I want to leave this forum

[Reena]

This forum is not a healthy place. My health has deteriorated ever since I have been here. 

 

Last 4 days I have spent continuously throwing up every time I eat. I try to figure out the root cause. And the root cause is the stress of this forum. It's driving my heart rate very high. I feel panicky with all the attacks. I get restless. The male aggression is too stressful for me to handle. It makes my stomach turn. I threw up again today. I had the same problem on Actualized org. Just no female presence and shocking levels of male aggression.. The same problem is cropping here slowly. 

The communication is quite harsh. The male domination is way too strong for a sensitive female like me. The men here get very competitive with their fights, arguments and debates. I had to constantly fight for my space. It's like no man understands vulnerability.. 

My health has taken a huge hit following all the recent events on the forum. And I always see women slowly dwindling from spaces. It's always one by one women dropping off or dropping out. I get why. It's very tough to be dealing with so much pressure and total lack of empathy and coldness. 

 

It's a form of very bold aggression my body cannot handle. I'm a mentally vulnerable woman. 

 

At some point the attacks, taunts, pushing, preaching, blowharding takes a toll on me. I'm not a fighty person. I like peace and harmony and the communication here is constantly un-harmonic. There is no respect for boundaries. 

 

There is the usual one-upmanship. Ego clashing. I am not asking for ego stroking. But just decent normal pleasant harmonic communication. 

 

But every time it's something rude thrown around, jumping on insecurities, unpleasant people who don't leave you alone and find ways to gnaw at you and dominate your opinion. It's suffocating. 

 

I feel pushed in the corner. I started a women empowerment thread expecting that I'll find strength and comfort and healing as a woman and get an opportunity to avoid the male aggression or throw it off a bit, but once again that thread was hijacked and my opinion was vilified. I am able to take criticism. But how much criticism is okay and healthy and how much becomes destructive at some point? If your ideas are constantly trolled or refuted, won't you feel ambushed and sabotaged mentally? 

 

Do I get some space as a woman to express my feminine side and thoughts without being dominated, bossed around and hunted down? 

 

I'm seriously feeling sick. I tried to avoid arguments and then those same people find me somehow to dominate my narrative or opinion. It's like I just can't catch a break. 

 

I don't know what to do. But I know that I'm just looking for freedom, space and healing and empathy and there's nothing wrong with it. If I'm so annoying then I can be easily avoided as I gradually avoid people who I don't want. 

 

I have so many people on ignore, mostly men, and I just avoid that kind of attacking/preachy/one upping competitive energy because it stresses me out big time. 

 

I think something is seriously unhealthy or wrong and toxic masculinity is heavily on the rise 

 

Even on Actualized Org women kept complaining about unhealthy issues and slowly they disappeared. They kind of had to back off to make way for male opinion. 

 

Here I see something similar. There are very few people on here but they are still a bit aggressive and harsh on their replies. 

 

 

Either I'm extremely vulnerable and sensitive or the place has some hostility issues. 

 

Anyway I should find my peace my own way. I'm going through a lot. I don't deserve this. It's not okay to stress out a person. 

 

I'm feeling very vulnerable. And I'm constantly being portrayed as a victim player instead of understanding that I'm simply suffering too much. 

 

I expect a little better and some holism and empathetic harmony. 

 

I want love not war. 

 

Maybe I'll come some day or just reduce my presence drastically. 

 

 

Please don't delete this thread. Please don't delete my voice. I'm a real human going through a lot. Show some compassion. 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I feel like this forum is not meant for me. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Zzenn Loren made a great new video.  I think some of you might remember him.  
 

 

Edited February 4 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

 

I feel Joseph Maynor should leave me alone. I feel hounded by him. If I open a thread, he comes there and starts bossing my opinion and tries to sabotage my thought process. I have ended the conflict with him. But that is not enough for him. He has got some serious issues. He already kicked me out of his community weeks ago. Now what does he want? Does he want me to leave this community as well? 

 

Why is he so neurotically and obsessively after me? 

