will of the heart

[ivankiss]

Ho-ho-holy shit! Massive drop on the chart, out of nowhere! My TP has been hit. Had I not set it, I could've extracted a few more pips. Still, this is my biggest profit so far, since I started trading in this new chapter of mine.

 

Epic!

[ivankiss]

My account has grown more than 20%. 7 or so trades. No losses. Fantastic. But I think I could be at least twice as much consistent and/or let my trades run longer. So yeah, twice as much money.

 

Either way, I think it's really time I stop doubting myself, because I'm clearly good at this. But even if I doubt, as long as I'm profiting, it's all fine haha!

 

The closer I'm getting to being able to do this full time the stronger the second guessing. It's becoming too real and it's kinda challenging to accept that lol. Even though it's what I wanted for years now.

[ivankiss]

5 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Still can't decide what to do/where to go in October. I'm pulled in 4 different directions. All are doable and have their pros and cons.

 

1) Stay in Italy, rent a cheap room, make music and trade for living. I'd save up the most money this way and I could stop working '9 to 5'. I'd also chill and focus more on hook ups, etc.

 

2) Move back north to Maribor, rent a sexy apartment, continue working 9 to 5, start smoking weed again, hook up and party, trade and make music. Basically do everything that I've been doing before, just on a higher level. Chill for some more time, stop being obsessed with growth and development.

 

3) Move to Asia and live a simple, low budget lifestyle. Trade for living, make music, hook up, explore the land, etc.

 

4) Move to Amsterdam, get a good job and continue grinding. Trade and make music on the side. Meet new cool people, network, hook up, etc.

 

I really don't know just yet. 

Let's dig a bit deeper into these ideas.

 

Italy... I like it because of all the diversity, the fashion, the outgoing nature of people, the nightlife, the architecture, etc. I'd have to learn to speak Italian fluently, which is kinda appealing, but at times it also seems too much. Until then I'd interact in English, which resonates a lot, but it could be quite limiting. The city offers a lot of different things and I'm sure I'd establish a nice little social circle fast. 

 

Maribor... I'm clearly drawn to it because it is known. I know what to expect there and I could arrange everything pretty fast. I know quite a few people, already have somewhat of a social circle, girls to hook up with, etc. I'd probably get a girlfriend and live a pretty standard lifestyle. Work throughout the day, chill or whatever at night. Maribor is kind of a boring city. There's really not all that much to do. So I'd be staying in a lot. Watch movies and cuddle lol. Architecture is pretty cool, it's much cleaner than Italy and also more peaceful. It would simply be easier to restart there than to start new in Italy.

 

Asia... Love the idea of going on another adventure, seeing and trying completely new things, etc. The forest, the ocean, the mountains... I'm attracted to all that. Asian girls too, of course. Can't lie about that. Last time I was in Asia I loved it. Except that I did not experience it fully because of my crappy ex relationship. It would be completely different going solo. If not now, I'm going there sooner or later, for sure. I'm a bit scared of anything going wrong, and also doubting that I'm ready for that leap, but I think that's something I'd overcome easily. It's only natural.

 

Amsterdam... That's an idea I had years ago. It could be a very cool experience and I could grow a lot. I'm attracted to the urban city life, all the art and artistically orientated souls, the architecture is cool, etc. I could make some nice connections there and who knows what would open up for me. But it's quite expensive and I'd need to work a lot. It would also cost me the most to move there out of these options and I'd be left with not too much in my pockets. It's kinda risky, and there's some fear around this idea too, but also quite a lot of excitement.

 

I'll keep on weighing these ideas till October... Maybe even something completely new opens up for me by then. 

[ivankiss]

I am sound asleep. As I should be. Only that way can I go through this transformation. I remember choosing this, creating this, for the greater good. I remember putting myself to sleep. It's just so encapsulating once in the sequence. None of this should surprise me really, because I deliberately designed it all, in my imagination, just as I am designing the very next chapter. The only way to live through it all and experience it all as if it's happening to me, is to go to sleep. A deep, undisturbed slumber.

 

I can wake up at any moment. But it's not time just yet. There's more to be done where doing and time exist.

[ivankiss]

Finished the bass lines for the track. Everything is in place and nicely polished. Ready for recording.

 

Installed a brand new DAW. It's modern and fancy as fuck. Might take some time to get used to it and make it feel like home. Even though there are quite a lot similarities as with the previous one I used. 

 

Still need to buy those drum and bass VSTs. Not in a too big of a rush. Letting things unfold naturally. If I push too hard, I might cause unnecessary stress. It's been a long while since I've been actively recording and putting music out there. Yet again, I must build a momentum slowly. It's also quite challenging to give attention to all these aspects I'm working on. There's a lot of detail and technical fuckery in all of them. It can get overwhelming pretty fast.

 

Rest is very important. Turning it all off, coming back to it refreshed.

Edited July 13, 2022 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Thinking of going back to this haircut...

I'm rocking the mid split right now, and it's cool too, but it also kinda looks goofy. I suppose it would look better if my hair was just a bit longer. This haircut however suits me pretty damn well. Also makes me look a bit younger and more trendy lol. I like it.

