I am a control freak who needs embarrassment

[WhiteOwl]

Just saw a Mark Manson movie that was linked about how public embarrassment can be a huge growth factor, as its what is worst case scenario for many. Me included. 

Always been so occupied with what others thing.

 

I am reading about exercises to do in public and those are the ones i want to try. 

 

Some i am going to do (I say now laying on the couch).

 

1) Start singing loudly in public waiting for the metro with ear pods in.

2) Ask for a discount in the supermarket while there is a line (sounds so scary)

3) Pretend do recognize someone you don't know and start talking to them.

4) Dance in public

 

 

 

What are your most self-humiliating tactics. Bring em

[WhiteOwl]

Going over approaching random girls while out

[Mandy]

This is my favorite from the list you shared in the other thread. 😂

 

"Wear something outlandish or completely out of character for you. Try out a fancy hat. When others comment on your attire, say "What do you mean?"

 

[Reena]

Say I love you to a woman...... Now that's a real deal.

[Phil]

Wear one of those self inflating costumes where it looks like an alien is carrying you for a day. When asked, don’t offer any explanation as to why you’re wearing it. Just pretend the alien’s carrying you and you’re cool with it. It’s very humbling and clarifying that no interpretations are really necessary. 

[WhiteOwl]

12 minutes ago, Reena said:

Say I love you to a woman...... Now that's a real deal.

Thats not difficult or embarrassing. The exercises should also not be something that makes it about others. That would just be rude if its not meant.

 

16 minutes ago, Mandy said:

"Wear something outlandish or completely out of character for you. Try out a fancy hat. When others comment on your attire, say "What do you mean?"

 

I will see what i can do about that one. Copenhagen is such a small city though

 

14 minutes ago, Phil said:

Wear one of those self inflating costumes where it looks like an alien is carrying you for a day. When asked, don’t offer any explanation as to why you’re wearing it. Just pretend the alien’s carrying you and you’re cool with it. It’s very humbling and clarifying that no interpretations are really necessary. 

Its good but would have to go to another city

[Phil]

@WhiteOwl

How come?

[Mandy]

7 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

 

 

I will see what i can do about that one. Copenhagen is such a small city though

Oh but THAT is very relative. 😂

[WhiteOwl]

4 minutes ago, Phil said:

@WhiteOwl

How come?

Of course i dont HAVE to, but i don't want to risk meeting people i know. Guess that would double the embarrassment of course, but i am going to start a bit slower. Imagine meeting my crush like that.

[Joseph Maynor]

Start crying like a baby really loudly in public.

[WhiteOwl]

LOL just found a good one.

 

Laying down in a supermarket or starbucks. If people come over and ask if you are okay you answer "i'm completely fine"

[Reena]

38 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

Thats not difficult or embarrassing. The exercises should also not be something that makes it about others. That would just be rude if its not meant.

I meant that you should it to a woman that you like or want to be with. Because too many men struggle with that sort of thing. They find it challenging/awkward/embarrassing and intimidating to say that to a woman they have fallen in love with.

 

Edited February 18, 2024 by Reena

[Serenity]

10 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Just saw a Mark Manson movie that was linked about how public embarrassment can be a huge growth factor, as its what is worst case scenario for many. Me included. 

Always been so occupied with what others thing.

 

I am reading about exercises to do in public and those are the ones i want to try. 

 

Some i am going to do (I say now laying on the couch).

 

1) Start singing loudly in public waiting for the metro with ear pods in.

2) Ask for a discount in the supermarket while there is a line (sounds so scary)

3) Pretend do recognize someone you don't know and start talking to them.

4) Dance in public

 

 

 

What are your most self-humiliating tactics. Bring em

 

Self-humiliation isn't just about what objectively happens. It's also about how we personally perceive it. What might feel super embarrassing to you might not bother me at all and vice versa.

 

Up to this day, I still find myself carrying a heavy load of shame. So when I take a moment to introspect, I often uncover past neglected wounds that I've been avoiding. They feel like diving into a bottomless pool of self-rejection and hatred, where no healing is possible.

 

I find it fascinating how people react so differently to situations where shame could kick in as a social tool. Like, one person might brush off something that would leave me feeling totally embarrassed, while they walk away without a scratch socially. And that exact same thing could send me spiraling into a whirlwind of distress and embarrassment, making everyone around feel uneasy as well.

 

What does make the difference? The triggering and sinking into one of these inner pool of self-hatred, which stem obviously from past trauma. A bunch of unattended, self-referential thoughts and emotions taking possession of the sense of self, when they are usually well buried away down in the shadow.

 

You could try embarrassing yourself by lying there in the middle of Starbucks. I have a friend who would do it and act like it's no big deal and convince without a single word everyone around that there is nothing weird in that. That same friend took the bar exam in my hometown and ranked first because any sense of shame seems to roll off him like water off a duck's back.

 

Shame is a matter of projection. And I believe that achieving true freedom from it involves addressing past emotional debts by sitting with oneself and admitting how much we do not accept ourselves after a lifetime of feeling unloved by others as we are, and then becoming the ones who reject us. Every past negative self-referential thought and feeling must be cleared up by our now mature, unconditionally loving heart.

 

The only antidote to shame is self-love, transitioning from seeing oneself as 'broken' or 'not enough' to recognizing oneself as the Beloved.

 

You must learn to love what you've always failed to love about yourself.

Learn mercy, compassion, vulnerability...

 

All of that is easier said than done. The lady writing this post has got the theory, but isn't fully there yet. 🥴 ❤️‍🔥

[WhiteOwl]

22 minutes ago, Serenity said:

The lady writing this post has got the theory, but isn't fully there yet.

This is a belief 😊

 

Lets say i am a afraid to get judged so i don't take any risks. What i am actually afraid of it is not to get judged, but how it will make me feel. Realizing for yourself directly that nothing happens by feeling embarrassed gives you all the freedom back. 

It won't heal everything but its a big aspect for many people i believe. 

[Serenity]

2 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

This is a belief 😊

 

Lets say i am a afraid to get judged so i don't take any risks. What i am actually afraid of it is not to get judged, but how it will make me feel. Realizing for yourself directly that nothing happens by feeling embarrassed gives you all the freedom back. 

It won't heal everything but its a big aspect for many people i believe. 

From my experience, embarrassement do lead to consequences as it attracts its own reality when it does consume you. 

 

It doesn't happen if you manage to dismantle it when it arises, though.

[WhiteOwl]

2 minutes ago, Serenity said:

From my experience, embarrassement do lead to consequences as it attracts its own reality when it does consume you. 

Does embarrassement have its own reality? Not sure what you mean

[Serenity]

I'm referring to viewing everything through the prism of that emotion, which can lead to attracting a narrowed-down, corresponding reality due to the tunnel vision effect.

[Phil]

13 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

i don't want to risk meeting people i know

 

2 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

This is a belief 😊

☺️

 

The odds are literally zero. That’s the point. You’ve never experienced a person or people. 

 

You’ve been triple dog dared. 

[Reborn2]

Just smell really really badly, like shit level badly. That'll be enough

[WhiteOwl]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

☺️

 

😂

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

The odds are literally zero. That’s the point. You’ve never experienced a person or people. 

 

You’ve been triple dog dared. 

Ill consider it. Looks funny tbh. Not even sure it would be THAT embarrassing.