Emotional guidance and OCD

[Nadosa]

Compulsive situations, for example checking if the door has locked, doubting memory etc. are really well known behaviors experienced. Using emotional guidance and meditation for "reality check", these behaviors stem from emotions of doubt and insecurity. Sometimes I just can't really release or let go and can literally spend a day observing the way I "recapitulate" specific situations thoughts arise about.

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For example, recently, I moved into a new rehearsal room, it has two doors, one main door that locks automatically and you need a password for in order to open it and the door inside which needs a key. When I arrived the first time (I didn't know anything about the two doors and the security system), the main door was wide open and the door inside basically open because we didn't lock the door. I didn't think about it, I thought my friends left it like that.

 

I called a friend, told them about it, and that I used the password for the door inside to open it; he just said "hm, you don't need a password for the door inside, just for the one outside, we locked the main door; wait..the main door was opened?" I answered that it was.

So anyone could actually steal our stuff.

 

And then BAM, the rumination started, doubt was felt and I needed instant reassurance, because what if I was so stupid that I forgot what I actually did? Was the main door really open? Or did I just imagine it to be open?! Then I actually start wasting countless minutes of rumination and "going through the memory" just to reassure if the MAIN DOOR WAS REALLY CLOSED OR NOT. For reassuring I am not dumb or any other dumb rationalizations.

 

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That's the way it always goes and it's really hard to release the temptation. It also manifests in relationships for example.

 

Maybe you have some advice.

Edited March 6 by Nadosa

[Mandy]

Be as present as possible when you do the thing that triggers the doubt. If you're absent mindedly turning off the gas knobs on the stove, then checking again is wise. If you're distracted the second time, then checking again is wise. Be present the first time, and appreciate that you were present. It's ok to check important things once if you're not sure. That's just common sense and diligence. The story that you have a problem with it is unnecessary, tell a different one. 

 

Segment intend, this is from Abraham Hicks, you can google it or check it out on youtube. Here's a quick blog post someone wrote on it. https://www.effortlesssuperhuman.com.au/the-law-of-segment-intending/#:~:text=It is the process whereby,is you want to achieve. When you leave one place, think about how you want to feel and what you want to focus on for the next segment, the walk or drive home. This way you're looking forward, doing things intentionally and not second guessing the past all the time. 

 

You don't have OCD, it's only ever the thought now that feels off, even if that thought is "I have OCD" and is in actuality priming you to have the same patterns of suffering. Segment intend. Allow what you want. 

 

What are you afraid of losing? 

 

Practice not giving a crap. Be wise, be diligent, use common sense, but forgive yourself, and be willing to let stuff go, both thoughts and literal stuff. Life will be ok if all your stuff gets stolen, if the house blows up. Really, everything will be ok. There's a place I like to go to quiet my mind that's walking distance from my house. The most beautiful mansion ever built in the town once stood there, it burned down 100 years ago, and now it's just some leftover pink granite blocks where the foundation was. 100 years later it's been taken over my nature, and it's a peaceful place for anyone to go explore or sit, and from that perspective it's hard to see it as a loss at all anymore. Another way to practice this is to leave an offering of some kind, or just declutter and donate or give away things. 

[Phil]

Emotional guidance and OCD.

 

OCD is a thought.

An emotion is felt with that thought.

What emotion is felt?

 

15 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Compulsive situations, for example checking if the door has locked, doubting memory etc. are really well known behaviors experienced.

Not as well known as it may seem. 

Situations aren’t compulsive. Compulsive points to behavior. The compulsive behavior is unacknowledged, unexpressed emotion. 

Door is a thought, not a separate thing, as there isn’t a separate self (and a door). 

Memory is a present appearance. No different than any other presently appearing thought. 

Doubt is not a behavior / action. Doubt is an emotion (felt). 

There is no “doubter”, no separate self doubting. There might be an appearing thought that there is, and the thought might seem true.

The thought feels discordant because the thought isn’t true. 

There is no such ‘thing’ as “really well known behaviors experienced”. 

Only a belief that there is a separate self, “the knower”. 

 

If this is OCD - 99% of the population as it were, “has” OCD. 

But “it” isn’t. 

It’s thought attachment and emotional suppression. 

That’s refuted by the “specialness” of “I have ocd”. 

The discord is felt though. There’s no getting around the discord. There’s dispelling the belief(s), and thus, no more discord. 

 

15 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Using emotional guidance and meditation for "reality check", these behaviors stem from emotions of doubt and insecurity.

🎯 

 

15 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Sometimes I just can't really release or let go and can literally spend a day observing the way I "recapitulate" specific situations thoughts arise about.

