Nadosa

I'm currently working at a psychiatric hospital with people that have very very strong "emotional" outbursts, psychosis and schizophrenia. I mean nothing "normal", emotional releases as if they were dripping an overdose every 30mins. They are locked in the station because they are potential threads to society and themselves. I have myself never faced this dynamic before, I mean the patient vs nurse on a "face to face" base. Here, the patient is not treated like "king" but rather as someone who is known to be a potential threat to colleagues and nurses/docs. Mutual respect, as well as de-escalation, authority behavior is important. Tbh, I'm experiencing insecurity and overwhelment regarding these dynamics. I see girls jumping and screaming their lungs out, hitting windows and doors until their wrists are bleeding, who throw chairs and stuff around and become physically abusive towards nurses. I respect that. But tbh I feel a bit intimidated, because I've always been open, very kind and very rarely outgoing and authoritarian towards patients. Any suggestions for behavior?

So everything that feels bad, is just felt as the thought about that thing, but a thing can never be bad or whatever, because it has nothing to do with what's felt.

That again leads to questioning why feeling discomfort is even oncurring...when in fact there IS nothing happening. Discomfort is obviously caused by thought...

So by dispelling this belief, the gap is kinda closed and I can really feel whats up.

What also helps is realizing, acknowledging...that suffering, discomfort, is never in the objects or coming from the outside, or is put into me from the outside. It's always already in me, felt, meaning I have to already be able to feel it and dispell the belief that suffering is coming from external factors.

So it's like sitting on a bridge and looking at the cars going by. Emotions are already going by themselves and all I do is acknowledging that they are already passing by?

How can I not feel about this to be something I have to do, focus or learn? The first thing that comes to mind is questioning what does boredom or pessimism even feel like and then I try to feel it by conceptualizing it. Which is not "the way".

describes my life pretty good. Prolly the reason I always come late to meetings. Procrastination and checking obsessions.

Yep. Feels like extreme discomfort just sitting and not wandering off.

Yeah. Just talked to an old man in the park. He seemed lonely. I guess that's a strength. I can completely vibe with old folks. He laughed. And asked for money. Lol. Gonna meet him tomorrow again I guess.

I just spend my days sitting in parks. Im wasting away at the moment, or whatever, this thought says. At least Im getting a tan. Everything I do I dont even feel the aliveness of it. Sports, breathing...I miss the feeling of putting feeling good in my body first. Like living through it.

Everything feels so stupid right now. I am feeling like I want to go away, move to the next moment, not even taking time for the dreamboard but rather write smth, anything on it in hoping it fills the hole in my guts. This everlasting lack, feeling impatience and doubt. I cant stand being with "myself" at the moment. I just do things in order to feel better instead of moving within This and acting from This. Especially when you know "This", state-chasing is experienced...or at least sitting in silence in order to reach This...which of course leads to more dissatisfaction. I feel the emotion of disencouragement, disappointment, pessimism and frustration. Tbh those are the main emotions experienced throughout the day. Havent felt really happy for a longer period tbh.

I feel disappoinment regarding building new relationships. I've been very open about socializing recently, as in just talking to random girls and usually the response is pretty positive. Although the conversations/meetings weren't awkward at all, up until this point, after one meeting, girls end up ghosting or putting me off. I dont really mind. I understand that meeting a total stranger is probably uncomfortable for them. What I dont do is actively showing sexual interest and rather behave on a friend-level and focus on having a good time. Anyways, just renting... Maybe Im just too needy? Tbh I always sense a lil bit of lack in my stomach, like a subtle resistance.

You too.

It's good. But in direct experience the notion "about you" IS also just a thought. Let it all fizzle out. But I totally understand as a first step, it sure IS quite helpful. You is not a doing. You is the only one that is here noticing thoughts. The only one that is. As you are the only one here, there is just you being able to choose what to believe. Can be quite challenging.