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Stress around relationships


Kevin

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How about getting away from relationships for a while 

So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. 

My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. 

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17 hours ago, Kevin said:

Yeah I mean I’m looking for that for like the first 6 months. I know the honeymoon period does off after some time.

I’ve found it to go the other way, to deepen, so to speak though. It seems the same as a psychedelic trip, glimpse & honeymoon. Like how the glimpse isn’t really a glimpse of something else, but can be hindsight contextualized that way. In similar fashion it seems like everything is glossed over initially in a new relationship, and then inevitably beliefs surface in a variety of ways. Relationship or solo same thing happens. Dispelling beliefs could be said to deepen love, but it’s really uncovering what is. Solo or together. Well, together as in applicable to the relationship and all the communication, sharing, etc therein. I’m referencing back to age 21 though. Makes me wonder if maybe that uncovering starts in just a few dates in the 30’s. Idk. 

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1 hour ago, Kevin said:

Yeah I mean I’m looking for that for like the first 6 months. I know the honeymoon period does off after some time.

I'd shoot for unconditional crazy. She reserves the right to be crazy about random dumb shit sometimes, and you just stay crazy for her, but that can't happen if y'all get into a standoff where you demand she stay crazy about you. There's nothing hotter and more clarifying than when someone completely keeps their cool and focus on what they want when yours is loooooong gone. 

 

It's ALL CRAZY KEVIN. You cannot lose this one. 

 Youtube Channel  

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15 minutes ago, Phil said:

I’ve found it to go the other way, to deepen, so to speak though. It seems the same as a psychedelic trip, glimpse & honeymoon. Like how the glimpse isn’t really a glimpse of something else, but can be hindsight contextualized that way. In similar fashion it seems like everything is glossed over initially in a new relationship, and then inevitably beliefs surface in a variety of ways. Relationship or solo same thing happens. Dispelling beliefs could be said to deepen love, but it’s really uncovering what is. Solo or together. Well, together as in applicable to the relationship and all the communication, sharing, etc therein. I’m referencing back to age 21 though. Makes me wonder if maybe that uncovering starts in just a few days in the 30’s. Idk. 

Yeah I’m expecting that too. Like after the relationship has been going for awhile and the honeymoon phase wears off, things will get deeper and better.

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10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

I'd shoot for unconditional crazy. She reserves the right to be crazy about random dumb shit sometimes, and you just stay crazy for her, but that can't happen if y'all get into a standoff where you demand she stay crazy about you. There's nothing hotter and more clarifying than when someone completely keeps their cool and focus on what they want when yours is loooooong gone. 

 

It's ALL CRAZY KEVIN. You cannot lose this one. 

We are all entitled to being into whatever we’re into. What I’m saying is I want a relationship where me and her are priorities. Like she’s excited to see me whenever she sees me. I don’t want a relationship where we just settle and get bored because we’d rather not be alone.

 

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3 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin Awesome. What else do you want? 

Honestly I don’t know about much else. I used to think I wanted a woman who is agreeable and doesn’t argue with me and who’s outgoing and super positive. This girl isn’t those things but I really like her. So I realize the characteristics of who I’m with don’t matter so much. It’s more about the shared love and connection.

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The girl just sent me this.

 

“hey, i’m not sure really how to say this but here it goes. i met someone else and i think it might turn into something. i don’t think it’s fair to waste your time or lead you on when i know I’m not in a place to have a relationship with you. I’m not sure if you can cancel your flight or if you still want to come out to see your family but i don’t think we should see each other. i’m really sorry“

 

 

I’m very upset disappointed and angry.

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3 minutes ago, Phil said:

@WhiteOwl

Would you want to live with a woman who’s phone is ringing (24/7), or a woman who’s phone isn’t ringing?

I mean, no big deal for a date or two, or three, but weeks, months of ringing phone…?

 

Sorry I meant day. 

 

 

The girl without the phone zen-master Phil. 
 

Do you mean by feeling anger and disappointment she will continue to “be there” even after it’s over, or how else do your two last messages connect

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@WhiteOwl

Discordant emotion is like a ringing phone.

-Answer it, interpretation changes, no more ringing. 

-Don’t answer it, interpretation doesn’t change, it’s still ringing. 

 

It’s simple.

Do you want to be someone who is disappointed & angry?

Do you want to live with someone who is disappointed & angry?  

 

Self referential, discordant… belief thought loops just don’t create change. 

It’s not personal or unique, we’re all in the same boat. 

 

Want:

What do we want!? Expression!

When do we want it!? Reality! (Now!)

Why do we want it!? To get all my stuff!

Is there anything wrong with that!? No!

How does it feel!? Awesome!

Why!? Cause it’s what I want

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On 2/5/2024 at 10:31 AM, Phil said:

@WhiteOwl

Discordant emotion is like a ringing phone.

-Answer it, interpretation changes, no more ringing. 

-Don’t answer it, interpretation doesn’t change, it’s still ringing. 

 

It’s simple.

Do you want to be someone who is disappointed & angry?

Do you want to live with someone who is disappointed & angry?  

 

Self referential, discordant… belief thought loops just don’t create change. 

It’s not personal or unique, we’re all in the same boat. 

 

Want:

What do we want!? Expression!

When do we want it!? Reality! (Now!)

Why do we want it!? To get all my stuff!

Is there anything wrong with that!? No!

How does it feel!? Awesome!

Why!? Cause it’s what I want

I’m so lost. I was answering the phone. I don’t think she was. I wasn’t living with anger. I felt like being with her I’d have to deal with her holding stupid resentments for Trump etc.

but I was willing to live with that cuz I’m a big softie and I just wanted. Relationship

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@Kevin

To be clear & transparent, this is an intentionally worded deep identity/belief confronting and potentially highly ‘triggering’ statement and is not meant in any personal way, but may seem like it… 

 

If you want a relationship, immediately stop being a Trump supporter. Never think about, talk about or care about Trump again. 

If you want a relationship, immediately stop caring about circumsized or not circumsized. 

 

What comes to mind?

 

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2 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

To be clear & transparent, this is an intentionally worded deep identity/belief confronting and potentially highly ‘triggering’ statement and is not meant in any personal way, but may seem like it… 

 

If you want a relationship, immediately stop being a Trump supporter. Never think about, talk about or care about Trump again. 

If you want a relationship, immediately stop caring about circumsized or not circumsized. 

 

What comes to mind?

 

What comes to mind is that is being a people pleaser and inauthentic. And the only reason the trump thing came up was because she asked me. I don’t go around wearing Trump hats yelling about MAGA.

 

it sounds like what’s being said is have no opinions at all.

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