I want myself to be? Saying that I have lots of experience or that I'm very educated when I'm not feels off. My job coach encouraged me last week to imagine how I want my life to be with all senses, especially how I want my work experience to be like. So that's something I'm practicing. I could also do that before the interview. 🙂

Apparently my mom have been sleeping on the floor in the living room this night because of drinking. My dad tried to get her up at night but it didn't work. I don't know why I get judgemental about mom being drunk but not as much with people outside the family. Her personality gets so changed. I think she's feeling grief about her mom passing away a few weeks ago and she might not get to drink as much this weekend when we're around relatives. My dad felt a lot of anger & blame because we were supposed to drive one hour earlier than we did this morning and that we have ruined his mood for the whole day. Now I'm going to sit in the same car as them for more than 12 hours traveling. I'm going to take a nap, then it's time for morning meditation & breathwork. ❤️

@Phil @Joseph Maynor Thank you both & sorry for late reply, have been really busy. I'm writing more later 🙂

I'm applying for work by several mountain station hotels in national parks where I will work as either a host for the tourists, in the restaurant or as a receptionist. I think being a host would be most fun with more variety of things to do. They want me to make a 1 min video in the application. How do I make a good impression? I have already replied to a few questions and don't want to repeat that. It's short but seem to be an important part of the application. Overall I don't think I have much to impress them with because I don't have any experience of the job, no special education for it. I guess I doubt I have the qualities that they want and I feel a bit worry that it could be too intense or exhausting working as a host. In an interview with them, how can I relax allowing myself to be as I am but also show that I'm the right person for them?

@ThePoint I'd like to hear it as well.

How do you know whats right for your body if you don't trust feeling & intuition? Thanks for the help! Yeah sorry I'm derailing my own thread too 🙂 Thanks. I miss eating warm and creamy stews. Coconut milk seems necessary for that but I feel a lot of nausea from coconut.

I've done protocols with antimicrobial herbal blends, garlic extract and probiotics. Didn't work for me. I was also treated for H. Pylori infection with herbal tea but no idea if that even worked. https://www.thecandidadiet.com/anti-candida-diet/ Yes I used probiotics after oregano oil. No. Meat felt good today. Why? What kind of practitioner are you? When talking with @Mandy I get the impression she's eating what feels good for her. No I haven't but it sounds like something I need. I try to eat a variety of foods but it feels a bit difficult with planning new meals at the moment and easily feel nausea from eating things too regularly, when I take a break for a while it goes away but it easily comes back. You can send the diagram to me. Why not tea?

❤️😄 I'm going to eat some meat tomorrow. I'd like to try bone broth sometime too. Funny how this thread turned around

@ThePoint Thank you for your input 😊 I was told a few years ago that I have SIBO and dysbiosis. Meat have been like a safety net giving me what I need without triggers, it's just recently I paid attention to that subtle feeling from meat. I've heard other people saying meat feels more heavy than veggies so maybe it's common. I've been on anti-candida diet last year for quite a long time, eating a lot of anti-fungal foods and used oregano oil several rounds, but it didn't work, at least not the way I did it. I haven't tested for candida infection but I got typical candida symptoms and die offs that I've never had before, after using a supplement that people easily get candida from. Then Mandy here recommended me to cut out oil and eggs among other things, and I was able to start eating a bunch of fruits again. I wasn't able to eat any fruit sugars for most of last year (I still don't eat any refined sugars). I thought I had to avoid fruit sugars and to follow the anti-candida diet, but apparently it wasn't true. I don't know, although I feel better I think I still have some candida overgrowth if I eat certain things. I ate pea/soy balls yesterday and felt pain, I seem to only feel that from candida. I think what I need to heal digestion is to question beliefs, allowing emotions and to relax.

Do you mean why not just eat meat if I don't feel good on a vegan diet or what? I would like to let go of the thoughts about how I'm doing something wrong if I eat meat. Some sources have said meat is not good for digestion so that's also why I cut it out to see how it feels. The only thing I've noticed is that I feel a subtle heavier feeling just after eating meat but other than that it seem to be easily digested for me (except for chicken or pork that I don't eat). I eat grass-fed unprocessed meat. I don't really trust the feeling guidence and eating food simply because it feels good because I get distracted by what I believe is right or wrong and what other people say. Not sure if most legumes feels off or if I'm exaggerating because I want to convince myself to eat meat. Also not sure if I'm intuitively drawn to eating meat or the opposite.

What vegan nonsense?

I don't think I've eaten sardines before, are they the ones that smell awful? 😂