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Blessed2
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Everything feels upstream. Even writing this feels wrong. But I need to try. Maybe someone can help me.

 

I'm stuck. Can't feel better. Everything just feels upstream. I've tried thinking better thoughts. I've tried giving it some time. I've tried to relax. It just persists. I feel so heavy in the body. Like a pressure on stomach and chest.

 

I can't describe it because every word just hurts. There is no point in writing because I can't put it into words and it won't come out.

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@Blessed2

 

Relax it's gonna be okay, gets really intense before it gets better. 

 

Treat these days like sick days, just lay down as much as you can and journal out everything, don't worry about meditating or doing any practice, just write everything you're feeling down. 

 

You certainly have the words to describe your discord, bc you described it on this thread.

 

The next mornings after you journal you'll begin to feel lighter and lighter. 

Edited by Orb

🌞🌚

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Posted (edited)
33 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Whose fault is it? 

 

The universe's. God's. This place fucking sucks.

 

I have no control over my mind. It just does what it does and I can't control it. Fuck Abraham Hicks and whoever talks about LoA. I don't have control over my mind. If I did, I could just choose that only good feeling thoughts come. 

 

..

 

Though I can already tell that this scale thing isn't working. There is no point. I've tried it and it just makes me feel worse. I felt the same thing trying to find someone to blame. It's useless.

 

..

 

I don't know whose fault it is. Probably my own. I've always been like this. I can't do it. I can't even get it out by writing. It doesn't matter how much I try.

Edited by Blessed2
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If i experience heavy negative feelings, i try to focus on them as intensely as possible, and just continue with it. The feeling will start to feel worse for some time but then it will start to subside. Dont try to change it, just give it your full attention. It maybe seems counter intuitive but try it. I've had wild experiences happening doing that. When thoughts arise, don't feed them attention., stay with the feeling back over and over again. 

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1 hour ago, Mandy said:

Is that concerning?

 

Yes, because I don't know how to end it. The pressure just build up and it drives me mad. I might dissociate slightly. Or get mad at people. Or even think I might wish to die.

 

Or that I might never be able to be happy. That I just ry and try but I just don't have what it takes. And I will be miserable for the rest of my life and it's all because of my laziness and incompetence.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Mandy said:

@Blessed2 So you don't believe in yourself? 

 

I don't. I don't think I could ever like actually succeed in anything. Others have what it takes. They have the motivation. They have a mind that is not all over the place and can focus on tasks on hand.

 

I've always been lazy. I don't remember the last time I actually tried my best in anything. It scares me because I don't think that would really bring satisfaction either. And that I would be disappointed. And that I actually don't have what it takes, and it's no-one else's fault but mine that I don't succeed. And then it would all be out of my reach.

 

Edited by Blessed2
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20 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Blessed2 And that's disappointing how?

 

I don't know. It just is. Whatever. I'm not feeling disappointed anyway. I'm sorry but I'm really just wasting your time. The scale just doesn't work for me. It just doesn't do anything.

 

Thanks for trying though.

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42 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Blessed2 Aww, that's disappointing that you're just wasting my time. You moved up on your own perfectly. Disappointment is the most fun one there is. Easy to get hung up on for some reason though. 

 

See Ecclesiastes for inspiration. 

 

I didn't move up at all. I'm right at where we began. Disappointing to you perhaps, but heartbreaking for me. You have no idea.

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