will of the heart

[ivankiss]

Well fuck. The guy who was selling the laptop is not answering my calls. I heard from him in the morning and we were supposed to catch up later, but then he just ghosted me. What a dick. It got me quite furious. It's not the first time that I'm trying to buy something second hand and the person is just a complete idiot who cannot answer the phone, text you, or let you know that the product is sold... People can be so damn stupid.

 

I was hyped for this laptop because it was barely used, only for three months, had two years of warranty left and the price was real good. New one would cost me around 1800€. Twice as much. 

 

But now I'm doubting if I want it even if the guy calls me back tomorrow. Simply because he turned out to be a dick.

 

I also don't want to rush into buying just any laptop now, just because I really want one. I could end up buying a piece of shit. I'll either wait for another good opportunity or save up some more money and buy a brand new one.

 

Work was fine, except that I'm really fee up serving drunk people. They're so loud and annoying and disrespectful. It's quite repulsive. Having a minor headache right now, I suppose due to the stress. But overall, I'm good.

 

Good news is, there was a storm today and the temperature dropped down to 23c. Finally, I can breathe again. It's lovely outside, I'd be the happiest if it could stay like this forever. But it's likely to get hot as hell tomorrow again. Summer sucks lol.

 

[ivankiss]

Been enjoying some brutal death metal/slam these past few days... Which is quite unusual for me. But I'm really vibing with it. Like, a lot. It's disgusting, fun and heavy as fuck. I love it.

 

These lyrics are interesting too.

Deities and saviors mistaken for creators
False stories and bullshit lies fabricated a globe of mindless manikin
Connected to strings, controlled by deceit
A brainwashed humanity falls to its knees

 

Serving to please what can not be seen
Molded into mindless fools, breeding new life into a cycle of shit
Force-fed false hope and piled into the cesspool of ignorance
When will they see the almighty has yet to be seen?

 

Drown in the cesspool of ignorance, choke on the uncertainty
Drown in the cesspool of ignorance, choke on the uncertainty
The unease eats away at your mind just like the rest of society
You're not fooling anybody

 

A brainwashed humanity falls to its knees
Serving to please what can not be seen
Eradication of all idols

 

Eradication of the almighty idols who do not show themselves
All the oblivion must be put to an end
Just wake the fuck up and realize that there is nothing
Beyond the realm of this dark earth that you always have suffered in

 

We are left alone to question our existence
Realize that there is nothing
Beyond the realm of this dark earth that you always have suffered in
We are left alone to question our existence

 

We're left all alone in this bleak existence

[ivankiss]

Hm... I think I'm gonna start practicing growls and gutturals in my car, every day on my way to work. Because why not. It's cool as fuck and it will come in handy in my music.

 

I can already growl, kinda, but far from my full potential. I lack power/projection, mainly. The tone and the attitude is there. Just need some practice.

[ivankiss]

Goals right here. Would love to sound something like this vocalist. I'm not a fan of highs really... but these lows are just epic. You can almost understand the lyrics lol.

 

Absolute masterpiece of an album, btw. From start to finish. And that's super rare. 

 

Technical death metal at its finest.

If it is to be only
An element of a whole
To hide behind others
And form the eclipse of mind
Ignominious and pale

 

If it were to one
Having nothing to tell
This would equal
A state of being the one
Ignominious and pale

 

Fallen in the abyss of indignity
Doubt does not exist
Or come into being

Pale

 

Incarceration of personality
Is the sad inception of self-denial
The one that denies the inner self
Flees into deception

 

Incarceration of personality
Is the sad inception of self-denial

[ivankiss]

Trade closed with a smaller profit. An hour ago I was watching the chart and I was 4x as much in profit, but I wanted to hold a bit longer until the price breaks through to the next zone. However, price bounced back up from the support and then I kinda lost my patience and exited. Kinda stupid, but oh well. Still a profit.

 

I guess I could easily live from this in a cheap country, somewhere in Asia or wherever. The question is not really can I earn with trading, rather how much and how frequently.

 

I think I'm getting real close to being able to do this full time. What's really in the way is my trading psychology. The knowledge is here and firm.

 

[ivankiss]

And here we go, price is breaking through the support rapidly. God damnit. This would have been a massive profit. I'm getting in my own way and it's quite frustrating. I must tighten my system and let my trades run longer. I'm leaving all this money on the table for absolutely no reason. Ony because of fear and impatience.

 

I'm profiting, so I cannot bitch to much. Not a single loss so far. But I could be earning so much more... I need to perfect this.

[ivankiss]

False alarm. It looked like price was going to break through, but then it bounced back up, even higher than previously. Standard Friday. Never a real move, only manipulations to make it seem as if there's going to be a breakthrough.

 

So yeah, I guess it's good that I exited early. I could've extract some more money, but not as much as I initially thought. Better out of the market than trapped in a trade that's going against you.

 

This is why I think I should stick to 'no looking at the chart for 24hrs' rule. Because if I stare at it for too long, I'm prone to being manipulated into making stupid decisions. Especially if I'm stressed out at work, etc. I should set a reasonable TP and trust the system. Let the chart do its thing.

 

All in all, I'm doing good with trading, just need some fine tuning. I'm mastering this, sooner or later. No question about it.

[ivankiss]

Can't decide if I should take a trip to the capital tomorrow and hook up again, or should I stay and spend my day off doing something else. 

 

If I was to have sex, I'd probably be left feeling unsatisfied again, so I'm not too hyped about it. But on the other hand, I really don't know what else could I do. It's too freaking hot to spend the day outdoors, and staying indoors with my grandmother is also not an option. It would drive me crazy. I cannot be around her more than 30 minutes at a time. And she wants to be by herself too, so that she can drink all day. It's best if we avoid each other as much as possible.

