Emotional guidance and OCD

[Nadosa]

I feel disappoinment regarding building new relationships. I've been very open about socializing recently, as in just talking to random girls and usually the response is pretty positive.

 

Although the conversations/meetings weren't awkward at all, up until this point, after one meeting, girls end up ghosting or putting me off. I dont really mind. I understand that meeting a total stranger is probably uncomfortable for them. 

 

What I dont do is actively showing sexual interest and rather behave on a friend-level and focus on having a good time.

 

Anyways, just renting...

 

Maybe Im just too needy? Tbh I always sense a lil bit of lack in my stomach, like a subtle resistance. 

 

 

Edited April 5 by Nadosa

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Nadosa said:

Maybe Im just too needy? Tbh I always sense a lil bit of lack in my stomach, like a subtle resistance. 

Girls tend to pick on resistance. If you aren't all the way in, they make sure you're all the way out.

[Nadosa]

Everything feels so stupid right now. I am feeling like I want to go away, move to the next moment, not even taking time for the dreamboard but rather write smth, anything on it in hoping it fills the hole in my guts. This everlasting lack, feeling impatience and doubt. 

 

I cant stand being with "myself" at the moment. I just do things in order to feel better instead of moving within This and acting from This. 

 

Especially when you know "This", state-chasing is experienced...or at least sitting in silence in order to reach This...which of course leads to more dissatisfaction.

 

I feel the emotion of disencouragement, disappointment, pessimism and frustration. Tbh those are the main emotions experienced throughout the day.

 

Havent felt really happy for a longer period tbh.

[Nadosa]

I just spend my days sitting in parks. Im wasting away at the moment, or whatever, this thought says. At least Im getting a tan.

 

Everything I do I dont even feel the aliveness of it. Sports, breathing...I miss the feeling of putting feeling good in my body first. Like living through it. 

 

 

Edited April 10 by Nadosa

[Mandy]

@Nadosa Is that really true though? What if instead of looking for a pattern that defines your current experience and isn't what you prefer, you look for the best thing that happened today? 

[WhiteOwl]

1 hour ago, Nadosa said:

I just spend my days sitting in parks. Im wasting away at the moment, or whatever, this thought says. At least Im getting a tan.

 

Everything I do I dont even feel the aliveness of it. Sports, breathing...I miss the feeling of putting feeling good in my body first. Like living through it. 

 

 

Sitting in parks doesn't sound too bad, and there is no wasting anything. Thats just a thought as you notice.

 

Maybe sounds counterintuitive, but try to feel the emotions you don't like or don't want to feel even more. Go complete counter and invite it it. See what happens, get curious about your emotions. Don't judge them

[Nadosa]

Yeah. Just talked to an old man in the park. He seemed lonely. I guess that's a strength. I can completely vibe with old folks. He laughed. And asked for money. Lol. Gonna meet him tomorrow again I guess.

[Nadosa]

34 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

Sitting in parks doesn't sound too bad, and there is no wasting anything. Thats just a thought as you notice.

 

Maybe sounds counterintuitive, but try to feel the emotions you don't like or don't want to feel even more. Go complete counter and invite it it. See what happens, get curious about your emotions. Don't judge them

Yep. Feels like extreme discomfort just sitting and not wandering off.

[Robed Mystic]

On 3/6/2024 at 3:39 PM, Nadosa said:

Compulsive situations, for example checking if the door has locked, doubting memory etc. are really well known behaviors experienced. Using emotional guidance and meditation for "reality check", these behaviors stem from emotions of doubt and insecurity. Sometimes I just can't really release or let go and can literally spend a day observing the way I "recapitulate" specific situations thoughts arise about.

That's the way it always goes and it's really hard to release the temptation. It also manifests in relationships for example.

 

Maybe you have some advice.

It's a disorder of the brain and certain triggers can just set off the obsessions and resulting compulsions.  Really there isn't a cure for OCD other than to be aware of your obsessions and not give them attention.  Giving them attention makes them stronger.   Eventually within a few days the obsession you are dealing with diminishes and may dissipate altogether for a long time or until another trigger happens.   But if you can find the strength to just ignore them they get weaker that way and will go away.  But when you feed the obsessions with compulsions it only males them come back worse, until you exhaust yourself.  And it's a lot of wasted time and suffering. 

Edited April 10 by Robed Mystic

[Nadosa]

35 minutes ago, Robed Mystic said:

It's a disorder of the brain and certain triggers can just set off the obsessions and resulting compulsions.  Really there isn't a cure for OCD other than to be aware of your obsessions and not give them attention.  Giving them attention makes them stronger.   Eventually within a few days the obsession you are dealing with diminishes and may dissipate altogether for a long time or until another trigger happens.   But if you can find the strength to just ignore them they get weaker that way and will go away.  But when you feed the obsessions with compulsions it only males them come back worse, until you exhaust yourself.  And it's a lot of wasted time and suffering. 

describes my life pretty good. Prolly the reason I always come late to meetings. Procrastination and checking obsessions.