You’re not in time. You’re present. Question & dispel beliefs. 

If a story’s discordant, don’t believe it, don’t tell it. Question & dispel it. No more discord. 

 

 

15 hours ago, Nadosa said:

That's the way it always goes and it's really hard to release the temptation. It also manifests in relationships for example.

There is no always. That’s a belief. 

You’re real - ‘everything else’ is appearance. 

You’re presence. You never experience a past or future. These are beliefs which appear now-only, if at all. 

Spot the self referential belief loops, allow emotions to be fully felt, questions these beliefs. 

 

15 hours ago, Nadosa said:

 

Maybe you have some advice.

Nothing’s happening. 

[Nadosa]

Two weeks ago, I wrote some new points on the dreamboard, for example, meeting new people, connecting, socializing, especially new girls.

 

So far I approached two girls during my day-routine, and I met both and we had a good time. But actually there are beliefs triggered at least 2-3 times. When they talked about spending a year abroad soon, I felt disappoinment and jealousy for their courage, but also because this meant that they are maybe not even interested in any romantic "relationship". I also feel insecurity - few years ago, I was more open about sexuality and didnt hesitate showing girls sexual interest. Sometimes maybe a bit too strong, which creeped some away...and some stayed. But today, I generally focus more on having a good time than "Well let's get touchy", because in the end, I am not soo confident when it's about Sex and stuff.

 

So far, I feel disappoinment. The girls I am not interested in, seem to be attracted and the girls I am into...just dont really care. Maybe I should dispell the beliefs about me needing girls' attention and acknowledgement and stop seeking security in there. That's quite toxic. Because as long as the girl doesn't really Show 100% commitment, I feel insecurity and doubt.

 

 

 

 

[Blessed2]

What if you're not the one checking in what condition the condition is in?

 

The condition would be life, or what's going on in life. Such as OCD or dating or confidence etc.

 

The "condition in which the condition is in" would be what condition OCD or dating or confidence is in.

 

So what if you're not the one checking in (evaluating, judging, examining) how life, OCD, dating, confidence, needing or not needing girls' attention is going, and what may or may not need to change about those things?

 

What if those are not your thoughts?

 

 

[Nadosa]

Whose then? Or do you mean they are just thoughts.

[Phil]

20 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Two weeks ago, I wrote some new points on the dreamboard, for example, meeting new people, connecting, socializing, especially new girls.

 

So far I approached two girls during my day-routine, and I met both and we had a good time.

Awesome. 

 

20 hours ago, Nadosa said:

 

But actually there are beliefs triggered at least 2-3 times. When they talked about spending a year abroad soon, I felt disappoinment and jealousy for their courage, but also because this meant that they are maybe not even interested in any romantic "relationship". I also feel insecurity - few years ago, I was more open about sexuality and didnt hesitate showing girls sexual interest. Sometimes maybe a bit too strong, which creeped some away...and some stayed. But today, I generally focus more on having a good time than "Well let's get touchy", because in the end, I am not soo confident when it's about Sex and stuff.

 

So far, I feel disappoinment. The girls I am not interested in, seem to be attracted and the girls I am into...just dont really care.

Attraction is in-kind, so caring for yourself by taking more of an interest in yourself would be attracting what you’re wanting.

 

20 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Maybe I should dispell the beliefs about me needing girls' attention and acknowledgement and stop seeking security in there.

Yes. What’s wanted is really about how you feel and not about what you think. Taking more interest in & caring about feeling & perception will dispel beliefs in a way that more thoughts just can’t.

 

20 hours ago, Nadosa said:

That's quite toxic.

The holder of toxic feels the burn, and you’d be both in that scenario. The judge & the judged. So don’t judge, and don’t judge for having judged or judge the judge for judging etc. Meditation is great for bringing thought to rest. 

 

Self-love, self-compassion, self-patience, self-encouragement… all drawn upon feeling.

 

20 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Because as long as the girl doesn't really Show 100% commitment, I feel insecurity and doubt.

If she did show 100% commitment, you wouldn’t per se feel security or assuredness. You might use those words, but you would just be & feel as yourself, without expectations of feeling coming from experience.  The proof is very much in the pudding. 

 

It’s inevitable that expectations regarding fullness of feeling aren’t met by external validation. In direct experience they’re really just opinions & preferences. 

[Blessed2]

2 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Whose then? Or do you mean they are just thoughts.

 

It doesn't really matter whose, just that they're not yours.

 

"A thought is just a thought, but a my thought can ruin a day."