 

It's like he wants me thrown out of every space. His aggression is not okay. It's severe entitlement. 

 

[Reena]

Mods should look into @Joseph Maynor behavior. He obsessively jumps on every thread I make and gives his unsolicited domineering opinion which is very cold, invalidating, anxiety inducing and unempathetic and meant to invalidate my character. Calling me a victim is a huge disservice. I have no gain. Asking for compassion is not the same as playing victim. I ended my conflict with this person and I want to be left alone in peace and he is trying to provoke me again to war. This is the behavior I'm complaining about. 

 

@Proserpina please tell @Joseph Maynor to leave me the hell alone. I wish him peace. I can't deal with his aggression. 

 

 

 

 

[Proserpina]

@Joseph Maynor She doesn't have a victim mentality.   Have some compassion.  She was just recently heartbroken basically.  To put it bluntly.  Stop putting salt in her wounds.  

[Proserpina]

@Joseph Maynor

33 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Zzenn Loren made a great new video.  I think some of you might remember him.  
 

 

It's easy to dismiss those who are vulnerable or who appear as having high emotionality as having victim mentality etc. but context is important.  The Why.  There is normally a why.   A deeper, nefarious issue at hand that they unfortunately been a victim to.  They've probably been unlucky.  Or they are are highly highly intuitive and sensitive to underlying issues.  Being exposed to Reena I would say she is the latter, highly intuitive and sensitive and fierce.  This can come across as high emotionality.  She knows what's up.  

Edited February 4 by Proserpina

[Joseph Maynor]

15 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

@Joseph Maynor

It's easy to dismiss those who are vulnerable or who appear as having high emotionality as having victim mentality etc. but context is important.  The Why.  There is normally a why.   A deeper, nefarious issue at hand that they unfortunately been a victim to.  They've probably been unlucky.  Or they are are highly highly intuitive and sensitive to underlying issues.  Being exposed to Reena I would say she is the latter, highly intuitive and sensitive and fierce.  This can come across as high emotionality.  She knows what's up.  

 

Zzenn actually discussed and addressed the issue of compassion in the video.  He also explains why we need the compassion.  He said the inner child is a victim.

Edited February 4 by Joseph Maynor

[Proserpina]

19 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 

Zzenn actually discussed and addressed the issue of compassion in the video.  He also explains why we need the compassion.  He said the inner child is a victim.

I don't think it's victim mentality.  This goes back to female empowerment and the need to call women a victim or having a victim mentality.  I think men become disillusioned with women when women fight back during their autumn cycle (naturally masculine).  The woman is cyclical.   The man is disillusioned.  But the woman is playing a larger game of cycles as well, although she may lose at the smaller game of cycles. She is an emotional, spiritual creature, naturally ebbing with larger cycles of yin and yang energies. 

[Proserpina]

49 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I have no interest in arguing with you.  You're free to make your point but I'm not going to continue.  I think you're reading things into things that may or may not be accurate.  I just recommend watching the video which I have.  It's good.  She doesn't need you to come to her defense.  Nobody is attacking anyone.  She's more than capable of speaking for herself if she wants to comment.  I'd rather hear it directly from her if it's about her.  I don't understand, she made this thread.  You defending her is hearsay.  I've known her as long as you have.  Let's not create unnecessary drama.  I posted a video that I thought would avoid future drama.  You don't need to be her lawyer.  She's a pretty good one herself and can adequately defend herself if she wants to or needs to.  She's got you roped into playing a role for her.  I said before I think she's using you.  She's playing crafty politics in my opinion.  I know how these social games work.   If I need to block you I will do so just to avoid any drama.  I don't want a repeat of what we had the other day for the sake of everyone's wellbeing on here.  She got us fighting with each other when only 2 days ago we were still friends and talking every day on the phone to each other.  She turned you against me actually.  This stuff happens all the time in workplaces and such.  It's called office politics.  I hate it but I have to say I'm very familiar with it too after working in law offices that are like shark tanks.  