 

[ivankiss]

There was a big spike up after yesterday's fall. Stuff like this makes me glad I exist fast. Maybe I don't need to change anything and just keep trading exactly the way I do.

 

Price is back down again, probably breaking through to the next support line. Might sell if I get a good entry point, but I'm in no rush.

[ivankiss]

Missed the entry. Could have been a nice profit. Oh well. Can't have it all.

 

Off to the gym.

[ivankiss]

I am winter dormant in my solitude
You are spring alive and with new growth
I am summer burning in my beatitude
You are fall shedding leaves grown old

Just when the circle's drawn
Just then the circle's gone
The circle's gone

I am petals found in frail wayside flowers
You are wind blowing bare open
I am sunlight showering the rays of play
You are sand soft yet hard as stone

Just when the circle's drawn
Just then the circle's gone
The circle's gone

Merging with the land now
With all things
And all the beings
Knowing I am one now
With my vision
With all the feeling

I am Winter, you are Spring
I am petals, you are wind

Faith fills my inner space
Clears my circle's place
Turns me inside out
Moves away my doubt

Just when the circle's drawn
Just then the circle's gone
The circle's gone

[ivankiss]

God... These Portal tapes are absolutely beautiful. Otherworldly and divine. So touching and so soothing... I love it. Some of the best solos I ever heard, too. Pure art.

 

Inspired me to compose something a bit more peaceful and warm. Will play around on the guitar a bit now and then I'm off to bed.

 

Have an appointment at the dentist in the morning. All is well.

[ivankiss]

Back from the dentist. It wasn't that bad at all. Kinda enjoyed it lol. First time was much more painful.

 

She fixed one tooth and sadly, one had to be pulled out. It could not be saved. 

 

Made another 3 appointments towards the end of August. It will take 4 or 5 visits to get it all done. She pre calculated it all for me, it's going to be a bit more expensive than I first thought, but it's worth it. It's simply a must. 

 

Feeling good and relaxed now. Off to work soon.

[ivankiss]

Sold again. Price is continuing to go lower. Not the best entry again, but it's a sure trade. 

 

It's Friday, so I'm not expecting a big move, but I'm sure I can extract a few pips.

[ivankiss]

Was in decent profit, but I did not take it. Wanted to extract a few more pips... Price bounced back up to my entry, looks like I'll have to hold till next week.

[ivankiss]

Ok. Starting tomorrow is a new and final chapter of this transformation. Solid two months left. It's time to double down on everything and get the best results possible.

 

-No more skipping meditation and stretching. 30 minutes before the day starts is a must. No excuses. 8 to 9hrs of sleep.

 

-Increasing my calorie intake and pushing harder/smarter in the gym. Must gain 5-6 more kilos.

 

-Continue perfecting my trading system, start working on music seriously.

 

-Decreasing smoking until I'm ready to kick it for good. 5 to max 10 cigarettes a day. 

[ivankiss]

Day #2 of new phase, did not skip meditation and stretching. Definitely a better start of the day. Still get a bit stressed out at work, but it's not too bad. 

 

Trade is still negative. Biggest red so far. Looks like I'll have to hold longer than I thought, until the price comes back down. It's a massive down trend and there are no real signs of reversal yet - it's just retracement. Only a matter of time.

 

Feeling good and sexy, all is well.

[ivankiss]

Stop selling on support and buying on resistance lines, for the love of God. Even if the trend is on your side.

 

Mkay? Thank you.

[ivankiss]

Price is almost back all the way down to my entry. Nice. I might be in profit by tomorrow.

 

Tonight I'll play around with plugins a bit, might recording a little something. 

[ivankiss]

Still red. Looks like there's going to be another spike before the fall. Gotta get all those stop losses lol. I know all your tricks, marketmakers.

 

Holding.

[ivankiss]

I've been thinking a lot (no surprise), and I don't wanna say I'm 100% sure yet, but there's a very big possibility that I'm moving to Amsterdam at the end of the summer. That option kinda stands out and resonates the most. I feel like I would fit in very well there. I could step into a fuller, more true and real version of myself and the possibilities are endless. It seems like something worth working towards. And I need that 'light at the end of the tunnel' now.

 

If I was to stay on known grounds, I feel like I would be half alive, bored and uninspired. It really seems like there's nothing for me here. I also simply don't like it. Slovenia is a beautiful country on its own, has lovely nature and all, but the mentality of people, their worldview and way of living really does not resonate. I know I could just ignore everything and live inside of my own little bubble, but why do that when I can choose an environment that feels better and is more supportive of what I prefer.

 

Again, not a final decision, but a very strong leaning towards Amsterdam.

 

Edited July 19, 2022 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

God I love this album...

Trust no future
You belong here
Fear no new shore
You will stay here
Stay here

 

Steal the blueprints of the sun god
Sailing over the solemn bay
Truly airborne we will suffer
With the numbers upon the screen

 

We are orphaned
Hollow seers
Selling art from a magazine

 

The end of ends in view
Moved by gentle tide it broke too soon

The shallow waters nearly brought you
Out to sea
With the key of dreams they would buy you too
Sheltered fool

That gentle clay
Animal
That gentle clay

 

Trust no future
You belong here
You belong here
Here to labour and to wail with the damned
Heed not my hundred reasons at midnight

 

You belong here