 

The beaches are awful here, all concrete, no shade, too crowded, and the sea is too dirty. So I'm not attracted to that. 

 

It does not truly feel like a day off, because I don't have my own space do relax and do whatever the heck I want. But oh well. It is what it is. 80 more days and this madness will stop lol.

 

So yeah... probably going to hook up. Don't know for sure just yet. Seems like the best option.

[ivankiss]

Two things I've been neglecting. Stretching and meditation.

 

I'm always doing some kind of breathwork on the go or when I have some free time, and I stretch here and there when I feel too tense... But I have not been committing to a strict routine as I wanted. Gotta do that now. I know it will make a big difference.

 

I always feel better afterwards. Don't know why I keep avoiding or resisting it. 

 

I meditate in various ways throughout the day, but what I want to do routinely, is set aside 15min before my day starts and really breathe into being. Become fully one with the breath. Maybe do some single pointed practice with a candle too, for strengthening my focus. Listening to pure frequencies is also appealing.

 

And with stretching, I just want to progressively push my limits. It would be super cool if I could do a full split within a few months.

[ivankiss]

Did not go out of town. It was not too hot today. Spent the day hunting for a laptop and I ended up buying a brand new one, instead of a used one.

 

It's not the best machine out there, but it will be more than enough for what I need it. 

 

Intel Core i7, 2.90GHz, 512GB SSD, 8GB RAM. Might upgrade up to 16GB later on. For now it should work just fine.

 

Very happy with the purchase, it was a good deal. Unboxing it any moment now.

[ivankiss]

All set up and running. Awesome.

 

Next: plugin hunting. I need a  few quality VSTs. For bass I'm pretty sure I'll be going with Umansky's Bass. That thing is just monstrous. Absolutely beautiful sounds. For drums I'm not quite sure just yet, but I'm attracted a lot to Addictive Drums 2, Black Valvet Adpack. It sounds super nice and natural. For guitar tones I'm going with Stevie T's free plugin. It's super simple and it sounds great. Should do the job just fine. Later on I might buy either Tim Henson's or John Petrucci's plugin. Both are super advanced, alien level plugins.

 

This process will most likely take some time, but man, I'm so hyped! Cannot wait to start recording. I fucking did it. It's happening finally!

[ivankiss]

Beautiful writing session last night. I'm at 70% of the track, or so. It's coming together super smoothly and easy. I could've finished it last night, I was so in the zone, but I ran out of time. Had to go to bed. Pretty sure I'm finishing it tonight, and then recording baby! 

 

So much fun. I already feel much more alive and vibrant. 

[ivankiss]

Price is most certainly going to continue to go downward, the only thig is that this would not be an ideal entry. I'd be selling right on the support. Might open a position nevertheless.

Edited July 11, 2022 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

In profit. Holding.

[ivankiss]

Exited. This was a fast one. Nice profit. Not too big, not too small. 

 

Probably could've held a bit longer, and also enter at a better price - I'd extract more that way. But I'm satisfied with this too. 

 

This is it. It's going great. Maybe just a bit more consistency and I'm good. 

[ivankiss]

If you study and practice enough, trading is actually super easy and simple. Just like anything else, I suppose.

 

Just have to get out of your own way and stick to the system you established. If your system is bulletproof, you might as well flip a coin, you will still be earning money at the end of the day. But if you know your technical analysis, it's even better. 

 

I'm kind of a geek, and also quite the perfectionist. I love patterns and stuff and I like to be surgical and precise. It's a big plus when it comes to trading, but it's also the very same thing that can turn against me and cause quite some mindfuckery.

 

Yet again, it's all about balance. No matter where, no matter when. In all aspects of life.

Edited July 11, 2022 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Track. Finished.

 

That's how it's fucking done! Wrote the whole thing in three sittings. It went so smoothly it's hard to believe. It started out as a joke, but ended up being a pretty serious monster of a track. Just bellow 4 minutes of material. 

 

Tomorrow I still have to add a few bass lines, and I might do some final beauty touches, but that's it. The composition is perfect as it is.

 

I should be recording it one of these days.

 

It's 3AM now. A bit late. Getting less than 7 hours of sleep tonight, instead of 8 or 9. But it was so worth it. So much fun. So much love.

Edited July 12, 2022 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Bad entry last night. I must stop selling on support and buying on resistance lines, even if  the momentum of the trend is on my side. I'm red now, but I'm still pretty confident this will be a nice profit. It just could have been much more precise. Which means more money and less time wasted.

Edited July 13, 2022 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Spoke to a good friend last night. He's in New York right now and says that it sucks ass. Can scratch America off of my list of possibilities haha! I might pay a visit someday, but I won't be living there for sure. Europe resonates much more. And Asia for when I want something a bit more exotic.

[ivankiss]

Still can't decide what to do/where to go in October. I'm pulled in 4 different directions. All are doable and have their pros and cons.

 

1) Stay in Italy, rent a cheap room, make music and trade for living. I'd save up the most money this way and I could stop working '9 to 5'. I'd also chill and focus more on hook ups, etc.

 

2) Move back north to Maribor, rent a sexy apartment, continue working 9 to 5, start smoking weed again, hook up and party, trade and make music. Basically do everything that I've been doing before, just on a higher level. Chill for some more time, stop being obsessed with growth and development.

 

3) Move to Asia and live a simple, low budget lifestyle. Trade for living, make music, hook up, explore the land, etc.

 

4) Move to Amsterdam, get a good job and continue grinding. Trade and make music on the side. Meet new cool people, network, hook up, etc.

 

I really don't know just yet.