 

Yeah, just thoughts. And not your thoughts, not your judgements, not your opinions. Just some thoughts appearing that have nothing to do with you.

 

Like for example... Sometimes when I meditate there seems to happen an evaluation of how well the meditation is going. How well I'm doing, if I'm succeeding or failing. But then the script can be flipped by considering that I'm not the one who is evaluating how the meditation is going.

 

Edited March 12 by Blessed2

[Nadosa]

@Phil I really take interest in myself, as in, let's say doing the things I love: drummin', singing, songwriting, for 3 years I hit the gym, results are clear, I love cooking, taking my friends for a trip, being open to new people, and in all aspects I seem to come off as a pretty likeable dude (as far as others show me this in their actions) - as far as job goes, I just feel doubt about where to go, what to do, taking risks, as for example studying. Ive been talking to you about studying and becoming a doc 2 years ago, but seeing the docs in my hospital just really doesnt resonate with my plan to have a creative career in a way too. I don't want to spend my life studying in a bib just to forget everything 7 years later lol. O.c. that's not really it, but Ive talked to many docs, and chefs, and they told me it's rather not possible to be a doc and musician at the same time lol.  

 

The musical lifestyle seems cool for let's say...20-40s, but after that, if you don't pop...meeh I let this thought go. 

 

I quit my job some days ago for a better-paid work, but I don't know what the hell diverted me there...I sacrificed a lot of advantages, for example, I just took my bike and I am at my old working place in less than 5mins...

 

My new employer will be able to employ me in hospitals within a radius of 50kms for a specific period of time, which will take more time off from what I usually spend most time in - playing music. But I thought, working less for the same salary or more would be a good idea, I'll meet new challenges, new people...

 

 

Edited March 13 by Nadosa

[Nadosa]

@Blessed2 Thank you. It resonates 🙂 Sometimes it's good to let go of the steering wheel. 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Nadosa said:

@Phil I really take interest in myself, as in, let's say doing the things I love: drummin', singing, songwriting, for 3 years I hit the gym, results are clear, I love cooking, taking my friends for a trip, being open to new people, and in all aspects I seem to come off as a pretty likeable dude (as far as others show me this in their actions) - as far as job goes,

That’s great, but that would be experience. I mean in yourself. 

[Nadosa]

Probably not taking enough time..If at all...pretending to sit and meditate when instead there is always a sense of having to get the next thing done aka impatience. No real letting go.

Edited March 13 by Nadosa

[Nadosa]

Today or let's say at the moment, I have a hard time to at least focus on feeling and sitting still and not grabbing the phone or distraction. Probably because there is something going on causing a bit of trouble and especially doubt and insecurity are felt. I am leaving my work team and and starting a new path at work. Of course it'll offer new perspectives. 

 

The doubt is (as always) contextualized and avoided by various activities throughout the day. 

 

I realize and feel a resistance to now and whatever I start doing doesn't seem to fulfill and release tension.

 

Sitting down, I immediately feel an immense tiredness laying over mind and body like a curtain. Which is met with more resistance.

Edited March 14 by Nadosa

[Phil]

@Nadosa

Are you making a mockery of meditation at your own expense so to speak?

 

[Nadosa]

😂seems so. Expecting to get somewhere when sitting down and meditate...i dont know what to expect from that

😂

[Nadosa]

Meanwhile This wondering how This should move away or get somewhere.

[Phil]

@Nadosa

😂 Exactly. 

Meanwhile, in reality…

[Nadosa]

Yeah. I havent been able to really let go...however,  I was sitting on a bench when suddenly a good friend of mine came by and asked me to go bouldering. 

 

First reaction "meehh dont disturb me, Im meditating!!", which felt of course ..Bad.

 

So fuck it, Ive never tried bouldering before. 

 

It was sooooo cool. Already looking forward to the next time.

 

I have this inner longing for exploring yet thought oftentimes keeps me away from the boundless opportunities.

Edited March 14 by Nadosa

[Phil]

17 hours ago, Nadosa said:

I havent been able to really let go

That’s what’s let go. 🤍

[Nadosa]

Another one which seems to kinda block energy and flow is the thought of the upcoming festival season in summer, prolly playing 500-1000 people venues and usually we go really well with sax n drums mixed with rap. But the new songs are basically just rap because we love it and it's fun to explore how to work with flows and stuff. But direction wise, we are not really clear about yet. This kinda seems to hold back the vibe within the band too. Because one side says "the crowd loves the sax n drums", the other side states "better be focused on what WE like".

 

well, any advice? Just listening to what feels good?

Edited March 17 by Nadosa