Thankyou for not arguing with me.  I'm trying to discuss.  Reena is my friend.  My loyalties run deep from previous experiences I've had with her.  She was there for me.   As have you been.  And I don't like arguing with you.  I can intuitively sense her heart is in the right place.  I'm trying to be there for her.  While I work on my own personal projects.  

 

From now on I'm going to be more peaceful.  

Edited February 4 by Proserpina

[Reena]

 

This is a serious attack from the user @Joseph Maynor and I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable reading what's written.

He quickly deleted it. I think deleting should not be allowed. 

 

So this is what Joseph Maynor has written and this is solely based off of his assumption on my character - 

 

I have no interest in arguing with you.  You're free to make your point but I'm not going to continue.  I think you're reading things into things that may or may not be accurate.  I just recommend watching the video which I have.  It's good.  She doesn't need you to come to her defense.  Nobody is attacking anyone.  She's more than capable of speaking for herself if she wants to comment.  I'd rather hear it directly from her if it's about her.  I don't understand, she made this thread.  You defending her is hearsay.  I've known her as long as you have.  Let's not create unnecessary drama.  I posted a video that I thought would avoid future drama.  You don't need to be her lawyer.  She's a pretty good one herself and can adequately defend herself if she wants to or needs to.  She's got you roped into playing a role for her.  I said before I think she's using you.  She's playing crafty politics in my opinion.  I know how these social games work.   If I need to block you I will do so just to avoid any drama.  I don't want a repeat of what we had the other day for the sake of everyone's wellbeing on here.  She got us fighting with each other when only 2 days ago we were still friends and talking every day on the phone to each other.  She turned you against me actually.  This stuff happens all the time in workplaces and such.  It's called office politics.  I hate it but I have to say I'm very familiar with it too after working in law offices that are like shark tanks.  

 

I don't this is okay. This is what I have been complaining about throughout this time. Constant character smearing, shaming and humiliating me publicly. Is this not supposed to traumatize me? 

 

This is not a valid criticism. It's just judgement and character attack. 

 

 

[Reena]

I'm tired. I'm done folks. Bye. 

 

[Proserpina]

31 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

This is a serious attack from the user @Joseph Maynor and I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable reading what's written.

He quickly deleted it. I think deleting should not be allowed. 

 

So this is what Joseph Maynor has written and this is solely based off of his assumption on my character - 

 

I have no interest in arguing with you.  You're free to make your point but I'm not going to continue.  I think you're reading things into things that may or may not be accurate.  I just recommend watching the video which I have.  It's good.  She doesn't need you to come to her defense.  Nobody is attacking anyone.  She's more than capable of speaking for herself if she wants to comment.  I'd rather hear it directly from her if it's about her.  I don't understand, she made this thread.  You defending her is hearsay.  I've known her as long as you have.  Let's not create unnecessary drama.  I posted a video that I thought would avoid future drama.  You don't need to be her lawyer.  She's a pretty good one herself and can adequately defend herself if she wants to or needs to.  She's got you roped into playing a role for her.  I said before I think she's using you.  She's playing crafty politics in my opinion.  I know how these social games work.   If I need to block you I will do so just to avoid any drama.  I don't want a repeat of what we had the other day for the sake of everyone's wellbeing on here.  She got us fighting with each other when only 2 days ago we were still friends and talking every day on the phone to each other.  She turned you against me actually.  This stuff happens all the time in workplaces and such.  It's called office politics.  I hate it but I have to say I'm very familiar with it too after working in law offices that are like shark tanks.  

 

I don't this is okay. This is what I have been complaining about throughout this time. Constant character smearing, shaming and humiliating me publicly. Is this not supposed to traumatize me? 

 

This is not a valid criticism. It's just judgement and character attack. 

 

 

You're right.  It was public shaming.  I should of said something.   No one is stepping forward to validate you either.  This guy is intimidating.   Seriously.   

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Proserpina said:

You're right.  It was public shaming.  I should of said something.   No one is stepping forward to validate you either.  This guy is intimidating.   Seriously.   

Seriously girl yes. Be careful please. I care about you. 