[Phil]

To feel boredom is to have acknowledged pessimism. To feel contentment is to have acknowledged boredom. 

 

I think there’s subtle unacknowledged pessimism lingering.

 

Nothing uproots & wipes out pessimism like a reality zen slap of the truth of Not Knowing.

 

I think there’s also some “knowing” about spirituality & truth lingering. 

 

Not only do you not know the first thing about spirituality or the truth, there’s no you present which could even know. There’s no girls, no old people, no park, no body “breathing”, no world. There is truly no reality. Nothing, very literally, is actually even happening. 

 

 

Hold your hand in front of your face and focus gently and effortlessly on the thought, “I do not know what that is” while looking at the hand. Give that a good 10 or 20 seconds. No expectations of “getting something”, “realizing something”, etc. Just sincerely look and notice the truth; you actually have no idea what “your own hand” actually is. It’s literally foreign, alien, unrecognizable. 

 

LITERALLY. 

 

Then wiggle the fingers, noticing no thought is involved. There are no thoughts like “wiggle index finger downward with .7 pounds of pressure”, “contract pinky finger”, etc. That so called “hand” is pure freedom. Pure Being.

 

Feel inward. 

 

Do you think there is something inwardly on the other side of that so called skin? Some kind of “organs” or something? 

 

Non-duality is surface appearance, and nothing more. There is nothing ‘on the other side’ of anything. There isn’t a moment before This. There is nothing which is going to happen “next”, and no one is coming with any answers, insights, or wisdom - EVER. 

 

 

[Nadosa]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

To feel boredom is to have acknowledged pessimism. To feel contentment is to have acknowledged boredom. 

 

 

 

 

How can I not feel about this to be something I have to do, focus or learn? The first thing that comes to mind is questioning what does boredom or pessimism even feel like and then I try to feel it by conceptualizing it. Which is not "the way".

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Nadosa said:

How can I not feel about this to be something I have to do, focus or learn?

To feel another way about it, think another way about it. Keep it simple with just one thought. Propose the question, ‘what is a better feeling thought about X category, a more aligned with what I want thought’. 

 

To feel more alignment about it, whatever it is you’d like to manifest & experience, think more about what you want in a resonating way, and allow yourself to be aware that it is already manifesting. It’s not black & white insta-manifest. That, you’re already being. It’s This. Aligning thoughts with feeling is kind of like taking the baton from already being This. 

 

 

Shift the orientation from how to not feel, to how to feel more (alignment). 

 

Reality = Yes. Unconditional. 

 

Self-transparency, self-honesty, emotional self-vulnerability. If there are discordant self referential thoughts, acknowledge that there are (to yourself as it were). Otherwise they seem to have power over you / hold you back. When you shine the light of awareness on them, they inevitably crumble. 

 

1 hour ago, Nadosa said:

The first thing that comes to mind is questioning what does boredom or pessimism even feel like and then I try to feel it by conceptualizing it. Which is not "the way".

Write or type thoughts. It’s way easier to see visually. “This is never going to work out” - that’s pessimism. “There’s nothing worthwhile or interesting to do” - that’s boredom. 

 

There’s no ‘way’, because it’s acknowledging what’s already going on / felt… thoughts and emotional guidance wise. 

[Nadosa]

So it's like sitting on a bridge and looking at the cars going by. Emotions are already going by themselves and all I do is acknowledging that they are already passing by? 

[Nadosa]

What also helps is realizing, acknowledging...that suffering, discomfort, is never in the objects or coming from the outside, or is put into me from the outside. It's always already in me, felt, meaning I have to already be able to feel it and dispell the belief that suffering is coming from external factors.

 

 

 

[Nadosa]

So by dispelling this belief, the gap is kinda closed and I can really feel whats up.

[Nadosa]

That again leads to questioning why feeling discomfort is even oncurring...when in fact there IS nothing happening. Discomfort is obviously caused by thought...

[Nadosa]

So everything that feels bad, is just felt as the thought about that thing, but a thing can never be bad or whatever, because it has nothing to do with what's felt.

[Phil]

Yes. Is what’s felt. 

[Nadosa]

I'm currently working at a psychiatric hospital with people that have very very strong "emotional" outbursts, psychosis and schizophrenia. I mean nothing "normal", emotional releases as if they were dripping an overdose every 30mins. They are locked in the station because they are potential threads to society and themselves.

 

 

I have myself never faced this dynamic before, I mean the patient vs nurse on a "face to face" base. Here, the patient is not treated like "king" but rather as someone who is known to be a potential threat to colleagues and nurses/docs. Mutual respect, as well as de-escalation, authority behavior is important.

 

Tbh, I'm experiencing insecurity and overwhelment regarding these dynamics. I see girls jumping and screaming their lungs out, hitting windows and doors until their wrists are bleeding, who throw chairs and stuff around and become physically abusive towards nurses. I respect that. But tbh I feel a bit intimidated, because I've always been open, very kind and very rarely outgoing and authoritarian towards patients.

 

Any suggestions for behavior?

Edited April 16 by Nadosa