 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

@Reena You create toxic drama.  That’s not anyone else.  You need to examine yourself first and stop with the crocodile tears.  Everything is a serious attack on you, but you seriously attack.  The victim playing is extreme.  Just no.  So you don't like what I wrote but you don't want me to delete it.  You're stirring the pot here.  Check yourself for once in your life.  It's just awful.  

Edited February 4 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

4 hours ago, Reena said:

Seriously girl yes. Be careful please. I care about you. 

 

 

Nobody is threatening anyone.  Relax.  @Proserpina was and I were friends 2 days ago talking daily on the phone until you turned her against me.  

Edited February 4 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

5 hours ago, Reena said:

 

This is a serious attack from the user @Joseph Maynor and I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable reading what's written.

He quickly deleted it. I think deleting should not be allowed. 

 

So this is what Joseph Maynor has written and this is solely based off of his assumption on my character - 

 

I have no interest in arguing with you.  You're free to make your point but I'm not going to continue.  I think you're reading things into things that may or may not be accurate.  I just recommend watching the video which I have.  It's good.  She doesn't need you to come to her defense.  Nobody is attacking anyone.  She's more than capable of speaking for herself if she wants to comment.  I'd rather hear it directly from her if it's about her.  I don't understand, she made this thread.  You defending her is hearsay.  I've known her as long as you have.  Let's not create unnecessary drama.  I posted a video that I thought would avoid future drama.  You don't need to be her lawyer.  She's a pretty good one herself and can adequately defend herself if she wants to or needs to.  She's got you roped into playing a role for her.  I said before I think she's using you.  She's playing crafty politics in my opinion.  I know how these social games work.   If I need to block you I will do so just to avoid any drama.  I don't want a repeat of what we had the other day for the sake of everyone's wellbeing on here.  She got us fighting with each other when only 2 days ago we were still friends and talking every day on the phone to each other.  She turned you against me actually.  This stuff happens all the time in workplaces and such.  It's called office politics.  I hate it but I have to say I'm very familiar with it too after working in law offices that are like shark tanks.  

 

I don't this is okay. This is what I have been complaining about throughout this time. Constant character smearing, shaming and humiliating me publicly. Is this not supposed to traumatize me? 

 

This is not a valid criticism. It's just judgement and character attack. 

 

 

Wait a minute:  what is so threatening about what I wrote?  That’s a way overreaction. It’s actually you who does the character assassinating so you’re projecting there.  I’m done engaging with you because I know what you’re doing.  @Phil @Mandy I apologize for this and I will not engage with her again as it’s just a never ending hell for everyone.  I’m going to take a break for a week from posting on here.  This is just getting to cray cray levels with her accusations.   I’m going to take the pressure off so she can calm down.  What I wrote is actually very accurate in my opinion.  She bolded it and then complains about it.  She's playing games.  If she thought it was so bad, why bold it and complain that I deleted it.  I deleted it for her benefit actually.  

Edited February 4 by Joseph Maynor

[Someone here]

Leave .

Nobody really cares .

Too much childish drama .

[Reena]

@Joseph Maynor

4 hours ago, Proserpina said:

You're right.  It was public shaming.  I should of said something.   No one is stepping forward to validate you either.  This guy is intimidating.   Seriously.   

 

@Joseph Maynor you shame me freely. 

 

 

[Reena]

17 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Wait a minute:  what is so threatening about what I wrote?  That’s a way overreaction. It’s actually you who does the character assassinating so you’re projecting there.  I’m done engaging with you because I know what you’re doing.  @Phil @Mandy I apologize for this and I will not engage with her again as it’s just a never ending hell for everyone.  I’m going to take a break for a week from posting on here.  This is just getting to cray cray levels with her accusations.   I’m going to take the pressure off so she can calm down.  What I wrote is actually very accurate in my opinion.  She bolded it and then complains about it.  She's playing games.  If she thought is was bad, why bold it and complain that I deleted it.  I deleted it for her benefit.

I don't think deleting it is a good idea. It doesn't look good to me. What's good for you isn't necessarily good for me. Deleting comments sounds sneaky to me.